I know how you feel. I have a 12 year old in 6th grade and some of the kids dress like floozies. I am particular about the clothes my dd wears, but try to let her make the decisions herself. Sometimes she will pick something off the rack and I think Ughhh! but let her try it on and she will say "this is indecent". It doesn't sound to me like you made a mistake. After all, the skirt has shorts under it!! I am sure if your dh is anything like mine he wouldn't have gone for anything too risky!You may have problems with the relatives, not your daughter!

There can be big differences in mini skirts, but I'm pretty sure you are talking about the same skirt I have (I bought mine two summers ago at Ames for $5 and wear it often for little things here and there). If the skirt is showing her butt or something or is way short I could see the big deal. But if we're talking it just comes above the knee an inch or two, what's the problem? I don't think any family member in my family would have the nerve to get on my parents about clothes I wore when I was younger and I didn't wear floozie stuff. Don't they make little girl dresses short? (I'm talking the Christmas and Easter dresses) There are shorts under the skirt so you're daughter isn't showing anything to anyone. I would figure you guys did your homework and agreed on the skirt being fine and it's none of your brother or sister's business.

~Leslie~

I am assuming you come from a very conservative family. But I don't think if the skirt and shorts are a reasonable lenght (even thought the outfit may look a little mature) there is anything to for you or your husband to trouble yourselves about. I would not worry what my sister or brother thought. After all the child is yours.

From what you wrote in your posting it sounds as it the outfit is decent and not risky looking so- I wouldn't worry.
Many styles for 11 yr. old girl's can look more like a teen style. But as long as they cover the proper areas and aren't too tight or short, you shouldn't worry at all.
Your daughter is just acting her age. She's at an age where she's not a teen, but feels she not a little girl either. So, of course she is attactive to teen styles.

I will have to admit there are some 11 year old girl's that dress risky...I though think dressing risky is not even appropriate for a teen, let along an 11 year old.

It is not the place of your brother and sister to criticize what you allow your daughter to wear.
The decision was made properly by you and your husband. Any criticisim from your siblings about your daughters outfit I would consider rude and it should be ignored.
~Lynn~

You & your husband talked about it, tried it on & made the decision. It's only one element of your daughter's wardrobe. You two are responsible for her moral upbringing, NOT her aunt & uncle.

I'd discount that your siblings have to say about the matter.

Your child, your decision. Tell sis and brother to mind their own business. Happy New Year.

Mommabear

My mom always said if I didnt look provacative who cared. I had a short skirt and was tall but well dressed and it wasnt very short compared to the 60's. A teacher called the principal and he had aleady seen me that day, Mom had a fit and told off my teacher, she won and I wore the skirt. It didnt show anything and was better than tight jeans that were in style. She simply didnt like it beacause I was tall and my legs showed to much for her. If you think it is okay and not revealing who cares!! By the way I now dress more like my grandmother and my mom is the outgoing one.

This is tough. Children are getting into sexually provocative clothing way too young these days, so your family may be over-sensitized to just how short a skirt is too short. Personally, I would not like to see a child in a skirt shorter than mid-thigh length at the most, but that's just me. Shorts may be even shorter, but shorts are at least hemmed in so they don't seem as short or provocative.

From your description of the clothing is sounds like your family may have over-reacted. However, you may want to consider that if your family over-reacted, how many others will?

Sometime ago I read a short article and don't recall it verbatim but it may be helpful to think about:

A teacher showed her class a picture of a police officer and said, "Who is this person and what do they do?" The class naturally replied that this was a police officer, and they fought crime.

Then the teacher went on to show various pictures of people and continued asking the same questions--pictures of nurses, nuns, doctors, firefighters, garbage collectors, etc.

Finally she asked, "How did you know from these pictures who these people are and what these people do?"

And the students naturally answered, from their clothes and how they look. So the teacher confirmed, "Are you saying that you can tell what a person is and what they do by the clothes they wear?"

