Trusts are EVIL. I've had to deal with two of them in the last three years, and one of them will still have to be dealt with. I think IRA thingees kinda die at death if the bennies are under-age. But maybe again, maybe not,,,,,, not real up on IRA's since all of my Trustors were before that time period.

I have a bit of a different perspective...hopefully you are still reading this. I have several points to make. 1st: your Christian faith is an important factor OF COURSE. Anyone that does not understand this may never understand. However...know the Bible. See God's heart...and assess the scriptures by that and not just what you have heard some pastor say. TONS of Christians talk like you should never divorce Biblically, but that is not what the Bible says. God made marriage for mankind...not the other way around! Relationships are challenging for everyone, and if we are truly living in submission to God's ways, we are supposed to learn and grow in any relationship because of all the good and bad. God never intended anyone to be miserable, but he did intend for us to stretch and grow TOGETHER in a relationship. 2nd: Love is a VERB. It is an action...in any relationship it takes work to keep that "feelling". You and your husband both have work to do in that area. You have to choose to DO IT! That old warm fuzzy feelling isn't going to magically appear, it takes time and determination. If you work on it, even alone at first, chances are your husband will be inspired to start trying to treat you with love again too, and that gets the ball rolling. Certainly not easy if you aren't feelling it. God will give you strength if you start asking for it! Really! Also...Chances are, especially if your husband is a Christian, he is carrying around a lot of shame which is debilitating sometimes. Feeling love and forgiveness from you may be just what he needs to start wanting to change. Forgiving him doesn't mean you are going to "let" him continue to be stupid. It is recognizing that it is HIS battle, and let his wrong crap be his wrong crap! It helps you start to separating his stupid actions from yourself, you can stop taking it personally. You need to see that it is his life he is screwing up, and you don't have to let him take you and the kids down with him. Even if you stay with him, that will be an amazing difference for you that will help you to stop reacting to him the same way, and you will hurt less and less. Forgiving him, and learning to stop worrying about what he is doing wrong, does free you up! It will be the catalyst that starts you on a path of freedom. You will start to see the areas of codependency you have. Read about what codependency is for sure. It is very important for you to start seeing how you are enabling him. Learn better how to set some realistic boundaries that are not made in moments of anger, and make sure you know how to respond if he crosses them. Boundaries do no good if you don't enforce them somehow-that's the tricky part. My 3rd recommendation based on personal experience. I have found no Christian guidebook on this one! After reading the Bible more, praying daily for God's heart in the matter, researching codependency...etc. think about a split for awhile. Tell him you are not ok with being unhappy like this the rest of your life...BUT-do it after lots of prayer and submitting what happens to God, because you have to be ready for however he may react. FIRST- make sure you don't do it when you are angry. It works so much better! Get your heart in a loving, hopeful place first, and be so sweet to him for a while that he knows something is up. (Besides...you getting to that place first may do the trick with no split!). Be "sweet" for at least a few weeks first! It will take forgiving him first, and learning to quit taking his wrongness personally. VERY HARD. You will definately need to lean on God during this time, and you need some support. Go to a counselor on your own, or have a great support system of people who are supporting you with really good advice that is not bashing him or marriage-etc. Talk to him about the fact that you want to go into the split with the intention to heal your marriage-not end it. You may really have to put your foot down to make him believe you are serious-because you have probably been making idle threats for years. Like I said tho...do it sweetly with love and hope. Be genuine-not fake. Let him see your heart, admit your vulnerabilities and fears, but be strong and resolute at the same time. This helped me and my husband so much! Until I did this, I was not able to really understand the ways I was subconsciously codependent. I just couldn't see it! It helped me to let go of feelling like it was my responsibilty to "police" my husband. It forced me to recognize that he is going to do whatever he is going to do. It made him take me seriously, realize he loved me too much to risk losing me over stupid addictions, and finally get some help and do the work that was long over due. Our "spark" is back! It sounds like you still have some hope or you wouldn't be reaching out! Most people (esp. Christians) tend to look at a separation as the road to divorce...but you don't have to! That is just fear based. Make it about hope. Tell your children you are doing this because you want to make your marriage better, and relationships take work. If you and your husband can do it with determination to really work on yourselves during your time apart...your kids will be impressed with the new you(s). Let your husband come visit often. Spend as much time with him as you want-or don't! There are no rules saying how to do this...base it one day at a time and do it with prayer. It is easy to forget how to really talk to God...it makes all the difference. Talk and listen! You can inspire your kids for their future marriage too-that is important. It may be refreshing to them to see you and your husband choosing to work on it out of hope of a happy future together. Go into it with the understanding between the two of you that things MUST change in order to live out the rest of your lives together. God doesn't want anyone to be miserable! Expect great things and have hope. Choose to love. I'm praying for ya!

No I am not at all upset with you and I have not even said he was a beast, and yes I have admitted this is childish without question. Unfortunately we got along great for the most part of the first 17 years so I do believe I know how to treat someone when I am in a relationship as he had a breif affair when we were married almost 6 years and we survived it and came out stronger. I do not feel that he deserves respect when he is disrespecting me. In life what goes around comes around, I would never normally behave in this way but I am truly hurt by all this and I guess lashing out without it causing a big scene. My sister in law is furious with his actions and can't believe the fact that I haven't freaked. I am unaware of your marital status but have re-read your first post and don't know too many hubby's who would say ok honey let's go to the computer, when they are hiding stuff. For instance my hubby had a conversation during his lunch on facebook with his (fake..my acct.)ex-fiance while texting lovey dovey crap to my cell. I have no problem letting him go if that is what he wants but why play both sides of the coin. I do plan on telling him again cause he obvisiously doesn't get it that I am fine with this. I have held so much in through this time that I have made many wrong decisions. I truly believed when he bought me my SUV in March that he did want this marriage and I would have wholeheartedly gave it my all but it only took 2 weeks for me to see that he wanted to be single at least on his facebook. Please do not think for a minute that I do not love this man...as I truly do but I can not continue with this hurt and therefore I need to be gone. Am I going about it properly no but I do have the right to treat him as I have been treated...I know 2 wrongs don't make a right.

Oh it makes perfect sense and I hear where you coming from. Also Canadian but have US citizenship for the purpose of protecting myself in the event that husband goes first. I love the States, see myself being here forever, but I fought the citizenship route due to having to "renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state, or sovereignty of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen". Like it or not the citizenship route is the best way to go to avoid problems. Second best is the qualified domestic trust. The trust can be done post mortum actually. We looked into this trust, but if I remember correctly the big factor was that IÂd pay estate taxes on any disbursement of the principle unless I could prove hardship. No putting off the estate tax until I died if I cut into the principle. I just didnÂt want to let the IRS interpret "hardship". There were also a lot of loopholes and situations put forth by our CPA, which I cant remember that made the citizenship route the way to go. I took the easiest and best way out. Decided since we see ourselves here permanently, no longer vote in Canada or pay taxes there and live under the laws and constitution of the US and abide and support them I could take the oath with its nasty part and mean it. Not likely the US and Canada are going to war against each other and I will have to go back on my oath. And actually if I had to go back on the allegiance part of the oath, I would just move back home. You can always say your Canadian. You just donÂt say it to US Customs. Linked is an article on Trust and Estate Planning Considerations When Advising Canadians Living in the US Here is a link that might be useful: expat canadians in us estate and tax planning