Another Potty Training Question

24 years ago

Can you all stand to listen to another potty training saga and maybe give me some advice?

My daughter is two and a half and we are trying to get her to consistently use the toilet. She's got the pooping part down perfectly. Once she figured out how to poop in the toilet, she hasn't used her diaper once. That was about four months ago. The peeing part is more difficult. She is a very strong willed child and absolutely won't allow me to make her sit on the toilet. If I try to make her sit on the toilet she throws a fit and starts to cry and tells me she dosen't need to go even though I know it's been a while since she's gone and she probably could go if she would just relax enough to do it. She just won't hear of me leading her to the toilet to tell her it's time for her to go. And usually she won't take herself to go. She does pee in the toilet and will even occasionally do the big toilets when we are out, but she's just not consistent enough or independent enough to wear panties or even the cotton training pants yet. In the beginning she liked wearing underwear but then she peed in them and got upset about making a mess all over herself and now refuses to wear them. She wants to wear either a Pull-up or a diaper. So I don't know if I should just continue to buy Pull ups (gads-they are SOOO expensive!)or if I should just let her continue to wear a diaper and just let her poop in the toilet for the time being until she's a bit older. I've been thinking of telling her no more pull-ups now and that she has to wear panties now just to see if that expectation can motivate her. I just don't know which way to go on this. She's so stubborn. My oldest son was like this too and he was three and a half when he finally got potty trained. My mother (who had all three of us kids trained when we were 18 months old) was mortified. I just don't know what to do with my daughter's stubborness. Thanks in advance.

Laura

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Comments (4)

luvmybulbs
24 years ago
I would make her wear panties. My son was the same-would poop but wouldn't pee. Finally one weekend I was like no more diapers except for bed. After one week he would cry if I put a pull up on him. So even at night he wears big boy pants and does have an ocassional accident, but no more diapers!!!!!!!
TaraWafer
24 years ago
I just want to say THANK YOU!! I am going through the same thing with our 2 1/2 year old DD. (Although she rarely poops in the toilet). The whole fighting to go pee or sit on the toilet, or saying she doesn't have to go, or saying she wants diapers.... I am so confused as to what to do too. I think I am going to try her in panties this week and just deal. Maybe after a few days of really icky wetness (not like in the Pull-ups she wears now), she'll start going.

I hate the fight and often wonder if I should just put her back in diapers. Then just wait for her to figure out she wants to go on the toilet. I get so discouraged with the arguing. She was so great in the beginning and now it feels like torture.

So while I cannot give you advice, I just wanted to say I am there too. So thank you for posting this question. I feel so much better knowing that I am not alone in the same battle!! :) Good luck!!

