Sometimes people who are generous don't mind being so, and I don't mind helping people, as my kids will testify. Sometimes such people find it hard to accept the generosity of others graciously. On the other hand ... I don't like being used, either, and if someone wants me to do things for them, and does so quite a number of times, but never seems to notice something that they might do for me without being asked, or, if asked, are continually unavailable, I think that I'd, maybe slowly, distance myself from that person. My son's rather concerned that someone that he introduced me to has been, in his eyes, using/taking advantage of me. I don't feel that to be the case, and have asked my son to stop worrying. I've been around for a while, and over a few hills and around a few corners ... ... so if someone takes advantage of me and makes rather a habit of it, I'll be making myself scarce. I have a number of acquaintances, and some friends of differing intensity, but not many real close ones - there's quite a spectrum in terms of intensity, I'd say. As you age, your friends seem to disappear ... evaporate (i.e. - die off). Who's next? ole joyful

I think that's a very fair assessment. I do "buy" friendship with kindness (and in the past, money) and I am very disappointed when my kindness is not eagerly returned. So far as asking for favors - I NEVER ask; I take self-reliance to the Nth degree. An acquaintance once said to me "You just hate to ask for help, don't you". My original plan was to schedule a taxi, but then I thought of those words, and decided to ask this coworker for a favor; I've been more than kind to him, so let's see if he'll be kind to me. The car dealer is close to work, not a major inconvenience, but not walk-able. I was internally thrilled when the coworker said OK. Someone actually agreed to do me a favor! I really have a friend! So when I saw this plan going bust it just confirmed my worst belief that no one really wants to be kind to me if there's no payoff for them. But your assessment about my "buying" friendship - I think it's on the mark. BTW, I did leave only two messages; I hung up all the other times that I called. And I knew there was something else going on with me: I mean, if my original plan was to take a taxi, why am I so bent out of shape that I ended up having to take a taxi? You cleared it up: I have secret expectations (hopes?) that my friendship is so "valued". But it isn't, because it was never really cultivated by the other person.

Thanks for the update. We hosted an exchange student from Italy when I was in high school, I was a sophomore and she was a senior. Initially there was a bit of jealousy on my part- but when I got over that we became more like sisters. We did not do much together socially, but got along well at home. I also was an exchange student to Germany the year after I finished high school. Homesickness is a big part of it, but having a caring and involved family helped me to overcome it. Letters from home were an important link, there was only snail mail, no e-mail or texts for instant communication. I think in some ways that helped me to assimilate to their way of life. Congratulations for taking in the 2 girls, I would bet that the cultural understanding and friendships that you gain will be well worth any expenses of having them with you. Best of luck-and please keep updated!

I did reply to K's text. Today we went to lunch and I hugged her as I left. She's feeling better. No harm done. K is very emotional-she feels left out when a waiter refills someones glass but not hers-she takes it personally. She's called me in tears because she felt someone at work slighted her because they didn't tell her good morning when they passed in the hall She knows that V and I do so much together and V posts pictures of us and vice versa. I also post pics of K, too! I've been very fond of her over the years, but I'd never call her my best friend. My DH is my best friend too, until I met V and I realized we were soul sisters. We talk nearly every day, and we spend every bit of free time we can with one another. Call it juvenile but I won't apologize for having found someone in my middle age life who I'm probably closer to than my own DH. At least with her I can gripe about him! K and I have been very long time friends, but I've never felt that spark with her. As an adult I had one other friend who I once told that now I know what it's like living with me-we were so close, so much alike and she was my best friends, but she passed away several years ago. K also knew her and knew of our relationship, but never said anything about feeling jealous. I have a bunch of really great, sweet friends who I'd lay down my life for, but they know they're not my "best friend". I don't believe it changes the dynamic of our relationships one bit. Many have their DH's as their best friend, and some, like me, have a female BF as well. I think I can say that my friends all know how much I value them, I let it be known frequently. As to my FB, I've got a limited number of friends on there. Those who know I'm an open book and share in my quirks and foibles. Only people I care to share with are my friends, just like IRL. I share less, actually, on FB than I do IRL. But each person uses FB as they chose. I don't understand the people who have 735 'friends', I just don't have the time for that. ETA the 'announcement' wasn't like that. I'd mentioned I went to a store that is in the same town V lives in and I said it was a great way to spend some quality time with my best bud who I don't get to see often enough I didn't even call her out specifically!