We live below our means and have for years.

I could care less what impressions people get from my cheap jeans and mom shirts.

You get a little more thick skinned as you get older.

Read "The Millionaire Next Door" if you haven't already.

Don't let people's assumptions bother you or make you change who you are.

Don't allow someone else the power to take away your joy! Bottom line is you simply cannot control the actions of another - if someone treats you poorly either move on to another supplier or decide whether the product they have is worth putting up with a snotty attitude.

There was only 1 granite supplier in all of Nashville with the particular stone I had my heart set on and they were apparently used to dealing with multi-million dollar builds in the county next door where all the country music stars live. They weren't outright hostile, but the underlying current that my project was chump change to them was present in a myriad of unmistakable ways. I shrugged my shoulders and now I smile every time I see my counters because I absolutely adore my granite and honestly don't give a rat's rump what a total stranger may think of me.

If you feel a vendor is starting out with his cheapest product line simply speak up and let them know that you'd like to see something in a higher price point. If you're going to be building a custom home you're going to need to get the big girl panties on sooner rather than later anyway!

My favorite one was from the sales person at Sears. I was picking out appliances for the new house (just writing down stock numbers, comparisons, etc) to get a feel for what I want at the new build and the sales person said, and I quote, "Make sure you come back after you hit the lottery and we can get these for you." Geez, I was only looking at a $3000 Electrolux and couple of Bosch dishwashers which I currently have in this house! Let's just say, they won't be getting any commission from us. I just think to myself and tell my kids too, to let them think what they want. It makes them feel better to put us in whatever box they need to to build themselves up. I say go for it. I smile all the way back to my lovely custom home.

This happens to my husband and I ALL the time. I just turned 30 and he's 35 but we look VERY young.

We were shopping for granite and looking at some costly slabs at a stone yard. The granite yard would not move the slabs to show them to us (they were tucked behind) until they had confirmed that we actually would be able to afford them (they called the fabricator who was doing the granite in our whole house).

We also went to an expensive furniture store and looked for someone to answer our questions for about 1/2 hour and were completely ignored. (This kind of stuff happens often)

We were at a real estate open house (just like to go to look) for a home that cost roughly 1/3 of what our new custom build cost. The realtor there made a point of making a really snotty comment about how the house was at the very TOP of our budget. We just laughed. Interestingly, the same day, we went to a different open house at a more costly home (around $800K) w/ a female realtor (the snotty realtor was male). She commented immediately as soon as we walked in that my engagement ring was very pretty and then she offered to show us a different house that was for sale down the street for $1.1 million. I guess she is more observant in looking for clues on whether someone might be an eligible buyer or not.

OK, someone needs to interrupt the parade with a different point of view.

If one wants to dress (and act) like they did in high school and/or while they were going to class in college, that's just fine. America is still the land of the free and all of us still have the liberty to dress and act as we wish.

But, let's face it, there is an adult world out there which includes certain dress and behaviour standards. If there are those that don't have to meet these (or don't wish to) that's fine.

Don't be surprised or offended, however, if there are parts of the adult business world that don't necessarily have a lot of respect for adolescent dress and behavior. There are cultural standards and traditions which one may choose to respect or to ignore or even flaunt!

Thankfully, in this country we all still have a choice as to our personal values and how we may choose to respond to cultural values and traditions.

Beagles, my husband and I are the same age as you and yours. We built a very nice custom home a little over a year ago and luckily didn't run into much of what has been described here. But I do often laugh when I think back to our brick layer. I have one day off during the week and stopped by our house that morning. I was chatting with the guy in charge of the brick layers and he asked me what my husband did. After informing him he was a teacher, I could tell he was probably wondering how we were affording to build this house. He never thought to ask me what I did and I'm sure he assumed I didn't work. I'm a doctor so I'm the bread winner in our family ;-) I also stopped by one afternoon and still had my "doctor" coat on. The tile guy stopped and stared at me and said "you look like a doctor"...to which I replied, I am a doctor, ha!

Funny, Eyegirlie, no one ever asks what I do either. Ever. They ALWAYS ask "what does your husband do?" You'd think in this day and age, there wouldn't be the same assumption that the man works and the woman does nothing!

