New dog -- missing old

15 years ago

Our dog died this past fall. He was 5 years old and died of post-surgical complications (long story). My husband and I were heartbroken, as he was our first "child" (we also have 2 human kids).

I started obsessively checking out petfinder and we adopted a shelter dog (a puppy about 9-10 months old) who is similar in temperament and looks to our previous dog. We brought him home about 2 weeks ago. He's a great dog and my son (3) loves him.

I am having a hard time, however, loving this new dog. I really want to, but I think the grief from the loss of my old dog is still there. I can't help but wish my old dog was still here instead. Any thoughts?

Featured Answer

Stax

3 years ago

Before humans die, they write their last will and testament, giving their home and all they have to those they leave behind.

If, with my paws, I could do the same, this is what I’d ask…

To a poor and lonely stray, I’d give my happy home; my bowl and cozy bed, soft pillow and all my toys; the lap, which I loved so much; the hand that stroked my fur; and the sweet voice that spoke my name.

I’d will to the sad, scared, shelter dog the place I had in my human’s loving heart, of which there seemed no bounds.

So, when I die, please do not say, “I will never have a pet again, for the loss and the pain is more than I can stand.”

Instead, go find an unloved dog, one whose life has held no joy or hope, and give my place to him.

This is the only thing I can give…

The love I left behind.

Author Unknown

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (14)

weed30 St. Louis
15 years ago
Time, time, time.

I too, wished my old dog was still around. She was just the BEST, and I don't think any other dog will ever measure up. But I have gotten 2 new dogs since my Taco died, and even the totally aggravating and challenging rescue beagle has wormed her way into my heart. I got her in July 2007, and my latest pup in November 2008. This new pup is something else, and while NO dog will ever "replace" Taco, I suspect that both of them will touch my heart in their own way.

