All I could think of when I read your post is the phrase "There are none so blind as those who will not see."

I'd have had an argument with that person too! And from this point on, would be counting her as a FORMER friend. I have no room in my life for people like that.

I wasn't certain what "FF" meant in your post. Former Friend? Ok,,, now I realize... Family Friend.

Well she would be FORMER to me. People who think & voice such an appalling, toxic thing as what this woman did have no place in my life.

I think you did the absolute right thing to speak up & lambast her. Now,,,, cross her off & don't give her another second of your precious time.

Oh! I had to reread it 3 times to understand. I thought she felt bad that there was one less person to watch her house, not one less person to bother her by watching her house. I'm sorry to say, it's probably for the best to distance yourself. Maybe she will apologize, for her insensitivity, doesn't sound promising though.
Having dd live at home at 38 is odd enough but I KNOW my foot would come down at a boyfriend , con or not. Guess you already knew this ff had big issues, try not to let it eat at you. It seems after all these years, this is how she is. You can only choose how to respond, not how she lives. Frustrating for sure.

Sad to say, but she showed her true colors. Her comment was appalling. I'd have done the same as you.

I agree with the others, you're better off without her as a friend.

Usually ......I pick friends because I have something in common with them. When they become toxic I turn away....it can spread. It may mean you have fewer friends, but also the quality of your own life improves. I don't carry other peoples baggage for them. Friends don't dump on each other. You did the right thing.

Sadly, you will never change these type people. The thing is what do they think they are doing to this child. Mom is as bad as the daughter.. You are right in your thinking and don't feel bad for doing so. Sure hope the woman doesn't need the help of a good cop some day. Sadly, there are many of these type people in our society today. Responsibilty is not a word that so many don't understand these days.. If she was burdening you with all of this you had a right to speak up. Don't fell bad. The others in your family probably feel the same way. Sometimes enough is enough...

I have a similiar situation in my family, too. I have a sister that married into a family of drunks. She had 3 kids and it has ruined all of their lives. So sad. I broke off ties with her many years ago and I can say it was the best thing I ever did. She is one that has always been one that knew how to work the system. The rest of our family has never lived this way. We have always worked hard for what we have all our lives.

To tell you just how crazy she is when my dad died she thought she had pulled a fast one on the rest of us. The morning we put my dad in the ground she had made an appointment with the attorney at one that afternoon to go over the will. Now we are not talking about millions.. Plus my mom was still living. My brother got wind of it and called her and told her to cancel it and not make another one until he said so. She did but was madder then mad. All of this is a very long story but she didn't win in the end.. She no longer has a family and her own kids have very little to do with her. I truly do believe what goes around comes around. Sad because I know she was not raised this way..

Dottie, try to keep busy today and know you did nothing wrong..

Susie

My DS will graduate next week with a degree in Criminal Justice. We live in the community this happened. DS wants to be a Peace Office so bad, and has taken this personally. I agree that the "friend" has issues. Remember just because you WERE friends doesn't mean you HAVE to be friends.

Vickey-MN

I would take this event as a sign that this person is history in my life.

With friends like that, you don't need enemies.

Vicky Mn, give that DS of yours a big hug and a huge thumbs up. In my opinion being a Peace Officer is such a noble career. Two of my nephews chose it. One is still on the force in MPLS and a member of the SWAT team, his brother was Chief of Police of a northern city, but has retired. Yes, there are some bad apples, as there are in every occupation, but I truly believe most are honest, hard working, caring people. My heart does out to the families of the fallen officers, They too paid the ultimate price.

Thanks to my KT friends who understood my anger , and yes I'm sure the friendship has ended. I've kept my mouth shut for so long when the friend called and cried on my shoulder about the two leeches, trying to keep peace, but her remark about the fallen officer was THE STRAW. Dottie

Friends like that are "Fiends" not friends.

Dolly

Bravo to you, Dotmom. I'm so glad you told her what you felt and thought and MAYBE, just maybe, she'll see the truth in it and wake the heck up.

You stood up for what is right and good. Don't ever feel badly for doing that, please.

Some friendships are just not worth keeping, IMO.

Just sending hugs for a very hard decision you had to make. You are protecting your family also, because they might be looking to steal/rob you also just to get money.
Give yourself a hug and you will feel better.

Here's a hug for YOU! (((dotmom))) you definitely deserve it. You absolutely did the right thing. That woman has problems herself, let alone the daughter and her "friend".
Dee in Michigan

Isn't it scary to think that you really know somebody through and through and then something like that surfaces!? Whew!

Distance yourself, girlfriend. I'm sorry for your disappointment.

That story shook me up. Apparently a very well liked family man with 27 years on the force. I don't think I could have said nothing either, Dottie. Your ex-friend is obviously an enabler and deserves what she gets when those two do something illegal to or against her. And guess what? There will be one less police officer to protect her! God rest Officer Bergeron's soul.

She's darn lucky you didn't smack her!

That just makes my blood boil. She is the type of person who would be the 1st one looking for a police officer when she is in trouble. She definitely would be a former friend to me and especially since my son is police officer.

Sheryl

Yeah...I would have had the same argument. We have a girl at work who seems to think all the officers have to do is wait for her to come down the highway, so they can give her a ticket. Please! I would make the FF stand for former friend too.

don't hae anything to add, but it will be interesting to see who she turns to the next time something goes wrong with her family...one she'll call as if nothing happen or it might dawn on her she DOESN'T have a friend anymore who supported her for years...

