Grandchildren Keeping in Touch with Grandparents

17 years ago

The "Keeping in Touch" post made me think of this one...

I know several people who are very disappointed with their grown children who are not attentive to their grandparents even though they live nearby. I try to console them telling them that they most probably love their grandparents more than they think and that they just live busy lives today. I'm wondering what the norm is for grandchildren visiting grandparents on their own, calling, etc.

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Comments (6)

janie_ga
17 years ago
Before I moved out of state, I was at Sunday dinner 3 out of 4 weeks at my maternal grandmother's house. my maternal grandparents live in the same city as Granny but I didn't see them as often. This was consistent with my experiences growing up.
stargazzer
17 years ago
My husband had 3 kids and I had 2. His lived in the same city as we did and the last 4 years of his life they didn't visit. Lots of trouble about loans. One of my sons only calls when he wants money. I haven't seen my oldest in years. So I don't expect any calls from anyone. That's why my estate will go to the Lutheran college in my husband's hometown.
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I, too, am concerned about the dog situation. Perhaps I'm reading things that aren't there, but you said the dog was released from a pen--that sounds like it wasn't truly a 'house pet' kind of animal. Animals who spend a lot of time in pens often aren't as well socialized as those who spend all their time with the family and are much more likely to act aggressively. I'm sorry, but in a case like that, allowing the dog to run free around a 3-year-old when no one was apparently keeping an eye on the situation was a really, REALLY dangerous thing to do--the result was predictable. You also said that they sued your ins. to cover their medical bills and seemed to have a problem with with that--that's what you have insurance for. Why should the parents have footed the bill for damage your dog and your husband's carelessness caused? Your message seems to indicate that the little girl was pretty seriously hurt ('she's healed nicely' and the fact that their suit was apparently successful seem to indicate her wounds were fairly substantial). Actually, a dog bite is one of the easiest ways to get your home-owners cancelled--the companies consider that responsible pet owners have a duty to keep their pets under control, that bites are preventable. You seem to be blaming them for the cancellation--I don't know many young families today who can afford major medical bills, they probably did the only thing they could. You could, of course, prevented the claim, by offering to pay the bills yourself, right? Please consider how you would have felt years ago, if you thought someone caused harm and hurt to one of your children--you sound like you care about your children and would like to care about your gk--I imagine you'd have been pretty upset if someone else hurt one of them. Can you put yourself in the parents shoes and imagine how they might feel? I feel very badly that you're not getting to see your granddaughter as much as you'd like, but I do agree with the above poster. Some counselling would certainly be in order--for all the family--so that you can work out the many issues that your family faces. Good thoughts to you, your husband and the rest of your family. I truly hope you find the help you need to work this all out.
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How frequently do most grandchildren spend the night with grandparents when they live in the same city, a mile apart? As often as they are invited. It's TOTALLY up to you to decide what works best for you. Health reasons or whatever reasons! It's definitely NOT a competition -- that's a very unhealthy way to view it. I'm wondering why your other daughter even felt like she needed to get involved. It's totally not her place. Why doesn't she, as aunt to the children, invite them over to her house for sleepovers? What is her relationship with her nieces/nephews? What qualifies her to advise you on your relationship? OK, can you tell? I think the whole thing is a lot of hooey. When I had kids, I asked my mother to take care of them when I had someplace I wanted to go. The key word here being ASKED. My mother could say yes or no according to her whim. Mostly she said yes because she adored my kids and was a wonderful grandma. But sometimes she said No for whatever reason. That was her right and privelege. When my first son was a year old, she decided she wanted him to spend the night every other Saturday - totally her idea. At some point after my second son was born, her health began to fail and she cut back on visits. Again, the visits were ALWAYS up to her. I'm not saying the kids shouldn't ask to come over, the fact that they do means they love you and love spending time with you. But it's still up to you IF they come, WHO comes, and for how long. Just in case you're wondering, my MIL was in very poor health and unfortunately could not take care of my kids at all.
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I only have 1 Uncle left and lots of cousins. I am the only one in the family that keeps in touch with most of them. On Facebook I am in contact with all my 2nd cousins as well. 2 years my cousin Caroline passed away. She was the first one of the "cousins" to die. She kept asking me to come and visit her whenever I bumped into her and now I regret that I never did. I always wanted to but never got around to it. I posted a message looking for info about my Dad's family on a genealogy forum. I got a message in return from an 80 year old woman from England saying she was my Dad's cousin. I didn't even know she existed! She was my Great Uncle George's daughter Mary. She called me on the telephone and we talked for an hour. She remembered my Dad visiting Liverpool when he was in the Navy during WW2 and bringing the family oranges. Mary's daughter calls me from England as well. Anne
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Hello, Everyone (I guess that's you, gurley157fs, since no one else seems to be around anymore) This has been one heck of a day - governed entirely by Murphy's Law. Right now, I am hardly fit company for man nor beast. My morning began with an overflowing toilet, followed by a kitchen drain clogged. Then the rain began and I discovered roof was leaking in two places. When the rain slowed I drove down to the mailbox to get the newspaper and yesterday's mail which I had not picked up - all were soaking wet. This afternoon more rain along with a few minutes of heavy hail (small, but damaging) which pounded a bunch of plants in the ground. I finally have the kitchen drain open - it drains slowly, but at least it drains. Tomorrow morning one of my neighbors is coming over to work on the plumbing and check out the roof. Fortunately, I have two bathrooms and the 2nd bathroom is working OK (but I'm keeping my fingers crossed). The dogs have had no choice but to go out in the rain today and I have been too busy with other things to stop them at the back door and wipe the mud off their paws, so I have dirty paw prints all over - and the house smells like wet dogs. OK, enough complaining. Now I take a deep breath and get on with life. On Sunday evenings or Monday mornings, I make a "to do" list of things I want to accomplish during the week. I try to break it down by each day. Invariably, I always have one or two things I don't manage to get done on the assigned day, so they get carried over to the next day. If a chore keeps getting shoved aside, at the end of the week I decide it probably doesn't need to be done after all and I cross it off anyway (though sometime in the near future it gets put back on the list) Everything on today's list got carried over. Just now and then I manage to get everything on the week's list done......Then I feel really good about having accomplished it all. Hydrangea bushes are bending nearly to the ground with their heavy mopheads - gardenia bush beneath my bathroom window offers it's own aromatherapy - roses are in full bloom, but looking rather ragged with all the wind and rain. Butterflies and hummingbirds are delighted with butterfly bushes, lantana, black eyed Susans, shastas, alstromeria, day lilies, and all the other little wild flowers (AKA weeds) My yard and gardens are extremely unkempt this year for the first time ever. Just haven't had the energy needed to get it all done. I know everyone is busy with vacations, gardening, etc., but would love to see you stop by now and then - just to "Keep In Touch". No need to write a novel each time, as some of us are prone to do - just say "Hi".
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rosemaryt
17 years ago
If you're too busy to spend time with your grandparents, you need to re-think your priorities and perhaps re-order your life.

