I think there are pros and cons of both. Do you know what your parents' wishes are? What if they leave it to him w/ a trustee?

I think given the situation, home ownership is a bad idea.

You could take the equity and invest it in some other way to give him continued income or safety net.

Some sort of group home idea might be good too, bcs he could be taken advantage of by his landlord as well. Is there an agency in his city you & your parents could consult w/ to see what sorts of options are available to him?

My parents really haven't specified their wishes- Mom is also intellectually slow and Dad is just emotionally removed from the situation. They will be of no use if I ask them for suggestions, sad to say. Brother is not so bad off that he needs a group home situation and he would not qualify for social services. He can live independently but needs to have as little financial responsibility as possible. He's made some big financial mistakes, i.e. related to his gullibility sank some money into one of those get-rich schemes, and is now paying that off for the next few years. I will definitely have to be in closer contact with him as the years progress to guide him through some of this and just teach him some sense. Thankfully, he does recognize his mistake, but again, he's just so gullible. The good thing is that he has a stable county job with benefits. Bad thing is he's socially isolated, has ZERO friends, and very poor social skills, so that will be bad if he lives alone. But I can't see him with roommates because nobody would want to live with him and/or they'd take advantage of him.

Hi Cindy - My son sounds a lot like your brother, and your concerns for him are just what mine are for my son -- though mine may qualify for services though since he has an autism diagnosis (even if it's wrong). Are you 100% sure your brother couldn't qualify for any services? Does he have an 'official diagnosis' of any kind? Did he get special ed as a child? (If so, the school would have classified him, and that classification may be helpful.))

My plan for my son is to buy a small house or possibly a duplex and place it into a special needs trust, which would then own it and rent it back to him and a rate he could afford. (If he owned the house, he could be tricked into selling it, plus would be disqualified from many gov't programs.) If it's a duplex, the other tennant would be responsible for maintenance and minor help as needed in exchange for a preferred rent. Since I don't expect my son will be able to drive, proximity to basic shopping and public transportation are key.

In your case, since many people with special needs have trouble adapting to change, it's probably a good idea to start researching and making arrangements now, and possibly, even to move your whole family into a home your brother will be able to keep later on.

There are attorneys who specialize in estate planning where there are people with special needs to consider, and you should really consult one of these attorneys in CA to see what programs are available there. You can probably get a few names pretty quickly by calling schools geared toward special needs students.

Good luck - And thank you for being there for your brother.

Could you start easing your brother into a group home now, rather than waiting? It will only get harder for him to adjust. There must be some support services in the Bay area that could suggest appropriate places. It may take time to find the right fit, and there will be waiting lists.

I'm remembering an isolated man in his 50's whose mother and caretaker died. He was her heir. Things became complicated when he had to sign papers. He steadfastly refused because, "Mom told me never to sign anything until I talked to her first." The delay cost him the home he'd lived in all his life.

he has an autism diagnosis (even if it's wrong). Are you 100% sure your brother couldn't qualify for any services? Does he have an 'official diagnosis' of any kind?

I wondered the same thing from what she was describing. Since it's a fairly new diagnosis, he may not have been diagnosed. I also wonder if the parent(s) may also fall into the spectrum, even if it's 4 out of 13 IIRC. For the mother, if she has mercury fillings, from what I've read anyway, she may have some sort of mercury poisoning.

Drcindy,

My SIL is facing a similar situation. Her brother is in his 40's and lives with their father (now in his late 70's)in another state. Tim is autistic enough to be a bit isolated socially, a poor judge of character, and financially naieve. He is highly functional at work and is considered a brilliant mechanic. He makes a nice living. He's able to take care of the basics...dressing, cooking, shopping, driving, paying bills and the like.

We put together a family plan for him for that moment when his father dies or is too ill to live independently. Tim was involved in every stage of our discussion and planning.

We will sell the house and buy him a condo with the proceeds. We prefer renting to buying because,no matter what, he'll always have a home and, hopefully, an asset that can work for him as he ages. We're not too worried about the homeowner maintenance problems because those exterior things like roofs, elevators, landscaping etc are taken care of the the HOA. He will have to replace appliances as they fail but we feel he can handle those purchases with a little long-distance help from us. We didn't want him to be frustrated by the slow service that rental maintenance often provides.

We have targeted buildings in Florida (where he lives) and Virginia (where we live) that have 24/7 front desk staff and inhouse maintenance. Yes, they have more expensive condo fees but we feel that having a socially active HOA, a staff he can get to know, and a staff engineer for in-condo repairs will provide a sense of community for him. It also provides us points of contact that we can get to know.

Finally, my SIL will have a durable financial power of attorney to conduct complex financial matters on his behalf. That ensures part of his paycheck will go to his retirement, part to savings, taxes paid, insurance kept current etc. She'll be able to help him work through the financial details of his life. We have set up a small trust for the money he inherited from his mother and any future large sums that come his way. My SIL is his trustee.

She's been preparing for this a long time and as her family, Tim's our family so we're grateful they let us help.

Good Luck

He may be able to live on his own but some sort of group living arrangement may provide him with some social outlets. Tough decisions. I agree though. Hope ownership can be tough for anyone. Sounds like he has enough on his plate. A condo, maybe a condo near a place that outreach services and social activities?

Talk to an attorney about what protections could be set up for your brother.

Also, I second the people who say seek out local agencies. I work in a non-profit that serves adults with mental disabilities. We're best known for our residential services and supported employment, but we also serve people who sound very much like your brother.

Some of our folks live independently, hold down jobs, etc, but they have caregivers who touch base regularly and help on an as-needed basis. This could be anything from regular assistance with household tasks (cleaning, shopping) to job coaching to making long-term plans.

Good luck. I know this is an issue that troubles the family members of many of our people.

I am 99.9% sure my brother doesn't qualify for social services. He is what I would label as Borderline Intellectual Functioning, which is just one category above mild retardation. He is able to drive, makes a decent salary, and does not need the type of supervision required for group home residents. He's not autistic, but just has horrible social skills and has never had friends since we were young kids. He was in special ed all throughout elementary school, but then mainstreamed from junior high on and graduated from high school (although I know he was simply passed along). That being said, it certainly won't hurt for me to look into any agencies in his area.

novahomesick, I like your ideas of what your SIL has planned. I'm just not sure that condo ownership in my brother's case would be best because I don't know if he can handle basic maintenance stuff, i.e. just keeping up on things so they don't break down so quickly. Plus, my parents have never involved him any any financial stuff regarding home ownership so that would be new (and possibly too much) for him.

drcindy - how about a condo and then hiring a property management company that will take care of repairs that he may need. I know they do rentals and stuff and I wonder if you could have them do a condo that you own still. It might be worth looking at.

This way he wouldn't have to worry about re-newing leases and credit checks and all those things that go with it, or if he doesn't renew or fail to pay rent he will be out on the street.

I'm sort of liking the condo ownership if you can find a condo complex that has on-staff handymen to do stuff inside the apartment (change light bulbs, fix leaky faucets, etc.). And maybe if you can get them to do a monthly check for him, even if for an extra fee.

And if he lived w/ a leaky faucet for years, would it matter?

The most you can do to automate things for him (rent paying, etc.), the better.

Maybe even if he ended up in one of those "assisted living/independent living" places for the elderly?

my grandma lived in one; essentially, she had a 1-bedroom apartment w/ pretty involved supervision. If she had gotten more infirm, she'd have had a nurse visiting daily, but until she did, essentially she just lived in an apartment building w/ older folks, and inside courtyard, and organized activities. And a landlord that assumed he'd need to be proactive in terms of maintenance.