-Tara W
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Well, I really don't have any great advice for you, as I have been in this situation for a while now. My son is 3, almost four. He is very good at peeing in the potty, but #2 is still a problem, at times. You may need to back off somewhat, but also keep asking him if he needs to go. Show him (alot) where the potty is if you have a separate potty or where the insert is to the big potty. My son was very open to getting big boy underwear. Maybe you could just buy a pack and make sure he sees it. B/c it's interesting how kids will do things on their own, without a mother's nagging. :) I had been begging my son to do #2 on the potty and he just refused. But, he knew where to go, and where his potty insert was (which is what he really likes vs the small potty) and while I was busy he went by himself. I just smothered him with encouraging words and told him how proud I was. So, we're slowly getting there. Michelle
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My daughter was potty trained at 22 months, and not because I forced the issue either. Once she got to where she could let us know that she had to go, and she was sitting on the potty with her clothes on, we moved the potty to the living room and took off all of her clothes. She ran to the potty when she had to go. We rewarded her with mini M&M's (only one). She never got candy, so that was a real treat for her. From that day on, she always wore panties because I'd been told not to use pull-ups for the reasons stated above. I think she had maybe 3 accidents in the following month. If we went out of the house, I also didn't use pull-ups. I put a plastic liner over regular panties, and I had a change of clothes of course. Also, the car seat was a big concern because mine is a pain to clean, so I'd lay a waterproof pad in it before I put her in it. Anytime she said she had to potty, we ran to the bathroom no matter how inconvenient it was. I remember going into some store bathrooms 4 times before getting out of the store. I think she just liked to see new bathrooms. Poop-This was a problem for about 2 weeks because she had trouble with constipation from the time she was an infant. She didn't like to poop, and she tried not to. She must have thought it's hurt worse on the potty because she would ask for a diaper when she had to poop. I gave in for the first few days, but then I decided that if she knew she had to poop, then there must be a reason that she wouldn't. I figured she was scared. I still had to put her in diapers for naps and bedtime, and she would actually wait for those times to poop. She would also wait until she woke up, so she didn't have to sleep in it. I wouldn't rush to change her when she did. I'd try to wait 10-15 minutes. When I did change her, I'd let her flush the poop down the toilet. We'd say bye-bye to it. I'd always tell her that the potty was where she should do that, and that if she did, we'd do a really special dance called the potty dance, but she couldn't see what it was until she pooped on the potty. I also told her that she'd get two big cookies if she pooped on the potty. She never got cookies either except from Grandma, so this was exciting to her as well. One day (within the two weeks from starting to wear panties), she went to the bathroom and pooped. We danced and had cookies! Also, anytime before that when she would pee on the potty, I'd try to get her to poop by telling her to push way down in her back. I had a friend tell me that. I think some kids know that they have to poop, but they can't figure out how to make it come out on the potty, but rather they wait until it is on it's way, and then can't make it.
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Jenn
24 years ago
I have a daughter who is very strong willed and what worked for us was to get her to feel proud about using the toilet. She was about 2 1/2. What we did was one day we sat down together and made a "toilet sticker book". We put together a bunch of paper, tied it to bind it, put her name on, wrote a story in it about how she was such a big girl and was going to start to use the potty like a "big girl" and every time she used the toilet she would get a sticker to put in her book. I bought stickers and kept them in the cupboard above the toilet and every time she would try to go I would let her look at the stickers. If she went, she got a sticker. If she didn't go she did not get one but got to look at them and hold them while she was on the toilet. She was already interested in stickers which is why I chose them as a motivator. So if stickers don't work for you maybe something else your child likes would work better. I let her wear underware or a diaper, I let her choose so she felt like she had control of the situation. I didn't make a big deal about it if she chose a diaper, but I would go on and on about what a big girl she was when she chose her panties. If she had an accident I would just say, thats okay we can get you a clean pair, try to see if you any more pee needs to come out. And I would have her sit on the toilet while I got her clean clothes.

We always used the big toilet with a ring in it at first so she didn't fall in and a stool at the base so her feet could touch. This was part of the "big girl" plan. It seemed to me that the little toilet just emphasized that she was still a baby. It also was better for me, I didn't want to clean the little toilet, seemed just a bad as changing diapers.

She still, shes almost 3, refuses to try to go if I suggest it in a "do what I tell you" voice. But we made sort of a game out of me "telling" her to go potty. I would ask her if she had any pee or poo that wanted to come out. And then we would call the pee and/or poo like you call a dog, come out, come out, come on. etc. It sounds really stupid and I would not want to be recorded saying this, but it works!!

I hope this helps you and your daughter. I would just advise you to try to help her to feel good about it and to be proud of her accomplishments. Try to let her make choices about things as much as is reasonable and she'll get it.

Good luck!!
nadastimer
24 years ago
The problem sometimes is the child isn't ready to be potty trained. You can't force the kid to do it and get it over with. DS is 2 1/2 and a few months ago he was really into potty training for a few days. Now it's a hit and miss things. We ask him if he wants to be a big boy today and take him to his potty but if he shows no interest at all, we don't force him. My mother tried to make me sit on the potty until I went and guess what I did~I sat there for hours if I had to but didn't go until I got up. Many kids do this. I read in a Parents magazine is that the problem is a 2 year old will get excited over the potty and big boy/girl underwear, but when they get closer to 3, they think that the diapers are working just fine so why change?

Don't force the child or you'll both end up frustrated and the child will end up winning the battle. Most kids today are about 3 until they potty train.

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luvmybulbs

TaraWafer

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