What I would do. (Mind you, I'd love to have 35 members of extended family in my area that I get along with. What a treasure.) I would keep attending this willy-nilly affair and have a separate meal the next day for your immediate family organized in the way you want it. If your MIL's health is failing, this gathering as it exists won't last forever. Enjoy it while you can.

barnmom--Thanks for that suggestion. The day after is usually our big shopping day, but I could put a turkey breast in the crockpot and have a late evening dinner. That way we could have leftovers. You are so right about it not lasting forever, I needed a little perspective direction.

Any chance of moving the event to your home? If can you have a little chat with the others and see if you can't organize things a bit better. Could you go over to your MIL's the day before and set the table and get some prep done?

If not grin and bear it, it is such a blessing to be with the entire family even if it is a bit hectic.

I was thinking the same thing Chase suggested.

Is there a reason that people are arriving at different times? Are they traveling and getting there when they are able? Is it work schedules? Our family get together revolves around work schedules and travel, which makes it hard for my SIL, the hostess, to schedule, but she manages to pull it off beautifully. Some people may show up late, but we still have time together, which is what counts.

Sally

We switch off years, one w/ DH's family, the next year mine. The difference in the two families' styles of entertaining are....shocking.

I've taken over doing TG for my family since it became too much for my mom, and I try to do it up as nicely as she always did.

DH's mom's style is so different - catch-can and chaotic. When I was first married I'd get depressed just thinking about eating on paper plates and using plastic cutlery on Thanksgiving (yup -"easier with the crowd") But over the years I've come to understand that theirs is another kind of tradition, and though it will never meet the standards I set when I entertain, I have to admit everybody does seem to have a good time with lots of laughs and people retelling stories that have become family lore. I confess, sometimes I pretend I'm in one of those family holiday movies (Planes,Trains, etc...)and it makes it more bearable.

DH's parents have faced serious health issues recently and though the holiday times at their home will never be worthy of a lifestyle magazine spread, they certainly are special. I've had to learn to "When in Rome..." and over time I've come to appreciate their style of celebrating for the fun and togetherness.

BTW - On the off year, I usually prepare a turkey dinner to have w/ my parents (just our immediate family & them)either the Sunday before or after Thanksgiving.

Amck, I love your attitude!
Lovetoweed, I do understand how the chaos can get on a persons nerves...we have a family member who let their kids climb on top of the table, instead of asking for the salt and pepper or whatever to be passed and of course a beverage would always get spilled and on it would go. My sister would allow her children to complain loudly about the foods they "hated", something I was a bear about with my kids. I would physically feel ill, too much noise, no manners etc. And yet it seemed as though I was the only one who cared.
My son in law is from the Philippines, their tradition is where the food and plates are put out buffet style and people come all day long eating, visiting, eating some more, it's a big happy occasion. Something that took my daughter a long while to embrace. It's just what we either get used to or what attitude we choose to develop right?
I certainly wished I had relaxed more while some of those blood pressure events affected my attitude...easy for me to wish now that I'm not in the middle of it any longer with the kids all grown LOL!

If your MIL is in failing health she probably wishes the three ring circus would go somewhere else, but would still want to see every one of you and wouldn't risk telling you that she doesn't feel up it.

I would invest in some hot plats or crockpots (they are very inexpensive) and plan some dishes that can be kept warm for the stream of guests. Also remember there's always the microwave! There's no rule that says everyone's Thanksgiving has to be a magazine photo spread. One of my best Thanksgivings was when a bunch of us got snowed in one year at a camp where I worked, and we had to scrounge up a meal from whatever we could glean from the pantry. Luckily I wasn't short on beer and wine! I made dutch apple pie with grape nut topping--it was good! Last year it was just me and one other abandoned friend--I cooked, he had to work. We had grilled wild caught Pacific salmon that his brother-in-law sent him--that was fun too! The best Thanksgivings are made when we abandon what we think should happen and just go with the flow. I know my family would be a lot happier if my mom would let go of thinking the holidays have to be just like they were when she was a girl--the whole huge family gathering at her aunt's farm, complete with horse drawn sleigh rides! It keeps her forever unhappy and unable to enjoy the totally different but equally nice life she has now.

As I'd rather slit my wrists than shop on the day after Thanksgiving (they don't call it Black Friday for nothing), I'd see who could come back on Friday to keep MIL company, in a low key way, and nosh on leftovers.