Thanks so much for the sympathy, support, and advice, folks. I will concede the "mistake" label for this year, Seil & Kim, but it still frustrates me. I'm pretty sure the damaging factor was how close the alfalfa pellets rolled to the center of the cane and settled there as they puffed up. I usually do keep the alfalfa out to the drip line as several of you recommended, or at least several inches from the main cane, but with this kind of rain, everything washed to the nearest obstacle, and that unfortunately was the nearest rose cane. The ones that immediately bit the dust were the ones that weren't intended for any alfalfa at all, being 3-4 inches tall and very tender stems. There weren't any surviving canes on virtually all of my roses, particularly these smallest ones, so it wasn't the "phantom growth" Kate mentioned that I've learned to recognize as not genuine winter survival. It only took a few hours for those canes to be fried by the combination of trapped moisture and ammonium salts. Having a name to call the toxic soup helps MIchael, and I wouldn't like to be swimming in ammonium salts either. As soon as I saw this happening, I pulled back the sopping alfalfa from the bases out to safe distances and we've had more rain twice since then with a mostly clear base. I did take your advice and pour clean water at the base of those worst affected, though I had to wade through calf deep ponds to do so, but I hesitate to do a full bed-wide spray since the ground really is sopping wet still (and more rain expected tomorrow). Like Kippy, I'm afraid of running the opposite extreme and drowning the poor things. One important difference from previous years is that I've always used alfalfa hay rather than pellets, since that's all my local farm store had in 50 lb. bales of pure alfalfa. I've still never found the alfalfa meal around here and I can't face ordering 250 lbs of it, though it's nice to know a source prairiemoon. Similarly, I agree with Jim that alfalfa tea would be safer but I can't fathom brewing enough for 750 roses. I was so pleased to find the alfalfa pellets because they handle easier, but the benefit of hay is that it has more retained fiber and doesn't roll. It at least stays where I put it, and has more of the consistency of the surrounding leaves. I think I'm going back to the hay next year. It is reassuring to hear others make these kinds of mistakes, themselves (bluegirl, floridarose) or by proxy (buford). Glad to be an excuse to have you join the rose forum sjerin, and do stop back in to share your experiences now and then! I was checking on them today, and the rose I had pictured (a Color Magic) has absolutely black stems for the full foot of its length, but seems to be trying to put on some new growth at the end of it. That cane is probably still toast, but hopefully the inclination to put out growth will trigger some new basals that survive better. Believe me, though, that was one of the better cases - at least a dozen are so fried there's nothing to see, and another dozen are moving in that direction. This also means I need to put off the "death march" for a few more weeks to see if these survive. Usually some time in mid-June I pull the tags from roses that really have died over the winter and aren't coming back. I used to keep the tags up all year in case they come back late (Valentine grew back from own roots a full year later), but I've discovered it's just discouraging to see those tags with empty spaces. As soon as I pull the tags, I mostly stop fretting about them, and planning next year's purchases (always a good way to cheer up a rose fiend!) Thanks again for helping to cheer me up. Y'all are good folks! Cynthia

I believe I had IE, but not sure which version. Now, I am not sure WHAT one is up! Right now there are 3 searches running- there are 3 'file card tabs' at the top of the page. Two of them have a small red/green/blue/yellow flag icon, the third has the 'Gardenweb' icon- the page that I am on now. Walnut.. I did not download anything that I am aware of.. If I move my curser to the top nothing happens- there is a 'wrench' on the far right, but when I click on it, it opens a list that has 'Google Chrome' near the bottom, yet the icon on the far left of the page (this page), is the 'Yahoo' icon. I don't even have a way to open my 'favorites' now. Did IE7 have favorites/back/forward arrows, file/edit/view/tools/help in the upper left hand corner?? I am wondering if I am in 'Google Chrome' or IE9 by some chance? How do I check which browser I am set to go to auto? Tx

If you're thinking Arts & Crafts bungalow, you can always look to some of the originals, many of which now have painted trims (though honestly I *wish* more of them still had their original stained trim, ours included!) It was also very common to paint trim and cabinetry (and thus use "lower grade" wood, which in those days meant redwood or fir instead of oak) in the kitchen, bath, and bedrooms and have stained trim and casework in the dining and living rooms, and that worked fine. That might be a way to manage costs while still getting the look you love. And I've seen some gorgeous kitchen remodels using cherry or fir cabinets with painted white trim and white built-ins that mix it up a bit in houses where the trim had already been painted but people didn't want white kitchens (and didn't want the cost of replacing original trim!) Fir in particular is one of my faves with soapstone, though it is a soft wood so it will ding. We also have a painted gray and white kitchen, which mixes it up a bit in a different way. There's no rule that painted cabs must be white---and honestly, a lot of the reason that listings for houses of that age have painted cabinets (especially white) is that it's a very easy way to clean up and "modernize" older cabinets for resale. (At least, that happens a lot where we live---people paint and put on new counters to sell an older kitchen.) Some of those were probably put in as stained kitchens, but had woods that aren't "trendy" these days and thus dated the kitchens. I love our painted kitchen, but if we'd had the resources, we would have seriously considered QS oak or fir (even the fir was far more costly than our paint-grade poplar). I'd be sure you're okay with the tradeoff before switching gears.

Is there any reason you can't go back to school now...the SS is in school fulltime (except summer). Why sit home in an empty house? Finish your schooling, work, get into a social setting (office, hospital, clinic) where you'll meet friends and do lunches with co-workers. Not to be mean, but Lady you worked far too long and hard to be sitting home miserable. Sign up for exercise classes if you'd like to meet people who might be walking/running buddies. Share recipes with and start feeling good about yourself. You are special, you count and you sound quite capable of being a every social good friend. Don't waste yourself staring at walls all day. You sound so very depressed. None of my business but if you are taking something for depression that can sometimes snag your sexual interest away (as can just plain a sense of low self esteem and feeling of total despair). While you've done the counseling route, have you had a good physical (blood work, checked for diabetes, blah blah)? It is possible that you are having the hard time 'loving' the SS because of the way your new marriage started out. Kinda placing the blame of your unhappiness on the child? You didn't say you dislike him or that he's a brat child or anything...that's a postive. How do the other children feel about SS and do they all get along? While you may never 'love' the child as you do your own children, I'm not so sure that is really something to feel guilty about. You're good to him, care for his needs...maybe if you get yourself up and out of the house and find some happiness and enjoyment in life you'll find the little guy is kinda likeable. You got smacked from being an active working woman with friends and comfortable surroundings to being the outcast and living in the shadow of a deceased first wife. You felt lost, alone and having serious second thoughts and on top of it all got handed an instant 'son' and told 'here, love him'. How is your anxiety levels. You mentioned several things that could point to problems there. Actually not knowing where a store is located should not be reason enough to not go...perhaps if you really wanted to go you'd figure it out fast enough. Are you using not knowing as an excuse for hiding. Again, none of my business and you certainly do not need to clarify for us, but sometimes depression meds (if you take any) do little for anxiety. It's really all up to you. You can stay and be miserable just as things are. You can explain to husband that you no longer see a need to 'babysit' a school age child (put him in daycare during the summers)and go out and meet the world again, or you can pack up and go back to where you came from and hope you can pick your old life back up again. Your posting was one of the most honest and saddest posting I've read here in quite a while, you poured it out from your heart and I'm not sure anyone here can actually advise you...only you know what you must do and only you can find the strength to do whatever that is. I wish you all the best and hope you can somehow find yourself again.