I currently live in a small apt in a rental apt bldg in NYC. NYC living is interesting insofar as, there are so many people just like me, single, and who live alone. Sure, we have busy lives, and many of us have friends, but...often plans need to be made in advance...and as we get older, well...it's not as easy as when we were 20-somethings who just meet up at a bar ...

So at my current age of 53, I (and many of those like me in NYC, I suspect)... we work during the week, might go to the gym or meet a friend for dinner now and then...but most nights just return to our apartments, alone. And so all over this city, there are millions just like me. We are all holed-up in our little box apartments and perhaps, some of us feeling rather lonely.

While I'm an introvert in some respects and generally like living alone, there ARE times I feel lonely and just think 'why is it so hard sometimes to just meet up with someone impromptu...why does everything take planning etc?' I think part of the problem (at least in NYC) is that there's this unwritten rule...people become accustomed to how things ARE, but never question it, or try to CHANGE things.

My small apt. building has the bldg owner on the first floor who lives with his family. There is then a total of 7 rental apartments in the building, and 6 of the 7 apartments have single occupants like myself. 'How crazy is this?' I thought. Here we are, all living alone, each in our own little apartments every night. Can I be the only person who'd love to have a little 'community' of neighbors...you know, sorta like the old days? ;-) ...where we can see each other in the hall, say 'Hi', pop over for a drink, etc? But again, I think this 'un-written rule' prevents people from doing anything or even considering being any other way. 'People want their privacy' people tell themselves. Or 'they'll think I'm weird...you just don't do that in NYC'.

Well, I decided to take a chance. Right before the Christmas holiday, I put a flyer up in the hallway, announcing that I would be hosting a small holiday gathering and that I'd love for folks in the building to come. I added my mobile # and said they could text me their RSVP.

Some neighbors indicated they'd come, maybe one said they couldn't make it, and maybe two didn't reply at all (which was ok...I was more interested in knowing who COULD make it). It ended up being a nice little gathering. Since then, I had the one 'couple' in the building over for brunch. Another attendee, while a very nice young woman, isn't someone I'd normally want to engage with one-on-one. Nonetheless, her coming to my party helped create a nice 'neighborly' relationship for me and her (which is good since her apt. is the only other one on my floor). And with another single neighbor, we bumped into each other the other day on the bus, and she and I agreed to connect soon to go for a drink. (...and after agreeing to that, she also mentioned to me that most of her friends in NYC live outside our neighborhood...that she really has no friends in the immediate area...which to me again confirmed what I'd already been thinking...that I might not be the only one in the bldg feeling 'lonely'...)

My point is, I recognized a need that I myself had (and which I also suspected others in the bldg. might have), and I took a chance, and it paid off. Sure, not everyone is necessarily going to respond favorably. There's one other guy in the building (possibly gay I think)...he seems very 'nice', but my sense is that he's simply not interested in getting too friendly and/or he's just very shy. Either way, I'll continue to invite him to my larger gatherings I may host, but I wouldn't ever suggest he and I get together 1:1. I get the strong sense it would be awkward. But as they say, you need to cast a wide net to catch a few fish. I now have the wheels in motion to potentially have a new 'friend' or two in the building... ;-)