I have been working with an Interior Designer for a while. I met him through a recommendation. You have to click and be open and honest about what you want. You also have to get a vibe that the ID understands what you want, your budget and lifestyle and will not push you into something that does not fit. You have to be able to honest about what you like and don't like and most important, the ID has to be able to hear that to make sure your vision comes true.

A long time ago I also worked with two store designers, one didn't listen and the relationship ended quickly and the other worked very well.

I think it comes down to a gut feeling of whether you think you can work with that person. If your gut tells you no, walk away quickly and keep looking.

Good luck!

I tried twice to work with designers and both times failed. The first was an independent who worked with a good friend of mine decorating my friend's newly remodeled home. I hired that designer to help me choose paint colors. After seeing her choices...I did a better job myself. The second designer also came with recommendations and he worked at a local, private high end furniture store. That experience was a joke and we complained to the store owner who offered to take over the job, but, at that point...I was disgusted with the whole thing.

I, like you, would love to work with a designer, but, am at a loss as to how to go about finding one.

It might take a few tries to find one that you "click" with. Have meetings with a few -- the initial meeting should be free of charge and s/he will show you a portfolio, explain how s/he works, etc. You should also ask for references -- even if these people don't have the same style or needs that you do, they will be able to tell you whether the designer was easy to work with, fulfilled their needs, and so on. I would not recommend working with a designer from a store. To me, there's nothing more dull than a room filled with furniture that has all been purchased from one store. And of course, that designer's motivation is to sell you as much as possible.

From my experience as a designer, I'd give this advice. (I'll also tell you that I use a designer myself from time to time, because I get lost in my own ideas too, when it's my own place.)
Before you start looking, make your own idea book...I usually recommend a three-ring binder. Fill it with notes and pictures and inspiration. Buy a bunch of magazines (if you don't already have a collection) and clip like crazy. Also use inspiration from other sources...like the colors of a painting in an art book, or a print dress you love. It's much easier to communicate visual ideas with visual things, because people don't always see what you see in your mind when you try to do it in words. And include a section of things you dislike, because ruling things out is a big part of the process.
Get a list of the ASID members in your area. Then start asking everyone you know, and everyone you think might be connected to good designers...including the person who runs the kitchen store, and the local theatre director, and the owner of the best restaurant in town...anyone who might help you find someone.
Then try to set the scope of what you are asking for. Do you want a staged plan that you can implement over a 5-year period, or do you want to go room-by-room, or do you just want help with a color scheme and fabric, or do you want your designer to be your contractor, who also finds you painters and upholsterers and other workers?
Then start calling designers you might consider, and ask for an interview. If possible, go to them... if you see them in their workspace, and don't ask them to take the time to come to you, you can get a sense of them without a big commitment. If they prefer to come to you, make clear that this is only the start of your search, and that you will be interviewing several people. When you set up the meeting, tell them you want to see their book. How well they present their past work will tell you something, too. And don't be shy about asking for references, and then call and chat with those people.
That way, you don't waste each other's time...and designers make a living on time and mark-up, or some combination of both.
And the most important thing....don't work with anyone you don't just love, and who doesn't "get" you. Don't be intimidated. Don't agree to anything that doesn't feel right. A good designer will make you feel more confident, not less, and will execute your taste and wants, even if that requires helping you to figure out what they are. Go for the person with the best reputation and the best experience you can afford, and you'll save money and heartache in the end.

I've worked with interior decorators without a great deal of success but had a very sophisticated and beautiful furniture store in town (not part of a chain) that carried furniture and rugs that exactly fit my style. I did best making my own decorating decisions but I already had a very large file of rooms I liked and a pretty exact idea of what I wanted. The store had very varied furniture, and I also bought several pieces from other stores and used pieces I already had, so the final result is quite pleasing to me. The drapes and some of the rugs also came from different sources, and the art is very personal and collected over a number or years, in addition to my husband's art (he has sold on commission in the past). I believe passionately in individuality, but a good decorator will honor that and work with you. Finding one can be a challenge, though, as I've found.

I am an interior designer who works in a completely different field primarily, and works with one client at a time, if their project interests me and I interest them, so it is not my livelihood. (ID was the last degree I got, not the first).

Here is some advice: contact your local chapter of ASID. They have a referral service. If you are in a house you like, find out if they used an interior designer. Pool all the inspiration pictures you can from magazines. Interview them. Some designers are very flexible about their styles, some have a very specific "signature look" that they do not vary much from. You will not be able to get someone who does a look you don't like to do one you do very successfully.

If you do not like the first meeting, do not prolong the relationship.

From a designer's perspective, I want to say a few things about clients who have repeat problems working with different designers.

A good interior designer is not there to give you exactly what you want. You could do that by yourself. A good designer should give you Better than you can do on your own. A designer is not there to validate your taste no questions asked. A designer is there to translate your taste into something better than you could do yourself. A designers work is ideas, first, implementation later. You do not only pay a designer for the schematic design only after you decide whether you like it or not: the designer should be able to come up with a good schematic if you communicate well. (In other words the ideas are not free)

My best experiences with clients have been when they both know what they like, but are also not afraid to let me implement it to the best of my ability. This means that I sometimes say "No" if I don't like their ideas. They are also allowed to say "No" if they don't like mine. This does not mean I spring things on them like on TV. But I expect to be able to use my creative license and be trusted. After all, why buy a watchdog if you are going to stay up all night and bark yourself?