So sorry about the loss of your dog.
mazer415
15 years ago
You need to remember this dog IS NOT A REPLACEMENt dog and should not be treated as such, Honor this little dogs spirit by getting to know it for who it is and not try and compare it to your other dog. Im sorry you lost your dog, but if that little soul will pick up on your feelings and may develop issues if you cant shake yourself out of the negative feelings. Honor your dogs memory and make new ones with your new charge Good luck
Related Discussions
New home,, Miss my old garden..
Q
Comments (18)
I know exactly what you're going through. I moved at the end of June last year and the grieving process was started by me being unable participate or even to look at these forums, or buy any gardening mags and flip through them. The thought of leaving my 5 year old garden which I'd created from nothing - was unbearable. I'd read many tear-jerking posts here about the subject, so I knew what feelings to expect but it was still very hard. A member of my family moved into my old home and I thought it would be easier but its almost worse. My husband doesnt know why I can't go back there maybe couple of times in the summer and "fix it up a bit" LOL. The new owner said she couldn't wait to add to it and put her own touches in it, but I can see that she's not really interested, and by September last year it was so weedy and overgrown that I suddenly found it easy to say my private goodbyes and move on. So I concentrated all my efforts on looking ahead and transforming this place. It's 3 times bigger than the old one, and is much much emptier, so here I go with a soccer field again. Just a bigger one. There are some perennials here but its weird... I still don't feel much of a connection to them. Almost like someone else's kids were dropped off at my house. So from June to frost last year I begrudgingly tended to the odd combinations of yarrow and lenten rose... of ditch lilies and clematis... swore at the huge patches of mint and wild violets, swore louder at the price of plants down here (how does 3 x sound?), and looked for some strapping young men to dig a few new garden beds for me. One of them looks a bit like a burial mound so I'll be re-shaping that as soon as the ground thaws. There is no connection between anything in my yard yet, so I will enjoy working on that this year. I really need to keep looking ahead, instead of mourning for the past non-gardening year. Threedogsmom is absolutely right - don't look back. A very dear friend told me this last year -- your garden is a reflection of you, your artistic expression and your beauty. Without you, it has neither of those things.
...See More
Old dog poops when new dog came home
Q
Comments (9)
I also agree about elevating the older dog to a dominant position in the house. When our dog died, and we brought in a new companion for Ricky, we intentionally always went to Ricky first, and said so. Ricky, let's go outside. Our pup learned to "wait for Ricky" as he would walk proudly out the door first. When we fed them, we would say Ricky eats first. Actually we only set down his bowl first, then fed the pup. Even now a year later, we always let Ricky go first and make a big deal of it. Blaze knows nothing else. Ricky leaves and enters the house first. He eats first and gets in and out of the van first. We brush him first and pet him first. Even if Blaze runs up to us to the gate first, we often will stop petting him and pet Ricky when he arrives. All of our dogs are lap dogs. We just sit on the floor. In time when the older one feels more comfortable, the little dog may be a more exclusive lap dog, but for now, I would sit on the floor, and pet the older one first. We keep our dogs in the most popular area of our house, so we go to them. They are rarely alone, but we do not allow them into our living room or bedrooms. Those are off limits, so we don't have dogs with us 24 hours, and we sleep without dog dander since we are very allergic. Therefore we can easily declare that Ricky is first in whatever we do. I don't think you will have a problem after a couple of weeks. If you do, you might consider discussing this with the Vet to see if there is a mild medication you can give your older dog for anxiety. One more thing - when we were walking our dogs, Ricky used to always poop. We would scoop it up, and walk with it. Once my husband hurt his back and had to stop walking with us for a couple of weeks, I quickly got tired of this process. Before our walks I would take the dogs out as usual, and I began telling Ricky to do his business. He would walk inside, and I would call him out. I kept telling him to do his business, and he began doing it. Now he understand that he must do it before we walk. We haven't needed the bags for about 6 weeks. It may be that your dog is performing for you in a more dramatic fashion than the pup can do. You might keep the dog outside with you (and not the young dog), and insist that he poops before he comes in. Even give him a treat if he performs for you. We all know that a dog's brain is wired completely different from ours. Sammy
...See More
New dog and old dog not getting along
Q
Comments (12)
I do not believe that Sadie is aggressive, I think she is insecure and nervous. Sadie is a rescue and while she has been saved physically there is still the psychological damage that must be rehabilitated. It is also important to remember that dog psychology is not human psychology, so while we may want to give affection to soothe a stressed animal, it will only reinforce that state of mind. The three things that will bring balance to your dogs are: exercise, discipline, affection, in that order. Walking the dogs together will form a bond and drain energy. Pent up energy can cause frustration and result in unwanted behaviour. If you have a treadmill Sadie can be trained to walk on it. It doesn't matter which dog is older or who's been living in the house longer, the pack leader must always be the humans. If you are not the pack leader your pack may trust you but they can't respect you and you will have a hard time rehabilitating unwanted behaviour. Dogs in a pack in the wild listen to the pack leader. He/she leads with calm, assertive energy. Dogs understand energy, they coordinate hunts in the wild and don't bark orders to each other. Followers never question the pack leader, if they do he/she will first give a warning and if that isn't effective then they follow through with a touch, a bite or pinning the other dog down. I believe pinning down is what Mazer is doing with his dog. It is not humiliating or punishing (unless you do it with anger or frustration). Done with a calm, assertive energy you wait until the dog submits. On the ground on their side is a submissive position (like lifting our head high and shoulders back makes us feel more assertive) and shows not only that dog but others around that you are the pack leader. But it can be dangerous around unstable dogs (who may attack weakness) and I would never try it without being shown how to do it and where to hold the dog on the neck. When preparing their food no one should be close to you. Make them sit at a distance, give yourself 4 feet or more of space around you, this tells the dogs that you own the food. Then when you are ready to give it to them make them both sit and wait till they are calm, submissive (ears back, not displaying excitement) then feed the calmer one first. Always reward the dog that is the most calm and submissive. Do this in all things, food, rewards, affection. Never play favorites. When you bring a new dog into your home it should be treated equal to the other pets or this can cause dominant behaviour in the favorite one which can lead to bad behaviour from members of the pack. The order in the house should be all humans #1 and all dogs #2. Pack leaders in the wild don't favor any one dog in the pack, they treat all dogs equal. Remember that rescuing a dog is the first step in rehabilitating an abused/neglected dog. Dogs can suffer psychological abuse just as humans can but must be rehabilitated using dog psychology, not human psychology. Dogs live in the moment while we live with the past (not letting go of a tragic past event), present and future (is our dog going to bite someone). You can't help an animal if you pity them. Like with any goal you must envision what you want, picture yourself walking your dog calmly without them pulling or lunging. If we anticipate the worst (a dog attack) we will pass our nervous, anxious energy to our dog who doesn't understand our stress may be related to something else, they will see our weak energy and feel the need to take control of the situation. Someone must always be the pack leader and if its not the human then a dog will take on the role themselves. Watch for subtle clues between your dogs, your older one might be sending messages that start the chomp from your new dog. Dogs challenge each other with their eyes, pay attention to their breathing, their posture, watch if they stop panting and become very quiet. Snap your fingers or say 'hey' (or whatever noise/word you use to correct unwanted behaviour) and stop the behaviour at level 1 before it reaches a higher intensity. You may think that the unwanted behaviour is the bite/attack but it starts before that and addressing it at the beginning prevents it from escalating to a higher level which will be more difficult to correct. Make sure your intensity matches or is a bit higher than the intensity of their behaviour. If they are jumping up on you a bit yelling 'HEY!' is too strong a correction. If they are jumping uncontrollably on you, your guests and the furniture a soft 'hey' won't be enough to correct your dog.
...See More
Old Dog...New Trick...
Q
Comments (10)
His hearing is fine. He has had a rough two years. He lost my Brother whom he loved, then my Mother went into the Nursing Home (who is his Mama). I take him to visit her, but he is afraid I'm going to leave him at the NH with her. He want let me out of his sight. Now, the sad thing is, his best friend (Neighbor Dog) of 10 years past away in August. He still goes to the fence and crys for his Buddy. Fast forward, I move into my Mom's house and bring my two dogs with me. The Younger Dogs get lots of attention when we play ball outside. So, I guess he had to come up with something to keep it real. LOL! When I fuss at the Younger Dogs, Homey barks/growls at them to get his two cents worth in. "You better mind your Mama". Just an example below, Pawle bumped Homey to get in the picture. He is growling at her. Gayle
...See More
pkguy
15 years ago
Oh I know exactly what you're feeling. Each and every time one of my older dogs has passed on the next in line or to come into the house just doesn't seem to measure up right away, but they eventually do.
It actually took a couple of years for my Ben to measure up to Parker who just passed on this past September. he, Ben, was an absolute nightmare of destruction. But he finally matured about 3 years of age and now is awonderful dog too.. And now we have a new pup to keep Ben company and it's like.. oh he'll never measure up to Ben and Parker but he will too in time.
ilovedobies
15 years ago
I know what you're going through. Last August I had to put my doberman to sleep he had cardio and he was only five. He was my little boy in a fur coat and I loved him so much. I found a great breeder and got our new puppy two weeks after he died. I had a lot of tears back then, days when I was angry and days when I just missed him so much. I loved our new puppy right away but I missed my baby it's only natural. I have my favourite picture of him in my kitchen and at times it makes me cry and other times I think of all the silly things he did and it makes me smile. It takes times give your baby a big hug and a kiss and remember you wanted another dog he didn't come looking for you, he deserves your love.
cat_mom
15 years ago
You never stop missing them but it's ok to love the new one(s), too. Eventually your new little one will help to fill the hole a bit, and to soften the ache so it's not as sharp. It'll still be there, but (hopefully) at a more manageable level, in time.
joepyeweed
15 years ago
I know its a bit late now, but when I loose a pet, my next pet is sure not to resemble the last one.

