The OP is correct regarding tractor enthusiasts. Forums like this are a great tool in learning how things work in the real world. There are good dealers in the world that won't just encourage you to by a certain tractor or deck because it is the one he has in stock. It would be naive to think you can always count on the local dealer being that guy. Larger decks are the ones that knock a lot of grass down at once, but many times have their limitations. Sometimes it is best to step up and get a commercial unit if that is main objective and budget allows. I have 2 customers w/ Cub Cadet 50" decks that bag. 1 loves the way it bags , the other can't stand theirs. So I guess people's opinions are really just that. I used to sell Toro tractors in another life. The 48 did fine. Liked the 52" recycler better than just about anything for a large, good cutting tractor deck- either recycling or discharging. Unusual for a 3 blade to do everything well. The 44" 3 blade was an example of a deck that had lots more QOC issues. In my opinion, the blades and cutting chamber were too small to recycle effectively. You couldn't easily go from one mode to the other easily either.

When I read the subject of your post, I get the impression that you are assuming the role of the victim, which is understandable given your state of mind and the current state of your health/finances. But you need to make the transition from the "I'm the victim" stance, to the mindset that you CAN take control of your situation. You need to focus on taking whatever steps necessary to improve YOUR happiness and YOUR health, and that is the only way your situation will ever improve. If nothing else, it will boost yourself confidence. I'm not trying to condone arguing, but do you back down when he says those things to you? If he gets defensive and tells you he's "just making a statement" when you respond to him, tell him you were "just making a statement" too. Don't be the passive wife that you believe he wants you to be - obviously, you are not that person or you wouldn't be here asking for advice to begin with. When he respond that way, ask him what his interpretation is of what you said. Then tell him, in a matter of fact tone, your intention. If he argues, walk away. Establish yourself, but don't reciprocate and don't get upset. Of course his sisters think he's adorable. Blood is thicker than water. His family probably puts him up on a pedestal. That doesn't mean you have to do that too. You are his wife, not his sister. The courts do not recognize a marriage between a husband, wife and the husband's family. These matters are between yourself and your husband, and what his family thinks has no relevance. If he's a true narcissist, it will never change. You probably know that, but you have to accept it and either learn to live with it, or move on. I do not see this as a "no way out" situation. I see this as someone who needs a boost of confidence. If it's your house, I don't understand why everything is in his name, nor should that really matter if you've vested your own money into it. I get the impression that you need to be more assertive. You have regrets, which many of us do in various aspects of our life. But there are two buckets in life. You can either play the role of the victim, or you can stand up for yourself, and do something to change your situation. It's your choice. I can't help but suspect that he MAY be the cause of some of your health problems??? It's a stressful environment to be in with someone you can't even communicate with, and to always be on the defensive. I'd be on edge if I were always "faulted" - I've had people like that in my life, and you can't win, you just have to walk away. People like that want to suck the life out of us, because they themselves are miserable. You can choose to surround yourself with people like that, or not. You stated you are miserable, you have suffered heart attacks and you have arthritis. None of this means you have to subject yourself to this type of behavior. None of this means you don't have a choice. In fact, I'd guess that your health would improve if you weren't in this situation, and it is my impression that there is a lot of underlying frustrations and regrets on your part. The best thing you can do is take control of this situation. Try not to stress about it, easier said than done I know, but sooner or later you have to learn that it's never going to change, and worrying about it is not going to change your situation, so focus that energy on something more positive in your life. Don't argue with him, but definitely stand up for yourself in a matter-of-fact tone. Establish boundaries, and let him know what is or isn't acceptable behavior, though my guess is it's too little too late for some of that now. You already know what to expect from him (you will never change him), so why let it bother you? I went to counseling years earlier about "family" issues with a dysfunctional family that I'd get upset about when they'd behave a certain way. What I realized later on, and it seems quite obvious, is that if you know how they are going to act, and they do act that way, you already knew what to expect, why let it bother you? You have to accept that is the way are. You can't change that. I think some of us who grow up in dysfunctional families or around dysfunctional people, we go through life always thinking we have to be in "fix-it" mode, and when we can't "fix it" we feel like we failed. This is not a failure on your part, and it's not something you can "fix". But you can change how YOU react to it. And that's what you need to focus on. Ultimately, you need to decide for yourself what is best for YOU, and how YOU can improve YOUR life and YOUR health and YOUR happiness. Forget the past. Get your ducks in a row - financial papers and whatever else you need to establish the assets you've acquired in this marriage. Talk to an attorney and find out what your options are, even if only for the information at this point - nobody has to know. It doesn't mean you are obligated to make any decisions today, tomorrow or next month. But it is nice to know that there ARE other options. I think that will help boost your confidence level. With that said, I doubt you are in a situation where you will lose everthing if you decide to leave, but an attorney can give you proper direction and that is the best advice I can give and the course of action I would take next. If you truly cannot work due to health reasons, you should be eligible for state or federal assisted aid. When you say "there is no way out anymore" and asking others "please help me", you are (unknowingly) playing the role of the victim. Don't do that. Take control of your situation, and do what's best for you. There ARE options out there. We all have choices in life, no matter how difficult they may be. You mentioned you raised children. Surely you will have family members there to be supportive of you, in any decision you make. Most of all, focus on your health and take care of yourself. Take it day by day, and don't worry about things you have no control over. His narcissism is HIS handicap, not yours. Good luck.

What rooms open off your "dog trot" hallway and how do the doors divide the space up? Have you considered dividing the space into two seperate spaces. Not necessarily with solid walls but could be a screen to cover 4' of the width leaving a doorway opening into another "room". Then decorate each space for seperate uses. All depends on rooms leading off the hall and how they would be affected.

This is a great question and one that I have not thought about at all. I remember being taught how to "count coins" using play money in the first grade as part of learning about numbers. (We didn't have pre-school/kindergarten where I grew up.) I knew what money was before that so maybe 5 or so? I recall that my allowance was 25 cents and I could earn a bit more by doing things like organizing the kitchen drawers or cabinets. Sweeping floors, etc were chores we were expected to do, so I thought chores and allowances were things we got or did just for being children. I used my allowance for small items at Woolworth's maybe once every other week, but I never had expectations of buying or receiving toys except for Christmas or my birthday. No one else I knew had a lot of toys and the Sears catalog was the only place to see things available out in the world. We played outdoors with whatever we could find to fuel our imaginations.