Here (MO) we usually take dishes to the immediate families home, although sometimes a church will put together a dinner for family and friends of the deceased.

I'm originally from MA and we take dishes to the family for meals. In the past the wake was usually held 2-4 and 7-9. Now they seem to be 5-8. We usually have a luncheon after the funeral. Some people have the luncheon at home and some a restaurant.
DH and I had about 100 people back to my dad's home after my dad's funeral. I paid for the food and my girlfriends got together and did the cooking.

From eastern PA.
We often take food dishes to the family's home right after the death, so they don't have to cook while making arrangements for the funeral, and have something to put out for any visitors.

After the funeral, there's a luncheon at a local restaurant or country club for everyone who attended the funeral.

When my first DH died, 8 years ago, I asked his brother to contact the manager of our country club to handle the luncheon, and specified that DH had specifically told me - have a nice hot sit-down luncheon, but make it a cash bar(he was a member of AA).
When the luncheon was over, I was presented with a bill for over $2,000 - and half of it was the bar tab.
Boy, was I furious.

In sw Pa we definitely take something to the home right after the death or even before if the person has out of town family or a large family. The day of the funeral the church has a meal provided for the family for the cost of the meal. This is very much appreciated.

Not a Southern thing. I grew up in western New York. (Maybe it's a Western thing?). It was customary, if there was a death in a family, to briung a casserole dish to the family to relieve the mother of having to cook. I remember, when my Grandmother died when I was 9 (she lived with us), neighbors and relatives brought so many dishes over. I remember eating lovely food for several days. The only thing my own mother had to do was make coffee. And I remember her worry, trying to clean and sort and return all the casserole dishes to the right people. It wasn't organized by our church (we were Roman Catholic) it was just sort of "done" as a common custom.

Take dishes to the home in the days before the
funeral, and then, usually have an "after" gathering
at the home or restaurant right after the funeral.

Kind of depends on the circumstances and/or ages of
the survivors. One lone widow? A wife/husband with
kids, etc.?

Here in western PA we take food to the family as well, in fact instead of flowers I usually send a mini-sandwich tray from a local shop. The sandwiches are on sliced sub bread, egg, tuna, seafood, chicken and ham salad. They are two bites and folks love them because it is pick up and walk away size.

Our church offers a free meal for all church members wakes, but of course donations are welcome. Then the family will often invite extended family members and close friends to their home.

I wouldn't consider it a southern thing, just a "considerate" thing to do. Taking a hot dish over to the home so the grieving family doesn't have to worry about cooking something to eat. Besides it seems everyone goes over to the bereaved ones house after the funeral for dinner. That is the time to sit, share stories of the lost one and just enjoy the time with together.

Deb

Here in Newfoundland that's what we do as well......bring a casserole or some other food to the family's home.

Yes, we too take things to eat to the home when there is a death. Also our church has a meal if the family requests it and then certain church members are asked to donate things, sometimes I am asked to bring pies other times yeast rolls. The church dinners in our area are very nice meals.

Sue

Here, people bring/take a dish. It was really nice, when my father in law died. We didn't have to think of what to cook.

Moni

It's the same thing in Ohio. You take food. In fact, I was a 'house sitter' at a friend's house a long time ago when they lost a family member. I stayed at the house during visiting hours and the funeral, so that someone was there to receive the dishes. I then stayed afterward to keep the tables full of food/dishes/drinks/etc.

One piece of advice: Use disposable containers. When my sister lost her husband a few years ago, she had many containers that weren't marked in any way. There were a few she finally ended up donating to charity because no one claimed them.

Shirley

When my dad died in 1966, friends and neighbors brought casseroles so my mom wouldn't have to cook for the out of town relatives. After his funeral, family and close friends gathered at my parents' home to eat and share stories.
When my mom died in 1999, our church provided cookies, bars, coffee, etc. for a reception.

Same here, I always just figured that this is way things were done.
You do what you can to help out during a difficult time.
When our son died, one friend also brought us a trash bag
filled with paper supplies. Toilet paper, paper towels,
napkins, paper plates, cups, throw away silver ware.
She said that it was something that someone had done for them when
they lost their son a few years before.

I was the sitter, while family went to funeral for the viewing. This was when we had a death next door.
Answered phone, accepted food, received neighbors.

I'm from Texas and we have always taken dishes to the home for lunch or dinner for a day or two before the funeral.Usually a dinner before,(sometimes after depending on the time of the funeral),at the church or if the family prefers at their home.I think it just depends on what the family prefers and what is comfortable for them.

Same as you. We take food to the family, especially for the gathering of friends and relatives after the funeral.

Times have changed Glenda. It used to be like you said, but now everyone goes out, that can afford it.

