It's been close to 4 years from where this all started. The disrespect from my grown son escalated to the point where I told him to leave. His anger was out of control. My ex and I were separated due to his extra marital affairs. I felt I had to jolt him back to reality but instead he went to live with his father which made things worse. I kept the doors open, texting him often, telling him I love him and telling him that I didn't want this to be a permanent thing but his anger towards me got worse. Lashed out at me towards household things that "belonged to his father". Screamed and cursed at me. Many remarks about "this is my fathers house". Telling me that I was the reason for his anger. And with each explosion, I still kept the doors open. The final straw for me was a text that he sent me saying that "im sorry that you damaged me but I will no longer be controlled and manipulated". Those words cut me so deep. I still can't get past it. I was the mother who went to extremes to make sure my kids were never damaged emotionally. The mother who wanted my kids to always see both parents sitting in the stands at their games to have that memory forever, not knowing that I made their father go to the game. The mother who protected them from knowing of their fathers first affair because I thought it was a mistake and these kids shouldn't lose respect for their dad or look at him badly. I wanted them to be proud of their parents. I would have stayed in a loveless marriage so they would always feel safe and always feel like they had a home base. And he says those words to me? I damaged him. At that point I wasn't taking anymore. All communication stopped. I thought he's not hearing from me now he will realized what he has said and done and I thought the lightbulb will go on and then he will come back and tell me he is so sorrry for that and all the undeserved disrespect. One month later I get a happy birthday text. I dont respond. The next month Merry Christmas. Again I dont respond. The remorse and apology never comes. Eventually the pleasantry text continue for both of us. Only holidays. Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday but nothing on Mothers Day. Obviously, everyone on this post understands that hurt. The day to celebrate the person who raised you, loved you, took care of you, gave you a good life and I get nothing. That's a hurt beyond words. This is the son that I was so close to. Always close to. Never could have imagined this happening. I miss my son but I feel like he needs to come back to me. I can forgive him but I can't forgive if hes not sorry and if he thinks what he did was acceptable. I won't allow him to treat me that way. At this point I feel like this is the way it is and the way it will be and I will never stop loving him in my heart and will never stop hurting in my heart.

I have not seen my 14yr old son since September 2015. This is because my now ex-husband, had me arrested for allegations of assault to injury on both him and our son. I believe that this happened because approximately 3 weeks prior to my arrest I had given my husband an ultimatum that if things hadn't changed in our marriage by the time we returned from a family holiday in the October that we would be over. We had at that time been married for 13yrs and our son was 12yrs old. Our marriage had been awful for almost the entirety of it but I tolerated things as I thought it was best for our son. My husband was a sociopath and narcissist. He was emotional abusive to me, offered no support in parenting our son, was catty and sarcastic to my older son from a previous marriage. He hacked my mobile, email and social media and basically had me left with no confidence or self-esteem. He contributed very little financially towards the running of the family home and I paid for 7 yearly holidays abroad and he contributed nothing other than some spending money. He very much was manipulative of our son, particularly against me. He allowed our son, latterly, to speak to me disrespectfully and threaten me with hitting me etc. He did nothing to intervene. To cut a very long story short, the case went to court (despite there being no medical evidence to back up his claims) and my lawyer said that my ex-husband "hood-winked" the Sheriff into believing his fabricated evidence. My son's evidence was very distressing to hear as he became extremely distressed whilst giving evidence (behind a scree) and was in tears saying he couldn't remember things. Unfortunately the Sheriff took his upset as evidence that he was having to relive the abuse. I was found guilty and following background reports and character references the Sheriff when I was in court for sentencing stated that "having read the numerous character references and background report he had a better insight into the situation and that it was clear I was a loving mother". I was given a 12month supervision order in February 2017. From the date of my arrest until the date I was sentenced I was on bail with a condition attached whereby I was not allowed to contact my son and only allowed to see him if he requested it. My husband, who is an IT officer, disconnected all of my side of the family to whom my son was exceptionally close, effectively cutting off everyone from my son's life. A few weeks ago my older son and I spotted that my son's name appeared on social media (having previously been blocked) and so my older son has finally managed to make contact and subsequently had conversations and video chats with him. I have too managed to see his details and I have sent him a private message just letting him know that I have thought about him every day and will always be there for him should we ever want or need me. I also told him I hoped he was ok and that I missed and loved him always. As yet I have not had a reply but I will hope and pray that eventually he will. My divorce came through last week so I am pleased about that but my heart breaks for not having seen my son in all this time. We, incidentally had a very close relationship right up until the day of my arrest. My husband clearly wanted to destroy me because I had finally stood up to him and stated that I wasn't tolerating his treatment of me any longer. Being able to read on this forum of others having gone through similar is very, very helpful.