Palimpsest is right on the money...to have a successful experience with a designer, you have to learn to be a good client. We all have horror stories about clients who make our job impossible and our life miserable, usually just out of not knowing how to do their part of the dance, or by being so fearful or suspicious that we can't get much of anywhere, can't use our skills and talents, and can't get to a good result.
A designer-client relationship is both professional and personal, and you have to trust each other in both of those areas for the whole thing to work.
The designer needs to come in with both sensitivity and talent (it's the client's home, after all)...the client needs to try to be both confident and humble (it's the designer's profession and toolbox)...and both of you need to be respectful and open.

Thanks, bronwynsmom and palmipsest for the nice disquisition from the professional side of things. (And a general thanks to both of you for adding greatly to the board recently.) So often we just hear the horror stories on the board...many justifiable...some from the clients from h@ll perhaps.

One thing I have read here again and again is that people often ignore early warning signs. They have a sense that the ID they've hired is not right for them, but they persist, perhaps out of a sense of desperation. If the client/designer relationship starts to disintegrate, it isn't going to miraculously get better over time. By the time someone comes here seeking support or advice, it has usually gotten much worse.

So, if you have a hunch things are not working out, I suggest settling your account and moving on. Listen to your intuition -- not only about when to hire, but also when to fire.

palimpsest and browneysmom, I suspect you are both designers that one would love to have, and your comments were extremely insightful. I have a feeling that living in an area that is not urban one has a more limited design pool to draw on. The first designer I had delivered rather expensive custom drapes tightly folded and recommended that I "train" the drapes to keep the folds in. When was the last time anyone saw pleated drapes in a decorating magazine? Another one delivered a living room furniture plan other than the one we wanted which would have made it almost impossible to get from the living areas to the bedrooms! Anothers' portfolio consisted almost entirely of window treatments because "that's all we're ever asked to do". All examples of provincialism at it's best, I'm afraid. Sadly, the sort of decorator you describe, although worth every penny, would be outside the range of my budget.

Bronwynsmom and palmipsest, I repeat amysrq's thanks for your insights.

Credomk, I've worked with designers in all five of the houses we've owned and can confirm what others have said here about it being absolutely necessary for you to click with the designer. Home and home decorating is such a thing of the heart, that you have to pretty much be in love with your designer and think he/she is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

So I've had to find a designer five times in five different cities (some of them rural cities). In almost every case (especially after my taste was more developed) I've had a couple/few failures before finding the right one. My experience has always been having them come to the house, paying them an initial consultation fee, working with them for a couple hours, and thus finding out if I like them and their ideas. I just pay them and move on if they aren't "it." At the time it's happening it seems like "what a waste" and I get a little upset about it; but in retrospect, this is just part of the process. If it doesn't click, I repeat, move on, don't chew on it.

When you find the right one you will know; even then, as stated already, you are not going to like every single idea. However, let me confirm what one of the designers just said -- you cannot just insist that everything be what you think it should be (within reason). I've tried this, believe, me and it doesn't work. You do have to be receptive and be willing to take "no" for an answer (just as the designer does.) In this regard, touche' palimpsest re the watch dog, that's hilarious, and it's the kind of witty remark that would make me (personally) know I'd found someone I want to work with. Ditto brownwynsmom's -- when I read what you said in a couple other threads, I was thinking hmmm, this woman is a designer and I'd love to work with her!

The only way I've ever worked with a designer is by the hour. Have never had them come in and "do it all" and have never worked with a store designer (tried twice, but that ended quite soon). I want to be able to get things from the consignment store or the expensive store, but always run them past the designer. Have also worked with "a plan" that we slowly fulfill, as well as just starting and buying things as I go. Both work. I think "the plan" is much more cost effective and orderly though.

I would not do a house without a designer. Too many costly mistakes. You will find the one who is just right for you.

A belated thank-you to everyone for your wonderful comments, insights, and advice. You gave wonderful pointers and I really appreciate it. I'm working on an on-going book/collections of inspiration pictures/ideas/etc. for myself and for anyone we end up working with. We did have a designer from our local upscale furniture store come out last week to take a look at our space and come up with a general plan (it's gratis and further assistance is complimentary assuming we purchase their products). We'd pretty much decided on our dining set from there already so figured it was a safe investment of our time and hers. Once we see what she comes up with for a big picture plan we'll decide whether to work with her long-term or to talk to some other (likely independent) designers. I felt like she really listened and our personalities should work well together, so that was a positive experience. (Unlike the very unpleasant I had with an Ethan Allen designer about a year ago...but that's another story.)

Thanks again. And bronwynsmom and palmipsest, I wish you lived in my area!

Credomk, amysrq, bigdoglover, thank you so much for your kind reactions.
It is a joy to be able to share the benefit of my experience, when it can help, particularly now that I don't work as a designer any more. Palimpsest will probably agree with me that it's not just a job...it's a virus...and it never entirely leaves your system!
So I thank YOU for giving me the place to feel like a designer without having somebody's chairs in my car all the time....