Some smart@ss in my family put the Lady Gaga documentary at the top of the queue. Doesn't hurt that we like Lady Gaga, but sheesh, its not even in Blu-Ray. I just put 'Bitter Feast' on 'Save', with Mario Batali playing against type. "Bitter Feast 2010NR 113 minutes Director Joe Maggio's deliciously nasty comic morsel stars James LeGros as Peter Gray, a self-absorbed celebrity chef who goes off the deep end when pompous but influential food blogger JT Franks (Joshua Leonard) posts a scathing review. After kidnapping JT and shackling him in the basement, Peter administers a series of tortures but soon finds that his victim is far from helpless. What ensues is an epic battle between two towering egos."

If Indiana is right in the heart of the Midwest, then I must be living on the west coast. Better start learning the language. "Gag me with a spoon"? And why go crazy because someone uses more salt that you want? Don't you think you could, let's see. hmmm, maybe use less?? Recipes are guidelines, not hard and fast rules. Recipes will often vary, even when followed to the letter depending on a number of variables. I seldom follow a recipe to the letter since I might not happen to have the free range grapes, cage free milk or organic Vanilla Wafers that Marco Pierre White's recipe might call for. I often will add spice I like and tone down or eliminate what I don't like. Amish/Mennonite, etc cooking has a lot of crossover with what some people term "Midwest" cooking. If you consider Indiana "midwest" then I exempt this from consideration. However the midwest of the United States are generally or at least were, big farming areas and Amish/Mennonite, etc were also big farmers. Meat, potatoes, bread, coffee, milk, dessert was your typical farm fare. The midwest didn't use much in the way of rice however certain areas, including the upper midwest would have wild rice available and that could be included in the later menus. Native Americans of course used wild rice much more heavily than many others until others found out how great it is. Actually you'll find a lot of crossover in German, even Russian and certain other ethnic types of foods when they're living in a colder climate and doing a lot of hard work, but then again considering the number of Scandinavians. Germans, etc who populated the area, it shouldn't be a surprise. But the food changed to adapt to what's around. You won't go to Norway, Sweden, Germany, Russia, etc and find the same things. Just as "cajun" or "creole" won't be found in France, and probably not much in the French areas of Canada. As Annie said, hearty meals were needed for the heavy workload on a typical farm. You'd rise early and work late and burn a lot of calories. Actually what many people term "comfort foods" is quite common among both the A/M/etc and midwest farmers. You won't find finger sandwiches, consumme or sushi on these menus. You will find hearty soup, stew, roast, meatloaf, pasta and much much more. You'll also find a lot of pies, cakes, cookies and rolls. You'll find great breads, rolls, etc. Around here, mac & cheese is essentially baby food. A blue box and a package of Corn King hotdogs fed many a toddler by a new mother. Never could stomach mac & cheese. No meat, why bother. Watching Cookin' Cheap is different. Two gay guys doing their "cooking" and then dressing in drag to show a gadget of some sort. A pickle slicer, nut cracker or whatever. The "Cook Sisters". Initially it was to show people you could cook cheap. They'd figure out the cost of something and figure per portion. Although if they had a leftover from something before, they didn't include it in the price and would come out with 58¢ per person "meals". One thought he knew how to cook and the other admitted he knew nothing but would try anything. They both fancied themselves far better standup comedians that I would. Watch it sometime, it's, well, different. I wouldn't say it's funny very often, but entertaining usually. Actually hotdish for the food, (and go ahead and debate "food" if you're a Miracle Whip snob) and "hot dish" describes the ladies cooking or the temperature of the plate. Scalloped potatoes and ham is a type of hotdish. Marilyn's Party Potatoes, sometimes called "funeral potatoes" is a hotdish, etc. People stick out their tongues and stick their noses in the air over foods. Yes, some will be a can of cream soup with a can of something and a package of onion soup mix. But then again, people buy "blue box", TV dinners and produce from Walmart for cryin out loud! LOL Contrary to what a couple of you believe, not one of the terms hotdishes, A/M/etc or midwest cooking mean all from a can or a pouch. It can and often is made from scratch. The shortcuts are more publicized since it's a timesaver and many people who hit the net want to save time. I would defy most anyone to have tasted and claim they didn't like the scalloped potatoes and ham that was served at my aunt's funeral, or for that matter the roast beef and mashed potatoes served at my cousin's funeral or any of my mother's holiday meals, all made from scratch. I'll take that any day over foo-foo food! Or for that matter the Tex-Mex you get at Taco Bell, or the seafood from Long John Silver, or should I continue... Back to topic, a couple other shows I enjoyed watching included the Galloping drunk, er, Gourmet though never really learned much from his shows. When Andrew Zimmern was a local cook he was interesting to see on the local channels before he decided to concentrate on bugs and exotic roadkill.

