I've been meaning to get one for a while now. Thanks for posting the links.

Exactly, Momma Bird and all, Which is precisely the reason that most financial planners ask new clients to begin their "homework" there. Most folks are surprised. Then - it's not my business to "Tut-tut" - it's your money. But - you need to know what you're doing with it - and whether that suits you. If it does, keep on. Except - that I'll ask some other questions to see whether there's some other issues that you might want to give a higher priority, if you'd thought of them. And, when you think of them, decide to alter your spending/saving patterns somewhat. Bet you'll feel more prosperous at year's end. As though you got a substantial raise at work. And - oh, joy! - no more income tax to pay: you didn't really get a raise, after all. Just using your money more closely to the way you choose, now. Good wishes, all, with your new adventure. ole joyful

Dear Paigect, I am another one of those - former stepchild/stepmother. I didn't like my stepfather for a while, but figured things out when I grew up and we had a great relationship before he died of cancer. My first dad was dead when I got him, so there wasn't any wishing to get back together stuff. What role do you think you could play in putting an end to your son's fantasy of you 2 getting back together? Do you think that you could actually help the situation? Or do you just want your ex to be the one to deal with it? I take it you aren't remarried yourself. If you are truly trying to get your son happy and able to have a relationship with his dad- you could help. If your son acts out and is disrespectful to his stepmother and you condone it and blame it on the fantasy and her - you are giving him a message that he can be disrespectful to adults if he chooses not to like them. Do you see that? I have one stepson who is like that, and I have another one who I adore and he a loves me. The difficult one has done things that would curl your hair - choked his girlfriend, stole his dad's gun and got arrested 3 days out of marine boot camp, run around naked, at 16, holding his penis out in front of 10 year old girls thinking he's funny, wrecked cars- twice in one weekend one time, threatened me, runaway and left horrid notes blaming me numerously, got beat up at school for running his mouth and needed to be taken to the med station a number of times, stole his dad's 300.00 fish finder and lost it, lying, partying and skipping school, bad grades, no job, the list goes on and on. When do you say enough is enough? His hell bent goal was to get his dad to divorce me so he could be in charge. He wanted to run things. He blames me for joining the Marines -claims he wanted to get away from me. Now he hates it and it is all my fault. It will be my fault if he gets hurt too. He isn't responsible for any part of our bad relationship or his choices, is he? I am just supposed to take it, the blame and the horrid behavior. His room is a mess from the last time he was home - including used rubbers and half eaten candy bars stuck to the carpet. Oh by the way, his carpet is ruined, there are holes in the walls and his mattress is all chopped up - the new one I bought for him when we moved into our house together. That is all my fault too. Some kids just aren't nice. I must be doing something right though - his brother loves me like crazy. And now you can call me an evil stepmother like he does. Or you can realize that some of us have come to the end of our ropes and patience. You know what? I honestly hold my husband responsible, along with my stepson, for his behavior. If my husband hadn't made excuses for him, made him accountable for his actions and made him take some responsibility, he wouldn't have turned out as bad as he did. I have 2 of my own kids in the house too. They are not bad kids and respect my husband. My ex is out of the picture. It is like I have 3 kids and he has the one. I don't want to leave my husband, because then I couldn't keep my stepson who loves me. The older one is out of the house in the Marines now and it is a whole different household. There is peace. It isn't the his kids vs mine thing. Sure they all pull stuff. But I can discipline now and no one accuses me of being mean and targeting the step kid and other rubbish. It is fair. And there is respect and love that goes both ways. That is the most important thing. No I couldn't respect my older stepson. His repeated behavior wouldn't facilitate it. Every time it would seem to get better - he would pull something and some how he would turn it around and someone else was to blame. Usually me. Yes I am relieved he is in the marines. No, as a matter of fact, I clearly stated I didn't want him to join. He doesn't have good sense and I am afraid for him. But there is a peace in the house. Except of course for my husband. He blames me that his son is gone. But you know what - he is the one who could have refused to let him join. He is the one who could have talked him out of it. He had the influence and the power. Not me. Master manipulator that kid is, huh. Oh, by the way - the boys mother killed herself 3 years ago. She was a drug addict, convicted of embezzlement too. Her choices caught up with her and that was her answer. Now her son is going down her path. I am scared to death for him. I wish someone could help him, but I clearly can't. Maybe the marines will. And when he grows up, maybe he will figure out I wasn't that bad and we can have some sort of relationship. No I won't hold my breath though - I don't want to die, already had that scare with ovarian cancer. Life is too short to be that miserable. Until you walk in someone elses shoes, be careful how you judge them. Some of us have had waaaayyyyy too much to handle with perfect grace. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. That is the path of a stepmother.