I've got three daughters in their 20s. When they were growing up, their grandmother and grandfather (paternal grandparents) treated those children like royalty.

In this life, we just don't get that many people who show up and say, "I'm going to love you unconditionally" and yet that's exactly what these paternal grandparents did. And - as I told my kids - when we do get people who love us unconditionally, we should drop to our knees and thank God above for such a great blessing.

I didn't have grandparents when I was growing up PERIOD, and my father wasn't around, so I do NOT understand how anyone can have grandparents and not be supremely grateful for such a blessing.

So, now my kids are in their 20s and last year their beloved grandfather died. Now Grandma lives alone and only my eldest daughter pays attention to her. I don't get it. And Grandma is healthy and fun and independent and mentally sharp. What's going to happen if she ends up being less than healthy and not-so independent? I shudder to think.

I'm divorced from my children's father and yet I still plead with my children to show their father's mother some love and attention. Despite the fact that they rarely take the time to even call her, she *still* treats them with so much love.

When my kids were little, there was NOTHING those grandparents wouldn't do for my children. They were the best grandparents a child could possibly have.

I always taught my children that family was a priority and I told them - a thousand times - that they were very fortunate to be surrounded by such a loving extended family. I only hope that one day those lessons will sink in.

My own mother is dead, so Grandma J. is their last grandparent. Thank goodness my eldest daughter "gets it" and lavishes love on her Grandma.

Rose
Linda Wayman
17 years ago
I worked midnight most of my adult life when my grand mother was alive. I got off from work at 7am. I stopped by to see her most mornings after getting my dd off to school. When there was no school I saw her every morning. She took my dd and me out to eat once a week and I took her to breakfast twice a week. I would have paid for our dinners too, but she insisted. I took her to the grocery store and any other store when she wanted or needed to go.

I have 10 grand kids. Eight of them are step grand kids, but since I was at the hospital while they were born I claim them as grandkids. Two of those eight come over or call regularly. My dd's two, who are almost 20 and 25 years old call regularly. I don't see them often because of geographical reasons, but it sure is nice to hear from them.

Linda
mary_c_gw
17 years ago
My son has my mother and my step-father as grandparents. My father died when my son was 2, and my husband's parents died before I ever met him.

Are they close - not really. We live 2 thousand miles away from my mom and step-dad. He sees them every couple of years. They enjoy the time they spend together. He knows that if something happened to us, they would be there to support him.

But 2 thousand miles away does not a close relationship make. We can't drive or fly that distance several times a year, or even once a year. And Grandma and Grandpa have 17 other grandchildren and 4 great-grandchildren, not more loved, but closer physically.

It would be lovely if my son were closer both emotionally and physically to his only grandparents, but realistically we all know this isn't going to happen, and we all accept it.
monica_pa Grieves
17 years ago
Selfishness
The last year of her life, my mother lived in an assisted living home less than a mile from my nephew, her grandson, a man in his 30's.

He never visited her once - not once. At first, I called him, emailed him...but he said his mother(my sister) said not to bother, that she was old and it wasn't necessary.

I only hope he and his siblings learn from their mother, and that they teach their children to ignore their grandmother, too.

Grandchildren Keeping in Touch with Grandparents

Comments (6)

janie_ga

stargazzer

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