I've another new recipe that I made a couple of weeks ago. Adapted from allrecipes... Chinese Egg Rolls (w/o the eggs) 4 t. vegetable oil 1 medium head cabbage, finely shredded 1/2 carrot, grated 1 can bamboo shoots, cut into long thin strips 1 c. mushrooms 1 # freshly roasted pork, shredded 2 (or more) green onions, thinly sliced 1 T. (or more) soy sauce 1 t. sugar 1 14 oz. pkg egg roll wrappers 1 egg white, beaten 4 c. oil for frying Heat the oil in the wok. Add cabbage & carrot; cook 2 minutes over high heat to wilt. Add bamboo, mushrooms, pork, green onions, soy, sugar & addt'l salt to taste, if needed. Continue cooking until veggies soften, about 6 minutes. Spread mixture out into a shallow pan & refrigerate until cold, about 1 hour. Assembling the egg rolls. Place a wrapper on the counter w/ one corner pointing toward you. Place about 3 T. of cooked filling in a heap onto the bottom third of the wrapper. Brush a little beaten egg white onto the top two edges of the wrapper. Fold the bottom corner over the filling & roll firmly to the halfway point. Then fold the left & right sides snugly over the egg roll & continue rolling until the top corners seal the egg roll. Repeat--keeping assembled egg rolls covered to prevent them from drying out. Heat oil in wok or heavy saucepan to 350 degrees. Fry egg rolls 2-3 at a time until golden brown (about 5 minutes.) Drain on paper towels & serve. Notes: My egg rolls were a little on the loose side--work on getting a nice tight roll. For some reason?, I had some rolls break open in the hot oil on the second batch that I fried. Had leftover wrappers so I put a second wrap around the uncooked egg rolls & none of those split open. (Possibly I used too much filling or didn't get a tight enough wrap??) Makes a lot of egg rolls--14-16 large ones Enough for a main course for 4 people. (I was tired & that's all they got for dinner!) Anyway, if you're making them as an appetizer for a small group, would cut the recipe in half. This one was termed 'A keeper' by The Guys. DSII later referred to them as 'those awesome eggrolls'. Oh--& about the eggs. I've never eaten eggrolls that had egg in them & wondered why they were called 'eggrolls'. Just assumed that the wrapper must have egg in it. Anyway, the original recipe called for three beaten eggs fried into any egg pancake & cut into strips and added to the cooked cabbage mixture just before chilling. I skipped the egg just cause we aren't accustomed to having fried egg in our egg rolls. Will try it on a portion of the recipe some time in the future. Maybe what gets billed as 'eggroll' on the local Asian menus are, in reality, 'springrolls'? Truthfully, I suspect that they're frozen factory food because a lot of them just aren't very good--what led me on my quest for a tastier home-made version in the first place.

Part 3 His friend asked "'Hey Arnold' why don't we go the short way thru 'Eerie ,Indiana'?" Arnold didn't hear him because all the dogs were barking so he took the exit to the "East of Eden". Having made a wrong turn Gomer learned that the "Harper Valley PTA" was having a big meeting. Turns out the students were upset because they weren't allowed to use their cell phones and Blackberry's in class. Fred MacMurray stood up and said, when "My 3 Sons" were in school they didn't have this technology and they turned out just fine. Well I don't know about you,but I'm ready to call an end to this meeting. Let's just let them have their cell phones, but not let the kids use them in class. Now does anyone want to go to CHEERS and have a drink? With that the whole PTA meeting went out and got in their cars and all drove to CHEERS. Gomer agreed with Fred. His "Sisters" never had fancy instruments in class. It wasn't until "Inspector Gadget" stepped in and showed them how to use them that Gomer understood. Wow...do you mean I can take photos of Margie with my cell phone..Gomer asked? While they were driving to "Cheers" Gomer noticed that Margie was looking at something out the window. Gomer pulled over just in time before he was shot at by the HUNTER who was standing on the knoll. 'Gollly , what are ya doin pointing that in this direction' he stammered. The man said, 'iffen ya had a BULLSEYE painted on ya , I cooda hit ya from way up ther! Now git on outta here!' Gomer got back in the car and told Margie to duck her head down and they got the heck out of Dodge. Gomer couldn't wait to get back to the city where it was safer. He was quite happy to leave everyone behind, and perhaps even go back to "Green Acres". All of a sudden out of the corner of his eye he saw "Rocky and Bullwinkle" They had hightailed it out of Green Acres when they heard the "Beverley Hillbillies" were coming and they didn't want to end up in Granny's kettle as vittles. Rocky and Bullwinkle had come looking for Gomer. There is some thing wrong at GREEN ACRES they cried. Please hurry. We had to call TRAPPER JOHN