your " pricing beforehand" made me laugh out loud!!!!!

It sounds like the kids can't throw the junk out either.

I think if you don't use things, you sort of forget that they are there or they don't really bother you. One of my grandmothers very carefully gave away almost everything to her children over the last few years of her life. Even so, we still needed to have a yard sale just to get rid of the things that she used day-to-day.

I don't really care what happens to my belongings after I die. I'd like to think that someone would enjoy some of them as much as I have, but everything may get tipped into a dumpster. Who knows?

My father is letting us just take stuff now. The good light fixtures are being replaced with something "updated", appropriate, and cheap. Some furniture is making it's way out of the house, too. I think he likes seeing it already being used somewhere else.

I couldn't agree more w/giving stuff away while you're alive! I've given my kids as well as a couple of good friends things they've 'admired' and why not now? Yep, it's good to see someone enjoying things you've enjoyed yourself. I guess the kids/grandkids were never offered or maybe didn't want anything. It would have been better to tell them to get rid of things they now have to dispose of themselves, something I hope to avoid. I'll have a 'living' estate sale since I have more stuff(dishes alone!!) than any of my kids would ever want. ;o)

We are 60 and if we died tomorrow our kids would be facing a basement (mainly) stuffed to the gills! I don't think of us as hoarders, but it's so easy to "just stick it in the basement for now." For the last four years we have said every summer we are going to clean it out but somehow never get to it...maybe this summer? I do know this....I'll never have a house with a basement again!

Joanie, thank God I haven't had a basement for years, it's been a lifesaver! i'm 70 and made a move from CA to TX almost 5 years ago, getting rid of things I didn't want to keep(and no one wanted!), and no longer used. I have a friend who has boxes of things that were her parents, as well as aunts/uncles because she can't say, and their kids don't want them either. Her garage, as well as a bedroom, cabinets/closets are stuffed with things she doesn't even use, some of the boxes literally falling apart she's had them so long. She can't be talked out of anything because she 'feels guilty'. She's actually given things away and asked for them back, one of the things being a glass doorknob she had no use for, but felt guilty giving it away. My other friend gave it back she felt so bad. There is no one these things will go to when she passes, and everything will end up in the trash. She could be giving it away for others to enjoy but she just can't get past the guilt. Oy vey!

We lived for a quarter century in an old California bungalow with very little storage, a shallow attic reached through a hole, a one-car garage we never put a car in, and I was surprised, and very pleased at how little unwanted stuff we actually had when it came time to move.

Learning that lesson, I deliberately didn't plan a whole lot of storage in this house, but on a hill and with tornadoes we did put in a basement. Sigh...

Maybe the kids just want to try and sell stuff before they throw out the junk. The old "one man's trash". While I joke about being a "hoarder" I throw or give away quite a bit of stuff.
I'm more like a packrat but if someone needs it (I love freecycle)
out it goes.

Timely thread, as I've spent the better part of the last 8 days getting a good start on my parents second home that went on the market. Mom goes some, but DD1 and I have done a lot without her. I had to say "hoarder, hoarder" a few times a few days ago. Today it was, "if you take it home, where is it going?" or "You haven't used it the last 7 years, what makes you think you need to take it with you now?" And so on.

The photographer is coming Monday, so DD1 and I went around my house to gather orchids and pillows, along with a few accessories to take over to brighten the place up a bit.

Their main house is going to be a PITA to clean out when the time comes. Do. Not. Look. Forward. To. It.

I'd like to think of us over 60 people as more packrats than hoarders. It was part of the mentality we grew up with. But the bulk of us don't hoard our garbage, have working toilets, and don't have pathways through the crap. Let me cite an example.
For years, I've worn nightgowns to sleep. Don't ask me why but last year I bought a set of pajamas and now pj's are what I wear.
So I guess I should "assume" I'll never be wearing nightgowns anymore so I should give them all away? I'm really fussy about nightwear so I'll save them for a few years. Will they go eventually, probably but for now......

When my 90 year old MIL sold her house of 45 years to move into an apartment, she had a huge rummage sale to get rid of things. She commented to me on one of the items for sale, saying that her deceased husband had given it to her and he would be upset if he knew she was selling it and she added "but I don't need it". She donated everything that didn't sell to a charity resale shop.
She is 93, living on her own and still going strong but when she does pass on one of these years, there will be no problem with too much stuff to dispose of.
I guess, I should thank her one of these days for downsizing like she did.