I know people mean well, but if I'm grieving immediately after the death of a loved one the last thing I want to do is 'chit-chat' politely with all the nice people who are ringing my doorbell, bringing food I don't feel like eating so that I can entertain yet more people who are 'stopping by'.

I know the custom, but the need has changed. Once people could not easily lay in supplies. Relatives and friends arriving for a wake or funeral had few options as to where to stay or eat.

Is there a 'leave her alone for awhile' policy or do I need to ask my doctor for a sedative and appoint a greeter? (Rent a second fridge?)

Here, you take a dish....although sometimes the church...I know the Quakers especially do this, they have a dinner for the family and close friends at the church.

Well, I made the Farmers Casserole, got a quart of beautiful strawberries.

It works well, to leave in refrigerator overnite, before baking, so I'll run it over later tomorrow morning.

Group of us have decided to send flowers to the funeral home.

In Minnesota, with the strong Scandinavian and German backgrounds the tradition is that food solves every problem! If someone is happy, serve food, if someone says hello, feed them, if someone dies, bring food, and so on.

Most traditional funerals in the rural areas would have a "lunch" served after the funeral. Usually served in the basement of the old country churches or if more modern, whereever they have the gathering area. Ladies' Auxiliary often will prepare the food and serve it. Often the memorials will dedicate to them for it too. Sometimes they charge, sometimes it's gratis but hoping for a donation. Never heard of reserving a restaurant after a funeral.

The tradition it's rumored was started when people would come by slow transportation (horse/oxen & buggy/cart/wagon) and it was courteous to serve them food before they begin the long trip home. Plus it's a "reunion" of sorts when you haven't seen people for a long time.

Personally I don't like the bring food after someone dies. You seldom feel like eating much and people bring some of the most gawdawful casseroles! Offer to order a pizza if you must AFAIC. I'd rather try to help run errands, mow lawn, shovel driveway and things like that to free them up to make arrangements and stuff. Some people like people around when they grieve, some prefer solitude. That's another thing that people don't understand. They automatically assume you need 100 people around you for comfort and support.

I have NO plans to chit chat! Just going to take and LEAVE!
I'll go to the visitation Monday nite and then the funeral, Tuesday.

I'm from CA and have always brought food to the family. I generally bring a large lunch meat and cheese tray with rolls, condiments and some type of salad.

In my family, immediately after funeral services we have a get together at our house. We supply most of the food, but guests also bring dishes or desserts.

I'm in KY, and we always take food to the lounge at the funeral home for the viewing, and then, maybe, depending on the closemess to the deceased, we might go to the family's home after the funeral, and bring what was leftover form the day prior. And then stop by several days later to see how things atre going, and go shopping for the family, or bring over some more food.

In Tyler, we take food to the home asap. I have learned a wonderful help is to take paper products, plus a lb. of coffee, etc. I've also learned that breakfast usually gets overlooked, so a combo egg/sausage casserole is appreciated. Sandwiches fixins' seem to be appreciated also. If the family has a church home, the church will serve a meal either before or after the funeral. So many here are having a private burial and then having a memorial service.

I live in Vannie's part of Texas and people in my community do the same. The ladies in the families may not have much of an appetite, but the men always seem to be hungry regardless of their feelings.

Hoosiers take food to the home...before and after the funeral...When my next door neighbors sister died about 5 years ago I made Breakfast Casserole and Monkey Bread and took it over...I didn't see any other food around...I asked another neighbor who's from Kentucky and she said she hadn't seen that done in years...I think she was a twit...and was trying to justify why she didn't do it...Everyone always thinks to bring Lunch/Dinner things so I figured the Breakfast Casserole Monkey Bread would be a nice thing...I took some over to Bumpkins when I went to her hubsters funeral too...

When FIL died in December, people brought food. And lots of it. There were so many people in and out. Family from out of town staying over. It was very much appreciated. And no one expected MIL to "visit" - they came in, dropped off a dish, expressed their condolences, gave her a hug and were off.

In Georgia and East Tennessee, we always take food. Some take it as soon as possible after the death, some take it on the day of the funeral and some wait a couple of days and take it. This way, there is always food for friends and relatives to eat and the family doesn't have to worry about getting anything. It's always nice to wait a few days if you think a lot of people will be bringing food. That way it gives the family another day they don't have to worry about food when the crowds are all gone. I always take "throw away" containers to keep them from having to wash them, remember who brought them and get them back to the giver.

Until now, I had never heard of the family taking everyone out to a restaurant to eat. With all that's going on, and all the expenses, that just seems ridiculous to me. People just always come back to the house and we eat the food that has been brought. I've never been when there wasn't enough food.

Here in Mississippi, everyone delivers food to the home before and after the funeral. I have always seen that done around here.