I think you need two different approaches, one for your DD and one for your DH. If the idea of letting something go so that someone else can use it and treasure it isn't working, I'd stop that and move on to something else. In dealing with your DH, first I'd declutter your stuff as much as possible, which it sounds like you are doing. Then I'd tackle joint things. Let's take the 5 corkscrews. Let's assume they are rattling around in a kitchen drawer. And let's assume that no one really needs more than 1 corkscrew. And let's also assume that you are the main cook and bottle washer in the family, and that the kitchen is largely considered your turf. Approach your DH about the corkscrews. This time, give him a goal that you are working toward. "DH, I'm going through all the kitchen drawers. My goal is to clear them out enough so that I can easily reach into a drawer and grab exactly what I need without having to search for it. This will make cooking easier and faster and more pleasant for me." He should be willing to buy into such a goal. Why would he want to make cooking more difficult for you? "Now, DH darling, we have 5 corkscrews. They are all very nice. Can you tell me which one works the best? Which one means the most to you (sentimental value, actual value, whatever)? How would you feel if we kept only those two?" Note that you are letting him choose which ones to keep. If he fusses, let him pick a third one to keep. If he really fusses, "Okay, I can see that you don't want to let any of these go. That's okay. I will continue to work on the kitchen. Maybe I can create enough space so that we can keep all five. If I can't, then we may have to revisit this. Is that okay with you? Can you think of another solution? Would you like to think about it and get back to me?" I've found that if you make it clear that you are honoring the other person's wishes, *sometimes* they will, in a few weeks or months, voluntarily offer to get rid of some the things you were trying to toss. If they don't, then you make that thing theirs. You can do this with the CD set right away. "Okay, you want to keep these CDs because they look nice. I am giving them to you. They are now yours. You will decide whether to keep them or let them go at a future date." "But, I need to warn you. I am decluttering the family room. My goal is to have a neat, organized and easy to clean family room that only takes 10 minutes every night to pick up. In order to do that, it needs to be easy to put everything away, which means that we can't double-shelve the CDs and books anymore." "These CDs will need to fit on the shelves that we have decided will hold the CDs. That may mean that some other CDs will have to go. But we don't have to make that decision right now." What underlies making the contested object his, is that at some point, you will designate space in the house for all his stuff. A study if you have a room to spare. Certain shelves in the family room and garage and basement. His half of the bedroom closet. You also designate a certain amount of shared space for CDs and DVDs and books and so on. He can keep *anything* he wants in his areas. The kicker is that he's not going to be able to keep *everything* he wants. He's going to run out of room. That's when, in addition to the goal argument, you pull out the cost argument. Storage costs money. You need a certain size house to hold your family and the things it needs and wants. You need to buy storage furniture (shelves, cabinets, etc.) to hold all the things. Sure, you can keep adding more shelves, more cabinets, but at some point, the rooms are crowded and don't look attractive, because of all the stuff in them. Your choice is either to declutter or to buy more storage--rent a self-store unit, buy a bigger house. Storage costs money. Present your DH with a goal that costs money, money that could be spent on storage or that could be saved for your goal--a new car, a romantic cruise for two, college for the kids. And then, if all else fails, take the two corkscrews that DH has determined are most important and leave them where they are. Box up the others along with the CDs and store them somewhere out of the way. But not in a self-store unit, because you are saving money for that romantic cruise. And when the basement, attic and garage are so full that no more of DH's boxed-up extras will fit, some of them will probably be damaged enough that he will let you get rid of them.

Shhhhhh! No worries what she wore, not your kid, not your problem....remember your key to happiness is to disengage. Shhhhhh! Don't waste the time pre-discussing her birthday. If he brings it up, a simple 'oh, that will be nice, I hope the two of you have a lovely time'. But if it needs to be clarified, be sure he knows if the 'party' is at your house you expect him to make all arrangements and clean up...you'll be out with some friends. A csual but civil noncommitted 'hello' followed up with an 'excuse me, I need to go talk to/help so & so (whatever) is all the attention required of you at the family get-together. Sounds like your DH has his work cut out for him if he's serious about gluing his family back together. Her husband is not welcome in her brother's house either....but remember, not your kid, not your problem. Hope the food and the other socializing went well.

Even close families can breed dramas from time to time!! I have two older siblings who I normally get along with just fine. But both have issues with our mother (now deceased) and tend to remember her as some sort of ogre. Which she was not, at least to me, but I am the youngest by a good margin so maybe things were different when they were growing up. Anyway, she - like all of us - was not perfect and did have some personality traits that could be confrontational. Oddly enough, both of them have similar traits - like holding grudges indefinitely - that they see in each other but not in themselves. I once made the mistake of telling my brother he was more like the mother he resents than he realized - I can see her in him so clearly - and he was so offended by this remark, he stopped speaking to me for weeks. In order to eliminate the drama and resume a normal relationship with him, I just ate crow and apologized for my remarks (true or not). Sometimes you DO just have to be the bigger person. This is nothing like the OP's situation and I agree that she did the reasonable thing given those circumstances. I only mention my experience because family drama can occur in any family and under what are usually peaceful circumstances. We don't get to choose who we are related to, even though sometimes we would have liked to!! And families are important, so in my case I made the effort to keep the peace :-))

First, get organized. Construct a file system that suits your method of operation and memory jogging. I'll give an example below. Bear in mind that this is only one way. Construct a system that suits your needs, and that brings up the next suggestion. Try to put as much identification in the file titles as you can. This will aid future searches for data. Create folders for major divisions. 2. Create sub-folders for each sub-topic. 3. Scan the photos, give each one a descriptive title including the date of event when known. Please do use a consistent form of date for every file. This will greatly aid future searches of the file set. Major folders: I'll use family surnames such as BROWNE, MARCUS. SMITH, TABOR Under each name, create folders such as Obituary, marriages, wars, family gathering of 1950, 50th wed anniversary and names of cemeteries for example: Bridgeport, Old Carney, Wells. Suppose you scanned a photo of a tombstone for John Browne and he was buried in the Bridgeport cemetery. You'd scan the photo and place it it the BROWNE, Bridgeport folder titling it: Browne, John Day, b 02 sep 1910, d 29 oct 1990. If your system balks at spaces date, leave those out; If it balks at commas in the title, use a minus sign for a dash. The underline character can be used, etc. As you progress, you'll collect a number of photos that do not fit just yet into your system, place these under the major folder and forge on. Later, you can re-file these miscellaneous entries with electronic 'moves'. The main job at present is to get these photos scanned and preserved. In the future, you wish to find a photo. Recall how you constructed your file names. Lets say you wanted to find something that happened on 10 Aug 1940, but you do not remember the exact details. Do a search on "1940" and all titles with this number will come up and since you put other information in the title, you can quickly pick out the file you wanted from 1940.