DD made Principal's List; she sounded SO proud when she told us. I'd hate to overshadow that price by horning in with some monetary reward.

We acted impressed (though i told her I wasn't amazed; to be amazed, someone has to do something you thought they couldn't do, that surprised you--and I wasn't surprised at all)--heck, we WERE impressed. We told her "good job," and we let all our love and admiration for her show in our voices.

We didn't offer to have a fancy dinner, or anything. I suppose a celebration would be in order, but I guess I just reserve those for milestones, not achievements--getting your learner's permit or driver's license; school being out.,

It never occurred to me to give her some sort of reward, either. In fact, I think it's counter-productive.

I think it might send the message that her pleasure in this achievement was somehow inadequate.

Talley Sue, I so agree with you. DH and I agreed to NOT reward the honor roll. We both went to the honor roll awards ceremony, and DH took the camera and took pictures of them with their teachers & the principal. I think that was pleasure enough for them - they were so proud. It was last Friday and doing anything else after that would have been an anti-climax.

"I think it might send the message that her pleasure in this achievement was somehow inadequate." - you are so wise! They did take so much pleasure in their achievement!

We didn't give cash rewards in early years, but Grandma wanted to see the report cards and gave them 1.00 per A.

When he got in high school and we felt he needed incentive to stay on the right track we said we'd pay the car insurance as long as he didn't get any tickets, and stayed on honor roll. He is a senior and has made it every time. It's paid off for us.

We don't give allowance. He has a job and pays for his fun stuff and extra clothing expenses that are wants not needs.

Never paid.

I've not rewarded mine for Honor Roll (my 12 year old is ALWAYS on it), but I have offered "parental incentives" to my 9 year old if she turns in all her homework for a grading period. I've been having a problem with her turning in her work, even if she completes it. The incentives have been something she's wanted for awhile, that I've refused to get her.

Our son has been on it since 4th grade, been in challenge classes since 5th grade, so YES - he gets $5 for each "A". We don't HAVE TO do so, but we are so darned proud to be his parents, and it makes US feel good to pay him for his hard work. Don't forget, it isn't easy working to get all "A"s - I know I like to get paid for my hard work, which only incites me to work harder, so we don't mind - in fact feel it a privilege - to honor his efforts.

I think making honor roll definitely deserves some special recognition. If you don't want to give cash for A's, a nice dinner out somewhere would be a treat. I don't see this as "paying for grades". It is celebrating a great accomplishment.

I've been grappling with this issue for the past few years. So far I have not rewarded my kids for good grades but most of their friends parents do some type of monetary award for making straight A's.

My biggest issue is that I have a very bright 9 year old son that makes mostly A's in school without a lot of effort and I also have an 11 year old daughter who struggles with school because of dyslexia. My daughter is in special resource classes, spends time with a tutor and many hours w/me studying but makes only B's (plus a few A's) on her report card. I don't feel comfortable rewarding my children equally when they are at such different academic levels.

My son was always on Honor Roll and I never paid him. I would have been totally upset if he had NOT been on Honor Roll. Occasionally, he would bring it up that soandso got 10 dollars and my response was usually that he is learning for himself, not for me, as I already have an education.

So far it's worked out, he's in college in another state studying Civil Engineering, working 20 hrs. per week, and I'm still checking on his grades (since I'm paying).

In my humble opinion, MommaBird, you're doing the right thing.

One of my kids is now a freshman in college--majoring in Physiscs--with an academic scholarship--the other is a HS Sophomore. We NEVER gave them money for grades--BUT--We have:

1) Taken them out to dinner to celebrate good report cards.

2) Purchased longed for items as a treat--but never as "incentive." This is not an every time thing--but more of a surprise.

Many of their friends get/got paid for grades...but we've always expected our kids to do their best. Occaisonally their best has been a "B"--and that's OK! I'd even be willing to accept a "C"--so long as they were working. We haven't had a "C" yet--but younger son is having issues in his Honors English class--so this may be the first!

