Vera, Since my initial frustration with JPW, I've had pretty good success with more sowings, especially this past year with seeds from my plants. PV, Can you e-mail me the cursing chant which worked with some of your other plants? :O) Terrene, I'm trying to attract Swallowtails this year and will try to rear some Painted Ladies. I may need help with the Monarchs this coming year since I changed jobs and am working longer hours. One lady up the road has already been recruited :O). She's a wonderful gardener. Oh, and folks at our garden club have signed up just in case I need more foster parents. Token, Thanks for the offer but being Canadian, it's a teensy bit difficult to do an SASBE. Much appreciated though.

Bad news is that the passion flower you have pictured is not maypop (passion flower incarnata). Looks to me to be Caerulea (which isn't as hardy as maypop, but is capable of surviving your winters in a protected area). I would say that passion flowers are pretty tough plants and given good care the one you ripped out just might make a comeback. Congratulations on your overwintering, I've had that one survive the winter to be killed by an untimely late freeze (but Maypop makes it fine, as long as I don't try looking for it before its good and ready to make its appearance) ~Chills

Sue, As long as they don't add, "Crazy" in front of "cat lady"....I am known as the cat lady in our neighborhood and I honestly think there might be a sign at the end of the street, "Home for Wayward Cat/kittens" and it's pointed right at my house.... My Dh, like your's, has put his foot down, softly...(He's almost as bad as me.) At one time, we had 2 feral mommas on the patio and each had had a litter of 6...When the kits started getting older the mothers tried taking them into the bushes, to teach them to live on their own...That's when we bundled up all the kittens, put them in our basement and would bring them out for feedings...We had to sit with them and as soon as they were done eating, back in the basement...There were times when momma would start through the yard, make a noise and all the babies would run after her...My DH would run with a big box and be scooping up kittens along the way...As soon as the kittens were weaned, we were able to get them adopted...It was like giving up my own kids and boy did I screen the new parents...We were able to get those 2 females spayed and they are still living on our patio....I loved having all those little ones and often would foster for one of our local no kill shelters. From fostering, I did keep 2 little girls and now when I mention fostering, DH gives me that look....But what a thrill, watching them grow.....I keep saying, if I ever win that lottery, I'll have the best shelter around.....See, how I can go on and on when it comes to talking about fur babies.......You should be around when I pull out the pictures....

This is what I would do. I might even take "just her" out of school on one particular day, and I would arrange it ahead of time with her teacher on a day when little was happening. And I would tell her that, say that on Tuesday (or what ever day you choose) is _______ day. (insert her name). Tell her on that day, she is going to have a special day. You are not rewarding bad behavior, but instead, getting her back on track with your family. It would be a day when just the two of you go out to a special lunch. You go for a long walk while the other kids are in school. You hand her a piece of paper that says "pass" on it, and tell her that this special paper gives her the opportunity to say and talk about whatever she wants to say. Even if it "hurts" for you to hear...let her get it out. And simply listen...really, really listen, and try not to be defensive, etc. Let her talk about what is on her heart, and about her time with her mother. Just let her get it out, and bite your tongue as best you can, as she tells you things you may or may not want to hear. I am imagining that since you and your DH have custody of her, and that her mother moved out of state away from her child, that this "mother" is not mother of the year. Was this young girl "safe" while with her mother? Could something have "happened" or do you simply think that it is as simple as her mother bad mouthing you and your DH, to try and make herself look better in her daughters eyes? Could the slowness be depression or profound discouragement and hopeless feelings created by a mother who "chooses" to be absent from her little girls life? Could it be a young girl who struggles internally with the conflicts over the disappoint with who this mother of hers really is, and not understanding these feelings or how to cope with them? Let her talk about the good, the bad and the ugly. And then you will know what she is struggling with, and what is creating the problems. Some of the problems may go away, simply because she is able to talk about them and get them out, and not keeping them inside creating havoc. I would work with her so that the feelings she is experiencing do not take hold and turn into anger, rage, and all that can make a teenager so difficult. Yes, part of the behavior is part of being 11. And yet, this young girl has more going on than that. Most cannot imagine their "mother" abandoning them at such an age. I remember reading about the actress Meg Ryan whose mother did this, and the pain this caused the actress for years. How she will have no relationship with this mother who abandoned her as a young girl. It might also be the time to talk to her about the "facts of life" and I love the idea of a special box filled with girl goodies, like feminine products, deodorant, lip gloss, etc, for you and she to anticipate and acknowledge the changes that will be coming in the next year or two. IMO, you can get a lot more of what you want from her with honey (understanding) than with anger and punishment. ***I want to add that depending on her fathers personality and relationship with his daughter, all of this might be better if her dad does this with with his young daughter. He might better be able to discuss the things on her heart regarding her mother (and the disappointments) the divorce from her mother, the behavior of her mother, and perhaps some of the things her mother may have told her. If you both decide that your husband should open up these lines of communication with his daughter, tell him to listen...listen...and listen and let her simply "talk" and get all of this out. Sometimes, feeling really "heard and understood" can relieve feelings of depression, etc. But to me, what this child needs more than anything is to talk and work through some of what she must be feeling about her mother, and the disappointment in her, and the guilt for being disappointed, and the realization deep down of who this mother of hers really is, and her lack of presence in her daughter life. Is she the oldest? Does she have a natural sibling that lives with her, or are the other children in the house yours, or children you and her father had together, after getting married? I guess to help you feel compassion, instead of frustration and anger with her, is to try and understand her. Can you imagine if your own parents had divorced, and you went to live with your father and his new wife. And your mom just moved away, out of state for either a job, or a lover, and you were left behind? Even though your dad's new wife might be nice enough, there would still be a struggle over why your mom moved away, and left you. Ya know? I think you are doing a good job in trying to help this young girl, and trying to work with her, and understand her struggles. This is just my take on the whole thing. And last, because she struggles in school, can you find something that she is good at, and encourage her in this area, so that she feels good about herself. For example, is she creative and can you help her to learn to choose recipes and cook special meals once a week for the family. Make sure that the other children in the family are positive about her efforts. She could watch the cooking show and try making a simple dinner, letting her do most of it but you being nearby to lend a hand here and there, but give her all of the credit and make a big deal out of her efforts. Or a sport, etc., so that she builds good feelings about herself. It must be hard to be the one in school who struggles so, because there are always those "perfect" girls who are so bright and their parents make sure they are on top. Perhaps you could explain to her that every one has gifts, and where she may struggle in one area, she may excel in another. And the students who are so bright, will have other areas where they have struggles others may not know about. That some may be great in math, but find vocab a struggle. others may find vocab a breeze, but struggle with math. Anyway, help her find something to feel good about, because a mother's abandonment can set her up right off the bat to feel bad about herself. Anyway, hang in there, and I applaud your efforts at helping this young girl!