I think some people just aren't comfortable deviating from the "norm" and do in fact need to be told it is ok to do so... even if its from strangers on the internet. They may also be meeting resistance from their KD, contractors, or even their spouse.

I appreciate every post on this forum - I know it aggravates people to see the same questions and concerns over and over again, but I feel like everyone has a different situation and a different need to ask. Not to mention not wanting to hijack another's post.

I find it ironic that so many don't have different situations.
Brown islands with light cabs.
What color over another color.

Now the floor plans? Of course. And those are pretty interesting because the situations are very different. and fun!

But KristinF29012, that's my question. Where did the idea that matching was the "norm" anyway? My very creative and brave mother would just shrug and say, "Matching is for cowards." and "It's only paint!"

and hijacking? I don't think most of the people on line these days would know what that meant. Too new. Although a nice element of respect if that is the case! :)

Normal is boring, IMHO. Guess I'm my mother's daughter.

My mom is a "matcher". Her cream cabinets match some of the spots in her quartz counters as do the terra cotta floors AND backsplash. In my opinion, it's too straightforward and doesn't draw your eye to anything unique in the room.

We're installing green cabinets as a "neutral" and not referencing that same green elsewhere in the kitchen. I picked up fabric for a large curtain over the laundry room/pantry and the windows in a very light gold-ish/tan with a red-ish stripe. It's a little darker than Belgan linen without the price. The red will relate to the floors, but I didn't want to over-do green. My mom can't believe I didn't get a green stripe fabric for the curtain because "we need to use more green".

Maybe this sounds like a hot mess, but in person it looks great. People have a different eye and some are more confident about it than others.

I think in earlier generations there was more 'matching' (people bought 3-piece LR sets, etc.). Then somewhere along the line 'matching' became a no-no. Everybody wants to 'coordinate' (without clashing), but heavens forbid don't make it 'matchy-matchy'. Coordinating is more difficult than matching.

I don't mind if people ask the same questions (I'm probably guilty of it). Different askers and different responders bring different perspectives - it all makes for interesting reading (& if not, we always have the option of just skipping over the thread).

I worked in furniture for many years. My mother was an interior decorator. So I grew up with the confidence to make a decision about color, and was "trained" as a young child to pick out the best from the selection (just like you can from community forklift) . I can only remember buying pairs, but NEVER sets. Most people go to a store, and buy a set of upholstery, set of tables, etc., because they don't have the confidence that they can mix it up, or change it. We are also trained by retailers to buy the "suite" , or "sofa-loveseat".

As for the constant repitition of questions, i suppose some computers don't go past page ONE!!

Nancy

The fully fitted kitchen where the cabinetry all matched was the norm for most of the 20th century, once the "modern" kitchen was developed. Its a very strong precedent.

The "unfitted" kitchen started out as an expensive, custom, reinterpretation of historic kitchen style that trickled down into regular kitchens where it was expressed as different colored cabinetry.

While many people who have very eclectic furniture tastes, the cabinetry is part of the architecture so people have a strong tendency for cohesiveness in this area.

I don't really agree that there is no right or wrong. I think like obscenity, wrong may be hard to define, but we would pretty much agree with what wrong was, if we saw it. I think there is a fair amount of "wrong" decorating in the world at large. imo.

CF
Don't forget we are spoon fed this mentality at a very young age in this country. If tomorrow KD's made it cool to recycle(sorry, I hate the word upcycle) kitchen cabinets, there would go the herd. I really wish vintage ranges weren't cool--- I love them but $$$$.
And don't forget the dreaded ax held over every homeowner's head "resale value". It's real. It exists. Expectations are higher today than in the past when people shop for homes.
I'm counting on you Christine for kind words when I post photos.:)

Interesting post. DH has a great name for this sort of thinking. "Garanimal mentality." Do you remember Garanimals clothing? You'd buy a bottom that had a monkey tag and then any top with a monkey tag would match it.
When I began mixing countertops and cabinets colors he couldn't believe it. After much "discussion," he finally said, "Don't listen to me. My mother always bought Garanimals." Case closed!

A house is one piece. It's not a collection of separate standalone rooms. So, things like trim do indeed need to match fairly closely, with some variation. Cabinets are built into the house, so it is normal for them to match. They have always mostly matched since the 1920s when they were invented.

I find unfitted kitchens nice but a bit of an affectation. Instant history. A turnkey collected look. And as pal said, typically way pricier than regular kitchens by far.

