Four wks to retirement - mixed feelings
11 years ago
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- 11 years ago
- 11 years ago
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How do I not feel like this?
Comments (22)This thread may be over but it has been so illuminating and thought provoking for me, as I'm usre it is for everyone who reads it. I have no great advice to give--I dated my dh for four years before we were married. But we were not living in the same city and had to decide affirmatively to sacrifice something --my job or his job--to end up in the same place at the same time. In the end, we decided to do that and we have been happilly married for eleven years. Its kind of the opposite situation from yours--you've essentially been "married" for ten years without having wht seem to you to be the true benefits of marriage which would be living in the same place and having children. After all, if you didn't want those things you wouldn't be suffering when you compare your life to that of your SIL and BIL. You seem to really want something tangible--more tangible even than real estate and joint accounts. On the one hand it sounds like you've had all the benefits of marriage for years--you've travelled and had a signficant other and owned property and vacationed together. But have you ever really lived together? Have you started to do those things which are truly "married"--not planning for retirement but planning to live together and have kids? Now that I'm engaged in a renovation with my husband I can testify that renovations don't make a life happen-life is already happening and the renovation only disturbs that. I live close to my parents, and I anticipate needing to care for them in the hopefully distant future but it seems odd to me that you have felt you *had* to live at home with your mother in order to care for her. And once you made that decision it seems wrong that that decision has prevented you from going ahead and marryign your SO. People live with their in laws--its not a bar to getting married. And grown women move out of their mothers houses to get married if it is. Essentialy you are saying that you don't feel you can be a married woman and live with your mother full time in her house--you could do it, but you don't want to. If so, you are going to need to fish or cut bait. Either move your SO in and start life as a married couple (whatever that means to you) or move out and start life as a married couple. There is never going to be a perfect situation in or out of your mother's house, its just going to be a compromise. Marriage/privacy/adulthood or marriage/lack of privacy/living space. You pay your money and you take your choice. hugs abfab...See MoreWhy I'm enjoying retirement at this moment!
Comments (35)I've found that "Volunteering" is a bit like having a "Hobby". Best to find these before you retire, after which you can devote more time to them -- if you wish. I think it's difficult to find *meaningful* work as a volunteer. One thing DH has enjoyed is called Grand Times. About sixty Seniors volunteer in township high schools. Teachers request help with all kinds of things, and the leader of Grand Times matches volunteers to meet the needs. DH is usually 'at school' for a few hours twice a week on some assignment. He's worked with the same kids in a remedial English class for two years. It's sometimes one-on-one; sometimes he's working with a 'team' of kids on an assignment. He feels useful, and the kids seem hungry for help. He also helps judge presentations for the marketing classes and helps with senior essays -- nice mix of lower and higher achieving students. More schools could avail themselves of the Senior talent lying fallow in their communities. "Volunteering" needn't be primarily serving the entertainment or time-structuring needs of retirees with 'make work' assignments to keep them busy. What have some of you found to do in retirement that uses your experience and talents?...See MoreBest Place To Retire???? How about Asheville NC?
Comments (66)I know this comment is very much after the fact but I would just like to offer Seattle and the greater Puget Sound area as a wonderful place to retire. I have lived here my entire life and while I have traveled extensively across the country, there is nowhere else I would consider living. First, the area is extremely scenic.......make that drop-dead gorgeous!! Anywhere you might choose to settle will provide views to mountains and natural areas and you are never more than a few miles away from water.........lots of water!! The Sound, many lakes and rivers and streams. Because of the geography (nothing here is really flat), view properties are plentiful. Any outdoor activity you are interested in - skiing and other winter sports, hiking, camping, hunting, boating, etc. - can be easily addressed without any extensive car travel. Second is the weather. Most who have never lived here have huge misconceptions about the weather. IMO, it is excellent. Never too hot, never too cold and contrary to common opinion, it does NOT rain here constantly!! In fact, total average annual rainfall in Seattle is much lower than many other places in the US. Summers are sunny and very dry........winters damp and cool and snow infrequent. Seldom a need for any A/C and no summer humidity. There are 4 distinct seasons and each offers its own attractions. And no strange weather issues that generate ferocious storms.......no hurricanes, no tornadoes and while we do exist on a major fault line, earthquakes are extremely rare. Seattle is a vibrant, active and very cosmopolitan city. Lots of cultural activities, a major sports center and a foodie paradise. Yes, it is expense to live in town but there are scores of smaller communities within easy access of the city that are far less expensive. I live across the Sound, just a quick ferry ride away from downtown Seattle but a world away in terms of a rural feel and reduced cost of living. Puget Sounders for the most part are extremely well educated, entrepreneurial, friendly, and polite and many have a very artistic bent with many smaller communities known for their support of the arts. In short, living in the Puget Sound/greater Seattle area will provide all the advantages of a big city (colleges, employment, superb medical care, museums, theatres, restaurants and shopping) combined with a very strong community feel of the smaller, more rural and very scenically located surrounding towns. What's not to like ??...See MoreMom is retiring
Comments (26)They're not together (they separated when I was 5, more than 40 years ago, but they both live in their hometown) that's ok. They're still friends. He thought of her mom as his until she died (only three or four years ago). But he may be a part of what's playing into this for me. She's highly social. She really loves seeing her friends at work and interacting, planning, doing things during the workday with them. He really isn't, but he's said that it was hard not to go to work any more, life was really different for him. He loves to putter and work on cars, the house, etc., and yet, he's already out of projects and he's rather bored, I think. I may be worried she's gonna be majorly bored. She doesn't see her work friends outside of work and her outside of work friends are hard to get together with. She's probably being very positive! And I'm letting her. She'll never know about this one weird facet I am experiencing. Nothing like being a tweener. I get to take care of my kid and my aging parent all at one time....See More- 11 years ago
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