I am a writer, so when people ask what I do and say that, I am quite sure they assume that I do nothing except dabble with writing novels (I actually do SEO writing and while my husband does make more than me, it isn't by that much)

virgilcarter, we don't dress like adolescents, we just look young and people make assumptions. I'm pretty preppy and almost always have a dress or skirt on.

I am quite sure the people who built our house assumed we were getting the $ from our parents though. My husband only works 3x a week (he sets his own hours) and I work whenever I want to, so we were always at the house or at meetings on Tues. and Thursdays during the day. One of the guys who was installing stuff in our house, the first time he met us when we came in during the middle of the afternoon, he said "This is a really nice house. You guys must be..." and then paused for a few seconds like he was trying to figure out the end of the sentence and said "good at whatever you do." I would love to have known the uncensored version of what he was going to say before he stopped himself.

Virgil, I'm curious what makes you think we were exhibiting "adolescent dress or behavior."

I don't know about your area, but in mine -- a fairly blue-collar area of the Midwest, near a large college town -- many, many adults wear jeans and T-shirts or sweatshirts on weekends. This was a Sunday-afternoon home show at the local high school -- not a state dinner.

And while this woman certainly was free to exercise her "personal values" in being snotty and unhelpful based on her beliefs about our income level, I can't imagine anyone would argue it was a good business practice. Based on the letter of apology I got from the shop after emailing them, they certainly don't seem to agree with her attitude.

Don't sweat it - this just filters out the worst sales reps that could care less about your requirements, situation, etc and only see dollar signs. Spend your money with the reps that work hard to understand your requirements and recommend the best solutions.

I wear shorts and a t shirt around town on the weekends, and have no desire to wear khakis and a dress shirt to the grocery store or homes show. I don't need uncomfortable clothes to show my net worth... That said if I'm headed to the BMW dealership for test drives I will probably stop by after work. ;-)

And by the way, congratulations on your success at a young age. I'm sure it took hard work.

Virgilcarter said, "There are cultural standards and traditions which one may choose to respect or to ignore or even flaunt! "

Yes, and one of the traditions that one really should cultivate in employees who are in a customer service position is that the customer deserves respect, not the fashion police, and not an interrogation about their finances.

I come from a cultural tradition that doesn't encourage glitzy conspicuous consumption. If I'm treated condescendingly by sales staff, I call for a manager, explain that the staff's rudeness makes it difficult for me to do business with them, then leave.

In the home improvement front have had more of the "Let me know when your husband will be available" rudeness than the "we're too expensive for you" snobbery.

Shiltsy, I wish I could say it was MY success, but I had the bad judgment to go into the newspaper industry ;) (I stay at home now; my husband is an IT director. And if you want to meet a whole lot of guys who have money but don't look like it, WOW is that field rife with them.)

For me, I really don't think it matters what fashion I am wearing at the time for the pre-conceived predjudice. I think when they see me with 5 kids (4 teens and a 12 yr old) in tow, they assume "poor lady!" lol

Gently, there are worse problems to have than to be rich but not always taken for being rich.

"In the home improvement front have had more of the "Let me know when your husband will be available" rudeness than the "we're too expensive for you" snobbery."

Yeah, me too, although I can relate to both. It doesn't mean I am "rich," though... (and I don't think that is what everyone means above universally.) It just means I could afford more than they assume.

Honestly, sometimes I dress down when I'm going to certain stores with salesman (as in, I don't wear my work suits to stores where people earn commission.. furniture stores or car lots.) I don't want them hounding me trying to make a sale, and/or I don't want them assuming I'll pay more :p so, I guess I take advantage of the stereotyping.

I don't think it is about being upset at people not assuming that you are rich. I think the issue is that some (many?) sales people assume you aren't rich based on their stereotypes and therefore aren't worthy of their time or respect. It should not matter how much money you have (or don't) or whether you look rich or not. If you go into a store, you should be treated with respect.

Funny, we didn't really have a lot of the "let me know when your husband will be available," thing, I think because I knew more about all of the design and build stuff and was the point person on the project. If anything, it was the reverse in our house and my DH got some gentle ribbing from the builders/workers about how he'd always have to check w/ the wife.

While my spouse and I make decisions together, if a person can't speak with a woman intelligently, respectfully, and non-condescendingly, I won't do business with them.