Our older kid values his WORK--not the grade--and younger seems to have the same attitude. We (as parents) put more value on the effort than the grade achieved. I think you are doing JUST FINE. (My kids occaionally speak with envy of the kids who get paid--and also contempt! So put THAT in the hopper FWIW!)

melanie

I tried rewarding and not rewarding 10.00 for every A and all A's they could make an extra 20.00. Schools groom us for the corporate world and so why fight it, when my kids get out in the world their efforts should be rewarded in the "real world", I think that rewarding kids is fine as long as the poor kid whose parents don't have the money to reward don't give your kids a hard time.
I use to be very clear "No Rewards",
but when schools have kids memorize and throw out facts and numbers so tests score win higher scores for schools and ratings...reward your kids, school is one of the hardest times in ones life in learning and incentive helps. Personally I homeschool because I wouldn't neccessarily support what mainstream schools are trying to brainwash into our kids.
Kids are people too, they are citizens with no voting rights, we as parents are their mentors...If you did a really good job wouldn't you want compensation or validation? YOur kids watch as you react to your accomplishments and goal achieving...
Rewards celebrate more rewards...just as long as it is with in reasonable...dont reward to compensate for not being there...dont reward to buy approval, fear of ruining your child by not praising with a token of appreciation (even a homemade card) teaches that you are born by yourself and that you die by yourself and that life can be lonely and you just have to be strong alone. It doesnt matter what grades a child makes.

Just remember one very important fact...Celebrate the good grades...When the student fails the teacher has failed that child, too! The first few years a teacher just wants to save every child, then After a few years most teachers just sit in a teachers lounge gossiping about the students, labeling the terrors and pets as they pass them through the grades. When kids play sports there is far more rewards and support to do well than I have ever seen in any academic setting? Sports seem to undermine the public schools...how much money goes into sports at your high school compared to school academics? I bet someschools spend more money on maintaining a beautifyul lawn for the football players rather than supplying the basic needs of a learner for academics.

gardengardengardenga wrote:

"The first few years a teacher just wants to save every child, then After a few years most teachers just sit in a teachers lounge gossiping about the students, labeling the terrors and pets as they pass them through the grades. "

This is an insulting generalization!

It's also has very little validity, since this comment--I can't quite call it an "observation"--was made by someone who homeschools! How would you know what teachers do or what they think, when you don't interact w/ them?

We are having a discussion in my community about allowing Homeschoolers to try out for sports teams, band, drama, etc. Many of the Public School parents are opposed..adn the HS parents can't fathom why. Why would the PS parents want to prohinbit there children from participating? Are the PS parents that selfish? (paraphrasing the debate--but that is what it boils down to...) NO. Most PS parents are NOT selfish. They just don't want their PS children exposed to the kind of rhetoric gardengardengardenga spewed forth in that last post. AND--PS parents know how much parental support those sorts of school sponsored extra-curriculars take. Who wants to work with someone with THAT kind of attitude? NOT most people. I, on the other hand, have decided that it is not fair to visit the prejudices of the parents on their unfortunate offspring--and think they should let th HSrs play.

melanie
(proud Public School parent--one kid through and studying Physics in college--the other a sophomore. With excellent grades--which he DOESN'T get paid for.)

No, both of my children have always made honor roll. We do not make a huge celebration out of it but always express our pride verbally. Of course they understand that it is our expectation that they are on the honor roll and that we would be very concerned if they were not.

I tell my children the school is their job and it is. If they don't succeed in school, there will be less of a chance of them succeeding in the "real world." Since its their job if they do above average work (A's & B's) they get paid when report cards come in. If you didn't get paid for your job, wouldn't you be upset?

There are many reasons for homeschooling your children. This year will be my first. I am doing homeschooling for the health of my older daughter who has a terrible disease and requires medications that supress her immune system. Last year, she missed about 50% of the school year due to illness. Maybe, just because parents choose to homeschool you shouldn't judge them all as a group. We all have our reasons, many of us have very different reasons.

