roguevalley -What a good memory you have! I'm terrible with names even when I have a face to put with it. I actually would still love the graffiti and grunge. I just didn't feel like I had the talent or money to pull it off. I was watching one of the decorating shows recently and they made over the kitchen of this really funky young couple. They did a graffiti wall, which I wasn't that crazy about for the kitchen, but it would have looked so cool in a boy's bedroom. We have actually talked about putting some skateboards on the wall (new and broken), but I wasn't sure how to attach them. Since we have a Bulldog, this is one of the ones we thought about getting: Laurie

I have not seen my 14yr old son since September 2015. This is because my now ex-husband, had me arrested for allegations of assault to injury on both him and our son. I believe that this happened because approximately 3 weeks prior to my arrest I had given my husband an ultimatum that if things hadn't changed in our marriage by the time we returned from a family holiday in the October that we would be over. We had at that time been married for 13yrs and our son was 12yrs old. Our marriage had been awful for almost the entirety of it but I tolerated things as I thought it was best for our son. My husband was a sociopath and narcissist. He was emotional abusive to me, offered no support in parenting our son, was catty and sarcastic to my older son from a previous marriage. He hacked my mobile, email and social media and basically had me left with no confidence or self-esteem. He contributed very little financially towards the running of the family home and I paid for 7 yearly holidays abroad and he contributed nothing other than some spending money. He very much was manipulative of our son, particularly against me. He allowed our son, latterly, to speak to me disrespectfully and threaten me with hitting me etc. He did nothing to intervene. To cut a very long story short, the case went to court (despite there being no medical evidence to back up his claims) and my lawyer said that my ex-husband "hood-winked" the Sheriff into believing his fabricated evidence. My son's evidence was very distressing to hear as he became extremely distressed whilst giving evidence (behind a scree) and was in tears saying he couldn't remember things. Unfortunately the Sheriff took his upset as evidence that he was having to relive the abuse. I was found guilty and following background reports and character references the Sheriff when I was in court for sentencing stated that "having read the numerous character references and background report he had a better insight into the situation and that it was clear I was a loving mother". I was given a 12month supervision order in February 2017. From the date of my arrest until the date I was sentenced I was on bail with a condition attached whereby I was not allowed to contact my son and only allowed to see him if he requested it. My husband, who is an IT officer, disconnected all of my side of the family to whom my son was exceptionally close, effectively cutting off everyone from my son's life. A few weeks ago my older son and I spotted that my son's name appeared on social media (having previously been blocked) and so my older son has finally managed to make contact and subsequently had conversations and video chats with him. I have too managed to see his details and I have sent him a private message just letting him know that I have thought about him every day and will always be there for him should we ever want or need me. I also told him I hoped he was ok and that I missed and loved him always. As yet I have not had a reply but I will hope and pray that eventually he will. My divorce came through last week so I am pleased about that but my heart breaks for not having seen my son in all this time. We, incidentally had a very close relationship right up until the day of my arrest. My husband clearly wanted to destroy me because I had finally stood up to him and stated that I wasn't tolerating his treatment of me any longer. Being able to read on this forum of others having gone through similar is very, very helpful.

Thanks for this, Culley! When I was a little kid and I went to my friends' houses, I always thought it was weird if they hugged or caressed each other. My mom and stepdad almost never hugged me and kissing was just unheard of in my family. Sadly, I grew up searching and searching for this intimacy in all the wrong places. Now that I have my own DH and DD, we cuddle, kiss, scratch and rub- it IS important! Thanks again, Culley! Blessings, Haley

If your ex were an alcoholic, would you be tormenting yourself over whether to use the word when talking to your son? Would you worry about poisoning him against his father? No, you'd say, "Son, your father is an alcoholic. Don't get in the car with him when he's been drinking, & if he's in a rage, get away from him." Tell him right now, & use the words. It's a tremendous, tremendous relief to know that the turmoil & dread you feel isn't normal & that it isn't your fault, that there *is* a real, identifiable problem, not just a personality conflict, that you aren't a piece of totally inadequate carp who doesn't deserve to live if you don't reflect glory on another person 24 hours of every day, that credit for your achievements belongs to you & not to your parent, & *that you are not the only one*; it isn't just you. It's nicer if you can tell him when things are calm, but tell him right away regardless of whatever fit his father is throwing. "I haven't gone 'clinical' because that seemed too much like 'poisoning' DS against his father, and that's really not what I want. (Took me a while to be able to say that honestly.)" but this isn't the same as tattling to a child about a husband who betrayed you in some way. It's about arming your son against abuse. I guarantee that anyone who grows up with a narcissistic parent has low self-esteem, & if that person has no knowledge of what narcissism is, he has no way to protect himself against further battering of his emotions & his sense of self. By not telling your son that his father has this massive personality disorder, you are not only failing to protect your son, you are protecting & enabling his father.