There are lots of options out there. Sales people should learn not to pre-judge.

If you have ever sold anything to the general public you know it is the business of a sales person to screen potential buyers and some are better at it than others, after all they're not usually at the top of the food chain.

My father taught me to dress well if I want something from a stranger and to assume I would need to do that when traveling. That advice has helped me many times. It's not about your ego it's about accomplishing a task without unnecessary trouble. Don't give people a chance to judge you for they certainly will just just as you will judge them.

I agree that sales people should treat everyone with courtesy, regardless of their apparent ability to pay.

However, they need to make a living, and they are going to try to maximize their income by spending as much time as possible with people who appear to be serious shoppers and who fit their expectations of someone who can afford their product. This may occasionally bite them in the tush, but overall it's likely a good strategy.

I look young for my age. When I was in my 20s, I compensated for it by dressing more formally than most of my peers, so I would be taken for being the age I was when it was important to me to be taken seriously. Now that I'm 40, I just enjoy it- hey, I got carded this year (yes it was dark, LOL)!

If you want salespeople to know that you are wealthy, give them a clue with the way you dress. If you don't give them a clue, especially if you know you look young naturally, recognize these are people who are trying to make ends meet, not your personal servants, and they may not bend over backwards to secure the business of someone who looks like they can't afford much. Change the things you control about the situation, or stop complaining.

And remember: being young and rich, and looking even younger are all things lots of people desperately want. This whole board exists for first world problems, but this is like one-percent problems.

Zone4newby, you're right ... this is a bit of a White Whine :)

Red_lover, I read "The Millionaire Next Door" about 15 years ago, I think, and it made a huge impression on me.

I'm not quite the voice of dissent here, but I will be a bit more moderate than the anything-goes-how-dare-anyone-have-an-opinion-on-how-I-look crowd:

I'm a teacher, and I've found that the vast majority of the time people DO dress according to -- for lack of a better word -- their station in life. When I walk into a parent meeting and see that the parent is dressed like a teenager (either old jeans and a ratty tee shirt, or a low-cut blouse and excessive make-up), more often than not that parent turns out to be less educated, less able to see what's going on with his or her teen, less skilled in communication. In contrast, most people don't come to school conferences wearing suits, but the parents who are better educated, who have professional jobs, and so forth DO tend to come in wearing nicer jeans or khakis, clean shirts /sweaters that actually fit, and leather shoes rather than sneakers. Even at ball games, etc., I tend to see that the parents whom I know work as doctors, engineers or in other professional jobs DO tend to present themselves to the world in a more polished light -- even when they're in a casual setting. To paint with a very broad brush, I'd say that professional people in a casual setting tend to look more like LL Bean than Walmart.

Now, is that 100% true? Of course not. Plenty of times I've run into the grocery store wearing my just-from-the-gym clothes, but that's not an all-the-time look for me. People who know me would recognize that's an exception rather than the rule. I wouldn't go anywhere except the grocery store or the gas station dressed that way.

A phrase I've heard over and over: People will show you who they are. Believe them.

Is this fair? Nope, but it is the way the world works. I do see why a salesperson, who has limited time at a home show would want to spend time with the people who appear to be the most likely clients. That doesn't make it right for a salesperson to be rude to anyone, but I do see that they'd put more effort into the client who appears to be doing more than just window shopping.

MrsPete, I should clarify that we weren't dressed in rags, just casually. (I even was wearing my good winter coat, instead of my poofy extra-warm one, and my Coach bag. And my shoes really were from LL Bean! Though I tend not to wear my engagement ring because, um, it doesn't fit anymore and I'm too stubborn to get it resized.)

We have several good friends who are attorneys, and two who are physicians, and to be honest, I don't find that they dress much different from anyone else. Maybe we just run with a not very fancy crowd :D Or maybe it's just our area -- I really don't know many people who -would- wear khakis and loafers to a home show.

We bought our 1st home when we were in our mid-20s. Our realtor didn't know us well because she had only showed us a few homes before we decided on the one we purchased. When we told her we were going to put 50% down she was more than a bit surprised. Later she kiddingly told us that the first thing she thought was that we seemed too nice to be drug dealers. Yes, buyers can be young and comfortably dressed and still earn and save money.

