Your post reminds me of the thoughts I had when Princess Diana died and the huge mounds of flowers, stuffed animals, candles and other mementos that people brought in her honor. I had hoped at some point that a member of her family would publicly thank everyone for their outpouring of sympathy and then simply ask them to honor Diana by donating to one of her many charities. I send flowers if a family member or close friend dies but for just about anyone else I make a donation.

My son was in line to rent a movie and a soldier was in line ahead of him. When the soldier went to pay for his movie my son stepped up and told the clerk that he would pay for his rental - and then he turned to the soldier and just said "thanks for your service - let me do something for you." I was so proud when he mentioned it to me.

I agree with most of what you said Marie... with the exception of the plastic flowers in graveyards. Here's why:
DonÂt place brightly colored arti-
ficial flowers in your garden because hum-
mingbirds will waste precious energy futilely
trying to feed at them. Cemeteries are a haz-
ard for the birds because of the artificial
arrangements. A hummingbird can use up a
dayÂs stored energy searching a cemetery in
vain. Sometimes a creature will perish before
it finds a genuine source of nourishment.
ÂMark Klym, Texas Parks and Wildlife
Department, and Kaye Northcott
I think cemeteries should allow only real flowers for this reason. I imagine the bees have a hard time with the fake flowers also.

Lydia, A overly sensitive INFJ. :-)

Sorry, never thought of the bees, humming birds etc. Maybe a mixture would be a better solution. Or encourage planters around where permanent plants could be used.

My grandmother always said, give me flowers when I'm alive, not when I'm dead.

I tend to agree with that. To me, flowers, stuffed animals, etc, for the dead are such a waste. Such a shame that they cannot be enjoyed by the living. But it's not really for me to say what gives comfort to others. If they need to put flowers, etc, on graves... if it makes them feel better... if it helps them cope with loss, then there's good reason for them to do it.

As to cemeteries--some don't allow anything BUT artificial flowers, so there's no choice about putting real flowers on graves.

Most of the cemetaries around here do not allow plants on the graves, such as digging them into the ground but you can put them on the grave markers, special posts or the like. Often they do a cleanup about a week after special holidays and take everything off since it obstructs the maintenance crews for mowing and trimming.

I'm all for nature, but if a bird can't tell a real flower from a plastic one... well they're dumber than a lot of humans. Should we worry about protecting the stupid ones?

Speaking of Hummers, how many of you still dye your sugar water for the Hums? I think I'll be more concerned about poisoning them.

Now back to the original topic. I like the ones that put flags on the vets' graves but then pick them up again so they can be reused and not become litter. I'm in favor of flowers going on the grave when they're buried, in reasonable amounts, but there too I think people go way overboard with memorials. There's so many ways to pay homage. Give a toast. Make a donation to a worthy cause. Visit a friend of the departed and make them feel better. And so on. People often try to get rid of guilt by spending money on flowers, toys and the like. Maybe those toys given to Toys For Tots, or something to Make A Wish or something like that would be better. It's all in what makes the person feel better but sometimes being only concerned about making yourself feel better is nothing short of selfish too.

I place real flowers on the graves of my grandparents and my brother. Seems like it is they cycle of life for the flowers to be allowed to die.

I'd rather the money spent on flowers go to a charity or someone that needs it. A small display is nice but I've seen some go way over board and fresh floweres aren't cheap!

I don't "do" the flowers on the grave thing, because as someone has already mentioned, I believe in giving flowers while the person is alive! I hardly ever give real flowers to anyone, but I believe "flowers" can mean many things. Like your time, doing something for someone they're unable to do, etc.! I DID have a(house)plant sent to my MIL last Wed. because it would have been my DH's birthday...and I knew the day would be hard for her. I thanked her for giving birth to and raising the wonderful man I married. For me, the flowers on the grave thing makes me bristle, because the 10mos. my husband was sick, his brother very seldom called and only visited TWICE (and that was because my MIL was with them and wanted to come by here). NOW..he and his wife make sure there are "flowers on his grave"! And, I know me well enough that at some point...I'll ask if it makes them feel better to do that! It doesn't bother me that my MIL puts flowers on his grave..she's 84yrs. old and she's always put flowers on loved ones graves...but by golly she asked BEFORE she did it. I love her to pieces and it makes her feel better!*S*

As a little girl my Dad would take me to the cemetery on Memorial Day with a pickle jar of lilac blooms for my mother. Dad died in 1995 just about 50 years after being liberated from prison camp (Bataan). I planted red and white impatiens every year until we moved in 2002. The first Memorial Day I literally made myself sick that I wasn't there to plant flowers in rememberance. I finally called my cousin and asked her to please visit their graves and plant some flowers. I know she has continued on my behalf. There are nine generations of our family buried in this cemetery.
This year I've made plans with one of my customers to go to visit the VA hospital in Palm Beach and visit with some of the patients. It's something we have talked about doing for several years and I'm very excited to be going. It's the least I can do.
I know my Daddy would be proud.
Thank a veteran it's because of them we enjoy freedom.
Marion