Would it do any good (or is he even willing?) for your DH to tell her to stop it? Otherwise, I like your style, as long as you can keep your cool about it while doing it. Losing weight is hard enough without what she's doing. Usually saboteurs are more subtle than she's being. Wow!

Shirley, who's wishing you THE very best.

I think you are handling it perfectly!

The more weight you lose, the more jealous she's going to get but just stick to your guns and keep doing what you have been.

Soon, it will become a game to you and the satisfaction that you will get when you lose all your weight will be worth every minute of it.

I like your style too - no advice from me but I just have to tell you mine is worse she weighs in at about 97 pounds and tells me how fat everybody else is, it's her not too subtle way of telling me I'm fat, one of these days I might sit on her!

This is a very good reason as to why I have not ever met my MIL...been married almost 17 years. LOL

No it's just logistics and money..but...sounds like a good reason..

Maybe I missed a previous post or something- does your MIL have a key to your home and enters when you're not there? I'd find that hard to handle. Has your DH told his parents not to bring over sweets? How is his weight? Can you enlist his support in this matter?

She does have a key and was given it for emergencies. We work 45 miles from home and in case there was ever an emergency she has a key.
My DH is 6'4 and weighs around 190. He's a big guy...not over weight but just a big frame.
He talked with her about this before but obviously it didn't do anything.

I can't believe a grown (and mature!) woman would act like such a child!! What on Earth is that woman thinking and why is she being so mean to you? Yes, please get your dh to have a little chat with her and ask her to grow up. Many kudos to you for hanging in there with your diet, fireman's wife--wish I could do that. And how is your back feeling these days?

I'd have that key back PDQ and give it to a neighbour that I trusted more than her! She has betrayed your trust by entering your house without permission, for whatever reason. Either that or I'd change the locks!

What a nerve she has!

BTW, way to go on your weight loss. I can empathize fully. Any sabotage that goes on here is totally self- inflicted so there is no one to blame but myself.

I am going in today for an MRI...thank goodness.

My DH has been my biggest cheerleader since I have started losing weight. I have another 40 to go but I am not giving up.

She has always been horrible but in a very passive agressive and for the most part I avoid her but this attack has felt very personal.

I'd not get furious with her. I'd politely accept it. and say... "Thank you so much! I'm sure my neighbor will really appreciate the effort you put in to this!"

congrats on the weight loss. ! Hard work! I can say it does get a lot easier to have bad food in the house. You don't want it there ALL the time, but on occasions, you will be able to handle it. And it doesn't hurt to have the tiniest slice. You can't deprive yourself of everything. But everytime I think I want one, I just ask the question, "Is the taste right now, worth it it? Do I want to cut out my more filling good for you foods, so I can have a taste of this now? Sometimes the answer is yes, most times the answer is NO! Especially if you are gonna choke on it anyway because your mom in law made it! ahahahaha

Kat~who's~down~120 lbs

First, congrats on your weight loss. Second, I'm sorry about your MIL. She certainly is trying to undermine you. She probably rationalizes that she is being nice to her son, giving him all those treats. I say , accept them, thank her, THEN THROW THEM OUT.

Sounds like a stunt my in-laws would pull. I hate to waste good things, but sometimes you have to make a point. I'd keep throwing it away.

Sounds to me, like next time she comes over with goodies you have her hand over your key. Right then and there. Tell her why.

No, on second thought, just keep doing what you are doing. Toss it in the trash, or give it away.

EVERYTHING that jeopardizes your diet! :)

Moni

Gee, that's just plain mean! I'm losing weight too (just 4 lbs. so far, but it feels good). If someone brought me German chocolate cake, that would be just torture. I can resist a lot of stuff, but GCC is a toughie.

I think I would have avoided a confrontation with her, and as soon as she left, walked it over to the neighbors or put it in the garbage disposal.

I'm sure a psychologist could tell you why she is doing this. She has no idea what it takes to lose the weight you have lost. For some reason, she wants to sabotage your efforts.

Can DH help out by asking her to lay off?

Congrats on the weight loss. You are rolling now and I know you won't stop until you meet your goal.

Susan

Wow, she is really being mean. I probably would have avoided the confrontation too, but she is way out of line.

Congrats on your weight loss. I wish I had your determination. I know how confusing it can be to get mixed singals. DH says he wants me to lose weight and then buys me boxes of candies for all the holidays. Huh?

As to your MIL, there is nothing you can do to change her. She is passive agressive and a control freak. I bet she doesn't realize it and has been that way her whole life. Ask your DH. Maybe it has to do with competition for your DH's (her son's) affections. As you lose weight you become more attrative and threaten her place. Who knows. I would suggest she get couseling. Probably won't help though.

Good luck and keep up the good work on your diet.
Clare

Good luck on your continued weight loss. I too am struggling to lose weight....and if my MIL did that I would be so mad....thank goodness I have a great one! I would continue what you are doing....and even though I love my MIL dearly she does not have a key to our house.....my neighbors do and if we need her to get in our house while we are gone she has to go over there to get it and I call them and let them know......no way are would I ever give her a key......and I love her to death...just the way I am......keep on losing and let us know how you are doing! Stacy

Wonder if she's related to my ex MIL? LOL! A woman who hated fat people. When my son was a baby, he was born weighing 9 lbs 5 oz and was a little chubby. She made a comment, more than once on how he looked like his daddy but had my thighs! We would go into stores with her and if she saw a overweight person she would make very loud, embarrassing comments about how disgusting that person looked.

