My all time hero and perhaps the greatest love story I ever heard was my Grandfather. In 1908 my Grandmother came to America from Holland as an indentured servant. In exchange for paying her passage and providing her room and board she had to work as a cook and housekeeper for a well to do family in my hometown for a period of 7 years. Grandmother worked 6 days a week from 6am till 9pm and on Sunday if she had the family dinner servived buffet style by 11am she was free to go off for the afternoon providing she returned by 6pm. It was my Grandfathers job to hitch a team of horses every day and haul the milk from the family farm to the creamery and on his route he would stop by the house where Grandmother was working to sell them fresh milk, butter, eggs and whatever produce they had in season. Grandfather had a few minutes everyday to talk to Grandma and within a couple months Grandad started hitching a buggy and picking her up on Sunday for a short picnic in the local city park. That continued for three years until Grandfather and Grandmother decided they wanted to be married so Grandfather went to the rich family she worked for and negotiated what they felt the balance of her contract was worth. He then paid off her contract, relieving her of her last three years of servitude and they were free to go off and get married. For the first couple years after Grandma and Grandpa were married they lived at my Great Grandfathers farm until Grandfather could raise enough money to make a down payment on a farm. In 1919 my Grandfather bought a 160 acre farm where he and Grandmother raised 12 children and when Grandad died in 1965 he had the entire farm, all the livestock and all machinery completely paid for. Not a single bill in the world. In addition to being a dairy farmer Grandfather was a well renown blacksmith, wheelright, and harness maker, all of that with an 8th grade education.

Yesterday's question kind of threw me for a loop. There were auto manufacturers that used assembly line processes before Ford and I knew Ransom Olds did. I took the term literally and thought maybe the answer was supposed to identify the person who thought up the process. No worries..... I know the Volkswagen was created in Germany and that Hitler was involved in the design. I'm probably wrong but sticking with my answer.

I'm not following the logic here for hiring someone to help you buy a new house. Would you hire someone to help you buy a new car? Looks like some people would! People seem to be under the impression that having a buyers agent will cost "more money". It doesnt. The commission is built into the cost of new construction weather or not an agent is used. If an agent isnt used, the sales representative who represents the builder gets the commission. Why not have someone looking out for your best interest? Yes, you should have an attorney for the contract end of it, but your attorney isnt going to negotiate purchase price or options for you. Your attorney also will never see the property you are buying. There is another thread on this somewhere from about 2 months ago. A client of mine went into a new construction site, put a deposit down and was getting ready to sign a contract that day which is unheard of in my area. He called to let me know he found something, I spoke to him about using a buyers agent. After taking a look at the place he was buying, I renegotiated his options ($25,000 worth to be exact) even though he already put a deposit down. I also negotiated some excavation work in the backyard because it was obvious there would be water problems in the basement from the way the land was cleared. My commission is being paid by the builder and the purchase price is no different than before I was involved. He is getting more upgrades on the home a bigger backyard, and hopefully a basement without problems. Why not use someone who is looking out for you?

I read your original post and pretty much skipped the follow ups because I want to respond, just to YOUR post and not the opinions of others. "she left him after 11 years when she becamse pregnant by a bf. She now lives with the bf, who is abusive physically and verbally, and the 3 kids live with her too because they go to school there and their dad works at a feed lot FULL TIME!!" Working full time is NO reason to leave your three children in a situation with a physically & verbally abusive stepdad or worse, just her boyfriend. "OK, so the problem. The kids spend weekends and some holidays and summer with us. When they are at our house, I am with them all day when he is working. I discipline and hand out chores and rewards...all the things expected of a mother. We get along very well and my bf backs me up when needed. Recently we recieved the 13 year olds grades from first nine weeks and she is basically flunking all core classed. I'm talking C's and D's. (and not even a C+). My bf was upset too and we talked and he talked with the ex. I also e-mailed his 13 year old about how I felt. I am a teacher, so I thought maybe I'd have a different insight. They never bring homework with them on the weekends and I told her I want to see homework from now on. The next night the ex called my bf and was very upset that I e-mailed and he talked to her for 30 minutes and seemed to agree with everything she said. Then he was angry at me and when I tried to defend myself....he kicked me out." I disagree with anyone that says you were trying to assume "parental" anything. You were however, the babysitter while he was at work. Before my now husband moved in, I kept his daughter when she didn't have school and he had to work (on his weeks because he had her every other week) I don't have a problem with that. Your post is titled "future?" so I assume you'd like to marry this guy and if he felt that way about you, he would value YOUR opinion. The fact that he threw you out is a clear sign that he still lets his ex rule his life and that's not a place you want to be. I guarantee it. "Was I wrong??? I just don't think it's fair to ask me to perform motherly responsibilities when they are staying with us, but I have no say otherwise if it makes the ex angry. I feel that at least I am a good influence on their lives. The ex's bf is an abusive jerk who is definately involved in the kids lives...so how much room does she have to talk??" I don't think you were wrong to have an opinion about her grades and wanting to help her. You are a teacher and that was a positive. The fact that she would rather be jealous that it's coming from you because you are with him, is her problem. It only became your problem when he listened to her and threw you out. Do you think that if her teacher from school called and said what you did, she would have had a problem with it? I don't. "The 13 year old e-mailed me back and said she was trying in school but her homework is always late because she has practice right after school and then babysits for her little sister til 11pm when her mom finally comes home from work. Then she doesn't have time. I just don't feel she has her priorities straight. If she can't keep up with school work, then maybe she shouldn't be playing ball at school. And what is wrong with asking them to bring homework to our house on the weekends so I can help them??" If you are back with your BF, I wouldn't worry about it. If she asks for your help, offer it but for now, he hasn't put a ring on your finger and you are not responsible for his kids. You can be their friend and help if you want, but it's not the same as "mothering" although I think I know what you mean. When my kids were young, our house was where all the kids wanted to play because we had a pool. and I considered feeding or teaching them things, mothering. I heard the phrase "turf war" used and I agree, too many moms and step mom's get so far into a battle that the kids get sucked into a war zone. I don't see it too much with men but I'm sure that happens too. "I guess I just don't know how to disengage when I have to be a "parent" part of the time. If I am to be with my bf, i want to be a part of their lives too. And not just their friend. Am I in the wrong?? I feel he owes me an apology and needs to acknowledge what I do for his children. Is that wrong?? Please give me some advice because I am hurting right now and don't know where to go from here." You have to disengage until he marries you. Until he does that, you are nothing more than a friend to his kids. I would think hard and seriously before continuing to be with a guy that has already thrown you out and allows you to take care of his kids when he can't. To be honest, it sounds like you may have some "codependency" issues because you can't fix things, especially if your BF and his ex don't want you to. Why are you even bothering???