I am so, so sorry to hear about your latest setback. I know it's not much consolation when you feel so discouraged, but at least this problem has a simple solution and someone else is paying for it. Sometimes it helps to have a good cry and start over the next morning feeling a little bit better.

Your description of yourself could also fit me, and I have to confess that I was more aggravated by home renovations than I ever was by far more serious work crises, family crises, and health issues. I know exactly how you're feeling. You'll probably still have that sour taste on the day your reno is completed, but it WILL go away. You need to give yourself some time to get over the frustration and time to use and enjoy all the really cool stuff in your new kitchen.

I hear you. You cried because you're frustrated. You explain. You talk. You draw pictures. You make your contractors copy your pictures in crayon, to show they understand. You make up a song and a happy dance, so they can remember what you said. They smile. Then they pick up a saw, and slice through the main beam in your house, which promptly collapses.

You're more frustrated because you're used to dealing with intelligent people. These are contractors. The name refers to their blood supply from the neck up. You're also used to being successful, and effective, and you applied all the skills you've gained from working--do your research, dot your i's, cross your t's, organize to the max, communicate, negotiate, assign clear responsibilities, follow up--all the tools that serve you so well in the office. They mean nothing when it comes to dealing with a blank stare and the intellect of a soap dish. You care. They don't. They never will.

Yes, it gets better. My bath reno derailed my kitchen reno, which was then derailed again by my french drain and ice dams and water supply and sewer line and HVAC and, and, and. Now, I mostly forgot all the bad stuff that happened during my bath reno. Well, except that bit about showering with a broken knee in a gutted room that looked like a concentration camp museum, but, you know what I mean. You'll end up with a new kitchen, a few good stories and a lot of blissful amnesia.

I have not remodeled a kitchen, but I do know what it's like to have to deal with idiots! There, I said it...what is it about some professions (not all in remodeling) that you hire someone to do a job...and they can't seem to figure it out.

When my mom got her new manufactured home, it was one mistake after another...tons of phone calls...many return visits for repairs, etc. It did finally get done and she loves it, but it was one thing after another.

All I can say is that you will end up with a beautiful kitchen that you LOVE! How do I know? Because you are obviously NOT the type of person who is going to settle for the 'I guess that's good enough....even though I didn't order it' type of kitchen.

So, have a good cry, have a glass of wine or tea...and get back to it. Just keep thinking how wonderful it's all going to look when you're done....and all the (hopefully by then) comical stories you can tell about the crazy remodeling process....while standing in your new, beautiful kitchen !!! :)

I can commiserate. I spent 15 minutes sobbing on the couch on Friday night as I was faced with a dirty house I had to clean after a week of the flu culminating with being in a car accident on the way to the doctors office. The only good thing is that it wasn't my fault. Unfortunately I'm still looking at needing to buy a new car. Of course, my husband and I had decided to put off new cars for a few years so we could do the kitchen. Ce la vie, I guess.

There's something about remodeling a kitchen that seems, at least in our case, to have gotten our whole family out of wack. We have all been sick since we started the project, including one kid getting strep and one getting an ear infection which hasn't happened in 2 years. But more than that, our sense of normalcy has been so disturbed. Even though I desperately wanted to remodel, seeing the center of our house down to the bones really disturbs me. Then lay on top of this all the constant decisions! It is almost too much.

Honestly, defending my dissertation when I was 35 weeks pregnant with my second child was way easier than this. Hang in there. It has to get better.

Yes, but why is it so stressful? I too am a smart university educated person and the kitchen (actually in our case whole house reno) continually got the better of me. I am so organized it drives others nuts, always on time, always ready for meetings but you put a contractor in front of me and all of it falls apart. But why? There were so many sleepless nights, my tongue was just about chewed off from biting it so that I wouldn't say anything I'd regret later.
But, it does end, (except for the deficiency list which we are still working on 6 months later) and we are back in our house and the beauty and efficiency of it all made it worthwhile.
Hang in there - I often think of all the posters here who are just beginning or are in the process of their renos. Sometimes I envy the excitement that they feel when they have the "eureka" moment of the perfect floorplan, when they find the perfect granite and when they score a deal on lighting, but mostly, after a process of 3 years (and saving for many years) I'm glad we're done.

I'll never forget the Saturday after the counter top installer failed to show that my Mom tried to kill me. She claims she accidentally ran the red light (but that's her story). It was followed by a lot of tears(hers) and a hasty exit(mine). It passes - the no show was followed by a botched installation and more waiting for a new counter to be delivered. Skilled and qualified folks make mistakes, the good ones also correct them. Kitchen renos are stressful and taxing. Nature of the beast. Hang in there. No lingering bad feelings - she loves her kitchen.