Mismatched cabinet finishes are fine, but those are what is trendy and industry-driven--not matching finishes. They're in all the mags and TV shows now. I think they may date stamp a kitchen in ten years or so.

I admit that I like my uppers to be one color, because I'm so beaten down by the last 6 years of visual clutter. The same color doesn't interrupt the gaze. However, I felt no need to match the bottoms, but am trying to find a color the coordinates with the grayed colors I love, that won't change in the sunlight. But not matching.

palimpsest, I agree, actually. There is some really hideous decor around, hence the Ugly Kitchen site. But someone, somewhere loves that stuff so it's OK. With them.

My mom did bemoan people who went into a furniture store and bought a "suite" of furniture. Particularly the matching upholstery. The furniture wood parts (frame?) were one thing, but all the fabric the same killed her.
Sounds like 1929Spanish is taking after my mom!

Eatrealfood, you are so right! Look at that lady that singlehandedly influenced with her term "Shabby Chic" which made the old crap I pick up cool in some way. I hate that term, to tell you the truth. I like to call it "Reused & Recycled." And frequently surprisingly good quality! But it doesn't match anyone.

Burnsie, I recall Garanimals! I thought they were to teach kids how to ... match ... clothes! [LOL] You guys are right about the young age thing! I like the reference, though. It explains what I mean, too.

Marcolo, "...with some variation" is exactly what I mean. MATCHING isn't required! I agree with the instant antique look being rather magazine-ish. Lived in antique-ish-ness is pretty cool because it's real. The magazine, purchased, trendy, history kitchens are great in the magazines. I see them as someone who buys a library so others will think they're smarter or of a different social echelon. And yes, I've seen it.

Kay161, honey. I'm a Libra, too. Remember that as a Libra, in life, or as a decorator, if you choose something and you just don't like your choice? Make another one. Tones are one thing. To me, tones aren't matchy-matchy, they're coordinated. Do you throw in complementary colors? I love texture.

Hmmm. Good and interesting points!

Most people look to their neighbourhood for kitchen ideas when renovating. Those kitchens are typically one colour for the cabinets and one colour for the trim and granite/laminate/quartz counters depending on the budgets of the neighbourhood. Most people follow along. They don't want to stand out.

The people that are on this site are more kitchen savy and are prepared to step out of the "decorating box" in some way. Function will be most important and good function shouldn't be compromised for form (IMHO). But when they are looking to deviate in the decorating end for eg using 2 different counter tops in the same space, doing lower and upper cabinets in different colours, doing the island in a different style/colour, doing an uncommon backsplash, they have probably had people (KD, mom, girlfriend, neighbour) say to them "You can't do that! It will look silly! What about resale?!".

And so they fall in line UNLESS they have found this site and they discover that there are people out there who will support their "out-of-the-box" decorating ideas. They ask permission, not because they are unsure of their tastes or ideas, but because they want to make sure that what they are wanting to do isn't as silly as they people in their lives are suggesting.

As for researching, each question is specific to the poster and they just want to be reassured that what they want to do is ok by somebody, anybody.

Matching is too exacting and stressful for me. I aim for coordinating. I know what I love and what I hate, but it's the uncertainty that falls in between that has me second-guessing myself.

I don't care what my neighbors' interiors are like. You can't see them at the same time anyway. I suspect that my modestly updated kitchen is cutting edge for my street. ;-)

I have eight different shades and types of wood in my living room, including the floor. I've collected things over many years and like the unintentional mix.

It's harder to coordinate varied elements successfully, so people find comfort in matching.

I think the matching thing also comes from what people see in magazines or on TV or whatever. In ads, everything matches because that's what they're selling. In developments, whether seen in ads or in real life, everything matches because that's the best profit for the builder. In addition to the discounts they get from bulk buying from single sources, there's the truism that they have to be neutral but stylish so that the largest number of people can see themselves living in the space, for the quickest, most profitable sale. Carefully mis-matched is really a personal style thing. It can be beautifully created by a designer in a vacuum (i.e., without an owner/client or consulting her own personal taste), but it usually works best when it's done to fill an individual's sense of style.

On fiction TV shows and movies, things match because they're in the background. The One True Kitchen was supposed to be a white void. :) Add this to what others have said about cultural training, etc., and it makes sense. Think too, that we're taught when we start dressing ourselves that our pants and shirts have to "match" and that it's very bad to wear the orange shirt with the yellow spots with the blue and pink paisley skirt. A lot of people never really learn anything more about style or design and just kind of muddle through. Putting together a kitchen is a lot harder than putting together a cute outfit.

