Thank you, Grace e and Folly! I sent ARE a note and, if I hear back from them, will post their suggestions here. If I still am not satisfied, I'll post at the rose forum as well :) I will definitely consider Zephirine and Madame Alfred. I am a little hesitant about ordering a DA rose for her fence. I usually RAVE about my beloved English roses but have not had success with those I've planted in locations a bit more removed from my immediate gardens. It's not a fair judgment. When I say "those" -- it was three DAs but all the same variety. A Shropshire Lad. This rose outgrows my pillars every year but only shriveled out on my fence. My mother, I know, will not neglect her rose but I don't want her to have to struggle with it either. I like to experiment and coddle in my own garden and am willing to accept failures. But, for my mother, I want to give her a rose that will delight her and not turn out to be a major disappointment. This post was edited by Sidos-House on Sat, Feb 15, 14 at 15:03

Hello all - I am new to the site, thus far it seems to be pretty darn helpful. Here is my question... I recently purchased a Lloyd Fletcher set for my Mother, birthday gift. She went out and bought one before, of course I didn't know, I was able to give it to her. Now I have this expensive set and I really don't know the best place to sell it online. Please take a look at my CL link below. I am sure there has got to be a better place to do this. Thanks in advance :) Ryan http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/fuo/3023525327.html

Thanks for your replies, and I'm sorry for you losses. Just to clarify, I didn't give in on the headstone. They had made all these requests of things they wanted, but offered no help. I was at a standstill with the headstone, as they hadn't sent out any pictures I had asked them to send me, since they wanted them on the headstone. I guess I wasnt exactly ready to do it, either. But it was definately harder without any guidance at all, and no help. I was just told what to do, and how to do it. And to pay for it. I guess I was taking too long, so they all went behind my back and did it, without asking me what I wanted. I got an email saying "You couldn't get things together, so we did it instead. Go see the headstone, its beautiful" I had no idea they had one in the works, until it was already placed on the gravesite. I would have at the very least liked them to take over the one I had been getting made, and put the finishing touches on it. But they didn't even ask what I wanted on the headstone. My boyfriend isn't that bad. He just frustrates me. He didn't come into the picture until a month and a half after my dad passed away. So he wasn't there for most of the family drama, or the fights over money, and the fights my aunt had with my sister, pretty much telling my sister she had no say in anything because she wasn't related by blood. All he knows is what he's been told. And he's done remarkabley well considering I was and still am somewhat of a basketcase. He just walked in blindly not knowing what he was getting himself into at all, and he's put up with a lot. Going to lawyers apts with me, listening to me complain about people he's never met. Watch me cry for no real reason at all. Put up with my silly meltdowns over nothing all that important. That has to be tough to deal with, when you know hardly anything about the situation. He has done a lot for me, and he's put up with a lot of silly crazy meltdowns, and demands. So while he definately doesn't always say the right things, he's so good in other areas, and is really helpful or atleast tolerant that it makes up for it. It just stresses me out sometimes that he doesn't see things the way I do. I'm really sorry about losing your daughter, I can't imagine. I've done the group therapy, 3 times now I think. And I've done the counsellor thing for years. I really think it's just coming down to time, now. I'm not plagued daily by all of this, but anytime it comes down to something important, I just have the hardest time being decisive or following through with it. Thats the only thing holding me back from trying to move on. I cant do the important things. Group therapy is also a very bad place for me to be. I'm excellent at transferring others problems onto myself, to ignore my own problems. I usually end up miserable after group therapy, feeling very sorry for everyone else and feeling horrible for being sad about my situation when it could be worse. And then I get depressed because so many bad things are happening to so many good people. And my issues get worse, and get ignored. Group has never ended well for me. Rose, I feel bad for your daughter. That sounds like a very rough, emotional year. I hope she's doing alright, and getting through everything okay.

Trust me on this--this is a 'bat your head against the wall' situation. You CANNOT change your parents. You CANNOT change your brother. All you can do right now is step back, see the situation for what it is and realize that your parents are going to give this deadbeat whatever he wants, for the rest of his life, and there will be nothing for you, ever. If you speak to professionals in the field, they'll tell you it's common for parents to over and over again put the 'needs' of a deadbeat child over the good of their other children and even ahead of what's good for them (the parents). Parents will often let one child bleed them dry. And oh yes, they will from time to time go to one of their other children, complaining about the drain on their finances--BUT they rarely really want any help. And if you do attmept to push them to do the right thing--guess who will be wrong and will be on the outs with the family? You. Not only have I seen many other families go through this same scenario, but let me tell you about DH's family. His one sister has always been a taker. She's got all sorts of explanations as to why she needs money--mind you, her husband has a very high position with the government and has made 6 figures for years. Anyway, this deadbeat, over the years, has gotten her parents to pay for: her kids' braces, her cars, her appliances, new roof for her house, and dozens of other stuff. FIL and MIL used to go to DH, complaining about the drain on their finances. DH would get all upset, worried for them, and make good suggestions. They didn't want to hear anything reasonable. Eventually, that SIL finagled and got control over their finances. the stress she put FIL under killed him way too early. Then she STOLE over a quarter of a million $$$ from MIL (who by that time had Alzheimer's). Cost us $20,000 so far in forensic accounting and legal fees to stop the hemmorage of $$$$. It's been 7 years, and the case still hasn't been completely resolved. And honestly? There's no money left in the estate for the rest of the children to inherit. I don't care if I NEVER get any money from someone else's death--that's not really how I choose to make $$$, but darn it, it's grossly unfair for one child to steal the estate from the others. If I knew in my eary 20's what I understand now about these family relationships, we would NOT have allowed ourselves to be victimized the way we were. We would have walked away years ago. I know that sounds cold, but we batted our heads against the wall for 35 years, always doing the right thing, never taking a penny from anyone that wasn't ours, and none of it was appreciated. ever. I know this isn't the advice you want to hear, but truly, the best thing you can do for yourself, is to handle your own fiances responsibly. To protect them from others, and to make up your mind that if your parents choose to give away their money now, to a child who should be able to pay his own way, they ARE NOT your responsibility in the future, when they are down and out because of it. Do not feel guilty if they come to you for help later in life and you feel you need to turn them down. They made their choices, it's not up to you to pay the consequences for others mistakes, truly.