It is a shame. But I disagree that single men usually fare better. In my experience it's just the opposite. The men want and need someone but the women do just fine.

In this case you speak of, who knows what the root of the issue is. Sad for him, actually sad for both of them. But I will be that she'll be just fine alone.

Suzeque, I think what I meant was men have a better chance statistically of finding another partner in this age group.

I hope both have had physicals recently. It's not impossible for Seniors to genuinely want a divorce, but this *could* be something else.

I've lost track of the number of divorces just on our short stretch of street, just since we moved here 12 years ago -- and nobody under 50. One couple each brought four kids to their marriage (original partners had died) and had two more children together. They divorced after the youngest was married; they were over 60. I think there have been another six divorces out of the thirty homes near us. One couple were in their mid-seventies; didn't know them.

I think stats are that men do not thrive as well without a partner, but that women are less financially secure without one.

My mother married her 4th husband at age 74! She advertised in the newspaper....wanted : swm, dinner, hikes......yatta yatta yattta. She told all her friends to do the same thing(even my older sister) and some of them got clever.

Me Jane you Tarzan, trade in your loin cloth for a suit and take a girl out to dinner....that lady met her significant other with THAT ad....also in her 70's.

Note: My mother took up jogging at age 53, then snow skiing and water skiing. My grand mother lived to be 96 years old and lived with my mother providing her with an income until my mothers 4th marriage.

mom managed 25 years alone after my dad passed...bought her first "home" (mobile) and managed quite well..

fil couldn't even wait a full year of mourning before marrying again...same thing when she died...only they just "shacked up" (better money situation) the only thing that's stopping him at 90 for yet another gf or wife is illness and confinement to the house...

wish you guys had a crystal ball and could see what's happening with your tennants...it's hard to say...my uncle said he drank and worked 24-7 and that's why my aunt left him...drinking part? not really, working impossible hours for a oil company? you bet! what's sadder? he passed away and wasn't talking to his 2 dds, only the 4 boys...and that's probably why my aunt finally left..he rigidity was aweful...she is now 94, living a good life with her one dd and is painting daily.when we reconnected, i wrote her a very long letter asking for forgiveness in slighting her after the divorce...i finally saw the second side....

I'm going to be 74 and I'll tell you I would divorce in a NY minute if the relationship was not good. I know that I wouldn't want to live my life out with someone that I didn't love and didn't make me happy....

Sad yes but most people are better off/happier after the divorce once the decision is made to do it...and one gets over the initial turmoil of divorce...

That is such a shame, they might as well just stay together at their age. At lease they won't be alone and they already know each other. They won't know just how bad it is until they are alone with no one to help them or care for them. It is easier for a woman to be alone, but harder to find a partner.Especially at their AGE! You never know what you have till its gone.

I'm glad the couple in original post got divorced instead of pretending they still get along and acting as if everything's fine, and being miserable in their old age. Now they're both free to find someone they really love, or to be happily single.

Seniors do need to be very careful from a financial perspective if they remarry though. Marriage law is brutal to retirees - I've seen many older people gushingly talk about their upcoming second or third weddings, unaware they're about to lose $100,000s in pensions or other benefits the moment they sign their marriage license. Military spouses who remarry lose their health care benefits from their former spouse's health care plan permanently, Marriage is a financial act, yet it too often isn't treated as one.

Joann, that was what I was thinking. For most of us marriage can be a series of ups and downs, but I would hope that if i weathered out the storm this long, I can be in for the duration.
In this couple's case, she is the one who wants the divorce. She has moved out and they are taking it from there.
Again I guess what I found surprising was the age group.

If that's what they want, I say "go for it - better late than never!" They should make the best of the years they have left.

The song wasn't talking about problems, but the title fits this situation: "No One Knows What Goes On Behind Closed Doors".

This is sad....but planning/building a house is a major divorce factor...maybe too much stress for them. I miss my DH so much, but do not think I would ever want to marry again...and I am in this age bracket...but it would be nice to have someone to care enough to check on each other in times of illness. Also, if they had children from former marriages, they can cause so much trouble!...we dealt with that with DH's children.

My first thought was could a mental disease be at work, dementia and alzheimer's, suddenly changes in personality or big life changes can be a sign that something could be happening health wise. Of course not always but definitely something to consider.

I would be devastated if I found myself in that situation, I am in this for the long haul, and I know he is too.

all I can say, with my age of 58, it was the BEST thing I did, when I divorced at 56.

I am so much better off.

