Perhaps you could schedule a doctor's appointment the day after the next visit and then have the doctor put his or her recommendations in writing. If they kids react strongly enough then it may be something that could be written as an amendment to the decree.

It would be a shame to have to put the kids on medication before visiting their mother.

Is Mom so unreasonable that she'd keep the pet if SD continues to react so strongly?

And is it possible that SD's physical reaction is delayed to the extent that Mom doesn't actually see it? (And would therefore assume that you are exagerating?)

I have a friend who has 4 cats and two dogs and a daughter who is allergic. The daughter expects mom to put the animals in a kennel when she comes to visit and to thoroughly clean the house. The mom won't do it. The mom expects the daughter to take mads when she comes home to visit. In this case the daughter is an adult and a doctor. I think my friend has a real problem here because she really loves animals. She donates thousands of $$$ to the animal rescue organizations.

My thing is that we have told bm in the past of sd's pet allergies. And my older stepchild has mentioned it before to bm as well.

That is why we have no pets and limit her time in homes that do. We have family members with pets and sd has tried sleeping over with her cousins and other relatives and it always results in the same thing, so we have had to tell the relatives about it and say that their kids can sleep here but because of her reaction to pets she can not sleep there.

So I find it completly irresponsible of bm to go get a dog and then allow her to play with it. Honestly I think it is just a look I have a dog and it is so much fun and your dad won't let you have one type thing.

Of course my husband is going to mention this problem to her but I don't know how she is going to react to buying a dog and then getting rid of it.

I think it is irresponsible to get a pet when she knew about the allergy. I also thin the court would agree.

It's also possible that SD will outgrow her allergies, or that having a pet around will help desensitize her. That's what happened to me, and now we have a cat and two wonderful dogs.

But if it doesn't...
Next time SD has a visible allergic reaction, I'd have Dad write an email to BioMom documenting his concerns and attaching a digital photo of SD's hives. If her doctor has advised that she stay away from dogs or cats, be sure to include that in the email. (But don't make it up - it's verifiable.) Show that you're reasonable by suggesting a few compromises -- see if having dog stay outside or in another room will work before insisting on re-homing. But if things are serious, CC: your attorney as well.

Get a doc proving she is allergic to dogs and cats, Get a doctors letter clearly stating whether Sd should be near or sleep around or prolonged visits around those animals.
If it states she is not have prolonged visits THEN Sd no longer sleeps over at BM and she can only be over for short visits.
If its really serious then sd will not longer go over for visits at BM house, BM will have ot adjust her schedual to see her daughter outside ofher home since she is not accomadating her daughers condition.

Agree with Sweeby.

Just because there are allergies now doesn't mean they will stay, and exposing yourself to them a little helps with those allergies.
If you do get the allergy testing, and there are allergies...they will most likely reccomend allergy shots...which also help.
My son had the testing and the shots. Allergic to everything. He has never had an asthma attack. Doesn't use the inhaler either...it has been years since he needed it. We have pets too. So does his dad.
He is allergic to dust and pollen among other things...should I put him in a bubble so he isn't in danger? Nah!

I have severe fur allergies which I have never outgrown. I now take Allegra and Singulair everyday. I know at times I felt excluded from things due to my allergies. I couldn't stay over a friend's house if they had a dog (my cat allergy is not as severe). Cleaning doesn't help. The dander is everywere. DH rented his house to someone with a dog and even 6 months after they moved out and all the carpet was removed I would still have an allergy attack in the house.

I think the BM is being extremely selfish. The message she is sending her child is horrible. Your SD's allergy does not sound as severe as mine, hopefully she will outgrow it. But that isn't something you can count on. I don't know how old your SD is, but maybe there is something she can be given for her allergies. The Singulair and Allegra have changed my life. It's not perfect, I still could not stay overnight in a house with dogs. But I am now almost immune from cats and I can visit a house with dogs for a few hours. Before I would have had a trip to the emergency room. But I must take it every day. If I am even a few hours late I start to feel the inside of my ears start to itch.