M.D. Sam fell off of FLICKA and got hurt. Gomer felt his head spin. Sam was his sister, he couldn't wait to get back to the farm. MATT HOUSTON must be sick with worry he thought. As he turned down the lane he saw THE VIGINIAN, whats his name, he couldn't think straight anymore and probably should get right to the ER. But, he had to wait until Knight Rider went by with a load of his Friends. Meantime, Gomer was on his cell calling "Matt Houston" who was at "Green Acres." Matt said Sam was fine, but was asking for Gomer. So Gomer barrelled down the highway, when all of a sudden, he heard sirens, and "CHIPS" flagged him down. Eric Estrada swaggered up to Gomer and asked what his hurry was. Gomer told him, so Eric said, "don't worry, I'll escort you." He led Gomer down the highway with lights and sirens going, and it was all Gomer could do to keep up, in his "My Mother the Car." The MEDICAL CENTER was at 21 JUMP STREET. We're almost there said Gomer. Margie was afraid of all the noise from the sirens. They pulled up in front of the EMERGENCY room and Ponch got out and wished Gomer good luck. As Gomer got out to go in ,Margie jumped out of the car before he could grab her. Gomer ran after her, she was a fast LITTLE RASCAL ! He almost had her when two huge hands scooped her up and Gomer looked way up and into the eyes of THE INCREDIBLE HULK!. Thankfully, he knew that underneath, Hulk was a very kind and gentle person. Even when angry, he was angry for a reason. He gently and carefully scooped Margie up and handed her to Gomer. Gomer scolded her for running away, thanked the Hulk, then entered the EMERGENCY door, and spoke to the head nurse named JULIA. She told them where Sam's room was and off they went. but Gomer took a right instead of left turn and mistakenly joined a therapy session with "Dr. Phil" explaining "The Facts of life". Gomer was so embarrassed that he had to cover Margie's ears and as well as his own. The next topic was "Sex and the City". Gomer and Margie bolted from the room and ran down the corridor to until they saw a sign that said, "This way to Sesame Street". They ran as fast as they could, out the door, and knocking down the "Gilmore Girls", who were trying to find "The Wiggles". Gomer said, I knew we should have gone to "M*A*S*H" instead of here, but Sam is here and I need to know how she is. He wound his way through town, till he got back to the MEDICAL CENTER. He got ion the elevator and went up. JULIA found him and told him that Sam was in ROOM 222. He and Margie went in and saw her. She was on STRONG MEDICINE, JULIA told him. Sam looked at Gomer and Margie and asked "Who are you and why are you looking at me like that ?" "SISTER, SISTER", Gomer cried, its me , "your brother! You know, we're BROTHERS AND SISTERS. "Where am I" she asked. Gomer said you were in an accident, and it's a real DRAGON'S DEN over at GREEN ACRES. You're here at GENERAL HOSPITAL, but we're going to take you home and NURSE you back to health. Once you are back on your feet I am taking you to "Falcon Beach". We can start up a "Family Business" and never go back to the chaos of "Green Acres." As they we chatting Margie started barking at a stranger who entered the room. WellÂ.GolllllyyyyÂif it isnÂt my old friend "Father Murphy"! MurphÂ.what are you doing here? Gomer my friendÂI heard about your troubles at "Green Acres" and I have good news for you. I am sending you, Margie and your sister to my Bed and Breakfast. ItÂs called the "Hot L Baltimore". When you arrive tell my assistant, "HR Pufnstuf" that you are to stay as long as you like. Gomer and Margie were so happy that they Started "Dancing With The Stars" in their eyes! This joyful commotion was overheard in the hallway by "Dr. Kildare", who asked "Nurse" "Julia" to join him in a frisky foxtrot! Meanwhile, Herbie the "Love Bug" just pulled up to take Gomer and Margie to their new destination, when the "Incredible Hulk" motioned for him to Drive to "sex in the city,"have fun and then "serch for tomorrow". So the "Incredible Hulk", Gomer and Margie all squeezed into the "Love Bug". He was taking them to "The Love Boat" where they were goin on an adventure. Gomer was hoping they were going to "Fantasy Island" and Ginger would be there, from "Gilligan's Island". He had his fingers crossed very tightly for this wish. Gomer sat there Â"Lost in Space" for a moment thinking about the boat trip to Fantasy Island. ÂIf Ginger is not there at least I can look for a "Starter Wife." Everyone is given a "Second Chance" in life and I am going to make the most of my time with any new "Girlfriends." But I will take it "Step By Step" and see what happens. Margie was also in her own little world. She was hoping that "Scooby-Doo" would be on the cruise as well. We will look like an "Odd Couple" but at least I will have someone to swim with. Gomer turned to Margie and saidÂMargie..the one nice thing about going on a cruise is that we will use "Silver Spoons" with our "Good Eats" and have "Strawberry Shortcake" for dessert. After we eat we can go out on deck and look at the "Sailor Moon" and tell "Storm Stories." As they headed for the boat they looked up and saw Space Ghost" in the air!! He was Gomer's favourite cartoon when he was young. He