Your loss was very recent, Jannie, just so of course you feel sad. Your dear mother has been with you your whole life. It will take some time to go through the grieving process. It will get better. Have you done anything to memorialize her like plant a garden, make a photo album, donate to her favorite charity, etc.? That can help you feel a continuing link with her.

My mother died in 2003, and I still have brief periods of sadness. I remember thinking during that first year that everything I did--every trip, every holiday--was doing it for the first time without my mother in my life. I still wish I could call and let her know what's going on in my life. I think most women always miss their mothers.

Deepest condolences on your loss.

My heart goes out to you. You haven't had enough time to grieve this terrible loss. I lost my mother in January 2009, and I still miss her so much.

Sending you a big hug!

Awwww Jannie, I'm so sorry for your loss.

It's still very much touch and go with my Mom. Even though she's alive, she's in a hospital bed, and I don't know how many times I want to call her and ask her things and want to do something with her.

I do call her a few times a day, and I do see her, but it's not the same, obviously. We are very close; she raised my brother and I without a husband (she left him when we were both babies). She was divorced long before it's the norm as it is now.

No matter how old we get, our Mom is always our mom and we turn to them for advice, laughter and company. I don't know what to say to you to ease your pain.

(((Jannie))))

(((((Jannie))))) You haven't had time enough to grieve your loss. As much as I want to help you feel better there are no magical words to make it all go away. My mother departed into the here-after in January 1996, and I still think about and miss her a little, every day but no longer in the gut wrenching painful sad lost way. I can tell you what I did to help myself and hope it will help you too. Try to remember the things you did together that made her happy. Remember what she told you to give you strength when you needed it. (((((Jannie))))) Do something special to memorialize her for the future. Maybe a donation in her name to her favorite charity, make a photo album/scrapbook about her life and all the great times and things you shared allow/ask friends and family to add to it so you can share their special memories or plant a tree in a local park with a memorial plaque on it and picnic often by the tree. In time the heart-ache will ease and you will be able to laugh and smile and bring up things about Mom without the deep sorrow.
(((((Jannie)))))

LIL

Thanks for your understanding and words of advice. Yes, I agree the loss is still new to me. When my Dad died in 1996, I was deeply depressed and sought out a psychiatrist. He told me it takes at least 6 months to get over the deep loss of a parent you no longer live with day-to-day. I'd been out of the house since I was 21 and in my first marriage. I know I'm still in the "adjustment" period. I try to speak on the phone with my siblings as often as possible. We compare experiences and share our feelings. This seems to help the most.

(((Jannie)))

Just another voice to say I understand. My mother died in 1997, and I still want to call her on the phone to talk all the time. My sister and I keep her alive in our conversations, so I think it's a great idea that you're phoning your siblings more often.

My mother passes away, at 85, back in 2007. I still miss her, but when I think of her, I smile at all the memories she left. She was ill, and ready to pass on. I was, and still am, glad that she is not infirm and reunited up in heaven with my father, her parents and all her friends.

When my sister and I see or hear of something, we often laugh at what mother would have said about it.

Hopefully, you also will soon think of your mother with smiles and laughter.

oh the hamburger brought a smile to me...had to go out to care for mother (she lived in vegas, we in mi) and that was one treat i made up for her to have after i was gone...used a scoop to make patties...froze them for her to enjoy...

mother eventually move back here and hated it, i'm sad to say...i think she gave up...she passed away in 2005...

i still remember her vegas phone #....

Oh Jannie, I am so sorry that you are so sad, and I share it with you. My mom died very suddenly and unexpectedly July 2009 and I still shed a tear nearly every day. I miss her so much, I was her only child and we were the last of her immediate family so we were very close. I still find myself reaching for the phone to call her, or seeing something in a store and think "Mom would love that". . . I don't think that ever really stops, and our heart always wishes for another hug.

I've been puzzling all day about my dream-why Mom was thin and wek and hungry. In December her emphysema/COPD got much worse. She had not eaten in several days, and I talked to her on the phone she said she was "unusually tired". The next day she collapsed and went by ambulance to the hospital. They treated her as much as they could but released her to Home Hospice Care. She died at home peacefully. I guess I'm feelng guilty because I didn't go visit her during this time. I have my own health issues- I'm on dialysis three times a week and it's not simple to travel 500 miles. But I guess my guilt surfaced in that dream. I appreciate all the kind words.

Don't feel bad that you didn't go. You have your own health issues, and your dear mother would not want you to put your own health at risk to travel to see her. You went to see her when you could. And I'm sure she looked forward to all your loving phone calls. You were in touch, and that's what counts.

Jannie, you mom knew how much you love her, and today I'm sure she is with you daily. She loves you, sweetie, and you are her baby.

Jannie, don't beat yourself up over something you can't control. You had legitimate reasons you couldn't go and rest assured your mother didn't hold it against you. Dreams are dreams. Nothing more and not worth getting worked up over. Lately I've had a lot of dreams about my parents. My mother has been dead for 34 years and I still think about her a lot I guess. Maybe some of it was talking to a cousin and both kind of bummed out over our mothers getting cheated out of life. Their whole family all died before reaching 60.

I find it helpful to think of the good times and the fun times. I hope you can find peace in the good memories and hope the dreams change to fun and happy ones soon. She's on your mind a lot of course so that's probably why your dreams include her. And hey, don't hesitate to talk to her when you're alone or doing something you both liked to do. Nothing wrong with that. Best wishes to you.

My mom passed in 1989. I was 28 with two little kids. She never knew them, They don't remember her. I am sad about that.

I still want to talk to her all the time.

Funny, in my dreams we are usually fighting. I didn't fight much with her during her life. I try to make sense of it. Maybe it my conscience saying I am still mad that she is gone.

I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. She had surgery. She was getting better. I was to go see her the next day. I couldn't go during week, because of little kids in the house. I was going to go the next morning(saturday) to see her. She passed at midnight Friday night.

I really, really really miss her to this day. I am now 51 and some days I still want my Mommy.

Since I am not you, I can not know what you feel. I can only at best offer my sympathy.

I am a practical person and that colors the sdvice that I give. I lost my mother 10 years ago, but for me and my sister, it was not as traumatic as it could have been. My mother was 95 yr old and she had expressed that she was ready to go. Her life's work was done and it was time to move on. She had a circulatory problem and had blacked out and fallen a couple of times at home. She refused to let me take her to the doctor to explain her malady. (I lived 350 miles away and was visiting her.)

She confided in me telling me that she had prayed for the Lord to take her away some night in her sleep. With that knowledge, her passing was easier for my sister and me. But the feeling of a loss of a loved one was there anyway. Years ago, we helped my mother through the loss of her husband. We, too, felt the loss.

My experience says it is natural to have a grieving period that may last a year or more. What you feel is likely "Normal" for you and your circumstances. Those dreams is your mind working its way through a maze of thoughts. Do not be alarmed or distressed about those, but observe and learn. Please do not take on a load of guilt. The content of dreams can be quite ramdom, but someday, you may have a dream that resolves all issues and when you do, you will awake with relief. And then again with time, the issues that trouble you may merely fade to insignificant specks.

This is a vulnerable time for you, so delay making decisions on your mother's estate for items that can wait. The best thing you can do for yourself is to give you psyche time to heal.

My Dad died of liver cancer in June 1998, diagnosed just 2 months earlier. I visted him exactly a week before he died. He told me "I'm ready to go. I want to go." That made me feel at peace with his passing. I should take my own advice. I will never forget her or them. I am religious and believe they are together, with friends and family, and with Jesus. Dreams are just dreams, symbolic sometimes but not a way of communicating from the grave.