Perception v. Reality - It occurs daily. I am 50 something and was ignored at a local home show. The sales rep chose to work with a well-dressed couple she perceived to have more $$$ than me. Like so many have mentioned, I am into comfort! I wear a business suit, makeup, perfect hair, and shoes every day - not on the weekends! It happens at every age and in multiple disciplines.

I am just as guilty for judging a person based on appearance, but I will never ignore a person. That is downright rude; and that is something I am not.

For those of you that have accomplished such success and financial freedom - congratulations! My children are in their late 20s to mid 30s and debt free with the exception of mortgages.

Beagles - You burst my image of you! Only 30???? Perception v. Reality once again.

I very well could be your area, also. I'm in the PNW. You find software engineers dressed in anything from sandals and shorts year round, to skinny jeans and bow ties. We're weird. But, in general, Seattle area is very casual. You might be in a similar area.

Living in an area where two in help are typical, more than a few times I've been taken for the gardener or handyman. That's especially useful when it comes to door-to-door solicitors. Because of her origins and youthful appearance, DW is sometimes mistaken for the nanny; it's why she insists on driving a Porsche. (Or so she claims.)

This post was edited by worthy on Fri, Feb 22, 13 at 12:57

Stay close to home Worthy.

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This post was edited by red_lover on Fri, Feb 22, 13 at 13:57

I will say this last thing since I have the opposite problem as many of you. Since we live in a HCOL area but are very middle class ourselves, I always dress my kids in cute outfits (think jeans, sweaters, toms shoes, and their hair is always fixed). I also always do my hair and put on cute outfits. I buy most of their stuff (and all of my stuff) on sale or at consignment stores but what I have noticed is that many of the parents in my area dress their kids in whatever. Many times I see kids in PJ's and halloween costumes. I don't get this. In part it makes me mad because they have the money to buy nice things for kids and choose to just let their kids dress like tiny homeless people. (I know many parents today say their kid "won't" get dressed but I don't buy that since they are after all the KID and the parent is the PARENT- it is ok to enforce rules about how your kid dresses). So maybe this dressing down thing is going to be a new trend. That said, I will not be leaving the house with the whole family dressed in PJs. And I do not want to join the mothers here who often look like they were just swept out of bed my a hurricane and into the grocery store, only to return to their million dollar waterfront homes.

Bottom line: how you dress is a form of communication. If you want to elicit a certain reaction, dress for that reaction. Otherwise, you really have no room to complain. Not talking about stupid sales people who have said rude things, I am talking about basic human assumptions made about the way people dress as a form of communication. I am sure in 10 years things will change as I too live in the PNW with the causal millionaires everywhere. But there is a difference between wearing jeans and a sweater and pj pants, crocs and a dirty coat. :)

Remember Julia Roberts, in Pretty Woman? When she came back into the boutique with all her purchases (from other stores) and asked the sales gal is she remembered ignoring her the day before? Big Mistake! LOL

Personally, I like looking like I just fed the horses out on the farm (wait, I did just feed the horses) when I go shopping at Lowe's. It makes it easier to get dirty, while I'm rummaging around looking for the best plants (and clearance items) at the garden center! What's amusing is that the sales people seem to think I know more about DIY than I do, because of the way I'm dressed :)

"This is a really nice house. You guys must be..." and then paused for a few seconds like he was trying to figure out the end of the sentence and said "good at whatever you do."

Best line here, beagles.

. After baby #3, we went to look for a larger home during Sunday Open Houses. The first home we went to looked larger, but was not. It was on a "nicer" street according to the RE Agent. We had a nice American car, dressed in nice clothes (jeans, shirts) but we will never forget her attitude. She told us that "the houses cost more as you go up the mountain (it was a hill) but she could show us some houses that were less."

Now DH is a nice, calm person. Everyone loves him and you never see him mad. But he let her know that our house was paid for, larger, nicer and we would be looking elsewhere. We ended up staying in our home and adding a second story. Lived there for 20 years before building out dream home. One of the movers (who did not know how to pack a truck, but thank goodness only a few things were broken) said DH must be a basketball player to afford our house.

Living in areas that are zip coded, I would rather look like I can't afford something so I get a better price than be taken advantage of... or rather them try to take advantage of me.