(((((Dottie)))))

You did the right thing. I'm sorry you've lost a person you had considered a "friend," but at least you know her true colors.

consider it all where it is coming from and kiss her a$$ good bye

Are you saying that this FF of yours allowed her dead beat daughter to move her thug boyfriend into HER home? Seriously, what is wrong with the FF? There is something more going on there than meets the eye. Could your FF be more involved with these people and their criminal activities than you think? I find it really hard to believe that any law abiding person would allow these people, indulged child or not,to live in her home. Something is very fishy with her. I'd certainly say goodbye to that whole trash bag. The sooner the better.

boy this is even closer to home today...about 3am this morning a detroit cop was killed on duty, and 4 other officers were wounded...another misfit who was gven bail and then dissapeared...he left behind a wife and 10 yo son...

Bravo Dotmom! Good for you.

To me this friend would quickly become friend. Although I should condition that by saying that real friends *can* disagree on things, even heatedly, (sometimes it's healthy for the relationship) but I think the test of the friendship will be her response now. She will make the decision whether she'll be wanting a continued friendship or not. Stand your ground! You had a valid position and have no reason to apologize - it's HER mindset that needs to change.

Although appropriate here, I despise the politically correct term "enabler". "Abuser" is more appropriate isn't it? This woman is a child abuser, plain and simple. I can't come down on the "kid" because the parent was incompetent and should not have been allowed to raise her this way. I'm so tired of all the spoiled kids you see these days but it's the parents' fault usually. This kid is taking advantage of what's being given to her. She has no incentive, no drive, no goals to try to achieve. It's how she was trained. I look at it this way, if you give a monkey a gun and the monkey shoots someone, you can't blame the monkey (or the gun). Your friend brought on her own problems and now wants sympathy and wants to blame the world for her woes. I can't deal with people like that. I'm glad you took a stand (for which I agree with you 100% btw!)

I can feel sorry for these situations. Nobody likes to lose relationships, especially long-term ones. Perhaps she was saying the comment about one less cop as a frustration but regardless, your response Dottie was totally appropriate and kudos for giving it to her! Maybe she will think a bit, who knows. But it doesn't matter. If she comes around great, but I wouldn't hold my breath. Pat on the back and a hug to ya my friend!

It's sad when this happens. A good friend of mine kept on with his radical oddball political diatribes and I laid down the law that I was sick of hearing it and stop with the emails and garbage. Quite a few response emails were sent and he didn't like it when I expressed a different view and cleared up the misinformation being sent. We seldom communicate anymore. But it happens and I couldn't live with myself to keep taking it and not say something.

One of my favorite songs, Caledonia, has lyrics with a lot of meaning to me and the following lyrics are especially pointed in situations like this:

I have moved
and I've kept on moving
Proved the points that I needed proving
Lost the friends that I needed losing
Found others on the way...

Sometimes we have to sort though things. That apple was good yesterday, but rotten today. Sometimes there comes a point you just gotta toss it out to save the rest in the bag and yourself!

again, thanks for the responces to my post. First, I am distancing myself from this friend. Maybe I too an enabler, when I didn't speak up about the situation at her home with her daughte & the ex-con, but it really didn't affect me, and all I would do is mumble something like, "oh thats too bad, I'm sorry to hear that." when she would call and cry about daughters latest shenanagans. But when she made that awful remark about the fallen officer, I had to speak up. This FF (family friend) has a good side and would, and have, done anything for us when needed. They don't live close, aver 150 miles from us, so we don't see them often. I do want to mention, I DON'T feel bad about what i said to her, and stand by what I said.
Friend Cynic....Your song lyrics are sooooo appropriate, for some one with not nearly as many years behind you as I have, You certainly are a wise old sage. Dottie

"That apple was good yesterday, but rotten today. Sometimes there comes a point you just gotta toss it out to save the rest in the bag and yourself!"
Cynic, I will remember that...
I had a FF once that, when we were talking about my family (I have over 30 nieces and nephews) she commented that there ought to be a law against having so many children.. "be careful" , I cautioned. "you're talking about my family". She continued on to say if she were walking down an alley and there was a starving child and a starving dog, she would feed the dog.
That was the last time I ever spoke to her.
BTW, I LOVE animals.
She also was a very nice person, but my life has not suffered over the last 15 years without her in it...
Dotmom, I suspect you'll find yourself stronger for having spoke up. What she said was wrong, no argument to be had.

Good for you Dottie. You did the right thing.

Listing to an FF vent is not IMO enabling, just letting them vent to someone they trust. Like my DD daughter tells me on occasion "Mom, I just need to vent and I'm not looking for an opinion, because I know whats right and wrong" (Hmm, in print that sounds much harsher than it really is) I agree with everyone here, and cynic is right. The ball is in her court and unless she sincerely apologizes and shows remorse for her actions and words I too would say SEE YA!

aw shucks.... (kicking dirt with my toe).... You guys is so nice!!! :)

Dottie you're not an enabler. You do like to make people feel good and you do. But what I so like about you is that you do know right from wrong and though you try not to offend people, you WILL speak up when something is wrong in your opinion. I like that.

I'll just say this, Dottie, you have so many good friends, filtering one out shouldn't cause you any grief.

I really hate seeing long friendships break up. It's painful. We don't like change. I don't. Few people do. But it happens. We don't like death, we don't like a change in the recipe at the local restaurant, we don't like a new stop sign.... But it happens.

I do hope that she realizes what she said and wakes up to reality. OK, odds are agains it, but there's still a chance and I'm one who doesn't write things off prematurely.

You have me as a friend my dear. We disagree on some things but I respect you and hopefully the feeling is mutual. And BTW, there ain't THAT many years betwixt us! So don't get too cocky!!! :)

I wouldn't care what she thought. Just having to hear about that would bring me down...just reading it, did. I would cut her out of my life so quick it would make your head swim. You don't need anyone that messed up in your life.