This is very timely.

We went through the moving process with my in-law's last year. They had been in their home almost 40 years. I helped them get rid of a lot, but there was still a lot that the "had" to keep ,and now 1 year later these many boxes still sit in their basement.

Now, DH and I are moving! We have been in our current home 16 years, and the 2 DDs are now being launched. So we did have a dumpster come and threw away a lot of "just put it in the basement" stuff. But I know we are moving maybe 15% too much stuff. I am determined that if we haven't used it in a year, it is going out.

I want my new home to be easy care and low maintenance. This means not having things around just In Case.

I want to feel like I am living in a vacation home. The nice ones that have all the things you need, but are easy to keep picked up because they aren't crammed full of stuff.

Some things are worth keeping and shouldn't just be thrown out OR given away. I can't seem to give away my Mother's wedding gown, DD1's first baby shoes, a borrowed christening gown which was never returned, by first pair of toe shoes, a grandparent's birth certificate, to name a few.

What I see at these estate sales are chipped dishes/glassware, half spools of thread, bits of fabric/lace, pans w/o handles, faded or worn linens, clothes/shoes from 20 years ago or longer, same with furniture and 'decorator' items....... you get the picture. It's not just a few of these items, but uuboxes/closets/cupboards full of stuff. Surprisingly my parents didn't have 'stuff' ' all over the house, but that may have been because my younger sister talked Mom into having a garage sale every summer, which turned out to be fortunate for us.

As for myself, I'm constantly giving Goodwill those bits of fabric, and old dishes, so at least the kids won't need to sort thru a lot of worthless junk. What they will need to deal with is crystal/china(i still use!)art, jewelry, antiques, as well as the more common everyday things like dishes, pots/pans, and all things that give my home it's personality, the accessories, rugs, furniture, etc.

My plan really *is* to have a living estate sale, but since I plan to live to 103, don't know exactly when I should plan it. ;o)

My in laws live in a large Victorian that has been in the family for three generations. The house is neat and orderly but there is a frightening amount of attics and storage areas and closets and nooks plus a huge two story garage. Even though my MIL is basically bedridden she is completely attached to her "stuff". There is no way that anyone is going through her things until she is gone. I dread it.

The companies that handle these types of sales tell you not to get rid of things in advance of a sale. The fact is, there are people who buy half-used bottles of shampoo and other stuff most people would consider as junk. From a local estate sale company that I have bookmarked for future use:

There are many reasons why the family home may need to be sold and the possessions liquidated such as the death of a loved one, a "life changing" event with the need for a smaller residence or the need for professional health care.

The first rule: Do not throw out or donate ANYthing, everything sells!

There are several approaches, but it is a proven fact that an in-home estate sale is the best option for selling . . . Our skilled employees research and price every piece to be sold in the home. We sell everything from the furniture down to the household supplies.

This post was edited by graywings on Sun, Jun 2, 13 at 8:14

I subscribe to the Fly Lady rule. Declutter. Fill a bag once a week with 25 things and donate. This house is larger than my first. And I have better things to do than look for stuff among the clutter or put something away only to have it take up space. And lets be real; I won't remember where I put it. Less is more. It really is. And I don't want my kids to have to clean up my stuff should they have the task of handling my estate. I still have too much stuff (who can pass up the 70% clearance sales?) but I'm getting better. Spending more time restoring (and creating) a backyard gardens. Energy is better spent, nature appreciates it, and hopefully so will the next owners of this property.

It really depends. We went to an estate auction where the house was a time capsule of pristine mid-century furniture that never left the house after it was built in the late 50's. Also, the couple were world travelers, so there were nice pieces of art in addition to quality china, etc.

My mother, thank goodness, was wonderful at purging stuff. Even though she had a basement, she kept it very clean. Even the meter reader remarked she had the cleanest basement he'd ever seen. My oldest brother is a volunteer firefighter, and he has seen several house fires where clutter was kept too close to the furnace or hot water heater.

I did a thorough cleaning of my old stuff a good 10 years ago and took what I wanted. We gave a lot of Mom's clothes to Goodwill. She had a lot of Alfred Dunner separates and good-quality shoes. One of my nieces always loved the DR set, so she got that.

Ah, clutter. I think one factor these days is the Antiques Roadshow mentality. Everyone thinks there is some really valuable treasure somewhere among all the trash. That may but probably is not the case, but so it is.