This post was edited by allison0704 on Sun, Feb 24, 13 at 16:17

I don't know why there is a general assumption that the people who aren't getting attention are dressed like slobs or acting in an pseudo-adolescent fashion. I agree that this Is part of it.

But part of it has to do with myriad factors of how much "presence" you have, I think. And I am probably going to get yelled at for saying this but the people who aren't very good at it and base it on things like fashionable dress are generally less sophisticated and less educated I think. A more sophisticated salesperson might wait until I actually speak and reveal either my intentions, or my preexisting knowledge of the merchandise at hand--rather than ignore me because they don't like my sneakers.

But there are other factors to "presence" and I know, because I don't think I have much of one:

When I was a resident, I walked into my surgical room and there was a patient sitting there, and I prepped the room and left. The patient asked the assistant if they had a Vo-Tech program because a high school kid set up the room.

As a doctor, I often get asked if I am a resident, or asked "Say...did you just start doing this?" --And then I say that I have been a specialist for 20 years.

When I was doing a design project, I was supervising a floor installation while the client ran some errands. At one point the contractor said " Hey, could you get a hold of your...mom? She is your mom, right?" She is exactly one year older than I am.

The thing is, I have a lot of grey hair, and I definitely don't look 20 years younger than I am--I don't think. But I am very small, (I do have clothes from Brooks Bros. boys department) --and I and not one of those people who can walk into a store and command much attention...if it's that kind of salesperson. I think I am just one of those people who people don't really *look at. I always present in clean clothes and most of them are good quality. I am in scrubs a lot, and in a neighborhood with several hospitals, this is the great leveler though...I could be anything from chief of staff to the janitor and if all you see is scrub pants. And by "presence" I think some people assume low support staff, not surgeon when they look at me.

One place where this really has never been a problem for me has been in Manhattan. I would say that since I was in my early 20s if I was in a gallery or store looking at something, they assumption was that if I was interested I might indeed have the $25,000 to spend on the painting or antique. And I would included No Matter How I Was Dressed in this case.

Sweet.reverie, one thing that people often don't realize is that special-needs kids often have strong clothing preferences, which may account for the way they're dressed.

My oldest has autism (he's very high-functioning, so it isn't readily apparent to a lot of people) and some pretty strong sensory issues. He also has fine motor issues, which make snaps and zippers a struggle for him. He's at the age where finding elastic-waist pants that AREN'T sweatpants is getting pretty difficult, and coupled with his dislike for any stiff fabrics ... that means he wears a lot of sweatpants.

I try to dress my other two nicely, but it's not worth him being miserable and uncomfortable (not to mention the hours-long tantrum) that would result from trying to make him wear something he doesn't like.

At any rate, sorry to go off on a tangent, but this is something that a lot of people don't realize. There are even special clothing lines devoted to kids with severe sensory issues (though they're ungodly expensive, so I'm just happy my kid is happy with sweatpants instead of $80-a-pair special pants)!

Saveann: These kids are often friends with my kids. They do not have autism. I totally understand where you are coming from and if I saw a kid every one in a while, that would be one thing. This is many kids. It seems to just be the new thing: parents let their their kids wear whatever they want. I am not talking about your situation although I appreciate you reminding me that these circumstances exist. :)

Also, I am not talking about a kid wearing sweatpants. I am talking about the kids I see where Cinderella dresses over their clothes and other wild combinations! I guess I it is just something that a lot of parents where I live don't care about and for whatever reason (maybe because I am middle class living in a upper class area and I am trying to avoid judgement myself) I do care about.

This post was edited by sweet.reverie on Sat, Feb 23, 13 at 11:27

I'm sorry sweet.reverie but I think a Cinderella dress just makes the mundane routine of life elevated to "fun":).
We do have the opposite problem of people assuming we will pay and want more simply because we can afford it. I agree the home shows often employ people of little knowledge to simply secure leads.

SR, I think I know what you mean -- one of my best friends has daughters who seem to wear princess dresses pretty much 24/7! It doesn't bug me, but then, they aren't my kids!