"Pretty rotten that BM did not call the child back. Kid gets told 'hey I'm busy enjoying myself out spending money eating dinner' and then does not get called back and finally gets slapped with 'no camping, Mom's broke'." On top of that, it was BM's birthday. BM is out to dinner to celebrate HER birthday. Every year for the last four that SD's been with us, she has promised SD they will go do something for SD's birthday on her weekend. Then SD goes there for the weekend & BM does nothing. In fact, the first year BM left SD with BF's parents & went out to a party with BF the weekend she promised to make her a party. The ONE party BM came to, that I planned & paid for, BM was 40 minutes late, brought no gift & spent the whole time in the corner with BF & their new baby. When SD asked her to spend an hour alone after the party, BM said "NO, I have a long drive home & the baby is tired... I don't know how he's lasted THIS long." The baby was a month old. Another year, BM's mom picked up SD for her birthday to spend the day. SD had told us all the stuff they were going to do. They ended up doing NOTHING she thought they were going to do, BM took her to a pet store & then had her ask us if she can have a reptile. DH said no so once again, we are the bad guys because mom was gonna get her a pet & we said no. Then BM left early to go back home & left SD with grandma who tried to bring her back early & threw a fit when we weren't home... we had planned a day out because SD was supposed to be with her mom until 8 pm. So, there has been lots of tears on EVERY one of SD's Birthday's and here BM has a birthday & can't even take a call from her daughter... I'm sure that set off her emotions on top of the idea that mom has money for whatever mom wants... whatever baby needs... but when SD is looking forward to something, there's no money? And I would bet my last dollar that BM told her she has no money to go camping because she gave it all to daddy to avoid going to jail. I can even hear her say, "you're dad wants to put me in jail". BUT, SD also knows that BM spends money on other things & SD sees us working 7 days a week... heck the bus drops her off at my work so she literally sees how much we work. She knows her mom does not work and never has money, but finds money for what SHE wants. I would never tell SD anything bad about her mom, but she has heard me tell my unemployed son that needed money... that if you don't have money for what you need, GET A JOB!!! It would be nice if SD would have an epiphany and realize all we do for her without any help from her mom (and deep down, I think she does know)... but all it does is reinforce that mom does nothing for her & she tries harder to get mom to do for her. I have given up hope on ever getting any appreciation from her for what we do. I think the problems between them have been there for a long time but she doesn't want us to know that so she tells us how much fun she has at mom's... all the fun stuff she gets to do there. Honestly, we don't do much fun stuff at our house because we are always working & for the last couple of years, SD's grades have been so bad we told her we are not taking time from work & spending money to go things when she won't even do her homework or turn it in. We won't reward a D/F student when she shows NO effort. Of course, that also makes us the boring meanies. SD usually does fun things at BM's but BM also has traded DH weekends a couple of times so she didn't have to take SD when she had plans... Fourth of July was one of them. BM went camping. SD was picked up by grandma & stayed with grandma until BM came back from camping. SD's life is FUBAR but she doesn't WANT me for anything, except to make mom jealous. Now that I've disengaged as much as I can & DH told BM that SD treats me poorly, BM seems satisfied with that so it kinda ruins any plan SD might have to use me to make mom jealous. She used to tell BM how much fun we had together to get a reaction. When that didn't work... it was awful Ima is forcing me to _____. and still, that didn't work with BM after a while, so she moved on to grandma & gets her reaction there. For the last year, I have agreed with SD & told her that if she wants to live with her mom, she should. I told her that it's not my decision, it's her mom's & dad's.