As for everything selling, I don't agree. Example: the 40 year old pressure cooker that DOES NOT WORK anymore, that my MIL is keeping in her garage...that was thrown away by a family friend and that she is hanging on to because in her opinion in must have sentimental meaning to FF (who keep in mind threw it out). No, I just don't see that selling.

I watch my husband and try hard not to jump on him, but he definitely has hoarding tendencies. The latest is those large plastic jars of Costco nuts. He has 3 empties saved up and carefully stored in our recycling bin which he refuses to empty, because he thinks they *might* make good leftover containers. I try to stay away from plastic for food storage, we have plenty of glass storage containers and even if we do need one Costco nut jar we certainly won't need 3.

It's hard living with someone else's neuroses isn't it...

Half used spools of thread? Are they wooden spools? I grab them up for cheap at sales because a lovely Sr. woman at a Sr. center uses the wood spools to make wonderful things.
So maybe it's not so dumb after all, what do you keep for your hobbies????

Someone else has neuroses--I am frugal, resourceful, and creative. ;)

My sister goes 'junking' almost every Saturday, and brings me something at least once a month. I've decided that if I don't like it, it goes back with her. And if I kind of like it, I think about for a month. Then, if I don't love it, she gets it back. I came up with this plan after she told me that I had hoarding tendencies.

Those plastic containers make great disposable 'bug jars' for the kids/grandkids. My favorites are the grated cheese shakers with the pop-tops. :)

Oh, near and dear to my heart!

I buy little bits of old fabric, lace, and half used spools of (old) thread. I collect and restore dolls, and those old textiles make the best costumes. You can't just go to Joann and buy that stuff anymore, so an estate sale where there was a seamstress makes my heart flutter.

On the other hand, DH and I both come from packrats, and we both have packrat tendencies, so I need to keep a very close eye on what, and how much of it, gets saved and stored. The rules for this house are that NOTHING goes in the attic. Nothing. Everything else has to go in it's assigned, reasonable area (closet, drawer, garage, etc.) and there is to be no overflow -you can't store the crockpot in the bathroom cabinet.

We do have an exceptionally large garage, though...and I do have my very own craft room, so those are the two main areas of the house that need careful monitoring and a good purge every now and then. We've been in this house almost 4 years now, and so far, so good. Oh, does anyone need lamps? I have a ridiculous amount of lamps...

Some things are worth keeping and shouldn't just be thrown out OR given away. I can't seem to give away my Mother's wedding gown, DD1's first baby shoes, a borrowed christening gown which was never returned, by first pair of toe shoes, a grandparent's birth certificate, to name a few.

Oh, I totally agree! Mom has passed numerous family things on to me.. and DD2 is the 1 of my 3 that shows any interest in wanting them later. We've packed up all the family items and things bought when traveling the globe.

Their lakehouse is not a cabin, and is not quite 7yo. Everything was purchased for the house - furniture, rugs, bed and bath linens, lamps, kitchen needs, etc. Artwork was added, and they actually don't have much art at all but you don't notice. And the furniture is nice - Ralph Lauren, Century, Henredon, etc.

I stand corrected - not hoarder but packrat.

DD1 said this experience has really opened her eyes to having too much stuff. We crammed my SUV with decorative pillows, orchids and a few accessories this morning. Have staged the house and it looks great.

I found just the opposite yesterday when I went to purchase a small plant stand from a gentlemen who was selling his deceased mother's belongings. Her house was immaculate and her furnishings were to die for. I suspect she was the kind of lady who woke every morning, dressed, fixed her hair and put on make-up even if she was going to spend the day in her house. The antiques looked brand new. Unfortunately, I see way too much dirty junk on Craig's that is for sale and can't even conceive walking into someone's house who is that filthy let alone bringing home something that they owned.

I'm a pitcher and more than once I wish I had kept something that I donated.

I think of the junk-filled home syndrome more often than I'd like when tag sailing around my neck of the woods. I love a good clean tag sale, but the ones with nasty, sometimes smelly stuff? Sometimes it is amazing to think someone had all that stuff that's erupting all over the yard in their house. Or garage...Yikes! Tables and tables of dirty cracked plates, chipped things, stuff with grime...piles of miscellany, parts, broken stuff. Worn out trash...It's really sad. I can never bring myself to touch anything, let alone buy any of it. Then I usually go home motivated to get rid of stuff!

