I've been thinking more of this, and I think I can get her DH to go along. Since we've not really ever done anything for mom on her birthday, she would easily buy it that he's taking her to the casino to celebrate. They go frequently, and he can say they're going to meet his brother & his wife. She'd totally buy this scenario. Then I can do an open house at the club house. I figured I can supply the main dish (something simple) and non-alcoholic beverages. Everyone else (family) can pitch in with food stuffs, too, and I know that the people in her park will be happy to pitch in with pot luck. If my mom doesn't know that family is going to be there (including me) she'll absolutely love it. Our family has a tendency to do surprises of unexpected family at events and it's well received. My primary concern now is trying to find lodging for everyone...since virtually all family will be from out of town. I think this could be a blast for mom, and she wouldn't mind people knowing her real age. It would tickle her because her peers are ancient (looks & energy wise) compared to her. She loves to be the center of attention, so I think she'd really like this.

Clare- I am so sorry that you are dealing with this especially since it's long distance. The POA and the DNR are important documents and I think all the siblings should have a copy. I'm responsible for my Father who moved in with us when my Mom died 3 years ago. He made out a new will and POA and DNR and I gave copies to both of my brothers. I didn't want any misunderstanding if something were to happen to Dad and I had to make important decisions. You mentioned surgery but you didn't say what the doctor's opinion was, what the risk factors are or how much improvement might be achieved. I think you need more information before you try to help your Mom. Exactly what surgery has been proposed? If your brother is withholding information maybe you or your sister could visit and take her on one of her appointments. Maybe you would feel better if you were able to spend some time with your Mom now. My Dad just had a pacemaker implanted. His heart was only pumping at 20% because the lower 2 chambers were not pumping in the proper rhythm. Plus his valves are worn out so half of the blood that was pumped out fell right back into the chamber. He has terrible circulation, can't walk without a walker, can only walk about 50 feet without resting, one carotid is completely blocked and the other only has 10% blood flow. He was so short of breath he couldn't dress himself. The pacemaker has made a huge difference - the shortness of breath is completely gone, his heart is in correct rhythm, his fingertips are no longer blue, he bathes and dresses himself, and his skin tone is pink again. He still can't walk far but that's because of peripheral artery disease. Mentally he is very alert, the procedure was short and fairly low risk. So it was an easy decision. However no one was in favor of more extensive surgery especially my Dad. And he is a 'ticking time bomb' but as he says 'who isn't at age 89?' I hope everything works out for you.

I think that is a fine gift, not the DNA trace alone, but the thought that you may be able to find out more for your mother. If one of her ancestors came from Ireland, you may find that your line is deeply immersed in early US history, depending on the time period when the ancestor arrived. Many Irish came to the America shores during the great Irish famine when the potato blight decimated their main food crop. The Island lost half of its population during that time by immigration or death by starvation. The population fell from 8 million to 4 million. (You may want to find out how the potato became the food crop for the unlanded Irish.) If your Irish ancestor came during colonial times before the Revolutionary War, you may find he/she survived the terrible time of that war and maybe actively participated in it. One third of the Colonists did not support that war: Some for business reasons, some for direct connections to the homeland, and others for fear of the aftermath if they lost. As countries go, the US is not very old compared to other parts of the globe. However, we do have one of the oldest governments. You will discover that early immigrants had a hand in building this nation. Everyone had a role. Because of this, you may find some of your ancestors rubbing shoulders with notable historical figures. No matter what you find, you will find this is a fascinating way to study US history. Your ancestors are part of this country's history. In regard to the DNA trace, I do not recommend the one by National Geographic for your purpose, although the Nat. Geographic is a notable project. Its main purpose is to trace people's expansion across the globe from early times. Nearly everyone has about 2% Neanderthal in their genes. You may find that a DNA trace by one of the genealogical organizations is a better fit for your purpose, especially if you start a family tree in that organization. They will try to match your DNA to potential relatives who have their DNA on file. However, this may require you to take a year's subscription to that organization.

winendine5- You do not enough space for an area rug in that dining room. You only have exactly enough space for the table and chairs and buffet. Not an extra inch of space. Not a problem, there are plenty of ways to add color to the room. And when you are eating in there, the food adds color as well, in addition to the centerpiece. I don't know if you are going to keep the color of the chair upholstery, but that is easy enough to change if you want, to either a solid or print. I like white or off-white curtains, and you can add a trim on the edges that coordinates with whatever color chair seat you choose. I would suggest eating at the table and sitting at it for a good 2-2.5 hours as you would for a dinner party. Somehow the spokes of the back of the chair don't look particularly comfortable. If they are not, you can have cushions made for the back of the chair. I would also not center the table exactly, move it a bit closer to the windows than the buffet. After all, if chairs bump the window wall, that is an easy fix with spackle and paint. If they bump the buffet, terrible! And be sure to seat your larger guests on the window wall. You can also purchase thing-a ma-bobs with the wool felt for the bottoms of your chairs so they don't mar your wood floors when the chairs are pulled out and pushed in as you won't be having a rug in the room.