Thanks...now I see which one it was. It was so noisy when he called and I didn't watch the video. I hadn't heard about it on the news but then again I haven't really watched the news for a few days....too many bad stories!

Here are the trim options i have used - and what I like and don't like about them: Standard trim - round ring with spring loaded hanger: I found these trims to be the easiest to install. The down side is that if you use a smaller flood lamp - you can see right up into the back of the housing. You also have to adjust the sliding bracket inside the housing to get the bottom of the bulb in the right place - not a big deal but it does take some time to get them just right. When I use these - I make sure that the bulb is large enough and set so that it blocks the view into the back of the housing. Eyeball trim: installs like the standard trim above but has a clam shell like piece that allows you to swivel to direct the light. Works great when you don't want the light to shine directly down - maybe illuminate part of a wall. Baffle trim: these trim kits look like a cone. They are harder to install because you have to take off the sliding bracket inside the recessed housing (that has the bulb socket at the top) and snap the bulb socket into the top of the trim, then attach the trim with the spring loaded hangers. These reflect more light and cover up the back of the recessed housing. These tend to be more expensive than the standard ring trims - and I think they look the nicest of al lthe available trims. They are made for a certain flood lamp size and you don't have to mess with the slding bracket to get the bulb in the right place since the cone of the baffle determines the max length. You can also use smaller bulbs if you desire since the baffle blocks the view into the back of the housing. I have all of these trim types in my house using them for different applications. You can always start with the cheapest and upgrade later. Make sure you read the label inside the housing on maximum wattage. It will tell you the maximum bulb allowed when combined with the different trim types.

Praising someone , and acknowledging their accomplishment, isnt quite the same as offering a monetary reward in advance, for every "a" they bring home. I think its very important to encourage people of all ages by commenting on the good things that they do. I Think that way too often we focus on the bad things and ignore the good things. Psychologists recommend a five to one ration...five positive notices for one negative. Most parents fail to do that. THe reason I do not give monetary things for a good report card is simple. I cant set the standard in advance without humiliating the child who doesnt get grades at the same level. Its not about the A, or B, or D. Its about whether or not the kid tried, whether or not they put their own effort into it, and whether they stuck to it. REwarding for an A means nothing. When I was a student, I dont think I ever got less than an A in anything, except perhaps art. I was an exceptional student. My brother was lucky to scrape by with a C. My grandparents rewarded by purchasing things for me when I would get my report, and then admonishing my brother, see, Kathline got a new tape player because she did great on her report card. My brother resented the hell out of that, because firstly, I didnt have to work for those "a" grades; they came naturally, and b) he had to sweat just to get a c grade. My accomplishments were bragging material, his were an embarassment. IT was unfair,and damaging to my brother in the long run. Heck, it was even damaging to me, since I got rewarded for something that cost me very little work. Which is why I dont reward for report cards in my home, although no one could ever accuse me of not being positive with my kids. THe negatives in our household are extremely rare.

"...Our "detoxing" that we do after intrusive encounters with BM are a way we reconnect...." I may be wrong on this, but it sounds like the two of you connect over your 'recovery' from BM. That is keeping her in your intimate life as much as discussing the religion to begin with. IMO, you need to exorcise this issue from your lives entirely. Figure out something to say... and then say it. Every time. With no deviation. If she continues, simply tell her that you're very sorry, but you have your opinion and you will have to respectfully disagree. Then change the subject or leave the room. Do not play into this game, and do not have a pow-wow about it later with DH. You are stirring the hornets nest. "...But the thing that makes me the angriest is that after years of calming the waters on this matter, I'm going to have to deal with a tempest in a teapot again. If she brings it up with me, I am going to say "Oh, we became Satanists last week," ha! Or maybe "Oh, I am about to become a nun and DH is entering the priesthood...." I can understand you feeling like this. I tell those who come to my door that we are Jewish. They leave us alone. But that is just provoking her more. Absolutely positively do not provoke her. I don't know if I'm spot on or if I'm completely off base, but it sounds like you're getting some "we're so alike, BM's not, we're better suited, the issue of religion was a catalyst in DH/BM's divorce but we don't have that problem, so what's her problem-itis". While that may be good in the beginning of a relationship, discussing what went wrong and why the marriage dissolved, I don't think it's healthy to continue that into the future. Find another way to bond with DH. REMOVE her from the picture entirely, except as her relationship to her children. That should be nurtured. But then, I think all relationships for children should be nurtured: Grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins/etc. Children should have as much family showing solidarity as possible. AND, I can understand you being pissed about DH not calling. If my DH were out of town, and got into a heated argument with anyone... and decided... yes, that's what your DH did, was he DECIDED not to call you, I would be really hurt and upset. But that is because my DH and I talk on the phone constantly, several times a day, when we are commuting home, etc. When we are traveling separately, I will call him, even if it's just to say... 'I'm really busy, I can't talk. I love you.' And he will do the same. Texting works too, when we don't have time to talk.