elderly mother's home

13 years ago

My mother's now almost 82 and wondering about her home. My sister stays with her and wants Mom to put the house in her name. She says she was told if Mom passed away that the goverment would take a large chunk of it even if she has a will leaving it to be sold and divided among the 4 of us children. She was told this at nursing classes. She also wants Mom to take 40,000 out of the bank and put it her safe. Same reason. Is this true? And I'm concerned about what happens if my sister for some reason dies before our Mom. Mlou

Comments (5)

sushipup1
13 years ago
Mlou, check out the Caregivers Forum. I know we've discussed this over there..

Your sister's ideas are lousy, even if they are well-intentioned. Your mother needs to see an elder-law attorney and set up a trust, which will save thousands of dollars in probate fees. And your sister is leaving herself wide open to charges of elder abuse. You may trust your sister to do the right thing, but your concerns are valid.

Take care of these matters, but do so with the advice of a legal expert. It will be money well spent.

Here is a link that might be useful: Caregivers
duluthinbloomz4
13 years ago
I couldn't agree more!!! You need competent legal advice as stated above. Anecdotal ("here's what happened in my family") threads are definitely points for discussion on a forum but a pale substitute for elder law attorney guidance.

Something in your gut must be telling you that your sister's ideas aren't quite kosher. And if your mother is of sound mind, she'd probably welcome the clarification and tying up of any of the loose ends she's beginning to think about.
Related Discussions
saving neglected plants
Q
Comments (4)
I would say yes, though it may take two years. If they are small because of lack of care then the root system might still be large. Or they could be young plants that were self seeded from last fall.
...See More
taking care of elderly mother and handicap brother
Q
Comments (1)
Your first responsibility is to your husband. Don't forget that. Also, you MUST take care of yourself if you are to be able to help anyone. Sooner or later, your brother will have to go into a nursing home. You might not like to do this, but it probably will be unavoidable. Perhaps it is time to start working on that. He should be qualified for some sort of State aid for the disabled. Start looking around for a suitable place. Is it possible that you mother could come stay with you? It's only a matter of time until she also needs more help than she does now. It may be easier to move her now, rather than later. Please come and vent all you need to. We always listen. Sometimes we give poor advice, but we mean well. And sometimes, we give advice that may be very helpful. Take care of yourself and your husband. He needs you too.
...See More
How to negotiate a lease back?
Q
Comments (7)
Actually, we were in the exact same situation as the OP when we sold our elderly mother's home. We sold FSBO and passed on 1/2 the savings from not using an agent to the buyers. Mom needed a 20-day rent back and our buyers were cash buyers (imagine!). We didn't know how open the buyers would be to a post occupancy clause. We wanted to be as fair as possible so we pretended we knew nothing of their financial situation. Our lawyer drafted the clause: 1. We calculated a per diem based on what their PITI payment would be if they were purchasing with a 20% downpayment, 30 Yr FRM at prevailing interest rates. 2. We also offered a post-settlement walk through upon move-out and offered to escrow $5000 to cover any damages to the property that might occur while vacating or that were hidden by furniture etc. 3. We had purchased a Home Warranty for them to cover any unexpected appliance repairs and converted Mom's homeowners policy to a renters' policy covering both contents and personal liability. 4. We, also, offered a $1500 cleaning allowance. Moving Mom out of her home of 40 years into a 2 BR apartment was back-breaking work. Cleaning it to our standards seemed more than we could handle, hence, the cleaning allowance. Of course, we cleaned like dogs anyway..... They were pleased as punch...we later learned that we had overcome any objection right up front. When we moved out, they signed the escrow release without blinking and, boy, all parties involved sure loved that cleaning allowance.
...See More
Elderly mother headed to Banff, Canada
Q
Comments (5)
mariend, thank you for your quick response. I forwarded your info to my mother last night, but have not heard from her. I'm sure partly because my cousin is with her now, visiting for the weekend. I have already told my mother that if she feels like she simply has to go, to take all of the precautions, but if anything at all happens to her, that we will hold our cousin accountable! (I'm only partly joking.....) The ironic part of it all is that my brother-in-law (sister's husband) is Canadian. His father spends more time here in the South, especially during the winter, because of the frigid temps. I really don't get where my mother is coming from. This whole trip came up very suddenly - it's a group trip that my cousin has had planned for months. One of the women recently backed out, and that is when she asked my mom if she was interested. I pray that it falls through. When it does, maybe we could plan a trip in the summer, if she still insists on going.
...See More
emma
11 years ago
I think you have problems besides your sister trying to get the home and money.

If you take any money out of your mom's estate or sign over the home to your sister or anyone else your mom may be denied medicaid if she goes to a care home. You will have to pay for her care or take care of her yourself.

I don't know about your state's laws but if it is like Arkansas laws, if your mom dies, your sister will be allowed to stay in the house as long as she lives. I know of this happening. The daughter did not do repairs on the home and by the time the heirs got the home it wasn't worth much.
azzalea
11 years ago
You are definitely getting a lot of bad advice. Please check with your attorney, or an elder care one, AND your accountant (re: the taxes).

For one thing, you need the right information for your locale. In our state, unless the estate is quite large, there are NO inheritance taxes on an estate passed from a parent to a child. When my mom died, there wasn't any tax to be paid on what she left because it was under the limit. As to probating the estate--costs? Again, it's going to vary from place to place, relative to relative, and will depend upon the value of the estate. But again, it's not a significant amount. The executor is entitled to about 5% or so of the total estate--and trust me, having been the executrix for 2 relatives, that's a small price to pay for the amount of work they do. People are always trying to get out from under estate taxes and the cost of probating, but really unless your mom is a millionaire, those costs will be negligible, if anything at all.

You do want to be a little careful about everything being put in one child's name. I sincerely hope this would never be the case in your family BUT my husband's sister stole over a quarter of a million $$$ of MIL's estate before we realized what she was up to. We NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS would hav suspected her of doing something like that, but we have the evidence in black and white. She was never really made to pay back what she took, she not only hurt her own mother, but she stole from 3 brothers, as well, since the estate was pretty much depleted at that point. Sadly, money--be it large or small amounts--can sometimes do terrible things to people.

Please, get good, solid, professional advice before any changes are made in your mother finances. It's important that you all understand the laws in your jurisdiction. And do be very careful of anyone trying to sell you anything that is going to put money into their pockets (a trust, a reverse mortgage, etc)--be sure you understand all the ins and outs, and FEES. Good luck.
joyfulguy
10 years ago
Does your sister have sticky fingers, perchance?

Nicer to have the value of a house divided by one ... than divided by four ...

... if you're the one.

Plus ... a load of cash ... in the safe ... in the house???

Maybe a flood came by ... and washed it all away?

o j

elderly mother's home

Comments (5)

sushipup1

duluthinbloomz4

Related Discussions

emma

azzalea

joyfulguy

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US