was thrilled to be meeting his childhood hero. Margie saw that he had his sidekick Blip the monkey with him. She was barking in excitement at this newfound friend. When they arrived at the harbour, who greeted them in the water, but Flipper!" He was standing on his tail chortling and laughing. This was a terrific way to begin their journey As they walked up the plank to the ship, they were given leis made out of "Blossoms". Gomer held Margie in his arms as they stood at he railing. He whispered to her, I'm so tired of the 'single life', I hope I can meet some 'bachelorette' .Margie wagged her little tail, she loved when he whispered ! As the ship set sail and the first star appeared in the sky, Gomer and Margie made their wishes for "A real Chance at Love" and never wanted to feel like "The Biggest Loser" ever again. Suddenly out of the corner of his eye, Gomer spots the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Her name was "Reba". Gomer and Margie approached her, but Gomer was so nervous that his words became jumbled and he accidently said Goooollllllyyyyy Shazam!!! Do you know who you are??!?" I'm so excited to meet you!!! This is Margie, and she's excited too. We're going to "Fantasy Island" but really my fantasy is here, seeing you Reba looked at Gomer and smiled. HiÂIÂm Reba. I took this cruise to start my life over. I was "Married with Children" but I recently went to "Divorce Court" because my husband was featured on "Cheaters". IÂm looking for the "Simple Life". I want a "Little House on the Prairie" where my "Pound Puppies" can run and play. What are you and Margie looking for in life? Margie got very excited when she heard there was a place where puppies could run and play. Well at that point Gomer was head over heels in love with Reba and decided to call his cousin Goober who worked at the filling station in "Mayberry R.F.D" to tell him he had found the woman of his dreams. Gomer knew that Goober was also looking for a soul mate and Reba mentioned that her good friend "Rhoda" (yes, she's back lol) was also looking for Mr. Right. Gomer and Reba set up a "Blind Date" for the two that evening. Gomer and Reba settled on deck with drinks in hand. Margie was over by the pool watching the kids play in the water. Gomer said to Reba, I know this might sound strange, but I am 'mad about you' already. Lets's get to know each other better. I'll start, said Reba. I live in a small town called 'Everwood'. I have two grown children,'Hope and Faith' and dogs named 'Clifford' and Lassie' and 'Rin-tin-tin' who I always refer to as my pound puppies, because I rescued all of them from the shelter. At that Gomer excitedly told her how he found Margie and that she was 'absolutely fabulous' and the best thing that had happened to him recently. Well except you of course he said and slowly reached for her hand as "Banacek" the waiter came to them with a tray of sparkling cider from "Apple's Way", and said "Here come the Brides!" Stunned, Gomer watched as Ellie Mae and Dash Riprock approached in wedding regalia befitting "The Fresh Prince of Belair". The whole "Apple Dumpling Gang" was there too, and sure enough, Gomer seized the opportunity to ask "The $64,000 question" and proposed Holy Matrimony to Reba right there and then! Reba and Margie exchanged those knowing looks that only the best of girlfriends have on these delicate issues. Then Reba's face lit up with a smile, and she yelled "YES" to Gomer and hugged him. Margie was "Dancing with Stars" in her eyes, running around in circles around their feet. Reba and Gomer joined hands and ran to tell their "Friends" the news. Only the most "Criminal Minds" wouldn't wish "Happy Days" for them, since everyone only has "One Life to Live". They started making wedding plans, and wanted Margie to be the ring-bearer. Reba wanted to also include "Lassie, Rin-Tin-Tin" as well. Meanwhile, "Rhoda" and Gomer's friend Goober were having 'good eats' . They met at a 'Roswell' diner for their blind date. It was actually like 'threes company' because Goober brought along his friend 'Flip Wilson'. Rhoda couldn't take her eyes off of Flip. Then he told her, "The devil made me wear this dress !" Rhoda nearly fell off her chair. Reba was stunnedÂ.YES..she cried out! They kissed and began dancing around the deck. Gomer and Reba had found their "Love Connection" and Gomer knew he wasnÂt going to end up with "Bridezilla". Margie jumped into their arms and began licking their faces. Goober was just as thrilled. Gomer and RebaÂ.You are going to have the "Days of Your Lives". I made the "Deal of the Century" for you. I booked you on "Airwolf" airlines. You are going to "Point Pleasant" to bask in the "Acapulco Heat". Your "Hotel" is really fancy in case you are "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." Reba hugged Goober and said Goober, you and I have become close "Friends" and I feel the need to tell you this. "Rhoda" often times gets "Growing pains" and finds the need to quickly end relationships. Recently, she has gotten mixed up with "The Bad Girls Club" and as part of her initiation she was given an "Extreme Makeover" and now when I look at her I feel she is somehow "Lost in Space". Good luck with her Goober, maybe you can