OKC1--are you looking for a pat on the back or some BenGay? Seriously, it sounds like you're pretty intense out there. I seem to accomplish the most when I'm supposed to be doing something else. I deadhead things when I walk by them and think "Yuck--that looks pretty sad..." and promptly forget what I set out to do and things become even more free-form after that. Are you supposed to cut the bloom stalks off daylillies? HOw about the stalks on hostas after they bloom? I finally scored a free plastic drum for a rainbarrel. Got the spigot put in and (hopefully) sealed on Friday, while listening for the ice cream mixer doing its thing. Hand-cranked tastes better, but I don't have the necessary uncles/cousins/etc. to take turns cranking.. I'll get the downspout rerouted Monday. Maybe someday we'll get some rain here and we'll see if it'll hold. Or how long it takes it to overflow--guess I better figure that part out, too. The most important "chore" was picking a couple handfuls of strawberries to put on the afore-mentioned ice cream. PLanted and mulched some high-dollar (50 cents apiece) russian sage in front of the crepe myrtle. we'll see if it survives. Decided which branches to trim out of one of the birch trees so it's not blocking the sidewalk--the actual work will be done Monday morning assuming I can roust my "helper" out of her teenage slumber. Are coneflowers supposed to be deadheaded? Sprayed Thompson's on the new shed we put up in the spring. Eldest daughter is in charge of painting it this fall. She's been recruiting some of her friends for help. They seem to be leaning towards "The Scream" on one side of it and "Starry Summer Night" on one end. Who knows what the rest of it will look like. Don't figure it hurts anything to let them have some fun with it. The butterfly bush is starting to blossom, but it sure is drab in just plain white. Guess I need to find some with colored blooms and mix in with the white...Always more to do or things to change...sure glad I don't take it all too seriously.

I have 3 boys ages 3, 6, 9 years. I purchased the small round ziplock bowls and labeled them with all 3 kids names. Inside each one, I put 20 white poker chips labeled with their initial. I also have a fine jar. Each one of those white poker chips represent a quarter. At the end of the week, the white poker chips are exchanged with money (It can be a total of $5.00). I don't pay my kids for chores, but I do fine them for things. If I ask them to do something and they don't do it or have to be told again, they are fined a quarter (white poker chip). If they smart off to me, tell me no, misbehave, etc. they can be fined also. On Saturday, when I exchange the poker chips for real quarters, they must put 10% in a jar for tithes, 10% in a jar for savings and the rest goes into a jar for cash. I also exchange the fined poker chips for quarters that go into a jar labeled "dinner for Mom & Dad" when we have enough money in the jar, Dad & I go out to eat on the kids! I also put 7 blue poker chips for 30 mins of Playstation time, 7 red poker chips for 30 mins of computer time and 7 other colored chips for 30 mins of TV time. They must put these chips in the fine jar when they want to use the TV, Playstation & Computer. I also fine these chips too. (these are replinished every Sunday) I try to make sure they always have some money by Saturday so I will fine the other chips if necessary. The TV time chip isn't the only time they can watch TV. If the family is watching TV or the other child is watching something, they don't have to use a chip. Just if there's something specific they want to watch or if it's a time when the TV is not being watched anyway by someone else. I also have a jar that is filled with strips of folded paper that lists special privilages that they can pick out of if they receive all $5.00 that week or if they've been extra helpful or extra good. Some examples: stay up an extra 15 mins., sleep in Mom's bed when Dad is working, choose and help fix dinner one night, choose and help fix a dessert, etc. I also have a jar of punishments in case I'm flustered and need a quick punishment. Some examples are: no screens for 24 hours (playstation, computer, TV), time out in room for 30 mins, must go to bed 30 mins early, etc. There's also a mercy ticket in that jar (because God gives us mercy when we don't deserve it). I have one last jar that has slips of paper with extra jobs to do. This is used as a punishment also (smart mouth, etc) some examples are: dog poop patrol, wipe baseboards throughout house, vacuum entire house, sweep front and back porch, clean glass doors inside and out, etc. Most of the jars I use are the empty sweetened Kool-aid plastic jars. This system works great for us! You'd be amazed at how my 3 year old gets upset at having to give me a poker chip! If anyone is interested, I'll be happy to email you my lists for the punishment jar, extra job jar, and special privilage jar or answer any...

No--I doubt you actually see how big a deal it is. A 22 year old who is resorting to emotional blackmail now, will only get worse and worse, more demanding over the years. My SIL was the same way with her parents--anything she wanted, she threatened to keep them away from their grandkids. They caved every time. I have no idea how many thousands and thousands of $$$ they lent (read 'gave' because the money was never paid back) her over the years. Cars, appliances, dr's bills, overdue household bills--they paid them all--and mind you, SIL's husband made a 3 figure salary and they lived in a small house in the cheapest area of town (WHERE was SIL's money going one might ask). Eventually, when she stressed her dad into an early grave, and got control of her mother's finances, she stole over a quarter of a million $$$ from the money left for MIL's end care--she had alzheimers at that point. We ended up spending over $20,000 of our own money for legal fees, forensic accountant's fees to get the courts to appoint a guardian to take over MIL's finances. Look, your daughter has all the earmarks my SIL was showing at that age. PLEASE stick to your guns. I'd recommend that it wouldn't hurt to sit down with a lawyer in the next week or two. Most reputable ones will offer a free initial consultation. I'm NOT suggesting you start legal action against your daughter, but you DO need to know what your rights are in this situation, what you'll have to do to get her out if she refuses to go, how long it will take, what are the legal rights of grandparents in your state, etc. Information is ALWAYS the best way to go. Arm yourself with it now, so you know what you have to do, and if you may need a lawyer down the road. Trust me on this--it's far better to ask question and get the answers BEFORE you need them, than to let a situation progress until it's in the critical stage--that can cost a LOT in both money and emotional stress. I wish you the best--sounds as if you've got a tough road ahead. Oh, and while you're about it, start keeping a journal about what your daughter is doing/not doing around the house and as a mother. Documentation may save you down the road.

I am going to put a thought out there that hasnt been mentioned yet, but is a possible explanation for part of the young mans aversion to his ill half brother. My sister passed away a few years ago, at the age of 35, after a six month battle with cervical cancer. ( get your pap smears ladies, it could save your life) After her original diagnosis, which occurred right around Xmas time, everyone , friends, immediate family, long lost relatives, all came to see her. It was assumed that she would recover, since most cervical cancer does not result in death, because its caught early on. Sadly, that was not the case with my sis. As it became more obvious that she was very gravely ill, people began to withdraw from her. In the last four months of her life, most of the family who were not immediately close to her, made excuses why they couldnt get over to see her, and ALL, and i do mean ALL of the young men in the family between the ages of 15 and 35, pretty well avoided her like the plague. Many many young adults cannot handle the thought of human mortality, and are extremely uncomfortable with someone who is seriously ill. Men are worse at it than women are. This young man doesnt feel particularly close to the six year old anyway, since, although they share a dad, they are more than twenty years in age difference, and a lifetime apart in experiences. Instead of assumeing that this young man is intending to be hurtful and insulting... Perhaps he is just uncomfortable with the thought of death or illness, as MOST people his age are, and is avoiding the boy for that reason, since they havent been particularly close, because of age and circumstance. I just am not ready to hang this young man out to dry for behaviour that I saw fairly often from many people during my sisters illness. People who were otherwise very good caring people.