As I wrote in my post, my reference was to domestic cats, not to feral or barn cats who live their lives without being fed or receiving immunizations, deworming, external parasite prevention, and other routine veterinary care. I have precise first hand knowledge of what species my cats have killed over the past 40+ years and a good idea of how many of each because they bring their quarry home to my front porch and, being well fed, only occasionally do they eat one of their game animals. I could probably count on my fingers the number of birds my cats have killed over the past decades, and among these were a few English sparrows. I would say that on average 6 to 11 baby barn swallows have fledged from nests on our front porch and eaves of the barn each year, despite the presence of our cat(s.) The parent bird who fell victim this year is the only swallow killed by one of our cats ever, so I'd say that the survival rate is highly stacked in favor of the swallows. (Seven on average x 40 some years is a large sum of swallows that have come into being on my felines' terrain.) Toxoplasma gondii only poses a threat to developing fetuses and those with severely compromised immune systems. It is important that pregnant women avoid contact with litter boxes. Other than this caution, the risks posted on the inflammatory website you posted are highly exaggerated. As I also stated, this is a moot point since my current kitty has only perhaps another year of going outdoors and I do not intend to replace her when she is gone. We will have to agree to disagree on this point.

Rather than acknowledge her faults and say sorry for the pain she's caused me, she'd rather make grand gestures even though I've made it clear they're unwelcome many times. You also say She says she's sorry but cannot undo the past., Her way of 'making up' for her faults is by being extra nice and going above and beyond, and Nothing she can say or do will ever take that pain away. Your mother is apologizing and trying to make amends in the best way she knows how. She is correct, she cannot change the past. Either you accept her apology and continue the relationship or you reject it and cut her off. But please recognize that she is trying, probably in the best way she knows how. I really resonate with something you said. I was trouble/difficult to her but what she failed to see was that other parents were dealing with far worse. Kids in and out of prison, teenage pregnancies, drugs etc I NEVER did any of those things or gave that sort of trouble. Because I often felt that way as a teenager with my mom. However, please before you cut off contact with your mom, remember that sword cuts both ways. Yes, there were other parents dealing with far worse, you are exactly right. But there are other teens/kids dealing with far worse parents than what you had, probably. Parents in and out of prison, parents pimping their kids out, parents who are alcoholics or drug addicts, etc. Think about the good things your mom did (if she did, in fact, do some good things). Did she sacrifice to keep a roof over her kids' heads? Did she read books to you or help you do your homework? If you are a good person, a successful person, then maybe some of that comes from something your mom helped instill in you? Anyway, if you are going to pull out the "I was bad but other kids were worse", then you need to also pull out the "Mom was bad but other moms were worse", too. I have a tremendous amount of sympathy for you, and this is from the heart. I've been on somewhat both sides of the issue. My mom went through a lot of stress when I was a teen and it showed in her behavior. However, I should say that she never called me names or put me down. I always knew she loved me and wanted my best. But she hurt me in a lot of ways she didn't understand then and probably still doesn't understand. And I, also, as a mother went through a time of tremendous stress. My husband was badly hurt when my children were teens, and I know the stress showed in my behavior. I always, always did the very best I could for my children, and I should say that I never, ever called my daughter names or belittled her. But I know living in that stress was hard for my kids. I have apologized to my daughter that she did not get my best as a mother the way her older brother did. Not because I didn't want to give it, but because I was giving everything I had to help my husband recover. So, like your mom, I have hurt my daughter. I know your situation and my daughter's situation is different. My daughter (age 21) told me that she knows she has always been loved, that she knows I always did my very best, and that she had a very happy childhood. So I am giving advice from a different background/place than you're in. Try to keep in mind that many people become better people as they get older and wiser. My mom is much wiser now and would never make some of the same decisions now that she made when I was a teen. By the same token, there are things I would handle better now if I could relive my life. But we don't get do-overs. If you think your mom has changed, then you might be throwing away what could be a good relationship in the future. If she hasn't changed, then it might be time to get out of a toxic relationship. Also, one of the things that has happened in my own life is that I'm better at setting boundaries now than I was as a teenager. You have more emotional tools at your disposal now than you did growing up. There are so many more things you can do now. For example, you can limit your time with your mother. You can point out things she says or does that hurt you that she may not realize. You were not in a position of power when you were a kid, but you are in a position of power now. My daughter and I used to butt heads a lot when she was in high school. One of the things I did was to declare her favorite fast food restaurant a "safe place". At least once a week I took her to lunch there and the rule was that only positive things could come out of my mouth there. That was not the time for me to ask her how her grades were or tell her that no, I wouldn't buy those super-short shorts. She got to talk about whatever she wanted to talk about and I didn't give her advice, try to fix her problem or tell her anything negative. What I am saying is that you are an adult now. You are obviously an intelligent, capable woman if you have a medical degree. You may be more capable of fixing this problem than your mom is. If you want to keep/repair this relationship, then think out of the box. There are things you can do and tools you can use. If you want a relationship with your mom, you may have to take the lead and show her how to treat you and organize the steps to healing. You cannot change other people, only yourself. Instead of thinking about all the things your mom should do differently, think about all the things you can do differently. There are many ways you can set the tone of the relationship, if you choose to. I am NOT saying "smack your hand, you do things wrong, too". I am saying that you have power you didn't have as a child. You can choose when/where you and your mom meet. You can choose how much time you spend with her. You can refuse to talk about topics that hurt you. But if you think your mom is incapable of changing, if she is still toxic, if you don't want the relationship, then only you can decide if what you want is to let go completely. Whatever you decide, I hope it goes well for you. Families are wonderful, but they can hurt a lot, too.

UM... Lemme see.... female 30-40 (ok 35-45 I give) God/higher power Otherwise, what's the point of being here? Without God my life has no direction. The hardships are just hard not a learning experience. The joys are just momentary joy not the celebration of something bigger. PJ

Welcome to the board Twilight....not sure where you picked up on anyone having any desire for revenge myself...if anything lpinkmountain was most observant in the fact that I was ranting about my daughters whim of jumping back and forth...financial responsibility is a given for any parent that has a bit of scruples...to a point. (An update to this thread)..My little brain surgeon has now quit school (only had 3 months to go and is an A and B grade student) and is living with her mom again and I'll be danged if I am going to take out a loan to put her through college based on her lack of commitment. I won't let her starve or live on the street, but she has a lot of proving to me to do before I'm going to take on a 5000 dollar loan to let her "try out" college. She turns 18 next month and if she chooses this road after myself and my side of the family trying to dissuade her, then it's time for her to leave the nest. There will be no revenge as she will always be my little girl...as far as the ex goes, she has had her own trials and if anything I pity her.