Just met with our builder today to go over a rough estimate for our house. He laughed when I told him about the lady from the kitchen shop -- he said they'd all paid $400 to go to that show, and he couldn't imagine what she'd hoped to accomplish by being rude to us. (And it was pretty dead at the time we were there, so it wasn't like people were flocking around her booth at the time.)

To each their own with children's fashions :) I just think crazy dress up clothes are for home. But that is an whole separate issue I have with parents of today- the refusal to say "no" since many of these moms say "I wish she would wear normal clothes instead of her halloween costume everyday". I'll stop now though! It obviously more my issue than it is anyone else's.

And yeah those booths are expensive! Out of college I started a company to help newlyweds budget and get on the same page financially through classes I offered, so I did a couple of the wedding shows. They are super pricey so I made sure to try to get as many potential customers as possible to make the dang thing worth it! I am surprised people are being rude to ANYONE. (I will say, the shows are draining, so maybe all these rude people are hungry and angry from participating in the the show! lol)

Interesting thread. Speaking as one who was, as was my wife, the child of tenant farmers, living without electricity or plumbing, we derive all the possible value from everything we have. I do not wear Brooks Brothers suits to repair barbed wire fences. The patches (wife does that) on my work clothes make for better protection. And I may go over to the bank in those clothes in my 1988 beater car (I do the oil changes) . But I do have a 6-in-the floor-super car in the garage at home. The manager treats me like royalty and begs me to let their investment adviser look over my holdings. Must be the 5 and occasionally 6, figure account there.
Among other things, we own 7 houses, two of which are worth over $350K each, with no debt plus an investment portfolio worth more than twice the total value of all the houses. I also personally clean the drains, as needed, at the houses. Smells like ham and eggs to me, or high octane fuel for my 6 speed. The harder I work, the luckier I get.
Who cares what other people think?

Funny, DH and I went to many stores and many home shows dressed as we normally are in jeans and sneaks and never once felt that we weren't taken seriously....

Annie, I am starting to wonder, based on many of the responses in this thread, if it has more to do with age than clothing. We're in our mid-30s but look younger. (I was tickled pink the other day when I told someone I met my husband 12 years ago, and she asked if we were high-school sweethearts!)

Like other members of the animal kingdom, humans are always trying to determine the pecking order. I can understand a salesperson trying to read cues, albeit clumsily, as it's part of their living. Usually, if you are frank yet polite, they will adjust quickly.

What's really tacky is when the same thing happens in a social setting. Some people are so transparent about it! Mostly I find it amusing when I can see where they are going with their questions. They really just want a bio!

However, with the internet, people can google you and immediately see your house's purported value, your charitable and political donations, etc., and current or past business affiliations, etc. I am starting to see what a mosaic it paints, and increasingly unwilling to have anything public.

I definitely think the issues in this thread have more to do with how old people look.

I learned at my first job not to judge based on appearance. I'm from a very small town and worked summers in our small antique and jewelry store. The store mainly had antique furniture. The owner lived in another town and usually was at her other store with her better pieces of jewelry. This particular Saturday she happened to be in town and we had more customers than usual. I waited on a middle aged couple that entered the store. They seemed like a very average small town couple and did not appear to be well off financially based on appearances. The husband asked if we had any diamond rings so i pointed out the only diamond ring we had at the time which was a gaudy $25,000 ring. The ring had a central diamond and was surrounded by smaller stones. I pulled out the ring to show them and apoligized for not having anything else. The whole time thinking they would never be able to afford this particular ring. Truthfully, I didn't know anyone at that time that could. When the husband said they wanted something similar but without the surrounding stones I quickly understood my assumptions had been incorrect. I excused myself and got the owner. She later told me the man had $25,000 cash with him wanting to purchase an antique diamond! She later helped him find one more to their taste.
Sorry for the long story, but it was an important lesson for a young kid from a small town...you never know what someone can or wants to spend their money on.

My 2.5 year old likes to wear Cinderella dresses over her clothes. I didn't know that was a no-no (crickets chirping).

Methinks this is a "problem' most of you enjoy having, and so not a problem at all. Especially since it is very easy to "fix". I doubt anyone has been dissuaded once they made clear what they were looking for.

