Son had a large wedding and reception but because it was in the afternoon, no dancing. But if we did have a song it would be Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me." His small high school graduating class sang that to the parents then they gave the mom's a rose. Talk about crying! DIL knows what a close knit family we are and she loves how close I am to my son's. Now that she's a mother of a son she really understands the special bond between son and mother which is not like the old saying goes, "A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daugther is a daughter for the rest of her life." Heck, I still get onto my children! I'll always remember Barbara Bush speaking about Jr., "Just because he's the President doesn't mean he can put his feet on my coffee table!" lol

I voted the past two days. Just got done again. I can't figure out the comments, so just vote on the sidebar.

I don't know your situation or your friend's so I'm not sure I can offer anything that would be directly applicable. I will offer one situation I, myself, did have with a close relative that may show some similarities. Talking about people their 60's, here. I am a full-time care-giver for my aged mother. When our relative came to visit, it took me an hour to clean up the damned bathroom after he'd left us. I have too much to do already to have this thrust upon me as well. He's a fine fellow -- always has been -- but this had to stop. I told him I'd love him 'til the end of time but I didn't think I had to clean up after him like this. It really was something he needed to pay more attention to because I already had too much to do. Perhaps similar to your good friend, my relative and I are very close although our lives are lived differently. In this case, perhaps as with your friend, this was an issue of his that had become mine due his obliviousness. He just wasn't paying attention, and my bringing it up to him caused him to pay attention. Didn't dwell on it, just laid it out and dealt with it. We haven't spoken of it again. Everything's fine, now. The close relationship didn't change. "Friends" should be able to handle stuff like this. Most stuff we just let go but if a "biggie" comes up -- and that's what you've described -- I don't think it should be let pass.

My husband was a lot like yours in the beginning. I have a very strong personality and I made it very clear one summer that he had until August to show me improvement or we would be living apart every summer. Married but apart. I love my husband. He is an amazing father but the things his child did he saw as "normal" kid things. Most were not , but sometimes they were. As a new stepmom with no children of my own until 2 years later, and with his kids now several years ahead of my own, I didn't always understand child development. I would think, "My kid will never do that." Then four years later, my (now) eight year old daughter rolls her eyes at me when I am talking. When my SD would do it, I would be livid. How absolutely unacceptable!! I would react in the extreme. And when my husband wouldn't back me up, I would be even angrier. It was them against me. I always felt on the outside in these situations. Now, when MY DD roles her eyes, I very firmly say, "Go get your iPad. You may not roll your eyes at me. It is rude and I will not tolerate it." And the situation is over. I don't fume about it, I take her iPad, and I MOVE ON. One thing I read about step kids that really helped me is that we do NOT forgive them like we forgive our own children. We do NOT move on like we do with our own kids. Everything they do wrong seems personal. You HAVE TO, HAVE TO take any thoughts of it being personal out of your response, and to the extent possible, out of your feelings. 95% of the time they are just acting like kids, doing crappy things. It is when we take it personally that we stop being the adult and start behaving like a teenager. For the things that are NOT normal behavior, present them to your husband when you are not angry and propose a solution. For example, ss won't shower -- ever. He jumps in but doesn't use soap. This is not normal and it is not ok. I would like to propose that ss does not earn time on his electronics until he has showered with soap every morning. I don't know your situation well. Your stepson sounds like a handful. But if I were you, this is what I would do: I would tell my husband, "If you countermand me again in front of your son, you are on your own with him. What this means is: (1) I will not do his laundry, (2) I will not drive him to any activities, (3) I will not shop for food specifically for him, (4) I will not attend any of his activities, including swim lessons, soccer, baseball, et, (5) I will not parent in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM your son. (a) I will continue to talk to him when spoken to by him. (b) I will allow him to eat any meal I have prepared for everyone. (c) I will attend family events where all of us are invited. That's it. You will have full responsibility for your son and his welfare. I am your wife, your partner and a parental figure in this house. If you support me in my efforts to parent your child I promise to: (1) be more patient with him and consider every consequence PRIOR to giving it, (2) pick my battles; (3) discuss any major consequences with you prior to issuing them to your son." Then I would do a breathing / anger management excerise I was taught whenever you deal with your stepon: I would count to ten slowly in my head and then state, "Your behavior is unacceptable. If you continue doing [xyz], these will be your consequences." Then the consequence will have to match the crime. So, if he is whining, he will have to sit QUIETLY in his room. If he refused to pick up his toys / room, he can lose all his toys / privileges until it is picked up. If he is ignoring you on his phone or iPad, he can lose his phone or ipad until he has recognized what he did wrong, completed what you asked him, and apologized. Take the anger out of your responses to him. Anyways, I hope this helps.