mommybunny, You are correct in your statement "All my point was is that there are both sides to the story and that in some situations, parents are not as innocent as they portray themselves to be". People (even friends) forget that there ARE TWO SIDES TO MANY SITUATIONS of estrangement. Yes, there surely are some adult kids who are spoiled rotten and turn their back on good parents. But there are also parents who have created a lot of pain, and refuse to be accountable for anything. Keep in mind folks, that just like you never know what really goes on in marriages, nor do you really know what goes on in family relationships. People can be wonderful to friends and people they know, but can create tremendous pain within their own family. To those who jumped on mommybunny, have you lost the ability to rationally look outside of your own situation, and grasp that indeed a parent CAN be at fault in an estrangement? No one is suggesting that YOU are at fault, but that there certainly are situations where the behavior of a parent can certainly have caused some estrangements. If you are not actually capable of considering that possibility, then you have closed your mind to rational thinking. And unless you are actually capable of entertaining that possibility within your own estrangements, I don't imagine that healing will happen until you are ready to do so. Mommybunny, pull up discussions on detaching with love. It sounds as though even though you are an adult, locked within you is still the small child yearning for her mothers acceptance and approval. Yearning to hear a mothers loving words. And for whatever reason, it does not sound as though your mother is capable of being the mother you need her to be. Do not use her to validate how special and wonderful you are. Stop trying to jump through hoops to win her love and acceptance. She sounds incapable of giving it. Not because you are not worthy, but because for some reason, something is lacking within HER. Imagine yourself at a playground sitting on a bench. You see a lovely little girl who is precious. Your heart immediately leaps and you know you could love this child. The mother comes up and yanks the child away and tells her she is a stupid child. But you know that she is wonderful, and you wonder why that woman can not see this beautiful little girl for the gift that she is. Why is she so hard on her? And you wish that you could tell the little girl that she is nothing that the mother says. She is perfect, and you wish she were yours. Just because that mother cannot see her child for who she really is, does not mean that child is not precious. She is so precious, and was never responsible for the failings of adults and their problems. Work on forgiving your mother for not being the mom you needed her to be. Not because she deserves it, but because it will help you release all of the anguish within you. Understand that she is incapable of being the mom you needed her to be, (for whatever reason) and save yourself the emotional distress of replaying her hurtful words, and struggling to get her to understand (and apologize for) the pain she inflicted. I don't imagine she is the type to apologize. There are discussions on line on detaching with love and how it has helped many people. By finally understanding they will never be the person we wish them to be. Many people are not capable of changing. They are who they are. Find peace as you begin to heal. I imagine it would be so healthy if you could find a counselor to help you resolve the pain and anguish of this relationship, and find healing and peace over how unjust this all feels. I wish you well.

Hi and thankyou for your reply to my post. I cannot stop crying and reliving my childhood with her tucking me up in bed...being there for me when I lost 2 of my sons and other 'normal' things that an adult remembers from childhood. I knew she was dying but did not seem to care. An aunt of mine spoke to me on the telephone a few years ago and said the whole family were ashamed of me for saying such a thing about my father. She is a regular church goer too - some christian! I always made sure my son was safe but was more over protective of my daughter. I am getting visions of what he did - no ...have to shut those thoughts out! I tried to keep my son away from my father but he went behind my back and carried on seeing them. (when my ex husband was in charge of the children he would let him sneak to my parents' house. When my daughter learned to talk, she told me where my son was going. My very very old grandparents still sound of mind wanted to see my children but I refused as when they disowned me, they disowned my children also. She did in my mind die a long time ago, but I need the funeral for closure. I will not speak to any of them. My son (he left home last year) is going to stay at his dad's house and go with his dad. His dad...my ex, says I should forgive my father as he has already lost a son (my brother died a few years ago) and one of his grandchildren. He knows the story, how could he let my children be around that man???? he said that my daughter would never have been left alone with him but I should at least have let my mother have a relationship with her grandchildren. This is horrid having flashbacks of my childhood, I cannot stop crying, for what? not for her I hope, but for not having a normal mother daughter relationship. I have nothing to feel guilty for, she chose to believe him and turned the family against me. I can just imagine the funeral, talking about ME! like I am some evil woman. It just isn't fair! oops sorry for the bitter rage lol but again - thanks for your thoughts on the matter. S x