I think, also, culturally, there are some conformist parts of the country or communities within larger ones. Recently I was discussing golf dress codes with a friend. Some courses have requirements that make private schools look liberal, and the equivalent of the vice-principal with the ruler telling men to tuck in their shirts and giving the hairy eyeball to women whose skorts are too short. Then even if a player's outfit makes it onto the links, the members of other foursomes will stare if the outfits, for all they may be compliant with the rules, don't conform to the style the rest of the members have chosen.

There are equally restrictive social groups on all societal levels, though the rules aren't usually spelled out in a contract and enforced by a minder. Add that to the fact that some of our members are quite young, and others, who may have more life experience, are equally unfamiliar with the process of decorating and style, and it's easy to understand how many may need a little reassurance and confirmation that they're not screwing up. That's part of the point of having a forum--to have an interested social group who can provide support and warn one against mistakes. For just the answer of whether it will look okay if the door hardware doesn't match the pendants, one could look through kitchen magazines, Houzz, and Google Images. For an interactive, supportive environment where people can assess the particular things one is looking at, make suggestions for alternatives, and explain why it's okay not to match, but how this particular combination are the wrong mismatch, GW is far superior.

When someone asks "Will this go?", or "Does this match?", they really mean "Is it beautiful?".

I can't be the only one who wants and needs, sometimes in a way that feels desperate, to be uplifted by her environment. I know when I walk into a room whether or not it is pleasing, but I don't have the power of vision.

So I might ask if it matches. But I really mean to ask if it will make my life better the way a thing of enduring beauty can.

Or, it could mean, "Will it give me love?". Which is what you get in some circles when you follow a certain norm.

People have different tastes also. I don't care much for most blues - I do really like turquoise and teal type blues but I wouldn't want a whole room of either of those. I do wear those colors often tho. The same with fuchsia - I'll wear it but don't want much in a room - maybe an accent somewhere.

When I was growing up redheads didn't wear pink or red - we were told they didn't look good on redheads. I never told my dd that and when she started buying her own clothes RED appeared (I do remember she had at least 1 red long sleeved shirt as a little girl!). I still remember when i first saw a professional photo of her in a RED sweater (at about 18-20 yrs old). Beautiful with her red hair! Ever since then I wear red and pink OFTEN. so does my sister. somewhere way back when someone thought redheads didn't look good in red or pink and redheads all over the place believed it.

Having 'learned' that growing up pink and red did not show up in my house decorating either. Colors in my house are the greens, golds, browns - earth colors - and I've added touches of purple. and I recently acquired a red vase from my neighbor!

I not much of a matchy-matchy person - it drives my sister nuts. When we go somewhere together her hair clips, shoes, purse, watch etc usually match her outfit in color. I could have on a red top, a gold hair clip and my purple watch with my blue jeans.

My house is mostly old stuff - handed down from my MIL (if alive she'd be 107 or so). Most of it she inherited from her mother and her MIL. Old stuff - but mostly beautiful stuff. That also drives my sister (and some others) nuts. They don't understand why I still have it / use it - but I love it. There's isn't anything out there i could buy new that I'd rather have. If I didn't have it, I'd be at a 2nd hand store looking for something similar!

While my sister is much different from me in many ways, she is very good at co-coordinating things and arranging things (flowers, pictures etc) - and her colors run about the same as mine - so, I do sometimes ask her opinion on some home decorating things. That doesn't mean I always follow her advice but it's often good to have another pair of eyes looking at something.

Actually, sometimes I wish there were things like garanimals for kitchen elements. Pick a cabinet color thats a bunny then you know any flooring countertop backsplash, etc with bunnies will look good. It would make things much easier but I'm sure boring. I really struggle putting colors together. My son bought me a color wheel which helps but I have a hard time determining where say my cabinet color falls on the wheel.

Many of you are very talented in putting colors and things together. Which is why there are so many beautiful kitchens here.

desertsteph - that's such a funny story about redheads and fashions. There's some movie, a "cult classic" by now I think, where one of the main characters, a little overweight, runs around doing everyone's "colors". Then one day she appears really dejected because she's returned, I think from a seminar on colors perhaps?, and been told she had it all wrong, she's not an "autumn" but a "spring"instead -- something like this. It was very funny; I can't remember the movie and hope I have the gist vaguely correct. I will bet big money someone will chime in right away with the movie's name here. For some reason I think maybe the woman was even played by a man?