Now, him, I don't know, and I don't care, but he got married in less than a year.

Moni

The divorce is not the problem; The fact they signed a contract to build a house together is a problem. They should do something FAST. They could agree to build the house and then sell it, or one could buy the other's share in the house; or they could ask the builder to null the contract since it was signed only yesterday and I doubt that he has spent any money on the project yet. The best thing would be if they could null the contract, but that may turn out to be wishful thinking.

Very interesting. Something does not 'smell' right.

Sounds strange to me, too. They married later in life, apparently were happy or content for a time. Wonder what will become of that house they are buying. Losing a partner that late in life would be similar the adjustment after a death.

If the marriage is making you miserable, I don't see any point in sticking it out unless you cannot possibly manage on your own. What is very sad is when one wants out and the other doesn't. Feelings and emotions are the same in your 70's (I guess -- not quite there yet) as any age. Why not spend the time you have left in peace rather than with someone you cannot tolerate.

I'm with Moni! Anyone who thinks the single life is sad and lonely is just so very wrong. I was never sadder or lonelier than when I was married. I love being on my own and not having to answer to anyone else.

You never know what's going on behind closed doors. You just never know.

I had a dear friend that divorced - also in her 70s - after 30 years of marriage. It was her second marriage, too.

Her husband was a heavy drinker but only drank at night in their home. After he'd had a few, he'd say the most evil, wretched things to her and even bust up a few things in the house.

When she got sick in her early 70s and almost died, *that* was her epiphany. She decided to ditch him and spend the rest of her remaining months or years happy.

She did ditch him, and she looks like a new woman.

And she's finally really, really happy.

I've known for 20 years this marriage was a huge mistake. Now I'm 73 and defeated!

It often takes us a LONG time to accept defeat. Get out. It's never to late. Next year you will realize, you are happier for it.

Moni

I know a couple who divorced after 50 years of marriage. She wanted to enjoy the last part of her life after a long miserable marriage. She acts and feels decades younger !

Didn't there used to be a 3 working day law that allowed contracts to be voided by both parties? But what the heck do I know .

What seems strange to me is signing a contract to build and the next day wanting a divorce. Divorce is a life changing decision that requires thinking it out..that takes more than one day. I don't get how she went from building a home together to wanting a divorce all in one nights sleep..very strange.

I wouldn't divorce at my age and Mike sure wouldn't..we've been married going on 39 years, the comfort stage is well set in, we have each other trained. This took many years of blood, sweat, and tears..I'm not about to walk away from my old slob.

Maybe she didn't want to build the house or sign the contract but he insisted on it. Could be part of the reason for divorce.

I kinda freaked out there when I saw Ruthie's name! Then I saw the original post was from 2013.

I didn't realize this was an older post and I didn't read the responses.

Richard, would it help for you to talk to us? Were here if you need to talk.

Me too! I saw Ruthie's name and knew this was some dredged up post from the distant past.

After he'd had a few, he'd say the most evil, wretched things to her

Times like these are when we see what many people have on their minds. How much poison they are carrying around.

Those and during discussions of political and social issues!

Of course drunks are drunks in the first place because they aren't wired right for successful coping.

What a difference in someone to get sober. My friends husband finally saw how his family suffered and said never again. Just one person's courage changed everything for the whole family. If anyone suffers from any substance, please get your life back. No one should live in extended mental or physical pain. A person in pain is like a rock making ripples in a pond- it touches everyone. At any point in your life, you have the right to be happy and free of pain.

It's funny what enough time does to a soul. I was "happily married" since 2008, and 17 months ago, my "wonderful" husband left his work at City Hall and put a bullet in his brain. Found out later that he actually despised me, and was hoping that his suicide would ruin me. And it almost did. So yeah, I revise my answer to say GET A *&^$-ing DIVORCE if that feels like a good solution.

Rosemaryt- I am so sorry.

I have two friends in their 70's that have told me they wish they could divorce. My heart is sad for them. Sometimes a person has to make up their mind to....or get off the toilet. I don't like when people complain for years of marital unhappiness, there are SO many options other then complaining. They can take up hobbies alone, go to counseling alone to learn how to live with the other person's behavior. They don't have to wallow in THEIR life choice.

Rosemaryt- what happened with your friend? Is she still single? Is she still happy and enjoying life? You must be going through a tremendous amount with the loss of your husband. (((HUGS)))

Rosemary, I am very sure you know this, but I'll mention it anyway. Your husband's actions and thinking were symptoms of a mental health problem- not his relationship with you.

