Ditto what Deb said too - with the caveat that you can choose to not cut it back that hard if you want a taller plant. I keep some of my butterfly bushes tall on purpose. The important thing I find is to force development of flowers on the sideshoots to provide maximum bloom and extend the blooming period. When you deadhead, the two dormant buds behind where you cut off the flower develop and put out flowers - so you cut off one flower and get two to replace it. You can do the same with the developing branches (i.e. cut off their ends) to force it to branch more densely, which gives you more flowering branches. You can also shape it by selectively cutting off branches if, for example, you actually want it to look more tree-like so other things have room to grow underneath it. This isn't the best of pictures... I only cut this one down to about 3' because I want it to be a substantial presence in the bed by late summer. It gets to be about 8' tall or so. We got lazy about making it branch out this year so it's not as densely flowering as it should be.

In Japan I observed intensive culture of JMGs where the cane support structures were about 3 feet apart. They will grow into each other so you should plan on spending time bringing the leading tips of the vines back to their home trellis so you won't have a mixed batch of seeds when you harvest them later in the summer. Of course there is a risk of bees making crosses but that is unavoidable unless you tie off some flowers before they open up and tag the resultant seed pod to ensure continuation of that particular strain. Joseph

Not too early at all! We started with a floor plan Jan 2008, and made many, many changes to it with the builder's designer (a very patient guy!!). Everytime we made changes, we kind of sat with the changes for a few weeks and 'lived' in the house on paper (if that makes sense). We found that having the time helped us greatly to think everything single detail out. We also made selections for fixtures, flooring, cabinets, and got price quotes from various sources. Only then (in November) did we sign a formal contract. With our current home which we also custom built, we signed a contract too quickly and then once the build started, we incurred numerous costly change orders. We did not realize that we had signed on a very low bid for the home, with inadequate allowances for almost everything. This time, we were well armed with what it would actually cost for all items. That way, we could discuss/negotiate with the builder before we signed on a realistic price for the home. So far, (we broke ground in nov.), there have been no plan changes or other finish changes (that would constitute a change order plus upcharge). So, spend the time....if the builder truly wants your business, he should be more than willing to be patient with you. And only after you are 100 % happy with the floor plan and all the various selections should you send it out for bids. Good luck!

I have two step-children.... 4 and 6. Their Bio Mom is still around. It's joint physical custody. The kids are here just as much as they are there, although sometimes Bio Mom likes to take her trips and live her social life and she often let's the kids slip as her number one priority. She is an involved Mother, just not as much as she should be. My husband is a great Father......NOW. He was horrible when we first met. I had to come in there and lay down the law. The kids were getting away with murder and not respecting adults. I helped him to see that and much of the excellent behavior these kids display, can be attributed to me and my efforts. My husband loves his kids, but even he is not as involved as he should be. I really do everything. I fill their shoes A LOT. Recently, I have put my foot down and I've told them, YOU NEED TO DO THIS, THIS IS YOUR BUSINESS, STAY HOME WITH YOUR KIDS ETC. They respond well to it. My husband is supportive of me...and so is his ex. We are actually all friends...and we work together really well. But I just feel sometimes that my role is too strong, but we all placed myself here in the beginning.... I've been a strong influence/parent from the start. Once you take on all that responsibility and become a huge role in the kids' lives, even if you realize it's too much, how can you really stop without hurting the great relationship you have with the kids? If I pull back, the kids know it and they feel rejected by me. So I feel stuck in this HUGE role forever... I don't mind it very much at all, I just don't want to be taken advantage of. As I wrote above, I put my foot down a lot. Recently I yelled an emphatic NO! We've changed the schedule to accomodate my time and Bio Mom knows I do a lot....and that I am often put in the middle of her and my husband. She and I are true ALPHA females...we have a lot in common. When she was married to my husband she was the boss. That is the same in our house. I run it... he makes the money, but I run the house and our life... SO when it comes to planning for the kids, his ex and I directly work together. He is just informed once we have reached a decision. This way has always worked better for me because I then get to make the decisions....and don't feel like I'm having to adjust to her requests coming through my husband. If we work on a schedule and set it up a certain way I feel more willing to do it...then if my husband set it up with her. It's easier...and feels less threatening and controlling. Not only that, she and I work together better. We communicate better.... Those two are horrible. They are night and day. If they planned things together, the kids would be lost....and dressed in pajamas for school. SO basically, what I am trying to say and going off on a tangine with, is that life has been set up in a way that makes me totally accountable and responsible for the kids....more than perhaps most stepparents. I don't think it can change. As long as I have the strength to communicate my limitations or express when I think it is too much, it should be okay. My major concern in all of this, will be how the kids feel. We are close and enjoy our time together...and I am very much their Mother...not BIO MOM of course, but no different from her and her role. However, I've sensed a pulling back lately, as I pull back. I think the kids feel like I don't want them... It's so hard sometimes because as much as I love them, there are times I could do without them.... I think they are starting to sense that feeling, even though I don't directly show that to them...somehow they are sensing it. I don't know how to comfort them and help them to realize that it's not an evil thing, it's justified....but doesn't mean I don't love them. I also think that they sometimes wish they had both of their parents taking care of them.... When they want their Dad, they may not say it, but feel it, AND they get me instead. I think they are getting smarter and figuring things out and experiencing some new emotions. I know I threw out a huge question to everyone. I think I sent it out when I felt pressured by my role for the day.. Today my role is fine...but perhaps two days ago it was a lot! Every day is a different day... It's amazing how your attitude can change from day to day as a stepparent. I wish there was more consistency in this life. Anyway, I just want the kids to be happy...but I just sense some tough things on the rise. It seems to come in cycles..when we first met, it was really hard. Although the kids were nice to me, they displayed anger to their Dad...mainly the 6 yr old, he was 4 at the time. Things calm down, the kids adjust and then one day they say something, things get quiet, they adjust, someone gets angry at something or doesn't listen, they say they get tired of going back and forth, and through everything, they have not pulled back with me... But lately they have...and I think it is because I pulled back the time I put in with them...and my other priorities replaced them temporarily. It sucks for a stepparent because if you do something that upsets the kids, or if you are not there when they need you....you have to work twice as hard to get it back, while Bio Mom checks out for a week and never calls and when she walks through the door, she is Heaven on Earth!! SO unfair. How can you prevent your steppchildren from sensing that they are not wanted one day? I guess you just have to suck it up and pretend you are happy to see them, when you don't even care? I'm rambeling, but I see things are changing...and I'm worried. I don't want to lose what I have with them...it's a great, loving relationship... One of these days, they will see things clearly and I'm so afraid they'll hate me, and all this time I put in, will be for nothing... And my marriage will suffer and life will just plain suck!