The class was uncomfortably silent.

The teacher then finally asked, "When you dress for school each day, or when you pierce your lip or dye your hair green, what are you telling the world about you?"

The fact is, people will judge you by what you wear. Not necessarily the brand name--but wearing a long skirt definitely has different connotations than wearing a mini-skirt. You might want to think about how short this mini-skirt is through objective eyes--and what it's saying to others about your daughter. Good luck.

Mom4boys~ That is exactly what my concern is. It is also the concern my sister and brother had.

Im not upset that my sister and brother objected or shared their opinions. It has made me question myself, after I thought I had already anaylized the situation.

What others perceive from this outfit is exactly my sisters and brothers point. Myself, I dont think the skirt is too short. It is 1 inch shorter than her school uniform skirt. However, because it is black and shorter, straighter, and more form fitting (NOT TIGHT) it gives an appearance much different than her uniform. So the length isnt really at issue, its the over all appearance.

I bought the knee high boots for her too, so she would be wearing the black knee high boots, the skirt and a normal sweater.

While the outfit is NOT provocative at all, my sister and brother point out that its too mature for her.

THAT is what I am questioning myself on now.

HOWEVER...my dd is on the verge of going into the JR. Miss sizes. My options of clothing in the jr. miss is even worse than the kids sizes. My dd at age 11 wears a size 7 1/2 WOMENS shoe,wide. She is VERY tall. All legs, and skinny. She has to wear larger size pants for length.

Anyway, thank you all for your advice. Im not sure how I feel. Something in me says if I am this concerned then I must surely already have my answer. My dilema is, I already gave the outfit to my dd, so I cant take it back.

Maybe I lost sight of my judgement with this outfit because she wanted it so much, even though it looks nice, maybe it does make her look 16 instead of 11. :(

Thanks everyone~

What's done is done. No need to kick yourself about it. If you make an issue of it, she might want to get more mature looking clothes. Just be more aware in the future what impression she will be giving to others. At that age and size, she is going to be hard to buy for. You don't want her to look childish, but you don't want her to look as if she is maturing early either. Take the easy way out, Just buy as few clothes as possible for a while, but make sure that they are suitable. Get her some classy looking pants and skirts, with good looking tops. Maybe she will forget about the short, short skirt. (Not much chance of that, but maybe she will.)

I really can not believe your making a fuss over the outfit you describe.

My eleven year old wears short skirts, heeled shoes and boots all the time and that includes to school. I know some people may have a problem with the way she dresses and I get the odd remark but what others perceive does not concern me.

Some people may for example disagree with girls wearing trousers, does that bother you when your DD wears trousers?

Have her model the outfit. Outfits in description, or without people actually in them can look different than how they look worn. They can also look very different in 'normal' lighting and day to day experience rather than in store fitting room areas.

You'd have to get an idea of how your daughter will wear it, and what she looks like in it. It's sometimes the case that an outfit can look scadalous on one person, and on someone else with nearly the same measurements it looks positively prim. Get a look at your daughter in the outfit.

Ask her if she feels comfortable. With her in it you can address 'issues' image-related potential problems as you can see them. Ask her again how comfortable she is. Basically, you still get to decide and you can consider your daughter's feelings. And, if the outfit seems like it should be returned, work with your daughter to ensure that something suitable is found which can please you both.

P.S. Even if you already gave, it's one of the more fundamental inequities of life (at least as a child) that parents sort of always have the 'right' of editorial judgement in these kinds of things. But, you can attempt a good faith discussion and try to acheive a mutually tolerable solution. (The problem of an 11 year old looking 16 is potentially serious enough that making an exchange is probably a good idea.)

KC~ What others wear or percieve to be appropriate does not concern me. If you are comfortable with your dd dressing that way, great.

