Friendly exes: Possible? Or that's not 'no' that's 'h*ll, no!'

16 years ago

I'm curious about how we all deal with exes. Of course in cases of the unfortunate need for restraining orders good relations probably aren't possible. But most unions don't end by bombing the bridge and sinking the boat, they often gradually erode.

My ex and I are still engaged in raising two teens and over the years we have developed an amiable co-parenting relationship. We are respectful and for the most part friendly toward each other. Without the kids between us, I doubt we would have bothered but necessity outweighed animosity. It's just easier to get along than not.

How about others?

Comments (11)

doc8404
16 years ago
Interesting topic Barnmom.

My former wife and my late wife were best friends. They didn't know each other before I introduced them and got along famously after I married the second time.

#1 is the best 'aunt' ever to my third and fourth sons. #2 was a great 'mom' to my first and second sons.

The former Mrs. "Doc" is one of my best friends too I guess. Heck, I've known her for getting close to 30 years. Oh yeah, we've had our moments but it is normally civil and respectful towards each other.

My annual family reunions were a scream as my ex was always in attendance and sat with and visited with my wife. It drove my old bitty aunts into a tizzy.
gabrielesgarden
16 years ago
both of you are very fortunate! I wish I could say the same thing. I appreciate a couple who can continue to be civil after the divorce especially when kids are involved. My divorce was 10 years ago and I have not talked to my ex for at least two years. My daughter is 20 so there is no need to talk to him now until she gets married or has a child. The divorce was bad, he hated me for leaving and did the worst thing ever, used our daughter to hurt me, he left the state with her for several months, he coerced custody of her and controlled the visits like I was some kind of monster who could not be trusted. It was horrifying! But,what comes around, goes around. It all back fired on him eventually. I finally got her back three years later adn the two of us are closer than ever. He still hates me and refuses to talk to me..not that I care to, but it would be nice to know we could talk if needed. Oh well...it's his issue, not mine. Hope you all have better ex sties than I do!
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gneegirl
16 years ago
I've been divorced for about 6-7 years, after 26 years together. We are great friends now but I have to watch my Ps and Qs because he wants to remarry!! That would probably be the best thing for me, but I am, and my life is so different since being on my own. I don't want to be a wife anymore - just have and be a companion; married or not. It wouldn't be fair to him at this point. I will tell you though, it wasn't always like this!! I left after 21 years because things were just becoming too ugly. Both of us I think are pretty great folk and having all of that in our lives just didn't seem right; so I told him that I thougth we needed some space. After he was involved in another relationship, he wanted the divorce. That relationship ended but the divorce still happened. During that time though he wanted to leave that relationship and thought that he and I could get back together. When I didn't say yes, things became intolerable. I ended up having to get a restraining order. I have never experienced anything so horrible in my life, and I know that he wasn't really a bad person. I later found out that he was diabetic, which caused all of that ugly behavior. Now though he and I are really great. In fact, I don't know anyone that I can depend on for any reason, other than him. People think something is wrong with us because we do speak. But I don't ever believe that divorce should dictate a relationship with an ex. If things are bad, then you have no choice. Otherwise, if you are friends,so be it. You just have to be sure not to muddy the waters as far as the type of relationship you have after the breakup. I've been lucky to have a great relationship with my ex!!

my 2...

gng
Tinmantu
16 years ago
I tolerate my ex, knowing that she would stab me in the back if there were any money in it for her....Don't know if you have ever watched the show My Name is Earl, but his ex is like mine in so many ways in looks and actions, that I never miss an episode just to remind me why I'm not married.
kayjones
16 years ago
LOL, Michael!
asolo
16 years ago
Trying to imagine remaining friends with the anti-Christ.
pris
16 years ago
Not friendly with the exe's. Considerate of the kids father for obvious reasons but not friendly by any stretch of the imagination. #2 will hate me for the rest of his born days for leaving him and has not spoken one word to me since the separation. Have you ever sat at a lawyers conference table and have someone whisper in his attorney's ear and then have the attorney repeat what was said to you?? That was truly comical. Before the separation I tried to get him to discuss the problems or at least consider counseling. His answer to that was he didn't have a problem and if I did I needed to handle it. I handled it the only way I could under the circumstances. Can't understand why he got so bent out of shape. LOL.

I have a younger sister that has been married four times (twice to the same man). She's is on extremely good terms with all of the exes and the ex-inlaws to boot!!! I guess that's good if you can do it but it is totally beyond my comprehension. I don't hate my exe's but still wouldn't walk across the street to spit on them if they were on fire.

Guess that tells you where I'll be spending eternity but from what I can tell, there will be a lot of us there for company.
kayjones
16 years ago
Too funny, Pris!
Tinmantu
16 years ago
Good one pris....my only regret is the beer is going to be really warm in my eternity.
centralcacyclist
Original Author
16 years ago
Being friends with the ex assumes that the ex is reasonable and more or less mentally healthy themselves! It's a two way street. The other person has to find a benefit in being civil and well-behaved and honest with themselves. My ex and I would not be mortal enemies if we didn't share children, we'd probably just never see each other. I always hoped he'd meet someone new and be happy but that was/is not to be.

Though we were miles apart about how a marriage should work, we always agreed about the best interests of the children.

Doc, your family gatherings must have been a great source of mirth for you! It sounds as though you chose wisely in both of your marriages. They sound like wonderful women with big hearts.
Happy_Go_Lucky_Gayle
16 years ago
Funny!

My first Boy Friend after Divorce had a balcony that faced my EX=Hubby. As He put it "A stones throw away". LOL!

The next time I saw Him was at my Daughter's College Graduation. We all dined together with our new "Loves", family and friends. We were cordial.

The next time was my Daughter's Wedding...with our new "Loves". Then the Grandchildren's Birthdays.

Now...my Daughter has taken to inviting us ALL for Thanksgiving each year. It was uncomfortable this year, because, I've gotten where I can't stand the sight of him. So, I will not put myself in that place again. My Son wanted to spend time visiting with me but kept getting cornered by his Father about his trip to Ireland. Bore...Bore..Bore..

The EX still owes me $20,000, that He hasn't paid. But, He did pay for the Kids College....so I let it go.

He is still a scumbag and I don't like the evil thoughts I have when I see him. Out of sight...Out of mind!

Gayle

Friendly exes: Possible? Or that's not 'no' that's 'h*ll, no!'

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Friendly exes: Possible? Or that's not 'no' that's 'h*ll, no!'

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