:-D I love hummingbirds! I can't bring myself to put up a feeder, it seems like cheating. But someday I will have such a wonderful garden of wildflowers that the hummingbirds and butterflies and bees will not be able to help but stop by

Iamamommy, I am so sorry that you have experienced so much in so little amount of time. There is nothing to say to make it go away. I am a member of another grief forum where I get a lot of support. My 30 year old son died almost one year ago...I've been having a terrible time and without the support of the people on the website I think I would have already lost my mind. If you are interested, go to www.missfoundation.org and they will ask you a few questions in order for you to become a member. At this place, there is no blame, nothing but support and compassion for what you are going through. You can say what is on your mind and likely someone will have gone through something similar and can offer some advice, support or comfort to you. Again I am so sorry for your loss, and that your grandson has lost his mom and your son has lost his wife. I hope you find some peace. Tammy

Ditto Mary C. She's addicted to stuff, she uses it as a way to meet her emotional needs and this obviously goes back to before she lost her husband, and giving her an outlet for it only enables her to avoid facing the fact that she has a problem. Definitely stop enabling, but replace it with directing her to resources. Maybe she needs to call a crisis line the next time she wants to shop for something. Or maybe she does need to dwindle into one of those old women who is so surrounded by stuff that she feels enough comfort to drown out whatever feelings of anxiety otherwise beset her. It is her life, she has a right to live it that way as long as she can afford it. You still don't need to share the journey, Just as with a drug addiction, you may have to sacrifice the relationship. Tell her you're still storing tons of stuff she's given you, and ask if she wants it back or wants you to pass it on. Enforce your boundaries (no stuff here) and allow her to run full force into others. Whatever the constraint is that will eventually drive her to the point where she has to face her problem, let it close in on her: the limitation of what her home can hold, the limitations of her bank account, etc. (Does she hold down a job?) Except here's the thing: is the child still living at home? Then the child's needs have to be considered, especially if she is so emotionally fragile that she might hurt the child. And perhaps the child's needs could be the angle you use to discuss her problems with her. That can be done in part by creating an environment in which you make it OK to be imperfect - this is done in part by not seeming too perfect yourselves. If the child is older, perhaps the child could be the one who guides her to counselling, even if a pretense has to be erected that it is for the child's sake. It's also possible that any help you can give her to live a richer social and emotional life in ways not related to stuff (invite her to your parties or whatever) might help her chart her own course out of this. So might watching that program on hoarders! KarinL

Several of my African violets produce flowers in the 2.5 inch range, which I think is pretty big. But I admit that I don't think I've had them this big before. Especially not on an immature plant on it's first bloom cycle.