Were you joking about the meds? If not, maybe the meds are the explanation.

I have Parkinson's and am on a lot of meds and frankly have asked my doctor and he said no that I would not lose my spine from them. LOL

I'm 55, and have become more stubborn as I got older, just the opposite of what you're going through. Most of the women I talk to are like me, we've finally gotten over the 'need to please' that we were raised with.

Good luck to you. Maybe your meds just make it so you don't care so much? I don't know.

Here's what I think. (and you can take it or leave it, won't hurt my feelings.) You spent your life being a strong self assertive individual and suddenly you are no longer in control. (I realize this was some time ago but if you haven't spent some time adjusting to your limitations enough to realize that your limitations are physical only.) You've lost your confidence and that was never physical. You need to work on regaining that old self assured confident self back that you volunatarily relenqueshed and become the new you. It won't be the exact same person but it will feel more like the person you remember.

I seem to fall prey to neighbors/friends/family 'loaning' them money more than I used to. Is it age?
I think it just sounds like maybe some bad judgment on your part. Possibly you have been targeted by some as being a pushover. The way you said 'loan' above maybe implies that they are not bothering to pay you back. Am I right? There might be some, or all of them, that see you as being 'rich' so they don't feel any need to pay you back. Could that be a possibility? You are a lot more financially secure than they are? They live from paycheck to paycheck, with no thought of saving anything for an emergency, because they have the Bank of Auntnete they can always 'borrow' from because she is rich!

Sue

Sue you are so right, Bank of Aunt Nete really never thought about, but when I read your response I did. I do not recall anyone EVER repaying a loan. It was never an issue but now DH is unemployed so it is an issue. I have to really think about it, maybe it is bad judgement. I am certain it is to a degree control. After I was diagnosed I went to counseling and felt like I dealt with the loss of health but maybe not as well as I thought. I also have to agree with Stoney, my Mom has gotten tougher as she has aged. I know that I allowed the tree guy to be wishy washy with me and when I thought about it I called him and firmed everything up. I guess I have practiced bad judgement over the past ten years but did not have to really deal with it since we could afford it. Now that I have to watch our finances carefully I have to face the poor choices and my friends/neighbors/family are not used to the new expectation of repayment. It has just been easier allow the minor contract negotiations to be wishy washy. People think because of my appearance I am a push over. And I just go with it. I just realized that I am my old self over the phone or in emails but it is in person that I lost that confidence. Your responses have really given me food for thought and I appreciate that very much.

I'm just over the 70 mark and I don't think you lose your "spine", I find with myself, I really have mellowed...I don't let things bother me, I don't worry about the small stuff like I used to, I take each day as it comes......It used to be, I HAD to get things done (not sure why), now I'm taking the time to smell those roses and enjoying life more and more....

"I do not recall anyone EVER repaying a loan. It was never an issue but now DH is unemployed so it is an issue."

When someone borrows money and doesn't pay it back, that's not a loan. I would guess those folks are banking (no pun intended) on you not asking them for the money. I think, for most people, it makes them feel uncomfortable to 'confront' someone in a situation like that. You should not be the uncomfortable one. They should be uncomfortable about not paying you back and having to look you in the face knowing they have no intention of doing so. Putting yourself out there, in an uncomfortable situation, is easier after the first time. I bet if you asked one of those poeple who owe you money, "When are you planning on paying me back?", they'd start squirming. No need for you to explain why you want the money paid back because it was a loan. They owe you that money. You have a right to ask for it. If they give you some blahblahblah about how they're in dire straits right now, I would suggest to them that you're willing to set up a payment schedule. Watch how fast the word gets around that you're not the Bank of Auntnete any more. And if anyone asks you for a "loan" again, all you need to say is, "No". "No" is the most powerful word in the English language. No explanations about why, just no. Plain and simple because once you start "explaining", you've been sucked into the vortex again. Just 'no'. Practice saying it a few times in front of a mirror...see how easy it becomes ;o)
Baby steps, baby steps....one thing at a time to help get your confidence and assertion back. Asking for the money will not only benefit your self-esteem, it will help with your financial situation. You and your DH deserve it.

A friend had a step grandson who was always 'borrowing' money, yet 'never' paid it back. She finally saw that he was really actually just asking her to 'give' him money since he made no effort whatsoever to pay anything back to her.

She finally wised up and the next time he asked to 'borrow' some money, she told him, "No, you have not repaid a cent of money from the many times you have borrowed before. I cannot just keep 'giving' you money so you will have to get a job or find someone else to give it to you. The Bank of Anne is closed!" I was so proud of her...she stuck to it too, regardless of how hard he whined and tried to wear her down.

Sue

Don't be too hard on yourself about negotiating a job. The math is simple. A big contract of 1 million dollars likely did not have a precise price tag to begin with, and there may have been a 10% leeway ($100,000). But in the case of the tree trimer, that worker has done the same job several times before and knows his cost to within a few dollars. His only leeway is his profit (pay) for doing the job. His original bid was probably close to what he needed in minimum pay to accept the job, but lets say, it was 10%, the same as the big contract. That would be $30 for a $300 job - not much wiggle room here.

In this case, the tree trimmer is going to dig in and fight for that $30 because it means eating or not eating, and if he looses the job, his loss is not great especially if he can fill his time with other jobs. He knows that doing a job too cheaply is actually working against him.

So there you have it - $100,000 versus $30 wiggle room. Go figure!

You are being used, taken advantage of. You are not lending money. You are giving away what you apparently cannot afford to give away. Quit doing it. Suggest to those who say they need to borrow that they get another job, pick up a 2nd job or go to a bank and borrow money or learn to do without. You really are not helping folks learn to live within their means. And you are waaayy too young to be making yourself needy for the rest of your life because you cannot say no.

The older I get the more assertive I become.
If I don't stand up for myself, no one else will!

I've become known, at my water aerobics class, as "Ask Glenda, she'll do it". Yep! We ladies gotta stand up, and we just recently did! Patting myself on the back.

I would definately find out if it was your meds if it concerns you. I would be glad though if I had mellowed out to where I was not as aggressive as I was before. Assertive is what I have heard is a good way to be not agressive. Aggressive sounds like attacking. Maybe the pendulum is swinging half way to where you once were and where you are now, thus it will be at a good balance.

I have medical problems. About a year ago I had an operation in which the surgeons nicked an artery during surgery and were unaware of it. They took me back to recovery and I literally almost died. Then when they tried to repair it they nicked it again!!(No, I am not suing) I was in the hospital for over two months. What should have been an out patient surgery ended up being such an ordeal. My kidneys shut down. Blah, blah, I know you all don't want to hear it.
I learned.
1.Life is precious
2.The afterlife is more precious
3. Think and do for others (best way to beat depression)
4.Pray for others and yourself everyday
5.Think before you act
6.Have Mercy and Forgive
7.Above all else~~~Love

I always Heard this from my grandmother but it took a near death situation for me to get it through this thick head.

Auntnete, You said assertive, not aggressive. I am sorry.