She was hateful in other ways too. I finally just quit trying to be a good DIL and avoided her except at holidays. She was never going to accept me. If the ex took the kids to see her, I would just stay at home. Made my life so much better.

I'd throw it away and let her know that she's wasting good money. Just curious, why give it to the neighbors? Do they have lots of kids? If I were your neighbor I'd think you were trying to get me fat.

I'd be gracious & take the food and say "thank you, my hubby will enjoy it." And then do what you've been doing... tossing it or sending it next door. [I hadn't thought about your neighbor thinking that YOU were trying to fatten them up]
Congrats on the progress of your diet... it must be driving your MIL crazy to watch your success..

My neighbor has 4 kids and they are all in their teens. They eat them out of house and home and figured between all of them it would go fast.

I hate to waste food and to throw things out so I have tried to pass along what I can.

She's just mean and miserable. That's the only way I can explain her. She is the type of person that will be really sweet to my face but the minute I turn around she' the first to stab me in the back. I know this about her so I keep my distance.

She doesn't have any friends her age she tries to hang out with the woman my age and they all think she's a little off. It doesn't take them long to figure her out.

I am down 25.8 pounds as of this morning. I figure there is nothing she can do to me unless I allow it. I have been walking in the evenings and she made a comment to DH that I should be home cooking us dinner and not out taking care of me and being selfish. He told her he was quite capable of cooking dinner (he was barbecuing last night) and when I got home I tossed some veggies on the grill. Not that it's any of her business...she's just a very sad woman.

Thank you for all your support. I thought maybe I was just being oversensitive.

You are not being oversensistive.. I do always find it amazing when such sweet men have such 'crazy' moms... wonder if she's always been that unhappy.... oh well -- just keep on truckin' and ignore her...

Keep up the good work....you must be starting to look good or she wouldn't be doing this..that's how jealous people act. I would use her actions as incentive to get even more weight off. As some will remember from my "What if someone said this to you..." post here a while back, I used to have a friend who would say hateful things about losing weight..."used" to have being the key word. You can't "off" your mother in law, but I think you are handling things just fine...I would let her know each time you pass some of her goodies on or throw them away. Jealousy must be a terrible thing to be afflicted with....Thank you God, that that has never been one of my problems. But...it very often takes me by surprise when someone else displays such jealousy so much so that they can't seem to hide it or so much so that they would like to hurt you.

Hi fireman's wife,

What would happen if, next time she does it, you turned your back to her, about three feet in front of her, and asked her how she'd feel about kicking you in the ass.

Very likely she'd refuse: too aggressive, too gross, not lady-like.

Then I'd recount to her a list of the dirty tricks that she's been doing to you, and tell her that those sneaky actions are worse than a kick in the ass, more destructive of what you are trying to do.

Is there something (or things) that you know that you could do to her that would drive her nuts?

Then ask her how she'd feel if you were to do those things to her ... not once, but half a dozen times (or more), spread over a number of months.

Impress upon her the information that such distasteful things are precisely the type of things that she is doing to you.

Would she understand where you were coming from ... and sufficiently so that she would desist from the stinky stuff that she's been doing to you (or, at least, cut back substantially on it)??

Good wishes for finding some at least partial improvement, and hopefully resolution, of this rotten game.
ole joyful

Wow - Congrats on your weight loss - you are doing great!!
Can I suggest that she enjoys upsetting you and loves the drama and by reacting, you are giving her exactly what she wants?
Don't mention the cookie dough, never dispose of the treats in front of her - don't talk about your diet - just refuse to discuss food with her at all. THAT will drive her nuts.
Oh - and ABSOLUTELY get your key back or better, just change your locks.
I'm very impressed with your weight loss - especially tough starting during the holidays - inspiring!

Change the locks and tell her you've been advised (maybe by a lawyer) not to give the key to anyone. Accept the food etc then throw it out.

this is your husband's mother and he really should say something to her.

You don't even have to change the locks. Just have them re-keyed. Much less expensive.

This is what worked for me, and not just in weight issues but in other things as well. Once I changed my thinking a lot of old 'guilts' and 'have-to's' fell away. They just melted like snow in spring. for instance, as a mother & wife I always had this catholic guilt kind of feeling that if anything at all when wrong it was my fault...that it was my job to create the HappyFamilies world for all that I love. Nope, not possible!

Well, one day something went wrong completely unrelated to any effort or lack of effort on my part. I remember looking DH straight in the eye and saying 'that doesn't work any more.' I didn't do it, I can't fix it, and it isn't my fault. Actually, laughter was my first reaction. Then the statement 'that doesn't work any more'.

It is amazing how things changed. It's like everyone around me knew the gig was up, mom wasn't the fall guy any more. Oh well, take responsibility for your OWN life!

So I would like to see you laugh at her and say 'that won't work any more. I'm too secure in my own life to fall for a bit of sugar & flour. That stuff doesn't live here any more.' Then walk it straight to the trash can and dump it there.

Yeah. Mean. She'll scream 'that was for my son, you %&*#).

A good answer is 'that doesn't work on him anymore either.'

But the truth is you have a DH problem that is at least as big as your mil problem. He should have your back & stop her in her tracks the FIRST time she pulled that $hit.

And kudos to you many times over for your weight loss. I know how hard it is. It sure is worth it to be able to bend over again though :~).

Here's a good site for you:
j

Here is a link that might be useful: for long suffering dil's & wives