DON'T DO IT!!!! Don't assume your kids want your stuff when you die, and don't make them feel like they should. After all, they have their own taste. Also, dealing with a death is hard, and no one should have to clean up your hoarding mess afterward. OK I'm fine now, WHEW! My siblings and mom, and myself were left with my uncle's "hoarding mess" almost 3 years ago. He had some very valuable things mixed with not so valuable. We were left with the stressful task of going through it. I'm talking 2 houses, and 3 storage units. We're stilling dealing with this today. Now my mom has passed away, and she left a lot (but not nearly so much). We could just estate sale it all away, but it's a small town, so it won't get nearly the potential value. I've told my kids they have my permission to keep or get rid of whatever, with no guilt. What a nightmare!!

My in laws have started getting rid of things. So far, it's a trickle of stuff that they are passing on to my husband and his sister. A scrapbook of congrats on your new baby boy cards, from his birth 57 years ago. The blue baby bootie shaped floral planters she received when he was born. His boy scout uniform. A scrapbook of his years in the high school band. His bronzed baby shoes, which are actually funny because he was a huge baby and the shoes are gigantic. We keep that on his desk with pens, etc.

So far, their downsizing has become more junk at my house. I shudder to think what will arrive at my house if they ever get serious about the project.

My FIL has collections of baseball style caps, lapel pins, Hess Gas station trucks, beer mugs & steins(he's not and never was a drinker), collectible liquor bottles. That's the stuff I can see, I have no idea what else is in that house but I am afraid I'll be finding out. They're not hoarders but I can already see they do hang onto things. My FIL thinks all of his collections will be valuable.

The plus side is when my husband comes home with more stuff, after a visit with them, it inspires me to get rid of more of my unnecessary things. The thrift store truck will be in my neighborhood tomorrow so it's time to add stuff to the give-away pile.

After my FIL passed away several years ago, it took us (DH, my SIL, and I) more than a year to go through everything in his house. I have to say at least half of it was junk (or not worth keeping).

My FIL also accumulated several rooms full of books and magazines during his life. After he passed away, for some reason, many of these books grew legs and moved into our basement, along with some other things.

DH told me that he and his sister cannot bear to get rid of their father's books, and since his sister (my SIL) had a very small rental place, things had to go into our basement.

Now I am stuck with many many boxes of books, and items I would never use in my house. I started re-organizing the basement a few weeks ago, and am trying to motivate DH to get rid of something. The less stuff I keep, the more freedom I feel I have.

I agree with Lake Girl, don't do this to your children. I have just spent 7 months, going through all the treasures my parents left when they died. It has been a nightmare. I am sure they would be shocked at all of their precious belongings that ended up in the trash. The job was overwhelming.

We all tried many times to get them to sort through their belongings, but they kept saying we could deal with it when they were gone.

Please don't do this to your family. Give away things that people can use while you are alive. Throw away or donate what no one wants.

A dear friend of mine had an estate sale after her parents passed away. Things did not sell for the prices anticipated. She ended up writing a check to the Estate Sale company to meet their minimum guarantee. Then she had to deal with disposing of all the remaining furniture.

She actually had to pay them and then still deal with a house full of furniture. Please don't do that to your children.

I so agree with lake girl and jamie. Leaving your family with a mess you have created is very thoughtless and unfair. It causes such stress, time, and heartache for many. There are many families in great need and too many people storing things they will never use, but would be appreciated by people having a hard time. My in laws basement was filled, and yet they could not part with anything. Going through it all I could not help but think of all the people they knew needed help and yet it was more important to hang onto all of that STUFF.

IloveCookie, books are a MAJOR issue for many people.
The problem as I've read is that it is a mindset ingrained from the time when books were a valuable commodity. Many people are still alive from the early and mid 1900's when buying a book was a treasure. I've gotten into that trap myself. The thrift stores don't want them, there are just too many. I've weeded mine down by ripping the covers off and recycling the pages (many recycling places won't take the books intact). It forces me to look at the books and choose. Do I still have too many?
Absolutely, but less than before...good luck.

Christmas decorations. We could not give away MIL's Christmas decor. There is just too much out there at thrift stores and everyone has tons of it. So I took apart a bunch, saved what could be repurposed for crafting, and tossed the rest.

In my area estate sales are generally held by companies that bring in sfuff from other estates to round out everything. They just buy the household and sell it all along with the stuff they bring in. I mean, who REALLY has a huge collection of crystal bowls & vases in pristine condition as well as stained tupperware and mothball smelling clothing?