help her and take "Rhoda" out someplace nice after dinner, and you and "Flip Wilson" can show her a good time to get her mind off her troubles. So they went to "Vegas" where Terry Fator was there doing his ventreloquist show. (I would love to see him!) It was awesome and Rhoda wanted to meet him. Flip has connections so they went backstage and Rhoda was starstruck. He was telling them that he got started on "America's Got Talent" and Goober mentioned that Margie was going to be on the show next season. Terry promised that he'd watch and vote for Margie. Because she was after all "The Greatest American Dog". Flip decided to surprise everyone at dinner and came dressed as Geraldine. Gomer and Reba did not know who it was and thought Geraldine would be a good match for Goober. Goober fell head over heals when he saw Geraldine. He laughed so hard at Reba and Goober. Gomer whispered to Reba" Isn't that that 'Fat Actress?" Reba wasn't sure. Goober finally got up and introduced everyone to each other and said "welcome to 'our gang'." Gomer took Reba off to the side and said "we have to tell Goober about Flip". Reba agreed and they went to talk with Goober. "GooberÂI hate to tell you this but Geraldine and Flip are one in the same." SHAAAZAMMM! Why "ThatÂs Incredible"! IÂm going to see if he will be performing at "Comedy Central". IÂll bet any money that he will be the "Last Comic Standing"! The gang chuckled when all of a sudden the room began to shake. ItÂs an earthquake they cried! Gomer grabbed Reba and Margie to protect them. Everyone ran to the doors to escape when suddenly They stopped and looked around and saw a bright light and knew they had been Touched by an angel . Fear not, for I have a message from the Father she said Behold..and welcome the one who will save you!!! Gomer, Reb, Margie and the others stared in awe...Out of the light came forth a being so big he blocked the sun. After adjusting their eyes they say "Harry and the Henderson's" had some to save them. Becuase of his size and hairy body Margie was scared and started barking at Harry. We're saved shouted Gomer!! After adjusting their eyes they say "Harry and the Henderson's" had 'some' to save them." 'Some' of what or who, no one knew....so, in order to quench Margie's continued barking, they opted for "Trading Spaces", and jumped on the "Love Boat" for "Gilligan's Island". When they got there, Gomer was exhausted. He splayed out on the lawn and said "I feel like I've lived "The Second Hundred Years"! Just before he drifted off to sleep, he managed to admonish Margie "Please Don't Eat the Daisies". Margie thought about that for a second, then proceeded, (with reckless abandon, I might add!) to explain what happened.... Margie sat down and gave Gomer his best pupply-like eyes and said...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to eat the daisies. It's just....I was being "Chased by Dinosours"! Then I met three new "Freinds". "Connie the Cow", "Courage the Cowardly Dog" and "Woody Woodpecker" stopped them from getting me! Gomer picked up Margie and thanked her new friends for helping. Why....you guys are like the "Fantasitc Four"! Now go off and play nice and no more "Funny Business". Margie, Connie, Courage and Woody decided to go explore their home and found themselves acting like 'the snoop sisters' ! They were into everything. After a while of sniffing here and there they had managed to put quite a distance between themselves and Gomer. Suddenly Margie looked up and realised that they were 'lost'. She was sure they had passed those 'picket fences ' before. Meanwhile , Gomer continued to snooze on the grass. Gomer said I REMEMBER MAMA saying there were going to be HAPPY DAYS, and he contined to gaze at the sky thinking Gee, Margie and her friends have been gone for a while. I'd better try and find them and make sure they're not "Lost". He walked around "Gilligan's Island" calling for Margie. He heard her barking and found her and her "Friends" frolicking among the palm trees and fallen coconuts. He called her and she came running. He was thinking that "Three's Company" for her, but 4 animals are a lot of responsibility. He decided to have a "Hart to Hart" talk with her. Well, now Margie, it seems like you made a bunch of 'friends' he told her. But our ship will be leaving for 'Laguna Beach' soon and you and I can't take all your friends with us. MargieÂs ears drooped as she realized what he was trying to say. Gomer felt so bad. He loved 'all creatures, great and small' but Connie was a little too big to take on the ship. so he called his good friends "The Beverley Hillbillies." He knew that Ellie May would take very good care of Connie and the others. He and Margie got ready to get on the ship. She said goodbye to her friends and they set sail for "Laguna Beach." Lo and behold, who else should be on the ship but all the chefs from "The Food Network." He was ecstatic....he loved food and he was so excited to meet some of his favourite chefs and try some of their menus. He was hoping to meet Guy, because when he got home he was going to go to some of his "Diners, Dives and Drive-ins" when he got home. Always one for "Good Eats", Gomer set off for the dining room, but mistakenly ended up at "Paula's Party". Being a southern boy himself he knew a thing or two about cooking and decided to do some "Down home cooking with the Nealy's", but a red headed stranger approached him and challenged him to a "Throw Down with Bobby Flay". Poor Gomer! He stammered and stuttered cause the only thing HE knew how to cook was Kraft Dinner. Thanksfully Tyler Florence saw Gomer's predicament, and he challenged Bobby Flay to a Throwdown. "Tyler's Ultimate" weapon was that he can keep calm and cool, where Bobby has a real short temper. Gomer was so pleased that Tyler challenged Bobby. DonÂt worry GomerÂ.I learned to cook from "Caroline in the City". The only thing Bobby can make is salsa and "Chips". It was an "Amazing Race" to see who would win the challenge. Gomer asked TylerÂ.what do we receive if we win the contest? Gomer..you will get "The Job" working for "Josie and the Pussycats" at their "Noble House". The loser will work as a "Jack of All Trades" for "Jon and Kate plus 8". And, "Just for Laughs", the loser also has to move to "Naked City". What!!! "Naked City"!!!! GolllyyyyyÂ.we have to win Tyler! Gomer proceeded to run around the party yellingÂ."Are You Being Served?" As he was running around Gomer accidently tripped and spilled Chocolate Covered Strawberries all over Jake and the Fat man". An irate Jake yelled "Who's the boss" here? A visibly shaken Gomer stammered, Mr. Jake I think, "Charles in Charge". Everyone in the room was hoping that Jake would take the "Higher Ground" and apologize to Gomer, but he did not, instead he threatened to a "Duel" at "High Noon" on the "Streets of San Francisco". Then Jake said...Don't look for help either. There is a "New Street Law" that states duels are allowed. Don't confuse it with the "LA LAW". Choose your weapon young man! Gomer wasn't scared though. He calmly said to Jake....Sir..I am not a coward but I have no intentions of fighting with you. Jake looked at Gomer and said I'm sorry Gomer, I'm going to take "A leap of Faith" here because "What I like about you" is that you seem like a genuine soul, much like my "Big Brother" who I miss dearly. Everyone in the room breathed a sigh of relief and the party resumed. Inwardly, Gomer breathed a sigh of relief. He bent to pat Margie's head and whispered in her ear "you see, Margie, Father Knows Best". The party continued "From Dusk to Dawn", all the while, new "Friends" Jake and Gomer talking about Jake's "Big Brother", and how Jake missed him. Margie slept curled up in Gomer's lap. The saga of Jake's brother was an interesting yarn in and of itself. It seems Jake's brother was a fellow named "Dobie Gillis". He lied about his age in order to enlist in "McHale's Navy". He did this in hopes of sending his pay back to his poor family, and be one less mouth for them to feed. Jake wiped a tear from his eye, as he continued to explain. Dobie always felt like the "5th Wheel" of the family. He thought "Eight is Enough" in one household. We didnÂt have a lot growing up either. We bought our groceries on "21 Jump Street" but we couldnÂt buy a lot. In fact we always used the "Fast Lane" where you could only have "10 Items or Less". But Dobie had big dreams. He would go "Fishing with John" and talk about how he wanted to be one of those "Forensic Investigators". He attended "Schoolhouse Rock" and after the "First 48" hours he was "Saved by the Bell". A man from the Navy encouraged Dobie to enlist to fulfill his dreams Gomer and Margie were so touched by JakeÂs story. He turned to everyone at the party and said I too had 'growing pains' in my childhood. I understand where Jake is coming from. I felt I would always be 'unhappily ever after', but I have learned that the world is a wonderous place filled with many good people and "As the World Turns" it's "Absolutely Fabulous"...not the "Alien Nation" most people think it is. Everyone cheered when in walked the "Wayan Brothers". Guess where we were? they asked....we just got back from "Vegas" with Dobie. We had a "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" and drank the "Last of the Summer Wine." Jake was stunned. You were in "Vegas" with Dobie? Wait until I see him....I'm going to 'Normal,Ohio'. That's where he lives now with his second wife, "Blossom'. He met her when he was in the 'NCIS'. Gomer knew about Normal. It was anything but. "Blossom" lived in a "Different World" and everyone that knew her said she was "Crazy like a fox". Gomer, Jake and Margie were very sensitive to "Family Matters" and wanted nothing more than to have strong "Family Ties" with Blossom and Dobie. The trio arrived in 'Normal Ohio' to reunite with Dobie and Blossom, but nothing prepared them for what they were about to encounter there was a tornado warning and the 'storm chasers' were everywhere. 