I agree with Virgil's point, and certainly no one can claim they misunderstand the import of their clothing choices. The Dolce and Gabbana comment is silly, but so is buying your clothes at Target or Penney's or Kohl's and being surprised that people's first impressions are not of vast wealth. There is nothing wrong with buying clothes there if they make you happy, but if it matters to you that you telegraph financial success, then shop up a few notches. And that has nothing to do with dressing up versus casual.

If it doesn't matter to you to telegraph prosperity, then you have no problem. If it does, it is very easy to fix. A nice watch, a good pair of shoes or boots and you are pretty much done. And that works at any age, really.

As for Cinderella, at 2.5 you can pull off anything. I bet she gets great service where ever her pumpkin coach may take her.

Lucy: It is just a personal parenting thing. What works for one parent, may not work for another...this is true for pretty much everything when you have a kid. I commented about it here because we were discussing judgments people make about dress. I get annoyed when parents complain that their kid will *only* wear the cinderella dress mostly because parents seem to not want to ever tell their kids no. If you are fine with the cinderella dress, let your little one wear it. No biggie :)

I saw a little girl with a dress up outfit over her jeans when I was at Home Depot a few weeks ago and thought it was adorable.

Kitsch, it's not so much about "telegraphing financial success" as just wanting to be treated respectfully whether I look successful or not. (Assuming I'm not smeared with filth or something.) And I actually was carrying quite a nice bag and wearing a good winter coat, so maybe this lady sucks at reading those signs ;)

I talked to a friend earlier who had that shop do a kitchen estimate ... she said they were awful and very rude. Maybe it's just their shtick to be uppity or something.

Of course, there are people who are naturally rude. And there are people who are tired; who are stressed over a family member's illness; who are simply preoccupiedby how their child may get home from soccer practice. And there are people who simply are not good at their jobs. Let's deal with them when they may be encountered. These are the exceptions, not the common rule of everyday contact.

And if these are one's common everyday contact, there may be another problem entirely.

It sounds as if the issue may be respect. When it comes to respect, however, there's a simple and basic truth: respect is never given away, it's always earned. No one is "entitled" to respect. And the first step in earning respect is to always give respect. That means in one's dress, manner, communications and habits.

For example, one certainly doesn't earn or give respect by being in a bank for a mortgage wearing a tank top, shorts and flip-flops, now do they?

For those who are young and/or look youthful, congratulations! You will be the envy of your peer group for years to come. If you want to be taken seriously, then be serious. Earn respect by giving respect. For some at least, earning respect is as simple as courteously giving it to others through how one appears, presents and conducts oneself.

For example, when was the last time you said "yes, mam" or "yes, sir"?

This discussion seems like a lot about a little. It seems like something that would be discussed in an affluent region of a developed nation and no where else.

Only a thought.

My husband and I started our building process when we were 29. We did a lot of shopping around that year and I never felt dismissed because of our age. I never expected to either, so we always conducted ourselves with confidence. We would often get asked if we owned our property, when we wanted to start, and what we did for a living.

While we always dress nicely, I don't think our attire affected how we were treated. We never took our 2 young daughters shopping with us (just like I wouldn't take them to work). We treated everyone respectfully and professionally, and we expected this treatment in return. We were clear about our intentions and what we were looking for.

I just don't think age alone is a factor. Combined with something else (confidence, professionalism, attire, choice of vocabulary, etc), perhaps.

In the whole spectrum of building supplies, I have found kitchen design stores, tile showrooms and plumbing fixture showrooms to have the most "attitude". The more expensive the store, the bigger the "attitude". I have seen this in the Northeast and now in southern CA. Of course, there are some exceptions. It doesn't matter how you dress ... they seem to hate all customers!!

Oh my goodness - What an interesting thread!
I was raised in retail literally ringing up customers when I was nine. Affuence comes in all manner, shapes and attitude. I was taught to always smile, say Hello cheerfully and immediately when someone came in.
I have found that much depends on where you are in the area. Some areas just think higher of themselves than others.
I grew up in the upper plains states where everyone is civil.
Now live in the Northeast. People live to be rude here.
People make assumptions- thats just human nature. Dont forget there is always someone more affluent than you.
At this stage of my life I wish people would not assume we
are as affluent as we are. It works both ways.
If people are not picking up that you have money to spend just tell them. Most people are really not thinking about it that much. Once you clue them in they will be more than happy to work with you.