Yes. The kitchen remodeling process must be one of the most humbling processes known to man. . . or woman. . . or child. I confess that it totally reduced me to tears many, many times over. Oh, the stories of utter despair I could spin! Many of which I have never shared with the GW and that I try hard to forget, even to this day. But forgetting is hard to do, especially when, even as I sit here in this lovely "completed" kitchen of mine, I'm reminded daily of all the things that didn't go quite right. All kinds of things that I didn't notice when the GC and crew were still on site but which now confront me with a series of flashing "error!" signs long since the final payment was submitted. Things which I am still seeking to fix and repair before my final reveal some 2+ years after the fact.

The good thing is that, among family and friends, I seem to be the only one to notice these less-than-perfect faults in design and construction. In fact, most who come to my kitchen thinks it's the cat's pajamas. But, boy oh boy, if they only knew what I know. And, I ever do another kitchen remodel, you can bet I'll be sure to not only buy shares in Kleenex but also some stock in a promising vineyard in the Napa Valley as well. That said, yes. I really do love my kitchen -- warts and all! :-)

Hang in there! You can do it!

Like many here, I understand your pain. It is the frustration of dealing with people who should get it. This is their livelihood after all. But for some reason they don't get it, and then that item which you have so carefully planned gets ruined.

I've had a lot of work done on my house before before the kitchen remodel, including a family room and powder room addition. That was a cake walk compared to the intricacies of the kitchen. Then seeing screw up after screw up, is overwhelming, because it doesn't have to be that way, if they would only pay attention.

The night before my granite was installed, BF became very concerned. I don't remember it, but don't doubt it either. He says when he left that night to go back to his house I was sitting in the dark muttering to myself. The issues with the contractor were about to drive me over the edge.

I think if you weren't the type A who cares, it wouldn't have had the effect on you that it has. I love my kitchen, it is worlds better than what I lived with. But I will never, ever do another one.

The stress builds and you never know what will trigger the tears and/or breakdown.
I am at the stage where we have a lot of progress made but are stuck for approx a week now and there are issues. I can't imagine how so many professionals can make so many mistakes. I think that on the whole, the people we have are good at what they do, but that they plunge ahead at times and catch mistakes after the fact.
In the past 3 weeks:
First:
Out of 18 cabs to be delivered, they delivered 5 and told me that it always looks like less when I questioned how little I was getting. It took 4 days to get the rest of my order delivered(and still had some pieces missing, yet they sent me extra cabs). Needless to say, the plumber, electrician, installers, etc... got their schedules messed up by this and I have not been able to get it all back on track.

My gc is away on vacation this week, yet he forgot to tell me he was going. Since he went, I don't know who will show up on any day, if anyone. The few subs who have come have not stayed for more than an hour or 2.

The electricians installed 2 fans in our screened in porch, the switch for the one on the right was on the left and vice versa.

There is a leak in our old laundry room where the plumber charged us $1k to rework all the pipes to bring it up to code.

Our island has a back with cubbies in it, so the cab installers put wood under it so that the counter would transition smoothly into the cubbies. Turns out, they put a 1.5" thick piece of wood instead of a 3/4" piece, so it has to be removed, changed out and the fills need to be reworked.. all before the counter guy can install the counters.

Since the counter guy can't come, the plumber can't install my kitchen sink.... so the plumber has not come back to install our dw, toilet, icemaker for freezer, install our washer/dryer in our new laundry room on main level and install the propane for our stove. I can understand that he won't come for an item or 2, but there is plenty for him to do without doing my sinks (see below about bathroom sink issue).

Our venthood was installed at 27" over our island, but worse than that, they installed it before the island was put where it will end up. Now, they have to uninstall the hood and move it 3" to the side and 3" back. Obviously, they can take that opportunity to make it the correct height. Of course, I had hustled to get the ceilings primed and painted over there and now they will be ripped apart.

Our bathroom faucet was bought for a steal as it retails for over $600 and I got it for $65, delivered, on ebay. I took the top part to the fabricator so he could drill the hole for it and left the "guts" at home in its special box. A few days ago, the plumber was here to install it and the box is nowhere to be found. It had been lost among the materials a few years ago, so dh and I are very aware of what the box looks like and I imagine it was not light since it had parts in it, but it appears that someone other than us threw it out. I contacted the mfr (Jado)and it has been discontinued and they can't seem to locate any parts for it. I may have to buy a new one with our budget already at the breaking point.

Prior to that:
They installed our eyebrow window wrong. I made it clear it does not look like the plan and I do not like how it came out from the exterior. They keep telling me they will fix it when the weather is better, but it is better and now I keep hearing how they are working on other people's exteriors because the weather had pushed their schedule back.

We have our old gutters literally hanging off our house and on the ground, yet the gutter guy is nowhere to be found.

Just about every light or electric fixture had a wire pulled through the ceiling or wall for it, all had to be moved when we set up the rooms for real. The electrician swears he did not pull the wires through the ceilings (accessible through the attic, so not needed ahead of time). I painted kitchen walls as told and then they moved the outlet for the mw and made a big mess on the wall that I had to repair and repaint.