KC - I can't figure out why your relatives felt they had a right to comment on a gift that DH and you bought with YOUR money for YOUR daughter. It's just none of their business. If you, your DH and DD all feel good about the outfit, then there isn't a problem. Try not to let the busybodies get your down!!!

Forgive me if I got things wrong, I tried to lend support by relating my own experiences.

You describe a very modest outfit and I am really not sure what your problem is. Is it that it makes her look older? If so I think naure has played a part in that.

KC~ I guess it is that it makes her look older and sexier than an 11 year old should. The outfit is a nice outfit, that is why I bought it for her...however, after thinking about it and really looking at it on her I started questioning it more (after my sister and brother pointed it out in ASTONISHMENT that we bought it for her since we are very conservative).

I think the outfit is probably more appropriate for a 15 or 16 year old not an 11 year old. I mean what exactly is the statement when a guy sees an 11 year old in an outfit like that? I think I lost sight of things for awhile or maybe because she wanted it so much and techically there is no skin or anything sleezy about the outfit. I guess Im just riding this fence on this issue as its coming up more and more with her and getting HARDER AND HARDER to find "in style" clothes that are still within our belief system as OK. Does that make sence? LOL

I have no problem with dd wanting to wear "chic" clothing, I was always into clothes myself. I do however feel young girls are dressing too old these days, sleezy, and too much skin.

Guess Im struggling with a little girl getting older and keeping the clothes fun yet appropriate.

Thanks again.

Ditto Mammabear - your child, your choice, none of their business. If you bought it for your neice, it's their business.

If you are second guessing yourself, maybe you just need to limit where she can wear it. Maybe not to school, but out with the family OK, or if you take her and friends somewhere, it's ok. And maybe a family gathering with grandma and grandpa is not ok because it makes grandparents more comfortable if she is conservative, being sensitive to other's feelings. Then you are teaching her to take responsibility for her choices and when an outfit is appropriate and when it is not.

I don't have a daughter that age, yet :o) But I think if you make a big deal out of this outfit, go back on your long thought out decision, you will make this a bigger battle than it needs to be. After all, by next Christmas, is won't even fit her anymore.

Good idea Stephanie, thanks~

Is it possible that maybe it's not entirely the outfit, but the outfit and the boots togehter? In my opinion, an 11 yr old could get away with a short skirt and sweater, but the boots would defintely make her look older. They probably have a heel on them, which would just make her look taller and leggier.

It might be possible to tone down the outfit just by wearing some patterned or textured tights and different shoes. Chunky mary janes?

Truthfully, I can't really invision the skirt/shorts combo so I don't know whether that would just be a ridiculous suggestion or not. Just a thought.

I have two daughters, maybe what I will do is make one dress like a prostitute and the other dress like a respectable young lady, you know the type eleven going on twelve instead of twenty-seven and in heat, Oh this would be for the betterment of man kind doncha know. Of course the one that gets to dress like the prostitute will need to smoke and cuss, date seven guy in one week at the age of eleven, and drop out of school because she is to obsessed with boys to learn at the age of thirteen and pregnant.
Of course the one who dresses respectable will need the most effort, having more self respect she will strive for a better education, not being distracted with boys, she will learn things her mother and I will not know, which will be threatening to our egos, she will earn more because she will think more of her shelf, the man she will marry will be a better man to her and their children.
We do also have a son and for him I think I will tell him if he want some cheap non emotional sex with a girl, look for the one with the short skirt no bra, bare midriff showing and tattoos and a tongue piercing, but if he wants to have a fulfilling meaningful life with a lady not a pig, look for the one dressed modestly and yes this is Âmy choiceÂ
I say if youÂre having second thoughts, that should tell you something right there.
Of course the world need more porn stars and burger flipper.

I am not there to be my childrenÂs friend, I am not their buddy I am dad, period
What we say goes, temper that with love and physical affection, and yes hugs.

Here is a link that might be useful: Thanking My Horrible Mother And Father

What would the problem with "too grown up" be, in and of itelf?