Get creative with purging. I make scrapbooks and memory shadow boxes so I can get rid of a lot of those 'can't get rid of' things. Take a photo of the wedding dress-or even better-the bride IN the dress-and then cut up the fabric to use a scrap in a shadow box.

Repurpose items and donate to schools, nursing homes, day cares, etc. They can use craft items that you might not think of-buttons, containers, thread! Blankets & sheets to dog shelters. We gave loads of bottles of lotion, shampoo, toiletries to MIL's low income neighbors and they were thrilled to get them. Really, what would we get for them if we tried to sell them at an estate sale? I'd rather give it away than waste the time.

"Leaving your family with a mess you have created is very thoughtless and unfair."

I'm in this club, too, and based on what my family and I had to deal with after my parents died, I'm not doing this to my kids, either. Plus I just don't want to live like that, surrounded by stuff I no longer want or use.

For us it was complicated by the fact that my parents lived on the opposite coast. They were more packrats than hoarders, with a nice apartment and some very nice things, most of which they never used any more. But 40 years worth of stuff in closets and drawers and cupboards adds up. It was a long and complicated affair to make arrangements to travel to clean out their place. Further complicated by the fact that it was a rental, so the landlord was breathing down our necks and not at all understanding of the time and distance constraints. And it was over the holidays and we had been away sorting out their stuff (ie hauling it away by the truckload) from their vacation home. Far far away. My husband and I are incredibly lucky we're self-employed, because we could make our own schedules (up to a point); any employer would have fired us that year. But we lost out on work/$$ and had to impose on my elderly inlaws to look after our own things while we were away so long.

We took as much of the good stuff as we could in a trailer. But most of it wasn't to our taste or there wasn't room for it. Thank goodness for a Goodwill just a block away, and three willing kids (ours) to help haul stuff over there. Really, with a "garbage room" on each floor of the building, and the Goodwill on the way to the subway station not to mention a maid who would have been happy for the shoes and purses etc., my parents could have been disposing of a bag of stuff a week on the way to work for years and not been in this situation. A friend told me that before her father died in his 90s, he started giving things away. So that by the time he died, he was down to a bed, table, chair, one plate, one bowl, one fork, etc., some favorite books, the television, and so on. He transferred the deed to land he owned to his daughter. All very Thoreauvian, and very selfless. She said it took her less than a week to deal with his house and estate. Sigh...

All a huge reminder for me of what NOT to do, including not waiting until the very last minute, and a good lesson for my kids, too. And though I've always been a steady declutterer (though I like my pretty things, too), I became even steadier after returning from that first trip. For what it's worth, I've never bothered with garage sales. Anything in decent shape goes to Goodwill, which is faster, easier, and benefits others...

Guess I'm in the minority, or at least my family is ...

Our family came to the US shortly after the Mayflower, and there are lots of old antiques in most of our houses. My parents moved out of the big family house many years ago, and we all were given many of the antiques ... I was fortunate to get the bedroom that I grew up in with the antique 4 poster bed and desk, chests, etc.

My parents moved their favorite pieces into their new smaller (1950's Capecod) home. Yes, there will be some things to get rid of when my Mom is gone, but most of the rest of the items will find places in our homes. There are some gorgeous pieces!

My folks got rid of a lot when they retired to a smaller place in another city. Then, when we would visit, mom would say "do you want this, do you want that?" She had given me and the grandaughters some of her better jewelry, etc. On some things they were still using and family heirlooms--she would put a tape on the bottom and write down who got it. When it looked like mom was not going to survive a stroke, I flew out. She died the next day..it was not a surprise...she had been ill for many years. It was hard, but I knew I only had a limited time out there, so the day after, I started going through everything. We gave most of her clothes to her caretaker, I and my cousin took some jewerly pieces (nothing of value) and reserved some for my brother's wives/daughters. Going through the garage was th biggest chore, but by the time my 2 of my brothers flew in, I had pitched the junk that was not donatable. Had a pile of stuff i knew my brothers wouldnt want but still usable. Family heirlooms and anything of sentimental or monitary value were all placed on card tables. We all went through everything and decided who got what. Everything left over went to Salvation Army--a charity my mother had been involved in for years. My brothers were so grateful I had taken care of everything. The one brother living in the same town worked full time and it would have taken him several weekends or months to go through everything. All he had to to do after we left was hire a cleaning crew and get the house on the market. Now, I could only be so organized and on the ball with my own house!