But I think in time, you will adjust. You are still mourning your old pet. It takes time to get over that...
User
15 years ago
Loosing a pet is tough. I found getting a look-a-like replacement is never the same and does create difficult feelings. My DIL just lost their collie/terrier mix---after it chose them---just walked in an open door 14 years ago and never left.

They just got a standard poodle. The temperment is similar, but totally different otherwise.
caflowerluver
15 years ago
I am so sorry for the loss of your old dog. I waited 2 years before I adopted a new dog. I wanted to be over the grief of losing the last one before I felt I would be able to love a new one. And this one was totally different than the last dog, so there is no comparison. Everyone handles grief in their own way, but I knew I had to wait till I was ready to love again.
Clare
trinigemini
15 years ago
I lost my Candy in Oct....we got Tootsie about seven days later. I had Candy for ten years before I Lost her...she was with me in college and got me through law school and the BAR exam before she left me. She really did...I study too much sometimes and she would just come and sit on my books and make me take a much needed break. Toots is not Candy and I still miss my baby but Toots has her own charm...like when she wiggles her butt when its feeding time or when she wants to lay and she grabs ALL of her toys. I think you just have to look at you new baby as her/his own "person", and remember that she hasn't gotten to know you yet either to be your perfect dog...she needs love right now just as you do. You have to let go of your grief, not forget your old dog, just think of the good times and don't dwell on the end. You said your new dog is a good dog...spend time with him and get to know the quirks and personality of your new family member. He can help you get over your grief if you allow him too. When Candy died I went into deep depression....its hard to sleep all day and cry when you have a bundle of love waiting for you and begging for attention.
momof2doxies
15 years ago
As others have said, just give it some time. I think we all have had that one special dog in our lifetimes(Bessie for me), and no other will ever live up to that one. It doesn't mean that you won't love another dog, you will. Bessie has been gone for 1 1/2 years and I still miss her, but love the newest members of our family.

Linda
katie wilson
3 years ago
I had my dog for 16 years.. I have his paw print tattooed on my wrist, it's been 6 months and I'm still heartbroken.. I ended up adopting a 2 year old dog about a month ago. And not gonna lie, I truly think I feel worse now than I did before I had gotten him.. sometimes when I come home from work I lay in my bed and cry cause I miss my old dog Chico.. Before I adopted him I was conflicted on weather I was ready to adopt this dog or not.. I took the chance cause my heart was just so broken from being without a dog for so long. Idk if I'm just still grieving or what, I just have no connection with this dog, I don't feel a bond, I'm only more upset, the only thing I can truly say is give it some time. I'm sure through time the bond will develop. I still love my new dog, I just don't have this overwhelming loving bond with the dog yet. There are days where I even go into work and cry, I was 4 when I got my passed dog. I'm 20 now, this dog has been with me for over almost a third of my life, so it truly does take time to get over your grief..
HU-783963031
2 years ago
Can anyone help me my dog died my grief has gone but I've tried to rehome to dogs and both have made me feel like I want to be sick but I like them very much I'm just unsure about who I feel sick could I not be over grief?
socks
2 years ago
Maybe you need some time before you get another dog. Be sure to read Stax’s poem above which is what a dog would say if it could write.

May the good memories comfort you. Do something to honor your pet…make a photo album, plant a flowering bush, donate to your local animal shelter, foster a dog before it gets its real new home.

New dog -- missing old

Stax

Comments (14)

weed30 St. Louis

mazer415

Related Discussions

pkguy

ilovedobies

cat_mom

joepyeweed

User

caflowerluver

trinigemini

momof2doxies

katie wilson

HU-783963031

socks

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US