A new twist on wedding gifts

11 years ago

The gift thread and the one on weddings got me thinking and some thoughts came to me about all the expectations with the average cost to the attendees and suggestions that people essentially "pay" for their (airline caliber) "meal" and such.

OK, now how about another view? When I buy a muffler with a lifetime guarantee I get a replacement or refund if it fails, right?. If the TV, car battery or tire fails in "x" number of years, miles or whatever represented, I get a refund or replacement. The same should apply to weddings. When couples get divorced, perhaps they should be expected to refund some or all of the payment, like wedding gift and dress/tux costs. Maybe deduct the value of the "happy meal" if need be or it could possibly be pro-rated a bit as with some things. A 5 year guarantee battery might give a full refund up to 2 years, and pro-rated after that. After all, the couple represented (and I paid for) "till death" so if there's no death, I didn't get what I paid for so I want at least some of my money back. Or in the alternative put them in the coliseum and fight to the death. That could be like the alternative of a refund "or replacement" on a product warranty. A divorce in 5 (or ten, or whatever) years or less should require 100% refunds to everyone. (I wonder if "ax Gary" has a lawyer to file a class action suit for this...) Maybe that could cut the divorce rate a bit. Then everyone can still go through the line, shake their hands and wish them "good luck!" with even more meaning! Or here's another option - wait with the wedding gift to see if it'll last. Give them 20% after 5 years, and pro-rate the rest.

This would be generous and honest at the same time. Take gift giving "out of its dark little cave and into the light". In the future, all gift giving could be done this way. Not totally unlike some my thoughts on tipping as demonstrated by Dick Solomon.

To quote Dr. Frankenstein (that's FRONK en Steen): IT... COULD... WORK!

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (8)

OklaMoni
11 years ago
Gosh, gee, Cynic... I can not think of a single wedding gift that I ended up with during the divorce. In fact, I don't think my ex has one either.

So, what to do? Divorce after 38 years, but all wedding gifts didn't last that long.

