I don't want to ignore his grief & rage, but I don't want to aggravate it, either. That's the tough issue. Sylvia, you're a loving and thoughtful sister. I wish I had some good advice to give you, but all I can do is quote an unusually fine and caring psychiatrist, a friend who told me after my daughter Jill died that some people grieve silently, and in fact withdraw into their grief, and we have to let them do it. I myself dealt with my grief by talking and crying (and talking and crying), but I had to let this person grieve in his own way. It's fortunate that your brother has a strong and loving wife. My sympathy to all of you. Susan

You all are the best, have I told you that? Yesterday was a trial, for sure. The minister gave a great service, and the caterer showed up on time and the church hall was set up correctly, so thank goodness the advanced planning all worked out. And I've never been so proud of my 10 yo DS. He got all dressed up in a shirt and tie and helped me dress all of the tables with tablecloths and helped the caterer set up and stuck by his mourning grandfather in a very supportive way. Everyone was commenting on how wonderful he was (even though he fidgeted in the pew through the whole service!). But there was the typical family drama. The worst thing for me happened when my grandmother's beloved girlfriends showed up at the church. I purposefully chose a church that was right near her senior citizens retirement community, so that her close circle of girl friends and neighbors could come. When "the girls" came into the church and seated themselves, I went over to talk with them. They immediately started asking me why no one ever called them to tell them where my grandmother was in the two months before she passed. I told them that back in August, when she was first hospitalized in the place close to her home, my mother went to my grandmother's house at her request to get her phone book and brought it to the hospital so my grandmother could call her friends. They acknowledged that they received her calls and visited her then, but then, after my aunt moved her to other facilities (and started isolating her from us), they couldn't find her. The only emergency number they had was my aunt's, and they left messages 2-3 times/week, begging my aunt to call them and tell them where my grandmother was. One of them even spoke with my cousin, who told them they didn't know any details (total lie) and that my aunt would call. No one ever called back. They were devastated that they didn't get to see her and say goodbye, and enraged as well. All I could do was apologize and tell them that we would have called if we had their numbers, and that there were times we weren't even able to find where she was. I felt so terrible for them and for my grandmother, and I know she wanted to see them. The last visit I had with her while she was coherent, she mentioned them and was sad that they weren't coming. Meanwhile, they were desperately trying to, but my aunt, for reasons I simply cannot understand, wouldn't call them back. I also have a very close knit circle of girlfriends. I simply can't imagine what it would be like if I was prevented from seeing one of them on in this manner, or if I was dying and they didn't come see me. It breaks my heart. Meanwhile, evil aunt spent the last three weeks telling my father that she couldn't deal with filing the will or doing anything to start settling finances, because she's grieving too much. She also told him she couldn't help at all with the service because it was too much for her, so I made all of the arrangements. My dad went by my grandmother's house yesterday morning to pick up her big band cd's to play at the reception after the service, and apparently, my aunt wasn't grieving so much that she couldn't hire a u-haul to clear out all of the best furniture. She had taken all of the valuable smaller items before my grandmother died, but this last bit happened after, while she was supposedly so deeply grieving. And she had the gall to ask my dad to help her go through my grandmother's clothing and box it up for good will. So she gets anything with any sentimental or monetary value, but he's supposed to help her get rid of everything she doesn't want? Anyway, taking things out of the house at that point is clearly not acceptable, and he will have to deal with it, but I just don't know if he has it in him. He seems to be continually surprised with her actions, although at this point nothing surprises the rest of us. At any rate, my grandmother is at rest and we have the closure we were looking for. I think these next few months will continue to be very difficult for my father, as he sorts through the shambles my aunt has made of everything.

Try dmarie! They have poems about almost EVERYTHING! Here is a link that might be useful: Dmarie

Lisa: Try these www.dmarie.com and aspring to greatness at http://www.aspiring-community.com/index.html I hope these help. Alison Here is a link that might be useful: aspiring to greatness