Of course, there are people who are naturally rude. And there are people who are tired; who are stressed over a family member's illness; who are simply preoccupiedby how their child may get home from soccer practice. And there are people who simply are not good at their jobs. Let's deal with them when they may be encountered. These are the exceptions, not the common rule of everyday contact. And if these are one's common everyday contact, there may be another problem entirely. It sounds as if the issue may be respect. When it comes to respect, however, there's a simple and basic truth: respect is never given away, it's always earned. No one is "entitled" to respect. And the first step in earning respect is to always give respect. That means in one's dress, manner, communications and habits. For example, one certainly doesn't earn or give respect by being in a bank for a mortgage wearing a tank top, shorts and flip-flops, now do they? For those who are young and/or look youthful, congratulations! You will be the envy of your peer group for years to come. If you want to be taken seriously, then be serious. Earn respect by giving respect. For some at least, earning respect is as simple as courteously giving it to others through how one appears, presents and conducts oneself. For example, when was the last time you said "yes, mam" or "yes, sir"? This discussion seems like a lot about a little. It seems like something that would be discussed in an affluent region of a developed nation and no where else. Only a thought.

Of course you are. I don't know your specific case...but if you assume something about someone, then yes you are making a judgement about them. But you make judgements like that about everyone all the time so it may not necessarily be that harsh type of judgement people say they don't do. Funny, but I'm going through a similar situation where I feel sort of guilty for assuming something about someone but I can't hep but judge them that way. I never did get that don't judge people thing down. I think you are suppose to judge bad things .. like if someone has an affair, it is bad thing...but you're not supposed to judge the person themselves or something... Can anyone explain this to me from a purely ethical point, without quoting the bible? Oddly, I know people that don't judge others a lot, but they pretty much have the worse values of people I know and do some very immoral things without even realizing it. It's sort of sad. I find that the people that judge things the most are usually the most moral of the group. Granted, everyone can be a hypocrit at times, but not judging or realizing things or people are bad, seems just wrong. I know I'm probably drifting from the topic at hand. Can you be more specific with your problem? It's hard to answer such a generally question without me wondering in thought ;-). If I had to pick apart the differece between the two concepts, I would guess assumptions are things that gererally aren't given as much thought and are sort of taken for granted. "I assume the floor will be there when I get out of bed". Although, we all know we can make bad or wrong assumptions especially about people... Judgement takes a little more thought, and doesn't appear to be as clear, more like an opinion. I'm guessing you assumed something wrong about someone (or they about you) and they got mad saying you must be judging them incorrectly... Is that even close? What happened? Let us in on the juicy stuff...

Thank you all so much. It's nice to have input from people who know first hand what engineering classes are like. As I read your generous responses, I realized I left you all a bit unsure who was concerned here, him or I. His dad and I have practically taken him by the ear, and put him in a car with his buddies, so he will get a break and have some laughs, and he is always glad he did. For some reason, this post made me see what I already knew, but was careful not to admit to you and even to myself. He has a girlfriend who is 3 years older, with a 10 yr old daughter. For alot of understandable reasons, she is more than anxious to loose the title single mom and get married. He wants to wait till he graduates to marry, and this makes her resent how much school he has left, She is really laying on the pressure. If she want to go out She complains in front of his friends and her family, about how much he studies, and I have been there when she has stated that she is the only one who works, leaving out the fact he is in college full time, as if it isn't an appropriate detail for such a remark. She believes that because she was able to get thru dental assistant school and still party, that engineering school should be the same, she knows it's not true, but when she wants to do something one evening and he has a test the next day, she resorts back to these kind of judgements, saying it not only to him, but she says it to his friends and her family, and even my husband and I. It's tough as a parent to watch, because It tears him down and belittles the hard work he puts forth with consistancy and with out whining. I see it in his face, and we have talked about it, they have broke up over it but they always get back together. I guess I didn't want to admit it was not just people in general, but her, because there is basically nothing I can do to make this right for him. That is about them and thier issues, and I have no place in the middle of it. I don't want to meddle in his life, tho I sometimes do accidentally. As far as working, he has worked thru the summers. And he's mentioned working during school. We have told him, it's his choice, but if it's strictly money driving that idea, to know we can give him what he needs. I hate to tell this, but we lost a family business we had for 32 years, last year, and it was messy. It was and still is a a very tough time, and there was no way to hide that from our kids. What it has done to him is make him feel guilty for the expense of college. We have a college fund, that is much smaller than it was, but its still enough. But he knows that the bank was able to 75 percent of our retirement, but we still will not starve. We have tried to convince him of this, but when he sees us watch our funds in little ways we never ever did before, he feels like hes partly the cause. Wow, people; this is getting more complicated and pathetic by the minute. And as I try to make it sound better or lighter I seem to do the opposite, so I am just going to stop and thank you all for your help. I am going to realize that this problem is with his girlfriend and is something only he can handle. And your inquiring minds are what made me realize that so thanks to you all. laurily

In the construction of multi-family and commercial buildings, all elements of the project are drawn and/or specified along with written quality and installation standards and an architect is required to prepare those documents and to be involved from the beginning to the end. The expense of those services is a small part of the project cost and the cost of errors in both money and time is great. But for homebuilding an architect is not required and the cost of complete contract documents is thought to be too expensive and builders in general believe it is unnecessary. But the absence of complete documents and an owner's representative clearly creates a risk to the owner. If you are willing to take the risk, you should carry a contingency for errors in your budget and at least sit down with your builder and make a list of the materials and features and make it a part of the contract.