:-D I love hummingbirds! I can't bring myself to put up a feeder, it seems like cheating. But someday I will have such a wonderful garden of wildflowers that the hummingbirds and butterflies and bees will not be able to help but stop by

Sandy I can totally relate to how you feel. My dad was only 68 and was my best friend. He died unexpectedly from a brain bleed (stroke). I wasnt there when he died in the cat scan machine. By the time I got there he was already gone. He was fine the nite before. I think when someone passes on unexpectedly, I wont say die because they never really die, that is the hardest kind of passing to except. We never got to say good bye or hold his hand when he parted. The hurt is so gut wrenching and the lonely feeling is unbearable at times. My dad is gone only 14 months but it feels like yesterday. I miss everything about him. Everyone kept telling me that in time I will find somewhere to put the pain and I will start remembering only happy thaughts. I really dont think you ever get over it. Its a shock to our systems. Have faith and believe you will see your mom again. Her work here was done. But you still are here to do your job. When the time is right, we will be reunited with our loved ones. The last time i saw my dad was the nite before he passed. I Told him I loved him and I'll see you later. That was it. no goodbyes. because its truly really never goodbye. Its more like, I'll be seeing you again. If you want to e-mail me thats fine. Id be happy to talk to you. You will be OK. The hurt you feel is showing you how much you were loved and how much you loved your mom. I still cry and get very angry that my dad left. There are no quick fixes and no answers to my questions. My heart goes out to you and I hope and pray as every day that passes, you will become a little bit stronger. Its not fair but we cant question God. Just have faith and know that he is always walking one step ahead of you. And he wont give you more than you can handle. I know that seems very unbelievable to say, everyone told me that right after my dad passed and I wanted to tell them all to just leave me alone. But its true. He will guide you if you let him. Your mom will always be with you, you keep her alive in your heart, just as I do with my dad. Try to keep all your family traditions going. If it was important to your mom than I am sure she would want you to continue your family get togethers. I am a mom and when I pass I wouldnt want my children to stop living there lives and keep mourning over me. A mom only wants her kids to be happy. She's watching you always, so dont let everything she taught you be forgotten. I hope this helped you in some way. I really and truly know how you feel. Kathy

Ditto Mary C. She's addicted to stuff, she uses it as a way to meet her emotional needs and this obviously goes back to before she lost her husband, and giving her an outlet for it only enables her to avoid facing the fact that she has a problem. Definitely stop enabling, but replace it with directing her to resources. Maybe she needs to call a crisis line the next time she wants to shop for something. Or maybe she does need to dwindle into one of those old women who is so surrounded by stuff that she feels enough comfort to drown out whatever feelings of anxiety otherwise beset her. It is her life, she has a right to live it that way as long as she can afford it. You still don't need to share the journey, Just as with a drug addiction, you may have to sacrifice the relationship. Tell her you're still storing tons of stuff she's given you, and ask if she wants it back or wants you to pass it on. Enforce your boundaries (no stuff here) and allow her to run full force into others. Whatever the constraint is that will eventually drive her to the point where she has to face her problem, let it close in on her: the limitation of what her home can hold, the limitations of her bank account, etc. (Does she hold down a job?) Except here's the thing: is the child still living at home? Then the child's needs have to be considered, especially if she is so emotionally fragile that she might hurt the child. And perhaps the child's needs could be the angle you use to discuss her problems with her. That can be done in part by creating an environment in which you make it OK to be imperfect - this is done in part by not seeming too perfect yourselves. If the child is older, perhaps the child could be the one who guides her to counselling, even if a pretense has to be erected that it is for the child's sake. It's also possible that any help you can give her to live a richer social and emotional life in ways not related to stuff (invite her to your parties or whatever) might help her chart her own course out of this. So might watching that program on hoarders! KarinL

Several of my African violets produce flowers in the 2.5 inch range, which I think is pretty big. But I admit that I don't think I've had them this big before. Especially not on an immature plant on it's first bloom cycle.