Anyway -- I agree asking if something "matches" is generally a surrogate question for 'is it beautiful', 'will I love it', 'will it "give me love"' (I love that notion, that a backsplash could, say, "give you love"), etc.

I too grew up with a mother obsessed with Design -- I had to back that out just now and retype it with a capital letter. What was stressed to me was "harmonious" - not that it had to "match", but things had to look good together. That can be a a hard call to make. That said I agree it's such a hard call to make anywhere except standing in front of all the elements, I too often wonder about these types of posts.

However... there is something for everyone. More than the "does this match" posts, I am surprised by the "help me pick which BS/color/dish/asdf/qwer/dfgh/tyui/...". I'm amazed in two ways (i) that anyone thinks I could contribute to such a question and therefore that they would ask it and (ii) how many people chime in with answers! Empirically, people seem to love to engage in these hypothetical discussions. And so: there's someone and something for everyone! It's a wonderful thing. Ecology, even in a social context, kinda makes your heart go pitter patter, no?

I'm still not getting why it's so remarkable that people ask whether something matches. Most of the questions about matching come from discernment issues. Many people have trouble identifying the colors they see and truly need help knowing what color they're looking at. I've lost the URL but a couple months ago, someone posted an online test you could take to measure your ability to distinguish colors--not everyone did well.

A lot of the backsplash posts come from the fact that most people, even on GW, follow a completely flawed design process. If you are just now thinking about your backsplash for the first time, after you have installed your granite and cabinets and all the other megabucks fixtures in your kitchen, it's kind of already too late.

Ah, but Christine, think about how obsessed you are, in turn, with achieving symmetry (which makes me scratch my head). I imagine some folks feel that same compulsion about color. :-)

Symmetry?!?
O. M. G.

I couldn't live without symmetry. I would spend my life looking sideways at something. Or feeling off balance.

Perhaps that's it. I've always needed things to be "even" but only recently realized to what degree. Perhaps it's also having balance in life. Just like I'm so obsessed with eliminating visual clutter. I'm gradually feeling a bit more in charge of me and my life/situation. I'm wondering if my need for symmetry will abate?

Symmetry is why I loved traditional quilting so much!

OTOH, Melissa will attest I'm a bit nuts. Walking around the Community Forklift with her a week or so ago, I had to sort. If I found a cabinet door that belonged with others, I had to move it. Only a minor example. Even I realized my need for order is predominant.

Does this translate into color, or "matching" in decor?
Oh - I disagree with the backsplash being too late. what if you changed your mind..!?

Marcolo, Well said!

",,,,,,,,,,Most of the questions about matching come from discernment issues. Many people have trouble identifying the colors they see and truly need help knowing what color they're looking at.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"

KritenF2012, I agree 100%. some are not comfortable
deviating from the norm. And God bless GW for letting us
share ideas and get feed back.

1929Spanish. LOVE that story about the green stripe and
your mom's opinion. Savor those memories. They will drive
you nuts but when she is gone you will wish she was there.

Jamies, that is exactly why I ask the questions about
matching. Will it work? Do I need to spend more money?
Can I get away with keeping it as is? Again thank the
heavens above for kind souls who share their ideas.
My living room looks 1000 times better for some free
advice given me.

CEFreeman,
You call it symmetry, my kids call it OCD. lol
I think we can rename it OCDTKO.
Thanks again for this topic. You have a creative mind
that just bubbles with ideas. Bless you.
~boxer

I think it starts from viewing the kitchen as a work area. Rich people didn't go in there, so whatever the builder-architect specified was fine. Looking at Thomas Jefferson's kitchen is interesting - partly because it was advanced for its time and partly because its stripped of the affectations of the main house. Even though its spread across multiple rooms - it matches. The woods, the flooring, the simplicity of having only enough to do the job at hand, etc.

So, I think the matchiness comes from the builders vision of what a kitchen is, with a little practicality sprinkled on. Plus, who has ever wanted to go 15 different places for their "work area" storage.

Right now, I see two things. Other than matchiness has a long, long history - particularly in dining rooms.

The first is that the matchiness can be soothing to the eye. It looks better in small environments where a collected look can quickly turn into a jumble. It can visually expand space by simplifying line and color and unifying the presentation of a small space. Sometimes, I think people who choose monochromatic color schemes are drawn to the almost zen feel that matchiness in monochrome can produce.