'The wire's ' were down ! Gomer exclaimed "this is the 'real McCoy'. WeÂre in for some "Wild Weather". The "Wind in the Willows" was blowing everyone around. Poor "Blossum" and Dobie looked like "Beauty and the Beast". Gomer said to JakeÂwe have to find shelter! LookÂthere is a theater over there. We can wait the storm out there! Gomer grabbed Margie and held her tight so she wouldnÂt get hurt. As Jake and Gomer headed towards the theater Jake saidÂthis is the "Most Haunted" looking theaterÂ.itÂs scary! They entered the dark theater and heard singing. Gomer saidÂitÂs coming from that room. When they opened the door they saw "The Muppet Show" was in progress. The Muppets" were singing and all of a sudden a beautiful burst of sound and music joined in and it was the cast of "Sesame Street!" Gomer was so excited cause he grew up with Big Bird and all the others when he was a child. He got to see his childhood heroes for real. He was so enthralled with the music and the dancing that he didn't notice Margie jump down, till she was on stage with them. She was up on her hind feet, dancing too. He was so proud of her, that his heart felt like it was going to burst with pride. His emotions were on "Wings." Before too long Jake said that they had better leave to find Dobie and Blossom. I hope 'the electric company' gets here soon, said Jake. This worries me, that we haven't heard from them. A 'policewoman' came up to them and asked if they were Jake and Gomer. They said they were. That storm came through here like 'gangbusters' she said. Have you eaten? No, Gomer said and he was thinking that poor Margie didn't have any food either. We have plenty of food. There are donations from "AppleÂs Way", the "Apple Dumpling Gang", The "Banana Splits" and others. We also got donations for our furbabies from the "Food Paradise" and "Dog the Bounty Hunter". Gomer gave Margie here plate first and she ate every bit. The "Police Woman" was happy that Gomer and Margie weren't hurt. Lots of people have injuries but we have "Dr. Zhivago, Dr. 90210 and Doogie Howser MD" on hand. We also set up a "MASH" unit as well. Gomer looked around at the devastation and said I think I'll call my "Friends" from "Extreme Makeover." They can do a few projects in a very short period of time and get this area looking like new. I must have been "Touched by an Angel" that Margie and I didn't get hurt. He wanted to chip in and help at the "Medical Center" They would be welcome for any help they could get. Gomer thought I REMEMBER MARGIE and how much I really like her. Now the 64 THOUSAND DOLLAR QUESTION, is where we will go from here. Gomer, Margie and the rest of the "Entourage" decided it best to head over to the "Medical Center", but quickly stopped by Dobie's "House" to check on "Blossom". She had recently undergone a "Nip/Tuck" and was heavily sedated. Gomer knew that he could not leave her alone, so he called Blossom's sisters, "Kate and Allie". Unfortunately Gomer was not aware that "Kate and Allie" were working on their "8 Simple Rules for dating" their teenage daughter. Their daughter is known around town as "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch." Kate and Allie are worried that she is going to hop on "The Magic School Bus" and head to "SalemÂs Lot" with the "Witch Hunter Robin". Robin, who is considered "The Worst Witch" belongs to a "Magic Users Club" located in "The Magic Garden" of SalemÂs Lot. Kate told Dobie and GomerÂ."This is the Worst Week of my Life!" What is that girl thinking?... Gomer and Dobie recommended an "Intervention" for "Kate and Allie's" daughter. They thought that was the perfect answer, and made an appointment with "Dr. Phil" as well. Meantime "Blossom" needed someone to stay with her so "SuperNanny" was called. She came over as soon as she could, met Blossom and instantly became fast "Friends." Knowing Blossom was in capable hands, Dobie, Gomer and Margie went over to the other end of town to see how the "Extreme Makeover" crew was coming along in rebuilding some of the homes Things seem to be progressing nicely. The guys from "Home Improvement" were there and each of them had a "House" to work on. But Gomer noticed that Margie seemed upset. "What is it girlÂis something wrongÂ? Margie raised her paw to Gomer, barked and turned her head. It was then Gomer saw the animals that were homeless. "Oh DearÂ.good girl Margie! We have to help them too!" Gomer grabbed his cell phone and called his "Friends" at the "Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom". He told them that there were homeless animals where he was and can they help with building a new shelter and zoo. Gomer went to look for 'higher ground' to build a place for all the animals so they would be safe. He was lost in thought when some one yelled "Run for your Life !" It was "Austin Stevens Snakemaster" yelling. His truck had been hit by the tornado and the cages had broken when they hit the ground. Austin said the snake were loose and he had no idea where they all went. While the others were beginning to panic Gomer kept a cool head. He grabbed Margie and told everyone that until the snakes were rounded up they could go over to "Archie Bunker's Place" and wait. Everyone headed to Archie's where they encountered Archie in a heated discussion with Meathead as usual. Gomer didn't know if he wanted to subject Margie to that kind of atmosphere, so they left and went to see "Mary Tyler Moore". She and Betty White were having lunch together, and Gomer knew that Margie would be welcome and spoiled rotten by Betty. While Betty was fussing over Margie, Gomer would get some much-needed rest. He's not used to all this excitement and pressure. He was wishing that