LOL! I don't know how many people would say that I have a kind and generous soul. DH says it's a well kept secret that I don't let many in on publicly so thanks for the lovely comments! But gosh, it's hard enough finding time to de-compress when you have able bodied children AND a partner w/ you! I can't imagine being a single parent w/ a child w/ such a special need trying to do it. I will confess to also being a little selfish about the situation too. DS1 has no contact w/ anyone w/ special needs. I want to do my best to provide an 'all-inclusive' attitude for him. When newly married and pre-kids I specifically picked a neighborhood w/ wide cultural experiences of many ethnicities and backgrounds to raise children. I also think that it's good for me as an individual, a person and a mom, that this could be an experience to better myself as a human being. There's never a limit on becoming a better person! I think that it's a wonderful suggestion to just go over and spend time w/ him a few times. He is verbal although it can be hard for me to understand him sometimes but I can get better at that. I'm going to pitch it to DH tonight. Thank you very much for your support and encouragement!

Jlc, I am so sorry to hear this. Yes, it is good to seek professional help at this point. There is effective therapy for OCD. I remember seeing a book for parents years ago, but I have forgotten the name. It educates the parent on how to be a partner in the behavioral cognitive therapy, helping the child recognize which thoughts are OCD thoughts and which aren't. The child is taught to "throw the OCD thoughts away." I didn't realize that you were recoverying from surgery. And Funcolors has a good point, that this may have really ramped up the anxiety for your son. I know you are very upset and scared, but you must stay calm and reassuring to your son. Whatever anxiety you are feeling, he is feeling 10 times more. And whatever you do, don't get mad at your son, just stay calm,tell him that you are not going to let anything bad happen to him, that you are going to get better from your surgery..... Show him that you walk on the rug and are totally unconcerned with germs. Heck, if you can, lie on the rug, roll on the rug, and let him see that nothing bad happens. See if you can get him to walk on it too. Play a game on the rug. You get what I am saying. I'm wondering about the preschool? Do you think they embarrassed the little girl who had the accident? Or said something about how big girls shouldn't have accidents, or anything like that? Just wondering, because you have a child who should not be in any school where the approach is in any way punitive (personally I don't think any child should be in such a school). Just something to think about. I will absolutely hold you and your dear son in my thoughts. Let us know how you both are doing.

You must be exhausted! First thing I'd do is talk to the preschool and get more information. Please ask them to speak frankly to you and NOT to sugar-coat things -- that you think there's something going on and you need their help. You said he doesn't know his colors and that he's "behind" -- exactly how? Ask about his speech, social skills, coping skills, fine and gross motor skills, ability to follow directions. What activities does he do over and over again? Which ones does he avoid? Are there any activities that are hard for him or that seem to stress him? Take notes and write it all down. Again, if you get the little spiel about how "sweet" your little boy is and how much they love him, thank them politely, but get down to the nitty gritty brass tacks. I'd also ask if it's possible to observe your son while he's there without being observed yourself. Let them know you're having some discipline problems at home, and since they don't seem to be, you'd like to see what's working so well for them. Even if you can't watch, just hearing about some of their techniques will help. Next, Google 'Disorder of Sensory Integration' or DSI. In a nutshell, it describes a set of symptoms where some children can't handle the types of ordinary sensory inputs (sights, sounds, sensations, tastes, smells) that most people can handle with ease. A typical child with DSI can be driven absolutely nuts by the seams on socks or labels on T-shirts, by the sensation of squishy mud or the sound of the vacuum cleaner. Other children with DSI won't be at all bothered by messy diapers, a skunk's smell, extreme temperatures or have minimal sensitivity to pain. Kids with DSI expereince severe discomfort, anxiety and even pain when confronted by the types of ordinary stimuli that surround most of us everyday. It's the kind of situation that can cause extreme and bizarre-seeming behavior in children that can look like ADD or even autism. The types of severe tantrums you're describing could very well be a child 'downloading' the stress of his day at pre-school in an environment he knows is safe. In a sense, he's having to work very hard to 'keep it together' at school and just falls apart when he hits home and can finally relax. The other thing I'd do is have a long talk with your speech path. Does he/she specialize in children? And if so, in children with special needs? (If not, consider switching.) If he/she has a few years experience and sees a lot of kids with developmental disorders, ask her what she thinks. True, she won't be qualified to give you any sort of diagnosis, but she SHOULD be able to give you an idea of what kind of specialist you may want to consult, or better yet, suggest a name or two.

Where is her mother? Why does dad have sole custody? If HE is the better parent, and he isn't willing to see or deal with her problems, then it becomes easy to see why she HAS the problems she has. Poor kid has been dealt a raw deal in the parents category. You have two choices: Stay & allow your kids to suffer along with you. You can try to make a difference in her life but there's no guarantee that you can get through to her. She has a lifetime of whatever happened in her 17 years to bring her to this point. She is angry & self destructive and neither of her parents gives a crap enough to do a thing. If they don't care, unless she WANTS your help, nothing you do will be well received. Meanwhile, your kids & her sister will learn from her example. Good luck when your kids are older. There's a good chance your kids will become resentful if you force them to be in a bad situation. They may lose respect for you for staying & I don't know how any of you can currently have any respect for your DH. Some guys stick their head in the sand... your DH is completely buried! His daughter is cutting, sabotaging her diabetes, is rude, committing crimes, and has problems in school. "she is always creating some kind of drama, and it keeps going up a notch -- probably to get attention." YA THINK???? "My husband did nothing." Sylvia is right... there ya go! It will continue to go up, notch after notch because her parent's don't give a crap! She is trying to get attention & if her dad doesn't step up, she will get her final attention in a funeral where everyone will ask why did this happen to such a young person? Then her dad will have to answer questions, like WHAT DID YOU DO TO HELP HER? Is he going to feel guilty the rest of his life when her life ends or is so screwed up because of him not doing anything now? That will be fun for you! Your second choice it to leave & save your own children from suffering through your husbands baggage. It is not fair to drag your kids into this situation & it probably wasn't the wisest decision to have a child with a man that isn't a very good parent to one of his existing children. What a mess & I feel very sorry for the younger children that don't have a choice in witnessing this mess.