The second is that two colors is fashionable right now. As anyone who has ever seen pics of 1970's decorating can attest, fashion is a strong force.

I like some matchiness. That's partly cultural - I grew up in a time when matchiness was prized (I'm sure it will be again). And part is the touch of the ocd fairy - my eyes try to sort jumble - which is how a table for 12 where every chair is different and all the place settings are different appears to me.

In a kitchen, I think matchiness (or unity) is the background for the focal points where you are directing people's attention.

"That's part of the point of having a forum--to have an interested social group who can provide support and warn one against mistakes. For just the answer of whether it will look okay if the door hardware doesn't match the pendants, one could look through kitchen magazines, Houzz, and Google Images. For an interactive, supportive environment where people can assess the particular things one is looking at, make suggestions for alternatives, and explain why it's okay not to match, but how this particular combination are the wrong mismatch, GW is far superior."
Amen Pillog - that was perfectly stated.

So many great comments here. My closest friends aren't going through kitchen renos and they're especially not OCD about kitchen layouts, appliances, materials and fixtures like I am. This forum validated that I'm not the only one :-) . So the GWers here are a far superior resource for someone like me who wants to bounce ideas around. And like Aliris19 said, what we really want after all the hard work (mentally, and physically for you DIYers) is for our space to look beautiful.

This forum has been such an invaluable resource. When I was asking about mixing brass with nickel or chrome the other day, marcolo posted about nickel and chrome clashing -- and why it did. So when I see a chrome and nickel faucet next to one another, I "get" that they clash, but would not necessarily been able to state why that's the case as marcolo did. That's why I love this site. You can get a good education on certain items.

Desertsteph, what a laugh! As for the red hair....my sister has gorgeous, stunning red hair. My mom always told her never to wear red or pink, grrr. I remember coming home one spring weekend afternoon, and when I walked into the front door was blasted by the smell of Clorox. My sister was in 7th or 8th grade, and she literally poured straight bleach on her hair hoping to turn it blond. That Clorox had no impact :-) But I told her she better rinse out her hair mightly quickly or it might fall out, ha! I'd trade my brown hair for natural red any day...

'Many people have trouble identifying the colors they see and truly need help knowing what color they're looking at. I've lost the URL but a couple months ago, someone posted an online test you could take to measure your ability to distinguish colors--not everyone did well. '

I agree. my sister and I often go 'around' on colors. She'll say 'look at this green!' and I'll say 'huh? that's more blue than green!' and she'll say 'no way! it's a beautiful real green!' - lol! that's with both of us looking at the same color thru green eyes...

my eyes don't like a lot of jumble - or small prints. I don't like floors with a lot of (even much) color change. lots of tiles and vinyls have that - I have to be careful when looking at 1 tile (stone or vinyl) because when you put a lot of them together it can read BUSY - it's eye hurting to me. Same with lots of prints on fabric - upholstery, pillows etc.

actually, on a floor that change/mix of colors - even tone of same color - can cause me to miss a step and stumble - and even fall.

If you are just now thinking about your backsplash for the first time, after you have installed your granite and cabinets and all the other megabucks fixtures in your kitchen, it's kind of already too late.

Um, Marcolo, that would be me. If there is ever a next time, I won't let the b/s be the last thing on my mind.

I love wearing red, one of the few colors that really looks good with my silver hair. But I have very little red in my house. Maybe it's the difference between an outward adornment and being surrounded by it.

When my daughter finally moved out, I lost my fail-safe advice for not dressing like a total idiot. She would often say, "You're not wearing that." I appreciated hearing that before leaving the house.

To me, matching means essentially have the same or equal look. I'd rather things look good together. When I lived in Oregon there was a community who followed a guru named Rajneesh. They all wore clothes that were red, orange, pink, magenta, purple, very similar colors. I loved the look of the clashy colors worn together. I will often wear a couple of reds together and don't care if they match or not.

@boxerpups - I have a lot of those types of stories about my grandmothers that I cherish so thanks for the reminder. Right after she said I needed a green stripe fabric, she said she wanted some of of the same fabric I got for the curtains. Hidden agenda much? : )

My mom and I have made lots of big decisions together over the years since I didn't get married until my early 40's. Aside from my wedding, this is the first big project I've taken on with someone else as my main sounding board. I think she's both happy and sad about it.

I'm not a big fan of having things match totally. Rather I look for 'flow'. You can have different items, shapes, colors, etc., but if they don't flow then it has a disruptive effect.