Sabbath7, my dear friend is still single and as she says, "I finally know what it means to feel happy." And as an aside, she's become the rock that has helped me survive this horrific tragedy. We were close before, but now, we're kin. I don't know that I would have survived this without her.

Rosemary, I am glad that you have a friend who is a lifeline. Sometimes we are lucky enough to find "a friend who sticketh closer than a brother". A true blessing in this life. I am glad to see you here again.

Oh rosemary, what a horrible thing to have to deal with. I hope you find peace and happiness.

Rosemary, if you don't mind my asking, are you the same Rosemary who used to post here regularly and has a house with a stream in the back yard? In any case, I'm terribly sorry for the experience you've been through and agree with Rita.

Yes, I'm the same Rosemary from way, way back in the day.

Oh my goodness!! I wondered why you didn't post anymore, and can hardly believe what happened. I hope you're healing, little by little. Will you visit the kt now? I hope so.

After 51 years of marriage I’m seriously considering divorcing my husband. Asking myself now why I’ve stayed so long in this marriage is difficult for me to answer. I had a horrendous and very abusive childhood, met my husband at 15, and married at 17. We had our daughter ten years into our marriage.

I feel he took up wnere my parents left off. He’s stripped me of all my self-confidence, criticizes me everyday and is incapable of empathy. I had a brief affair when I was 50, and he was, as expected, very upset. He admitted to me that he’d spent our whole married life making me feel like I was worthless and unattractive because he was afraid if I discovered how beautiful I was, I’d leave him and find someone better!! I was stunned! How could he do that to me! I’d been such a good wife. I kept a lovely home and did EVERYTHING. He never lifted a finger to help me, plus I worked full-time outside the home. I literally gave everything of myself.

Things changed after my short affair, but not for long. Things soon went back to “normal.” As he’s getting older, he’s getting extremely nasty verbally to me, and I’m reaching breaking point. I no longer want to be treated this way. Now I know my worth. I am NOT stupid, nor am I a plain Jane. Far from it. These past three years I’ve taken a long look at myself and I AM beautiful. Both inside and out. He IS very lucky to have me. It’s such a huge step to take as I approach 69, and scary, too. I guess I’ll have to weigh what’s better for me, taking this abuse for the rest of my life, or bite the bullet and start anew.

At at times I wish I could just close my eyes and everything would have been done already. I guess I’m just leery of all the “stuff” that has to happen for me to be free. If I could avoid that in any way, I’d be gone today!!!

Lizzardo, I got my divorce while I was 10 years younger than you. It was the BEST thing in my life. I think, we should get together and talk. ;)

Moni

Old thread with new conversation.

Sorry you have to deal with this but I have to wonder why you've done nothing about this problem for so long? If you have an interest in saving the relationship on a basis you find satisfactory, you should go with him to a counselor/therapist. If not, you by yourself should go to a lawyer. I hope you can decide what you want and then take action to get to that outcome. Good luck.

Maybe its a case of severe procrastination. They are finally getting around to divorcing; It was something they decided to do 10 years ago.

I've been married 39 years. There have been times during that I've very seriously considered leaving the contract but now glad I did not. Misery and joy. It's never been a physical or emotionally abusive situation, just one-sided unhappiness for the most part...

Lizardo - I am so sorry. You seem to be struggling and very hurt by your husband's behavior. I have seen several people that are older and in unhappy marriages and it makes me sad. It makes me sad that they haven't resigned them self to the marriage and trying to be happy in it, or to leave the marriage. We all have only so many years to be alive, do you want to spend those years complaining and sad? I am not an advocate for divorce, nor am I advocating staying in your situation. Have you thought about therapy? You might really feel like someone understands you and it would be helpful if they could help you see that your husband's opinions of you are ONLY HIS opinions, not others. A wise person once told me that abusers aren't in therapy usually because they think nothing is wrong with themselves , it's the people that have to be around them that need therapy from having to deal with them. There is no shame in therapy.

Responding to Ellen's 4-year-old post, I wouldn't necessarily feel sorry for a couple getting divorced in their 70's. Divorce can be sad, but I'd feel a lot sorrier for someone whose beloved spouse died than I would someone who finally got out of a relationship that had been making them miserable.

Also, many people don't feel defined by their age. We are all works in progress, and while you are kind to feel sympathy in this case, it's possible that a divorced person in his or her 70's might feel free to pursue a dream long held in abeyance.