The biggest stressers are money is tight and we have been in the bsmt for 13 weeks and have no definite end in sight. We were supposed to be out by March and yet our main level is a construction zone and my only working real appliance is a wall oven. I have a countertop convection oven and a toaster oven in our temp kitchen in the bsmt, so that is not the appliance I'd want working first!

The only bright side is we don't have to pay the balance until the work is done, so the delays are giving us more time for dh to get paychecks before then, but this mess is keeping me from working much and I am on commission, so earning much less than normal. Sigh....

The reason this is (was, I am done) so stressful is because while you are doing it, this is the most important thing that is going on in your life. This is the kitchen/house you will live with for years to come. You have spent hours (or even years in my case) ruling things in, drooling over things that could be, and ruling things out, saying sad goodbyes to the things that you cannot have.

I have done about 5 large remodels in the past 15 years. Way too many, but you do get thick skinned after a while....

My house was completely torn apart in the midst of nearly a year long remodel, and my baby was due the week after, and we were living in the basement mother in law apartment. I just broke down and sobbed because I had "no place" to bring the baby home to. At least, you are not 39 weeks pregnant on top of the house being torn up!

On the other hand, for the jokers that show up, it is only a job to them. You pay them huge (I mean huge) sums to do schlacky/half assed jobs and you have to say to yourself, I can't believe I am actually paying for this.

This too shall pass. You will feel better tomorrow. Your kitchen will be gorgeous and it will all have been worth it.

Wow! All I can say is Wow!
10K, so sorry to hear about all your troubles! It is a shame that so many things have gone wrong.
Eventually all the bad will be gone and once you are able to start enjoying your kitchen, you will forget the trials and tribulations you have faced and only good thoughts will prevail.
One step at a time, focusing on the positives, now matter how small, and picturing in your mind how you will be using the kitchen and with whom, you will make it through and we all look forward to the pictures of the finished project.
For everyone who has shared their bad experiences with contractors and installers, I feel for you.
Just so you know, there are many cabinetmakers and installers that do do things right and are much more competent than what you have experienced.
I have built many cabinets, and installed even more, along with countertops and never have had a complaint. I am no one special, just try to do the best I can and my only goal has been to satisfy the customer, not make them cry or frustrate them.
I am truly embarassed that there are so many that have had bad experiences and hope that those experiences get fewer and farther between.

(((((HUGS)))))

Poor thing, hang in there.

(Have I told you about my wine glass that can hold an entire 750ml bottle of wine? I think you might need one)

I think one of the biggie problems is that this is all happening in your HOME....your haven from the maddening world. If your crisis happened at work, at a hospital, kid's school, wherever....you always knew you could retreat to your sanctuary and find a little peace and quiet and room to breathe and reflect.

But with a home reno, your space has been invaded by strangers and mess and there is no where for you to go to get away unless it's locked in your bathroom or away, away. Which is not recommended because you never know what you'll come back to. Your quiet sanctuary no longer exists.

We are also living in our home during the kitchen reno which has morphed into renovations of various other parts of the house. Honeybunny is running away again for another three weeks starting on the 13th. He would have left earlier but we have a birthday party to attend or he would have never come back from the first trip.

I look at my dust bowl and know it will one day be better. Hopefully it will happen before my hubby divorces me and the job site.

My advice....go treat yourself to a spa day. It will get better...and you'll have a beautiful kitchen in the end.

(((group hug)))

Pepper

Thanks to all who provided support above. I feel better reading your words.

Hi 10K from kerrys in Littleton. I recall your story -- recent divorce, fire, which necessitated kitchen remodel. My guess is your losing it was more about the BIG picture than a few pulls installed wrong. I lost my husband 5 years ago, so I know the loss thing pretty well. We manage to survive our disasters--big and small--you will survive this latest setback.

Right now I am thanking my lucky stars for what I believe is a good contractor who is bright, competent, and reassuring! I had a great start to my reno today!

You know what? It sounds like you needed a good cry. (Well...it probably didn't seem like a "good" anything at the time, but I hope it was cathartic, anyway).

Try to be extra good to yourself. Maybe a walk with some deep breaths, or a hot soak. I hope things start to look up~

I feel for you and hopefully people reading this will take away that kitchen remodeling is not an easy job, it is very detail oriented and sometimes very complex opera between people raw materials/products that not everyone has seen and understands like you do because you've stayed up late at nite reading the internet for 3 weeks straight about this one particular item? It ain't like you see on TV.

What a true to life thread. "What can go wrong will go wrong and at the worst possible moment".

I have always wondered if the building industry has the same problems as the landscape industry. Someone buys a pickup and a shovel and calls themselves a landscaper.
Maybe if you buy some tools you can call yourself a contractor. Hey, I think I just found my second career!

Not all contractors are substandard.