Moni
sleeperblues
11 years ago
Seriously?
Related Discussions
$ question about wedding gift
Q
Comments (16)
I'm with the ones who say ignore the (alleged) cost of the dinner. Often others chip in on that stuff anyway. "Tradition" used to be that the bride's parents pay for the wedding so tradition doesn't really apply anymore. I believe that what you should give is what you feel comfortable giving and want to give. You should not feel compelled to give because they chose to spend more than the people who go to a JP or choose to have friends, family and themselves make the food. The gift is totally separate from the affair in the cost respect. Could always go with the idea that 2 people didn't go, and were going to give $25 so they should submit a bill to the couple for $125.00! Seems to me they're a little foolish to not make it clear they want cash gifts. Especially if the story released was true. I think it's a great decision to put the cash that way but why not just put it on the invitations and be done with it? I'm also very against the trinket givers. Some hunk of junk that the giver thinks is cute and "personal" that'll wind up in a closet taking up space that should just be tossed... wouldn't it be better to just send half the amount of cash? Or all of it? Seems to me someone previously married likely has all the trinkets and gadgets they need. Cash is still the classiest gift, the most useful and the one that is most always used and seldom is returned. And no receipt needed to return it and no standing in the return lines are added benefits.
...See More
Another wedding gift etiquette question
Q
Comments (44)
I think close family members do get asked about gifts so I can understand why you'd be involved :) Weddings are tough - speaking as a gift-giver, I really do think the best gift for a young couple is cash. They will likely (based on my experience) own a lot of their household goods and may be struggling to pay for the wedding (in my circle parents do not pay for weddings). A lot of young couples also don't want a lot of stuff. I now give only cash or perhaps cash and a thoughtful small token such as a craft piece or restaurant gift certificate I think the couple will like. And I understand that gifts are Not to be Mentioned by the couple but let's be real...almost everybody brings a gift. And I'd rather it be a gift the couple wants and can use. None of us want to waste our money on something that will not be used. We set up a registry with the food bank for our wedding and it was a big hit, but we were also getting some help from our parents with the wedding (we paid for most of it ourselves however). I understand the best approach etiquette-wise is still to set up a registry of any sort (household, honeymoon) and close family members will only mention it when asked, or mention cash when asked. I believe most somewhat youngish people that I know around here (40 and under) bring cash to weddings. This may be because a lot of our friends are from cash giving cultures (I have received two wedding invitations that stated No Box Gifts!)
...See More
Yet another Wedding gift query
Q
Comments (6)
When I was a young adult and invited to a family wedding, I often contributed to a group gift from my family. When I was invited to the wedding of a peer, I often could not go because it involved travel, but when I did go I did bring a gift that was affordable but not insubstantial given my finances at the time which were fairly dismal. Same for showers. I probably gave modest but thoughtful gifts then, where now I am pretty much cash only except for the closest of friends/relatives. I think when I was young it was hard to remember that not being able to attend the wedding or some of the associated festivities wasn't grave insult but is just life. I'm now much more able to pick and choose the activities I want to attend without guilt. for those in more modest circumstances I don't think it's ever needed to cover your plate. I've been to weddings myself even recently where even $1000 wouldn't have been enough to cover our plates and we gifted much less than that. However I also think it is kind and generous for older people who are well-established to view a wedding as an opportunity to set a young couple up well in their future life together. This is how I now approach weddings of young people myself. I think the cover your plate guideline sort of helps the newlywed couple start out at less of a financial disadvantage particularly when their parents are not contributing substantially to the wedding. In our case we asked for donations to the food bank as one of our gift ideas and we certainly were not raking in the dough from our guests, my extended family is generally not wealthy and there are a ton of them, I would never expect them to cover their plates nor would they feel pressured to do so (some lovely thoughtful gifts from them of course).
...See More
Wedding gift help for DS
Q
Comments (34)
I wanted to give an update on the gift which I haven't bought yet, and I'm glad I didn't. But I will. DS and DIL finally moved all her things to his house and put her house up for sale. When I was in their house the other day I noticed some of her decor items from her old house were set in place. So I need to wait until she's all settled in to see if there's anything they could use. I still like the mantel clock idea. About her maybe wanting to move, no way. She has made herself lady of the manor and loves the country. DS said she acts like she's lived there forever which makes him thrilled. DIL told me a couple of weeks ago the first change she'll make is buying new bedding. LOL. When I went over there yesterday to let their Golden's outside for a bit, I saw a lot of various packages of Ralph Lauren bedding. From pillows to comforters. I like her tastes. I think I'll tell her I need new bedding for Christmas this year. :)
...See More
susanjf_gw
11 years ago
you got me on this one...true to your name, lol...
Sally Brownlee
11 years ago
Thanks for the laugh, Cynic. (At least I hope your were trying to be funny)
Being a divorcee myself, I can say that when I said "I do", I really meant it.
And although you may think gifts go un-remembered, I think fondly of many things I still have and the person(s) that gave it to "us".
Off the top of my headÃ¯Â¿Â½the cast iron Dutch oven, handmade curtains for the whole house, a Christmas lamp, a hand painted picture of the house, the garden trellis now full of blooming roses...
The gifts, knowing they were meant to share, evoke some sad thoughts of a failed marriage. But conversely make smile thinking of the person that gave with unconditional love. And sometimes gives me a reason to call and tell them how much they mean to me.

Giving unconditionally is the only way I want to.
People and life, by design, will always disappoint.
Keeping score is not fun.
chisue
11 years ago
Nice try, Cynic. However...

There are *purchases*. There are *investments*. There are *loans*. Then there are *gifts*. A gift is *given*.
amyfiddler
11 years ago
Yeah, gifts are given. If I give you a birthday present and you die 7 months later, will I get your present back? Or maybe the party was celebrating the year before. Hmmm.

Divorce is so common now anyway. I find it very unusual to find the exception. I always assume that a couple over 40 is a remarried one. Sad commentary but it's reality. I feel sorry for kids -
chisue
11 years ago
Oh, Amy, not a few of us here on the KT have been married *forever*! My DH and I are two years from the big Five-O.

OTOH, divorce was once so unusual amongst 'normal', middle class people that when my parents divorced it was mentioned in the Chicago Tribune. (How nice for 6-year-old me.)
LuAnn_in_PA
11 years ago
Sorry, cynic, but when *I* gift a gift... it is just that.
A gift.
NOT something that should be refunded.

A new twist on wedding gifts

Comments (8)

OklaMoni

sleeperblues

Related Discussions

susanjf_gw

Sally Brownlee

chisue

amyfiddler

chisue

LuAnn_in_PA

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US