Melanie, I know you from our rose forum, so please don't take offense... I know you are a wondeful person with a big heart but please understand to block all Homeschooling parents into one group is extremely harsh. We all want whats best for our children. I personally would be thrilled to be able to have my daughters participate in sports with their old friends from the school. However, for the reasons stated above, this year I won't even consider that option. I need to keep my older daughter healthy and out of the hospital. Hopefully next year.... when they lower her meds we can expose her more...but the time home ill, hospital stays because of the flu, the cruelity from some, not all of her classmates, the disapointment when she had to miss an important school function or field trip...it was enough to make me cry. She asked for homeschooling this year. She is hoping that next year she can go back to regular middle school.

Rosy Regards,
Carlota

I went to school to be a teacher, completed school in 1996 from a small private college with 2 degrees, education and human ecology( totla of 7 yrs). I attended 13 different schools myself(airforce brat), and its just human nature to want to "save the world" when one gets out to teach (initally).
What happens in my opinon is that the school mandate so much political BS that kids start falling through the cracks, that is why I home school. Of course there are those of the exception, however...I am talking from my personal experience and from others who I have talked with.
My other 5 kids went throught the public school system, only one really enjoyed it and was able to "play the game"
The others just are not the type of learners for a public school. Many kids are bored out of their mind to sit in a chair all day and not have hands on experiences in the feild. We are programing our kids for the industrial world rather than giving them the education they deserve as a citizen of the USA and as children of the tax payers who fund these schools. The schools arent working for us IMO.
The schools should be working for the kids instead of the kids working for the teachers.

When the student fails...the teacher has failed!

Also kids dont naturally learn the way school are set up, everything is so compartmentalize and there is usally no way the kid gets to apply his new learnings before he has to close the book go out in the hall get distracted and then try another subject. I would think that kids in large classrooms especially get left behind.

Turning the learning off and on like a light bulb with no common thread to relate all the new learnings or hold onto it with.

Why do you think the USA is doing so poorly in education compared to other schools in the world.

Some kids are labeled and never get a chance, some teachers have their own baggage which may effect learnings,( everyone knows a teacher like this in their life time- especially if you are in the 30 and older group) some teachers take it personal when a child doesnt respond to them, when it could be the screwed up family life at home.

It just seems that teachers are required to do more of the parents job today than just teach and they are getting burned out...thus they dont put as much into it.

About the honor roll question: I made a decision when my children started attending school (after "graduating" from homeschool) that I would never look at the honor roll bulletin board in the main hall. Why? Because I judge people and families based on the performance of children. That being said, I think all my children are always on the honor roll. I can't keep track, and I have so many children that I'd be broke after one semester if I gave them rewards for what I expect is doing their job. I expect them to earn As and Bs.

About this teachers lounge remark: all I can say is when parents are really invovled with their children's education and value their child's school, teachers are supportive and caring. As a woman who homeschooled for many, many years, I was tempted to give into that mentality, that is that schools and teachers are second-rate. However, that's wrong. Most schools have excellent teachers and lucky schools have one or two that are "crown jewels." We are fortunate to be in a school with three precious nuns and an exceedingly capable faculty. I think Gardensgardens hit it on the head when she said that more and more teachers are expected to be parents and not just teachers. But blaming teachers isn't the answer. I wish that some in the homeschooling movement would get over the "better than thou" pride-thing. It's truly an unbecoming quality for a group that is steeped in religious values.

I am not steeped in religious values. I home school 2 boys and I amnot ready to put them in a public or private school and they dont really seem to want to go.

We attend private music classes, and take Karate. We raise farm animals together and travel to other countries or visit somewhere new every winter.

While we are not rich, we just save our money to support the kids education and to travel. We dont buy junk food and the only toys we buy are educational ones.

My boys are still read to everyday and library visits are weekly events.

We only watch public televison and work on the computer.

Brainpop.com, starfall.com, yahooligans, and bookpop.com are just a few places where my kids like to spend time on the computer.

While I would agree that some to most public schools have some really great teachers, good principal, healthy support from the state and town- I am glad that it is I that is the one to teach them and to be there to witness their firsts of life and their struggles. I like the 2 kids to one adult ratio rather than the 10-32 kids per teacher.

