I should have added: I take garden bouquets to friends who are hospitalized or home-bound. We get the the tiny bouquets made, of all kinds flowers blooming at the time, to test what will keep the longest for them. A couple of weeks ago, at a bride's request for a bouquet from my gardens, I made a bride's table bouquet. Lucky thing it was right at the time my Muscadet lilium were blooming--white oriental lilies with small red/fuchsia dots in the throat. I couldn't find the right container, but did find a long narrow ugly brown one for the long narrow table. About 15 coats of white paint and it was ready to go. The neck flared a bit, so I added a necklace of braided pearls with wire ones sprayng out in every direction. Filled it with the huge lilies (about 10) and one starting to open bud for a bit of contrasting form. I topped it all off with pics I made of wired sprays of pearls for a bit of height. It received lots of very positive comments: "You should make a business of it" "They're prettier than the professionals." I had been so nervous about it--not the kind of reaction I like from gardening. I had so feared everyone would think it not up to par that this pleased me greatly. It was the only arrangement the bride wanted to take home. Not to brag, but...chuckle gramma jan

Mexican Magic, with its orange throat is very unique. I love it! Chinese Temple Flower appears to have an applique throat - what a stand-out. Nice! I've had Lilys with "fused" stems before, but not as huge as your Mom's! Maybe you could submit that photo on the Lily forum, and a Lily expert might be able to explain the strange phenomenon. Jkayd, Re: The "poly" bloom: POLYMEROUS A hose-in-hose bloom is one that has additional sets of perianth segments set one within the other...for example: Kwanso Julie

I certainly understand why you feel as you do. Who wouldn't? You write, "If someone walks her down the aisle, it will be him (it would be weird for the two of use to escort here, since we're divorced)." Are you sure? At Jewish weddings, in which the bride's and groom's parents to walk them down the aisle, divorced parents do it all the time -- I have very rarely seen a wedding where they didn't, in fact. They just put aside any bad feelings for the moment as best they can, and if it feels weird to them, it doesn't show. It is understood that they are there not as a couple, but as their child's parents (which I suppose is equally true of married parents anyway); it doesn't look like they are pretending anything about their relationship to each other. It's not ABOUT them. So if that would do it for you, maybe reconsider. There are also toasts at the reception, a special dance with the new son-in-law or perhaps your daughter (why not?), and other things. Maybe they will surprise you with a special, public thank-you. But ... is this really about who does what at the wedding? You write that "[m]y ex- ... has virtually no investment of time or cash and gets all the credit." What "credit"? For what? Do you think people are assuming he did the work and paid the bills? Or do you mean "glory" or "attention"? I can see it being irritating, but is it really important?Anyway, the focus is on the bride, not her parents. I think it's wonderful, all the things you are doing for the wedding (and all the things you CAN do -- sewing, gardening, decorating -- whew!). But aren't you doing them because you WANT to do them? If not, then DON'T do so much -- even doing one or two of those things would be a lot, especially for a second wedding, if you gave the first, too. But if you are doing all those tasks because you LIKE doing them, then let the resentment go and don't worry about if everyone is giving you "credit." If you feel that others should be doing more with the set-up and other chores, then ask for help, delegate, or just say no. But to sulk about being martyred is childish, and in the end, it will spoil your own fun, too. Sure, from time to time, anyone in your position would feel like she ought to be getting some major appreciation! And I hope you get some. But overall, you'll feel better about yourself if you give with your whole heart, and only those things you can give with your whole heart, and not worry about whether people are all noticing that you are the good one.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm still fairly young and hope to have many more years with my Mom who is practically my best friend, but who knows how much more time we'll be given? This is Duchesse de Brabant. I hope you are able to enjoy many sweet memories.