Thank you Valerie. I am slowly making adjustments and I do feel more confident than I did at first. Ted encouraged me to be an independent woman, and I like to think he'd be proud of me today. Let me tell you, all his lessons in car and home maintenance, construction, finances and even snow plowing are going to come in handy now. I'm certainly not all strength and cheerfulness but I think I'm doing fairly well under the circumstances. I just had a weekend visit with my sister - bless her heart, she listened to me talk all I wanted and talk I did, mostly about Ted. We even cried together - more than a few times. It was very good therapy. Still taking it one day at a time, Anne

Somewhere I can actually have some input instead of questions (if I could only implement it and stick to it myself!) My parents used to make a deal with me. They'd give me a few small boxes and say "Go through your books" Or "Go through your toy bins" For every small box I filled I got a small amount of money. With that amount of money I was allowed to buy ONE new thing of whatever I donated/got rid of. For books, I was allowed to have the money that the used book store gave us for them. So if I filled 5 boxes with say...30 small toys. And I got one dollar a box, I was allowed to buy ONE 5 dollar item with it. Money from books I was allowed to buy ONE new book, or ONE new toy. I think teaching kids that by getting rid of things and creating space, you have space for new things is important. When you just ask them to get rid of their things, they're going to be hesistant to give up much, if anything. But if they realise doing it will create space for something better, or more exciting, they might do it. They did it every 6 months or so. The rule was also that whatever I bought had to fit where everything I got rid of, came from. I could clean my toy bins out, and buy a toy that didn't fit in any of them. If I wanted a new larger toy, I had to give up a larger toy I already had. Of course this only works if your kids are old enough to understand that once its GONE its GONE. It's not you fill up your box, get two bucks and a new toy, and all your old ones back. And you have to make sure your kids aren't tossing out all the things they love because they want a lot of money. I guess you could regulate it a little better if your kids tend to do that. "If you can fill up one box a week, you'll get X amount of money and in X amount of weeks you can go buy this" They also did it with clothes once I was a teen. "If you fill up this bag with clothes you don't wear, we'll get you one pair of jeans/a shirt you really want" I still do that. If I buy new clothes, i don't allow myself to put them away or even wear them, until I have made space for them by getting rid of other clothes I don't wear. If I buy a new black shirt, I get rid of two old ones I don't wear anymore" etc, etc.

Thank you, Radar. I really don't know what he thinks of it, but I do wonder that, too. If he's talked to DH about it, I know my husband did not mention to him that Sue came on to him, as well. Perhaps, after they got back together, they were hoping that we would call and arrange to do something together again. When we didn't, because (1) I was very angry still at Sue for trying to have an affair or whatever with my husband and (2) because we were both very upset and, yes, angry at how Sue helped destroy our mutual friends' marriage they most likely thought that it was because of the latter reason. Thankfully, though, it hasn't ruined DH and Jim's longtime golf games together. But, from what I've been told, the talk during golf and after in the clubhouse is pretty much just about everything golf related.

Bestyears, I was keeping it vague because discussing dog training methods can be equal to politics! Try telling some of the militant rescue groups that you will be using a different training method than the one they strictly follow ... you will never get a dog from them! Here are two articles from two opposite theories that gives you an idea of how they think. 1) https://positively.com/victorias-blog/balanced-dog-training-theres-nothing-balanced-about-it/ 2) https://www.nitrocanine.com/blog/2015/06/12/in-defense-of-balanced-training/ With my rescue I started out with a purely positive trainer. It worked great in the house and yard as the dog is very food motivated ... BUT outside none of the training made a difference. Critters and the chase were a much higher reward than anything I could offer. I even tried carrying filet mignon! I was being dragged around town by a crazy dog ... even with the easy-walk harness the positive trainer told me to buy. The dog just walked sideways and pushed into the harness. The last straw was when on a walk the dog nearly knocked me, and my father, to the ground when trying to get a squirrel. I had to kick the dog to stop her lunging and get us untangled (my Dad also had our smaller dog on leash). I looked for a different approach and found "balanced" training. The trainer I found is slightly different from #2 above in that they do use food rewards. Happy to message you a link to the training program website and the actual trainer I used. We now go on off leash hikes and I get stopped regularly by people who comment on her behavior and level of training. I got so many questions that I started carrying business cards for the trainer!! One of those people actually contacted and used my trainer, even thought she isn't local. Do your research and choose the trainer and method that best works for you and your dog. The best method will most likely be a combination of several different ones.