Also, I like getting my kids out and doing feild trips everyday, exploring and learning together.

I think it is sad that public school parents would want to exclude homeschoolers- but take their tax paying money for their own children. Parents should have control of their childrens lives and their education, whether they use the public school or not....the school belongs to the people of the town not to a group of parents that feel to isolate children because eduaction is not being played out as mainstream thinks it should be.
Where I live the public schools have no problem allowing homeschoolers to join in anywhere they want to. Although I have never used them, I have heard this fromother homeschoolers.

So we dont have an honor roll system with our homeschooling.

As a college student I was on the deans honor roll. I really didnt expect it nor did it matter until others told me that it did. All I know was that I was having a good time learning. I think thats all that should matter.

Childless. Child-free? ;)

I was a straight A student. I was NEVER accorded more than loving verbal acknowledgement for my accomplishment. Academic proficiency was the expected norm. REWARD? yeah... right!

I knew what was expected of me. I delivered the goods; year in, year out. ALWAYS received praise. But nothing else. Praise has its own rewards. And a value all its own.

Teacher and a parent.
No I do not reward my children with gifts for making the honor roll. I want them to experience the inner satisfaction of a job well done. We are such a material society and I hate that! I also don't want them to think that they will get compansated for every job they do. I want them learn the value of giving.
Talking about school work and grades is an ongoing conversation in our home and our kids know we expect them to take school seriously.
We give them big hugs and lots of praise for making the honor roll, but that's it.

We're obviously in the minority....we do pay. I never received any incentive in school....no allowance, no grade pay, etc., so it didn't occur to me to pay. My inlaws were the ones that started it.

I wasn't too sure at first, but have decided I'm okay with it. The way I see it is that people don't get paid to clean their house....so why do people pay for chores? I guarantee you my girls aren't going to find a husband that gives them a wage for keeping the house clean.

However...people DO get paid to go to work...and in our house we consider school to be our kids' job. In my mind, our kids being able to demonstrate that they've actually LEARNED what they are getting the good grades for, deserves compensation. I get paid to do my job, so should they. I don't get paid to pick up dirty socks, do the dishes, vaccum the floor, etc....neither do they.

If they want money above and beyond grades, they can babysit or do special projects that I don't have time for and I'll pay accordingly. Usually things that you would possibly pay for....yard work, painting, etc.

I've found that they don't want an allowance badly enough to do their chores on a regular basis...they take it as an option. If I tell them the chore is their contribution to the maintenance of our home, they tend to be better at getting things done. No idea why....just seems to work that way for us.

We do reward our kids when they are on the honor roll, with love, hugs and kisses, and praise. Pay for grades?! No Way! It is sending the wrong message to the kids, Money is the be all and end all. Don't accomplish a goal for your own pride in a job well done or for the satisfaction within your self...do it for the money. Sorry that is something our children will not learn from either my self or my husband. NancyLouise

I am in agreement with shaknzmom. We paid our daughters for their good grades. $5.00 for each A, $3.00 for each B, nothing for C's and they owed us, if they ever would bring home anything less. WE also said that we would pay them $100 if they brought home straight A's. They all always made the honor roll, but our youngest really liked the money. She received one B the first semester of her freshman year of high school. She decided that while $38 was good, it wouldn't be that much harder to make straight A's. So, she did -- every grading period for the remainder of her high school life. She graduated tied for 1st in her class, and received full tuition scholarships to three different college, plus another $2,000 a year scholarship. That doesn't include the partial scholarships that she received from other universities.

The $1538 or so that she received from us over the 4 years high school more than paid itself back for her college. She will graduate with no debt. We do pay for her room and board and books. She pays for spending money. The money she earned this summer not only went for spending money, but also to fund her IRA. This semester has cost us $1,800 for everything. Not bad at all.

She is a highly motivated student. The money was a little extra that she enjoyed getting. My other daughters never quite made the straight A's in high school, but they did make it a couple of times in college. All three received scholarships to several colleges.

Looking back, I wouldn't do it any differently.