he was back with "Andy Griffith", where life was simpler. Mary lived in the next town over called 'Cheyenne'. Mary and Betty were good friends and were remembering when they were the 'toast of the town'. Gomer was shown to his room , soon he fell into a 'twilight zone' sleep. He began dreaming about his old friends Opie, Andy and Aunt Bea. But Gomer woke with a start. He could no longer "Dream On". I'm not going to be the "Fall Guy" any longer. I feel so small here in this "Land of the Giants". I must take Margie to the "Last Place on Earth" where there are no "Far Out Space Nuts". So Gomer gathered his friends and told them he was taking Margie home to Mayberry. Mary and Betty choked back tears and said..we understand but let us take you both out for dinner and a show. With that the "Fantastic Four" headed for "Pee Wee's Playhouse". On the way, they were distracted by a film crew. It was "Animal Planet" just finishing up at Marilyn's house. They got pics of her raccoons and possums. They took one look at Margie and wanted to do a segment on her as well. Gomer figured it would be a good idea. Between "Animal Planet" and "America's Got Talent", she would be a "Nashville Star." Who knows, maybe with "The Dog Whisperer's" help, she could have a lifelong career! He had stars in his eyes, picturing her doing television interviews on "Good Morning America", "Oprah", and Jay Leno on "the Tonite Show." Gomer was day dreaming about the talk show circuit when someone tapped him on his shoulder. Gomer turned around and saw it was Pee Wee Herman. Pee Wee said...Gomer..I know what you are thinking but don't do it. I don't want you to get "Caught on Tape" and end up on "America's Most Wanted". Go back to "Mayberry" and forget about this "Star Search". Don't put yourself or Margie through that. Gomer came down from his "7th Heaven" and thanked Pee Wee. You're right my friend...this is not for me or Margie. And with that Gomer and Margie headed towards. The place where they truly belonged, Mayberry. Gomer had experienced so many ups and downs on his journey and finally deemed himself a true "survivor" and often times he and Margie felt like "heroes" to the many people that needed his help. Gomer prayed that Mayberry was still the same innocent place that he had come to know and love. So, "In the heat of the night", Gomer and Margie boarded a bus and headed home. Gomer had just settled Margie in her seat when this voice behind him said "Hi"- my name is 'Joe Schmo' and this is my wife 'Cybill'...where are you headed? he asked. Margie stood up on the seat and peeked at the man and woman behind her. She started barking! She was so excited! They were each holding a little dog and each one looked just like her !!! Whoa, Joe Schmo said. Your pup looks just like our, 'Pixie and Dixie'. Then he frowned. Where did you get that dog? he demanded. Uh-Oh thought Gomer. This is Margie. I got her from the "North Shore Animal League." I've had her for years, and she's my very best friend. Well, Joe said. We had 3 identical dogs and the third went missing. It looked an awful lot like yours. That's impossible, Gomer stated. I bought and paid for her. They were "Absolutely Fabulous" there. We've been together for so long, that "As Time Goes By" she is more and more a part of me. They then wondered if Margie was stolen from them, but ended up at the "Long Shore Animal Rescue." Regardless Margie belongs to Gomer and he couldn't wait to get to "Mayberry" to be among his "Friends" again. Joe still wasn't convinced. Our dogs each had a distinctive tatoo on their bellies. Joe picked up his video camera and said..I want this "Caught on Tape". Gomer picked up Margie nervously...please don't have any tatoos he thought. Margie turned on her back and luckily she had no markings. Gomer was so relieved he said "Happy Days" are here again. Joe apologized to Gomer and said we will continue looking for our lost puppy. As they continued down the road Gomer saw something out of the corner of his eye. why that looks like....yeah ... it is !!!! It was his old friend ! 'Oh, Susanna' he called. The woman turned and he saw that it wasn't her. She walked over to him and said I get that all the time. Ever since my "Extreme Makeover" everyone calls me Susanna. My name is "Allie McBeal". She turned to walk away when Gomer said oh.I thought you were related to my boyhood friends "Starsky and Hutch. Oh, I lived next door to "Starsky and Hutch". We hung out all the time, you may remember me from then. They were sure "Happy Days" for me. I was a real tomboy as a kid, and when I grew up, I was told to start acting like a lady, and I did, cause "Father Knows Best." So now I own a shop called "Designing Women" and it's a huge success. What are you doing these days? Gomer repliedÂ.Margie and I have been traveling around the country mostly. We have met up with old friends and made new ones along the way. It wasnÂt until recently that I realized that I needed to get it out of my system and start to settle down. All this traveling has taken a toll on us. So Margie and I are headed back to our "Green Acres" where we can sit out at night watching the "Stars on Ice." With that Gomer picked up Margie in his arms and said "MargieÂletÂs go home.