OK, girl, you can do this. You KNOW he will never put more on you than you can handle. I have seen a strength inside of you just reading your posts on this forum and I KNOW you are a go-getter with a heck of alot of gumption about you. If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it, if I had a way to leave my job, I would go with you. Your stepdad, Rick needs you there, so make it happen and know we are sending angels to surround that vehicle and float you to Alabama. Dont EVEN think about giving that Devil a foothold in this situation, name it , claim it and give God the glory and tell that devil to take a hike. I know you are a strong woman. Take it one step at a time, pack your bag, have hubby check your oil, water and tires, make sure you pack an extra blanket and pillow, sometimes those hospitals can be tiresome so make sure you have some reading material when dad is sleeping to keep your mind busy. I know you already know these things, but during these hard times, all you are thinking with is your heart. Go with God, girl, we are behind you 101%. Dont forget your Bible and pray Gods word over Rick, (The devil hates the name of Jesus, he will flee from it!) Be strong, we're here for you and have hubs keep us informed, please. Now that I've mother-henned you, just remember this, we love and care about you! Now, go on, girl, Gods got something for ya to do..... blessings-sherri

Advocacy... Mum's health "crashed" about 3years ago and she has been with me about that long. I have been to every appointment, every test, every surgery/recovery/rehabilitation. She didn't very much like my "intrusion" but it was clear to my brother and me that she was not capable of adequately relaying information to us. So... Fairegold, I had not realized your mother died. I'm so sorry. I know that every one has their time, but it is always a shock, and a relief, and a sadness when it happens. You were good to her; being good and kind to people carries a reward we often don't fully appreciate until they're gone. :) I have two things to offer: the actual medical services available to us are simply amazing. The "before" and "after" care, however STINKS. I have dealt with more nurses and doctors than I can count. Sadly, I have to say the quality of nursing is abyssmal; I made it a point to be polite and pleasant. But when they were unwilling to make time to discuss Mum's condition with me I lost whatever faith I had in the profession. When I watched a nurse drop an exam glove on the floor and then pick it up to PUT IT ON before changing Mum's urostomy I was horrified. "Were you planning on using that one?", I asked as she was preparing to do just that. She looked nervous and was even more nervous as I supervised the urostomy change... noting that is was done improperly. (I do it on average every 5 days, and have for 2 years now; I now realize I've FORGOTTEN more about the process than most RNs ever knew). The same nurse failed to raise the rails on Mum's bed and she got out of bed, confused. She fell hard, cracking her kneecap and badly spraining her wrist... all this followed a stroke. Why didn't the nurse have the presence of mind to realize a stroke patient doens't make good decisions and is a likely candidate for injury resulting from compromised decision making? HELLO? whatever happened to "common sense"? that's how "medical professionals" operate? Doctors. They're busy. They have a lot to juggle. Most have pathetic interpersonal skills. It's the rare jewel who has warmth, a sense of humor, and willingness to be direct and honest. Here's what we did: every day either my brother or I would visit Mum. We arrived at varying times of the day, That way, we knew all the staffers and had a chance to find a sympathetic one. We brought notebooks with us, and we took notes, jotting down the nurses' names, the doctor's name, the time of the visit, etc.. We noted whether or not the urostomy pouch was full, half full, empty... whenther or not she was simply left the sit, hooked to a Foley bag. We noted her cleanliness, if her hearing aids were in, and if the batteries were dead. We brought our digital cameras and took pictures. (Those pictures were a real "hit" when the social worker at the last "rehab." place proved difficult about discharging Mum after 5 weeks... she was "approved" for 8! nothing like a creeping skin condition all over her back to give 'em a case of "the worries", lol). Each of us called the doctors and requested information. We set up times to meet with them to discuss Mum and her condition/progress. Sometimes I did it, sometimes my brother did. Other times we did it together. We were polite, direct, and ON TIME. Being an advocate requires that you be PREPARED, informed, and as polite as you can be; have your questions prepared in advance if you're able. You have to be patient with staff and understand that they DO have a lot to manage on a daily basis, but when you're faced with something unacceptable you have to be willing to be steely-eyed, icy toned, and simply refuse to accept the usual litany of excuses. Believe me, nothing gets the attention of staff faster. And when staff has really gone above and beyond, you must say thank-you and do something kind. I can still the urologist's face when he saw Mum the first time. She weighed 84 lbs., was grey, slow, and sullen. He minced around the obvious reality, using "polite" phrases to avoid saying the obvious. I finally got out the chair, put my hands on his desk and looked him in the eye, "Look, doc., I am a busy woman. I have neither time nor patience for bulls!!t, get to the point.". He met my gaze and began the medical dictation of Mum's case... it wasn't good. He scheduled the next cystoscopy... when he saw her 6 weeks later, she had put on 12 lbs., had rosey cheeks, and he didn't recognize her. After the test, he spoke with me... told me I had done an amazing job with her, that he respected and appreciated my direct manner and willingness to pay attention to small details... as those are the things that make a difference when an elderly person faces a health crisis. He told me then that he had expected to learn of her death before that appointment.

Nana, I got on last night with the intention of reading all the posts and commenting....of course when I saw the word "purple", that was the first one I read being me. When I went to comment I just started falling apart and realized I couldn't act 'normal' afterall. I'd finished writing my Dad's obituary and picking a photo for it a few hours earlier, so that's probably why I was a mess. tho I seem to be staying that most of the time. I'm clearing things from Dad's room, except things special to me, because I 'have' to. I need to see that room in a different way as soon oas I can. It hurts too much otherwise. The hospital bed has to go back to the VA, so I hope to find some different furniture for that room in the future. The gigantic old dresser needs to go, but Zorro can keep the easy chair. He claimed that years ago. ;o) Basically I'm just donating Dad's clothes and going thru loads of paperwork. He saved every scrap of paper and trying to sort the necessary from the useless has been a challenge. After Mom died 10 yrs ago, and he moved in with me, he really kept very little. "Stuff" was her thing, not his. He stopped driving when she died too, their car was totaled in the wreck and he didn't want another one. So Dad's belongings are very few, except his clothes and a lot of framed family photos. I'm so glad I don't have a lot to go thru again, like when we lost her. this is the photo I chose for his obituary, its how I'll always remember him with his wonderful smile, ready to tell someone a joke. hugs, Karen

Thanks for bringing this good news, okwriter - and so early in the morning - and it's earlier where you are than here! I'm glad that your Dad seems to be in good shape. I hope that he's back to his usual self shortly. ole joyful