I go to work and do my job everyday. If I do above and beyond the average employee I expect that to be acknowledged with a bonus or raise. IÂm sorry but I am not going to do more and try harder than all of my fellow employees just to have my employer tell me "Wow, good job!" if that were the case I would begin to slack off and not always put forth my best effort..

Getting Straight AÂs is a BIG accomplishment, and I believe it should be reward. Every time I am at my daughterÂs school I am told from current & past Teacher how happy they are to have her in there class or how much they miss her. Some of the lunch-aids in PTA will always tell me how well behaved she is. Although this behavior is expected from her she deserves some time of accolades.

Whether it is money, a shopping trip, going to dinner, seeing a movie of her choice, or making a special trip to the batting cages were she can swing until her arm falls off. We usually let her pick her special event. Even if it was her favorite dinner at home I want her to know how PROUD we are of her & her accomplishments. She takes a lot of pride in her school work and we want her to now all of her extra effort is Important & Appreciated. I see no reason not to give my daughter an incentive or motivation for going above and beyond what a lot of her fellow students are doing.

Her schooling is the foundation for her future, and I will do whatever I can within reason to help make her and her future successful!

Personally, as being a student myself and always usually making the honor roll, show them some credit and graditude. Seems like my parents are proud but dont ever have much to say about it. Always telling me to keep up the good work. I wouldnt say you need to buy them anything but just show them that you care and are proud that they've done so well, ecspecially if its a new recent thing. wouldnt want to turn them away from their great hard work.

I think your dinner idea is just fine

By what some of you here have written, I don't know if you care about your children. Maybe you don't feel the need to show your children that they have done something wonderful. Maybe you were not treated that way when you were growing up. If that is the case, you don't have to be like your parents or whoever raised you.

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with SHOWING your children you are proud of them! My son was right brain dominant and is slowly getting to where he can learn from phonics teaching (70% of the population are left brain dominant). If you have children who have always made the honor roll, you may not see this as a big deal. I am not saying you should give them money, but you should definitely do something to show them how proud you are of them.

Cook out on the grill and invite some of his or her friends over and let them have fun. Where we live there is a place called Chuck E Cheese's. We take our son there with his report card and they give 4 or 5 tokens for each "A". Then we let him play games with the tokens he has. Be creative!

Talley Sue wrote the following:

I think it might send the message that her pleasure in this achievement was somehow inadequate.

That is twisted

Blume wrote the following:

he is learning for himself, not for me, as I already have an education.

Congratulations, you have successfully disrespected your child

originally posted by: mjsee on 02.14.2004 at 01:24 pm in School Forum in regard to home schooled children playing sports in public schools

RE:
Where I live, if the children live inside the school district and the parents are current on school taxes, the children don't have to attend the public school. They are allowed to play sports within the public school. I don't see how anyone could legally keep home schooled children from playing sports and such if they pay taxes there.

Gee... I guess we're mean and wicked at our house... we EXPECT honor roll and there is lots of wailing and gnashing of teeth if they miss it.... An it certainly is NOT rewarded....

That is NOT to say we don't praise them... we certainly do, but they are expected to do well at their "job performance" of being a student...

when my autistic sons made honor role we allowed them to select a restuarant and treated them to a 'special dinner'
as well as verbal praise. when one did and one didn't make honor roll-- doer got to go to dinner while his brother stayed home. One son decided that he had senioritis for his last semester and didn't try very hard-- he stayed home thinking this was grossly unfair.

growing up my brothers and sisters were given verbal praise for our academic acheivements. Mine was always "you could do better than this" for anything less than straight A's.
straight A's got "see, how nice it is to perform where you should" It wasn't much praise then, little wonder i didn't bother to try to get on honor roll. Usually i only did well
to screw up the lives of brainiacs by wrecking the grading curve. I college i maintained a 3.7GPA because it was required by my scholarships.

when I saw my friend yesterday she told me that she got honor roll and i am going to celebrate with her next Saturday by taking her to watch the trolls movie and she is happy that she got all of her grades up. So please say that I am lucky to have her around to help me